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“Oh, the monstrousness of the age !” at last ejaculated Gregory Vellum, “Oh, the horrid villainy! But thou shait troop for it. I will get rid of thee straight. Thou shalt find other uncles to give thee house room, and feed and clothe thee, thou pestilent varlet! for I'll have none of thee. Was it not enough that thou shouldst rob me of fifty crowns-tush! what was I a saying?-of so much excellent candle, but that thou shouldst threaten to give me a shaking of right exquisite Venetian workmanship- Alas ! these villainies have undone me! I know not what I say.” Then wildly knocking the palm of his hand against his forehead, the old man rushed out of the room, shouting “ Oh, my fifty crowns ! my fifty crowns !” leaving Master Francis in as great a wonder as Master Francis had a moment since put his miserly kins
Love me not for comely grace,
And thus our love shall sever ;
fore a true woman's eye,
A combination and a form indeed,
It was in a private closet in the queen’s palace of Whitehall, that two of her majesty's maids of honour were assisting each other in attiring, and were conversing with that confidence that denoteth perfect friendship. The one, the taller of the two, was of a most majestic shape, with a countenance of exquisite softness, impressed with a touch of reflection, that at times made her seem somewhat of a reserved and melancholy disposition : but in truth she was a most handsome woman, and of a
excellent fair complexion. The other appeared both shorter and younger; her face was dark, yet did the roses bloom in it most becomingly; an arched mouth she had, dimpled on one cheek, and as for her eyes, they were the most laughing, roguish, brilliant pair of twinklers that ever pretty wench was blessed withal. Of these fair damsels, the first was Elizabeth Throckmorton, and the latter, her cousin Alice.
“ What dost sigh for, Bess ?” suddenly enquired the youngest. « O’ my troth, thou hast appeared very woeful of late.”
“ Did I sigh, Alice?” asked the other dejectedly.
“Sigh, Coz!” repeated Alice. “ No old bellows with fifty holes in it ever breathed with so undone a sadness. This comes of being in love, Bess. Art sighing for Sir Walter Raleigh? I see by thy blushing I have hit it. Well, Heaven help thy five wits, that can find matter for sadness in things that give me such infinite matter for mirth. And what be this same animal, called man? A thing to laugh at—a joke that goes upon two legs-a walking piece of provocation for women to break a jest upon. Is he not a most absurd creature ? I'faith, us poor maids would have all died of melancholy long since, if the men had not kept us alive by affording us such exquisite subjects for sport.
And then the airs they give themselves. Didst ever see a peacock in the sun? he spreads himself out just like your man animal; and struts about, and looks as preposterously fine and proud. Poor fool! a goose would look as well had it the same feathers. And, like the clown in the play, he taketh a world of pains to get well laughed at by his audience. Well, I think I lack not gratitude. I owe a bountiful load of thanks to these our estimable benefactors, and all that my poor wit can do to render them as ridiculous as they seek to be, they shall have. They call themselves lords of the creation too, when they have about as much omnipotence as a cockle shell. Whatever lords they may be of, they shall never be lords of my bedchamber, I promise you; for, before I marry a man, I'll give my virginity to an owl.”
66 Alice, Alice! how thou dost run on," exclaimed Mistress Throckmorton.
66 Ay, forsooth, had I no legs I could run on with such a subject,” replied her cousin, laughing merrily. “ But how dost like the setting of this sleeve ?”
66 It is of a pretty fashion, and of a most dainty fabric,” said the other, with a careless glance at the dress
“ That all thou canst say about it?” responded her companion archly. “ Had I asked thee con
cerning the captain of the queen’s guard, wouldst thou have merely said, “ It is of a pretty fashion, and of a most dainty fabric?!” here the merry little creature mimicked her companion. “O'my word, no—I should never have heard the last of him. Thou wouldst have given me whole chapters upon every hair of his head."
" But is he not a wise and most noble gentleman?” asked her cousin earnestly.
“ Wise, quotha !” exclaimed Alice, with a smile of peculiar meaning. “ Wise man?-wise fiddlestick! In what is he wise? Doth he not talk admirably? So doth a parrot if it be well taught. Wise oyster! And there is but little difference betwixt your oyster and your man. hath a beard, so hath
your man;—so he need not brag so much on that account. But the difference be all in favour of your oyster; for your oyster is delicate eating, but your man is for no Christian stomach, cook him how you will. Wise calf! Why, there is more philosophy in a forked radish than ever you will find in your
wise man.” 6 In truth, Alice, if I did not know thee to be a most kind-hearted wench and a merry, I should think thee very malicious,” observed the eldest.
6 I bear no malice against the poor creatures," replied the other, with pretended meekness. “It would be a right shameful return for the unceasing