We seemed still more and more to prize each other;
We talked of marriage and our marriage day;
And I in truth did love him like a brother,
For never could I hope to meet with such another.
Two years were passed since to a distant town
He had repaired to ply a gainful trade :
What tears of bitter grief, till then unknown!
What tender vows our last sad kiss delayed!
To him we turned :-we had no other aid :
Like one revived, upon his neck I wept ;
And her whom he had loved in joy, he said,
He well could love in grief; his faith he kept;
And in a quiet home once more my father slept.
We lived in peace and comfort; and were blest
With daily bread, by constant toil supplied.
Three lovely babes had lain upon my breast;
And often, viewing their sweet smiles, I sighed,
And knew not why. My happy father died,
When threatened war reduced the children's meal :
Thrice happy! that for him the grave could hide
The empty loom, cold hearth, and silent wheel,
And tears that flowed for ills which patience might not heal.
Twas a hard change; an evil time was come;
We had no hope, and no relief could gain :
But soon, with proud parade, the noisy drum
Beat round to clear the streets of want and pain.
My husband's arms now only served to strain
Me and his children hungering in his view;
In such dismay my prayers and tears were vain :
To join those miserable men he flew,
And now to the sea-coast, with numbers more, we
There were we long neglected, and we bore
Much sorrow ere the fleet its anchor weighed ;
Green fields before us, and our native shore,
We breathed a pestilential air, that made
Ravage for which no knell was heard. We prayed
For our departure; wished and wished- -nor knew,
'Mid that long sickness and those hopes delayed,
That happier days we never more must view.
The parting signal streamed-at last the land withdrew.
But the calm summer season now was past.
On as we drove, the equinoctial deep
Ran mountains high before the howling blast,
And many perished in the whirlwind's sweep.
We gazed with terror on their gloomy sleep,
Untaught that soon such anguish must ensue,
Our hopes such harvest of affliction reap,
That we the mercy of the waves should rue :
We reached the western world, a poor devoted crew.
The pains and plagues that on our heads came down, Disease and famine, agony and fear,
In wood or wilderness, in camp or town,
It would unman the firmest heart to hear.
All perished—all in one remorseless year,
Husband and children! one by one, by sword
And ravenous plague, all perished: every tear
Dried up, despairing, desolate, on board
A British ship I waked, as from a trance restored.
Peaceful as some immeasurable plain
By the first beams of dawning light imprest,
In the calm sunshine slept the glittering main ;
The very ocean hath its hour of rest.
I too forgot the heavings of my breast.
How quiet 'round me ship and ocean were!
As quiet all within me.* I was blest,
And looked, and fed upon the silent air
Until it seemed to bring a joy to my despair.
Ah! how unlike those late terrific sleeps,
And groans that rage of racking famine spoke ;
The unburied dead that lay in festering heaps,
The breathing pestilence that rose like smoke,
The shriek that from the distant battle broke,
The mine's dire earthquake, and the pallid host
Driven by the bomb's incessant thunder-stroke
To loathsome vaults, where heart-sick anguish tossed,
Hope died, and fear itself in agony was lost! †
Some mighty gulf of separation past,
I seemed transported to another world;
A thought resigned with pain, when from the mast
The impatient mariner the sail unfurled,
And, whistling, called the wind that hardly curled
The silent sea. From the sweet thoughts of home
And from all hope I was for ever hurled.
For me- -farthest from earthly port to roam
Was best, could I but shun the spot where man might
* I too was calm, though heavily distrest!
Oh me! how quiet sky and ocean were!
My heart was hushed within me.-Edit. 1815.
This appears to me a line of marvellous force.-ED.
And oft I thought (my fancy was so strong)
That I, at last, a resting-place had found;
'Here will I dwell,' said I, 'my whole life long,
Roaming the illimitable waters round;
Here will I live, of all but heaven disowned,
And end my days upon the peaceful flood.'-
To break my dream the vessel reached its bound;
And homeless near a thousand homes I stood,
And near a thousand tables pined and wanted food.
No help I sought; in sorrow turned adrift,
Was hopeless, as if cast on some bare rock; †
Nor morsel to my mouth that day did lift,
Nor raised my hand at any door to knock.
I lay where, with his drowsy mates, the cock
From the cross-timber of an out-house hung :
Dismally tolled, that night, the city clock!
At morn my sick heart hunger scarcely stung,
Nor to the beggar's language could I fit my tongue.
So passed a second day; and, when the third
Was come, I tried in vain the crowd's resort.
-In deep despair, by frightful wishes stirred,
Near the sea-side I reached a ruined fort;
There, pains which nature could no more support,
With blindness linked, did on my vitals fall;
And, after many interruptions short
Of hideous sense, I sank, nor step could crawl :
Unsought for was the help that did my life recal.+
* Ocean flood.-Edit. 1815.
By grief enfeebled was I turned adrift
Helpless as sailor cast on desert rock.-Edit. 1815.
And thence was carried to a neighbouring hospital.-Edit. 1815.
Borne to a hospital, I lay with brain
Drowsy and weak, and shattered memory; *
I heard my neighbours in their beds complain
Of many things which never troubled me—
Of feet still bustling round with busy glee,
Of looks where common kindness had no part,
Of service done with cold formality, +
Fretting the fever round the languid heart,
And groans which, as they said, might make a dead
These things just served to stir the slumbering sense,
Nor pain nor pity in my bosom raised.
With strength did memory return; and, thence
Dismissed, again on open day I gazed,
At houses, men, and common light, amazed.
The lanes I sought, and, as the sun retired,
Came where beneath the trees a faggot blazed;
The travellers saw me weep, my fate inquired,
And gave me food-and rest, more welcome, more desired.
Rough potters seemed they, trading soberly
With panniered asses driven from door to door; ‡
But life of happier sort set forth to me,
And other joys my fancy to allure
The bag-pipe dinning on the midnight moor
In barn uplighted; and companions boon,
Well met from far with revelry secure
* Recovery came with food: but still my brain
Was weak, nor of the past had memory.-Edit. 1815.
+ Careless cruelty.-Edit. 1815.
They with their panniered asses semblance made
Of Potters, wandering on from door to door.-Edit, 1815.
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