Beware what lavish praifes you confer
On a rank leather and idolater;

Whofe reign, indulgent God, fays holy writ,
Dd but for David's righteous fake permit;
David, the monarch after Heaven's own mind,
Who lov'd our fex, and honour'd all our kind,
Well, I'm a Woman, and as fuch muft fpeak;
Silence would fwell me, and my heart would
break.

Know then, I fcorn your dull authorities,
Your idle wits, and all their learned lies.

By Heaven, thofe authors are our fex's foes,
Whom, in our right, I muft and will oppose,
Nay (quoth the King) dear Madam, be not
wroth:

Iyield it up; but fince I gave my oath,

700

That this much-injur'd knight again fhould fee,
I mult be done-I am a King, faid he,
And one, whofe faith has ever facred been.
And fo has mine (he faid)-'an a Queen:
Her anfwer the fhall have, I undertake;
And thus an end of all difpute I make.

706

Try when you lift; and you shall ind, my Lord, It is not in our fex to break our word.

710

We leave them here in this heroic ftrain, And to the Knight our ftory turns again; Who in the garden, with his lovely May, Sung merrier than the Cuckow or the Jay. This was his fong; "Oh kind and conftant be, "Conftant and kind I'll ever prove to thee." Thus finging as he went, at last he drew By eafy fteps, to where the Pear-tree grew: The longing dame look'd up, and spy'd her Love Full fairly perch'd among the boughs above. fae ftopp'd, and fighing: Oh good Gods! the cry'd,

What

7,16

pangs, what fudden fhoots, diftend my fide!

O for that tempting fruit, fo fresh, fo green;
Help, for the love of Heaven's immortal Queen!
Help, dearest Lord, and fave at once the life
Of thy poor infant, and thy longing wife!

725

730

Sore figh'd the Knight to hear his Lady's cry, But could not climb, and had no fervant nigh; Old as he was, and void of eye- ght too, What could, alas! a helpless husband do? And muft I langui then, the faid, and die, Yet view the lovely fruit before my eye? At least, kind Sir, for charity's fweet fake, Vouchsafe the trunk between your arms to take; Then from your back I might afce.d the tree; Do you but stoop, and leave the rest to me.

With all my foul, he thus reply'd again,' I'd spend my dearest blood to eafe thy pain. With that, his back against the trunk he bent, She feiz'd a twig, and up the tree fhe went. Now prove your patience, gentle ladies all ! Nor let on me your heavy anger fall;

735

Tis truth I tell, though not in phrase refin'd;
Though blunt my tale, yet honeft is my mind.
What feats the Lady m the Tree might do,
Ipaís, as gambols never known to you;
But fure it was a merrier fit, fhe fwore,
Thau in her life the ever felt before.

745

In that nice moment, lo! the wondering

knight

750

Look'd out, and stood reftor'd to fudden fight.,
Straight on the tree his eager eyes he bent,
As one whofe thoughts were on his spouse intent;
But when he faw his bofom-wife fo drefs'd,
His rage was fuch as cannot be exprefs'd:
Not frantic mothers when their infants die,
With louder clamours rend the vaulted ky: 755
He cry'd, he roar'd, he ftorm'd, he tore his hair;
Death! hell! and furies! what doft thou do
there?

What ails my Lord? the trembling dame re

ply'd;

760

I thought your patience had been better try'd:
Is this your love, ungrateful and unkind,
This my reward for having cur'd the blind?
Why was I taught to make my husband fee,
By ftruggling with a Man upon a l'ree?
Did I for this the power of magic prove?
Unhappy wife, whofe crime was too much love!
If this be itruggling; by this holy light, 766
'Tis struggling with a vengeance (quoth the
Knight):

So Heaven preferve the fight it has restor❜d,
As with thefe eyes I plainly faw thee whor'd;
Whor'd by my flave-perfidious wretch! may

(Reply'd the damne): are thefe the thanks I find?
Wretch that I am, that e'er I was fo kind!
She faid; a rifing tigh exprefs'd her woe,
The ready tears apace began to flow,
And, as they fell, the wip'd from either eye 785
The drops (for women, when they lift, can cry).
The Knight was touch'd, and in his looks ap-
pear'd

Signs of remorfe, while thus his fpoufe he chear'd:

Madam, 'tis paft, and my fhort anger o'er;
Come down, and vex your tender heart no more;
Excufe me, dear, if aught amifs was faid,
For, on my foul, amends fhall foon be inade:
Let my repentance your forgiveness draw,
By Heaven, I fwore but what I thought I faw.
Ah, my lov'd lord! 'twas much unkind (she
cry'd)

On bare fufpicion thus to treat your bride.
But, till your ght's establish'd, for while,
Imperfect objects may your fenfe beg.
Thus when from fleep we firft our eyes dif
play,
The balls are wounded with the piercing ray,
And dusky vapours rife, and intercept ac day.

So, just recovering from the fhades of night, Your fwimming eyes are drunk with fudden light,

Strange phantoms dance around, and i̟kim before your fight:

Then, Sir, be cautious, nor too rafhly deem; Heaven knows how feldom things are what they feem! 806

Confult your reason, and you foon fhall find
Twas you were jealous, not your wife unkind:
ove ne'er fpoke oracle more true than this,
None judge fo wrong as thofe who thinamifs.
With that he leap'd into her Lord's brace,
With well-diffembled virtue in her face.
He hugg'd her clofe, and kifs'd her o'er and o'er,
Diturb'd with doubts and jealousies no more:
Both, pleas'd and blefs'd, renew'd their mutual

815

5

To dear-bought wisdom give the credit due,
And think, for once, a woman tells
you true.
In all thefe trials i have borne a part,
I was myfelf the fcourge that caus'd the fmart;
For, fince fifteen in triumph have I led
Five captive Hufbands from the Church to bed.
Chrift faw a wedding once, the Scripture fays,
And faw but one, 'tis thought, in all his days;
Whence fome infer, whofe confcience is too nice,
No pious Chriftian ought to marry twice.

But let them read, and folve me, if they can, The words addrefs'd to the Samaritan: Five times in lawful wedlock fhe was join'd; 15 And fure the certain flint was ne'er defin'd. "Encr afe and multiply," was Heaven's command,

And that's a text I clearly understand.

This too, "Let men their fires and mothers kave,

And to their dearer wives for ever cleave," 20 More wives than one by Solomon were try'd, Or effe the wifeft of mankind's hely'd. I've had myfelf full many a merry fit; And truft in heaven, I may have many yet, For when my tranfitory fpoufe unkind, Phall die, and leave his woeful wife behind, I'll take the next good Chriftian I can find.

25

30

Paul, knowing one could never ferve our turn Declar'd 'twas better far to wed than burn. There's danger in aflembling fire and tow; I grant them that, and what it means you know. The fame apoftle too has elsewhere own'd, No precept for Virginity he found: 'Tis but a counfeland we women ftill Take which we like, the counfel, or our will. 35 I envy not their blifs, if he or she Think ft te live in perfect chastity; Pure let them be, and free from taint of -vice I, for a few fight spots, am not so nice. Heaven calls us different ways, on these bestowa One proper gift, another grants to those: Not every man's obliged to tell his ftore, And give up all his fubftance to the poor; Such as are perfect may, I can't deny; But, by your leaves, Divines, fo am not f. 45 Full many a Saint, fince firft the world began Liv'd an unspotted Maid, in fpite of man: Let fuch (a-God's-Lame) with fine wheat be fed,

41

And let us honeft wives eat barley bread.
For me, I'll keep the poft affign'd by heaven, 50
And ufe the copious talent it has given :
Let my good fpoufe pay tribute, do me right,
And keep an equal reckoning every night,
His proper body is not his, but mine?
For fo faid Paul, and Paul's a found divine.
Know then, of those five hufbands I have had
Three were just tolerable, two were bad.
The three were old, but rich and fond befde,
And toil'd moft piteously to please their bride:
But face their wealth (the beft they had) was
mine,

The reft, without much lofs, I could refign,
Sure to be lov'd, I took no pains to please,
Yet had more Pleasure far than they had Eafe.

60

65

Prefents flow'd in apace: with flowers of gold, They made their court, like Jupiter of old. If I but fmil'd a fudden youth they found, And a new palfy feiz'd them when I frown'd. Ye fovereign wives! give ear and understand, Thus f all ye fpea, and exercise command, For never was it given to mortal man, To lie fo boldly as we women can : Forfwear the fact, though feen with both his

eyes,

And call your maids to witnefs how he lies.

70

Hark, old Sir Paul, ( twas thus I us❜d to fay) Whence is our neighbour's wife fo rich and gay? Treated, careis'd, where'er fhe's pleas'd to roam→→ I fit in tatters, and immurd at home. Why to her house doft thou so oft repair? Art thou fo amorous? and is the fo fair? If I but fee a coufin or a friend, Lord! how you fwell, and rage like any fiend! But you reel home, a drunken beaftly bear, Then preach till midn ght in your eafy chair; Cry, wives are falfe, and every woman evil, And give up all that's female to the devil.

80

85

If poor (you fay) the drains her husband's purse; If rich, fhe keeps her prieft, or fomething worse; If highly born, intolerably vain, Vapours and pride by turns poffefs her brain,

206

210

Thus with my first three Lords I past my life; A very woman, and a very wife What fums from thefe old fpoufes I could raise, Procur'd young huflands in my riper days. Though paft my bloom, not yet decay'd was I, Wanton and wild, and chat er'd like a pye. In country dances till I bore the bell, And fung as tweet as evening Philomel. To clear my quailpipe, a d retreft my foul, Full cit I drain'd th fpicy nut-brown bowl; Rich lufcious wines, that youthfu' blood improve,' And warm the iwelling veins to reats of love: For 'tis as fure, as cold engenders hail, A liquorih mouth must have a lecherous tail: Wine lets no lover unrewarded go, As all true gamefters by experience know. But oh, good Gods! whene'er a thought I cait On all the joy of youth a, d beauty pait, To find in pleafures I have had my part, Still warms me to the bottom of my heart. This wicked world was once my dear delight; 225 Now all my conquefts, all my charms, goodnight! The flour confum'd the beft that now I can, Is e'en to ma e my market of the bran.

220

My fourth dear ipoufe was not exceeding true; He kept, 'twas thought, a private Mi s or two; But all the fcore I paid as how? you'll fay, Not with my body, in a filthy way:

But I fo dress'd, and danc'd, and drank, and din'd;

236

240

And view'd a friend with eyes fo very kind,
As ftung his heart, and made his marrow try
With burning rage, and frantic jealousy.
Eis foul I hope, enjoys eternal glory,
For here on earth I was his Purgatory.
Oft, when his fhoe the mott feverely wrung,
He put on carelels airs, and fate and fung.
How fore I gall'd him, only heaven could know,
And he that felt, and I that caus'd the woe.
He dy'd, when laft from pilgriag: I came,
With other goffips, from jerufalem;
And now lies buried underneath a Rood,
Fair to be fcen, and rear'd of honeft wood:
A tomb indeed, with fewer fculptures grac'd
Than that Mauiolus pious widow plac'd,
Or where infrir'd the great Darius lay;
But coft on graves is merely thrown away.
The pit fill up, with turf we cover'd'o'er ;
So blett the good man's foul! I fay no more.

245

250

255

Now for my fifth lov'd Lord, the last and best;
(Kind heaven afford him everlafting reft!)
Full hearty was his love, and I can fhew
The tokens on my ribs in black and blue;
Yet, with a knack, my heart he could have won,
While yet the fmart was fhooting in the bone.'
How quaint an appetite in women reigns!
Free gifts we fcorn, and love what coits us pains:
Let men avoid us, and on them we leap;
A glutted market makes provifon cheap.

Ja pure good-will I took this jovial fpark,
Of Oxford he, a moft egregious clerk.
He bearded with a widow in the town
A truly goffip,. one dame Alion.
Full well the fecrets of my foul she knew,
Better than e'er our paris-priest could do.

261

265

270

To her I told whatever could befall:
Had but my husband pifs'd against a wall,
Or done a thing that night have coft his life,
She and my niece and one more worthy wife,
Had known it all: what moit he would conceal,
To thefe I made no fcruple to reveal.
Oft has he blu'd from ear to ear for fhame, 275
That 'er he told a fecret to his dame,

It fo befel, in oly time of Lent,
That oft a day I to this goffip went
(My husband, thank my ftars, was out of town);
From houfe to house we rambled up and down,280
This clerk, myself, and my good neighbour Alfe,
To fee, be feen, to tell, and gather tales.
Vists to every Church we daily paid,
Ad march'd in every holy Mafuerade,
The Stations duly and the Vigils kept;
Not much we failed, but fearce ever flept.
At Sermons too I ft one in fcarlet gay;
The wafting moths ne'er fpoil'd my beft array;
The caufe was this, I wore it every day.

285

'Twas when fresh May her early blossom yields This Clerk and I were walking in the fields, 29 We grew fo intimate, I can't tell how, I pawn'd my honour, and engag'd my vow, I e'er I laid my husband in his urn, That he, and only he, fhould ferve my turn. 295 I ftill have fhifts again a time of Leed: We ftraight ftruck hands, the bargain was agreed; The moufe that always truits to one poor hole, Can never be a mouse of any foul.

I vow'd, I fcarce could fleep fince first I knew him; 300 And durft be fworn he had bewitch'd me to him;

If e'er 1 flept, I dream'd of him alone,
A..d dreams foretel, as learned men have shown.
All this 1 faid; but dreams, firs, I had none :
I follow'd but my craity Crony's lore,
Who bid me tell this lie-and twenty more.

3°5

Thus day by day, and month by month we paft; It pleas'd the Lord to take my fpoufe at laft. I tore my gown, I foil'd my locks with duft, And beat my breafts, as wretched widows-muft Before my face my handkerchief I pread, 311 To hide the flood of tears I didnot shed. The good man's coffin to the Church was borne; Around, the neighbours, and my Clerk to

mourn.

But as he march'd, good Gods! he show'd a pair

315
Of legs and feet, fo clean, fo ftrong, fo fair!
Of twenty winters age he feem'd to be;
I (to fay truth) was twenty more than he;
But vigorous ftill, a lively buxom dame;
And had a wonderous gift to quench a flame. 32
A. Conjuror once, that deeply could divine,
Affur'd me, Mars in Taurus was my fign.
As the ftars order'd, fuch my life has been:
Alas, alas, that ever love was fin;

Fair Venus gave me fire and sprightly grace, 325
And Mars affurance and a dauntlefs face..
By virtue of this powerful conftellation,
I follow'd always my own inclination,

But to my tale: A month fearce pafs'd away, With dance and fong we kept the nuptial day. 330 All I poffefs'd I gave to his command,

My goods and chattels, money, houfe, and land;
But oft repented, and repent it ftill;
He prov'd a rebel to my fovereign will:
Nay once, by heaven, he ftruck me on the face;
Fear but the fact, and judge yourselves the cafe.
Stubborn as any lioness was I;

And knew full well to raise my voice on high;
As true a rambler as I was betore,

And would be fo, in fpight of all he fwore. 340
He againft this right fag ly would advise,
And old examples fet before my eyes,
Tell how the Roman matrons led their life,
Of Gracchus' mother, and Duilius' wi e;
And clofe the fermon, as be eend his wit,
With fome grave fentence out of Holy Writ.
Ot would he fay, Who builds his houfe on
fands,

Pricks his blind horfe acrofs the fallow lands;
Or lets his wife abroad with pilgrims.roam,

345

He had by heart the whole detail of woe Xantippe made her good man undergoe; How oft fhe feolded in a day, he knew, How many pifs-pots on the Sage fhe threw; 390 Who took it patiently, and wip'd his head; "Rain follows thunder," that was all he faid.

He read, how Arius to his friend complain'd,
A fatal Tree was growing in his land,
On which three wives fucceffively had twin'd 395
A fiding noofe, and waver'd in the wind.
Where grows this pla..t (reply'd the friend), oh
where?

For better fruit did never orchard bear.
Give ine fome flip of this moft blissful tree,
And in my garden planted fhall it be.

400

Then how two wives their lords' deftruction

prove,

All this avail'd not; for whoe'er he be

That tells my faults, I hate him mortally:
And fo do numbers more, I boldly fay,
Men, women, clergy, regular, and.lay.

My fpoufe (who was, you know, to learning bred)

A certain Treatife oft at evening read,
Where divers Authors (whom the devil con-
found

For all their lies) were in one volume bound.
Valerius, whole; and of St. Jerome, part;
Chryfippus and Tertullian, Ovid's Art,
Solomon's Proverbs, Eloïfa's Loves;

360

And many more than fure the Church approves.
More legends were there here of wicked wives,
Than good in all the Bible and Saints lives.
Who drew the Lion vanquish'd? 'Twas a Man.
But could we women write as fcholars can,

And with one buffet fell'd him on the floor.
With that my hufand in a fury rofe,
And down he fettled me with hearty blows.

370

And Venus fets ere Mercury can rife.
Thofe play the fcholars, who can't play the men,
And ufe that weapon which they have, their pen;
When old, and paft the relish of delight,
Then down they fit, and in their dotage write,
That not one woman keeps her marriage vow.
(This by the way, but to my purpose now).
chanc'd
my husband, on a winter's night,
Read in this book, aloud, with frange delight,
How the Erft female (as the Scriptures fhow)
Brought her own fpoufe and all his race to woe.
How Samfon fell, and he whom Dejanire
Wrapp'd in th' envenom'd fhirt, and fet on fire.
How cured Eryphile her lord betray'd,
And the dire.ambuh Clytemneftra laid. -
But what molt pleas'd him was the Cretan Dame,
And Hufband bull oh monftrous! fe for

frame!

381

386

415

Oh! thou haft flain me for my wealth (I cry3),
Yet I forgive thee-take my last embrace
He wept, kind foul! and floop'd to kif's my face,
I took him fuch a box as turn'd him blue,
Then figh'd and cry'd, Adieu, my dear, adieu!
But after many a hearty ftruggle paft,
425
I condefcended to be pleas'd at last.
Soon as he faid. My miftrefs and my wife,
Do what you lift, the term of all your life;
I took to heart the merits of the caufe,
And food content to rule by wholefome laws;
Receiv'd the reins of abfolute command,
With all the government of house and land,
And empire o'er his tongue, and o'er his hand.
As for the volume that revil d the dames,
'Twas torn to fragments, and condemn'd to

flames.

431)

435