alone ought to betray a blush-he makes his auditors feel ashamed for no fault of their own, while he glories in his own offence. It is in vain to oppose him→ his eye is too gross to perceive his own impropriety; and a conversation not seasoned with a touch of his own delight ful pleasantry is insipid, and possesses no charms for him. He is a wag at the expense of modesty, a retailer of sayings that had better not be said-a great quoter of proverbs, and a man, in short, who seems to have modelled his style of discourse on " Wagstaffe's Polite Conversation," adding, every now and then, some ingenious little piece of vulgarity of his own.

We have scarcely space to enumerate the various other classes of talkers, such as the timorous, who seem as if the person they are addressing were about to eat them-the pert, who snap out their words like a dog-the contradictory, who fly off at a tangent from every assertion which they do not make themselves the interrupters, who never let their friends get through more than half a sentence and a whole world besides. We shall now proceed from talking to conversing, and introduce our readers from individuals into companies-specifying the most appropriate times and opportunities for displaying the genius of different talkers.

As we began with the silent talkers, we think the time best adapted for a display of their abilities is that dismal period which elapses between the assembling of the company at a dinner-party, and the annunciation of the feast.. At this time no one is expected to open his lips, by the courtesy of England. The guests sit round the room with depressed spirits, and sombre anxious faces -the quickest spirits yield to the influence of the hour-mirth is banished from the joker's face, and every one seems in anxious expectation of hearing of some melancholy event. At length, the host endeavours to promote the circulation of a little stream of conversation, which, by some chance or other, begins to flow from the mouth of one of the company, probably some one who has provided himself with a comfortable luncheon, and can afford to employ his thoughts about something else than the dinner in futuro; this incipient conversation generally consists of some bold remarks on the weather,

rifies any one else from making a similar experiment. At all events, a silent man is by no means remarkable amongst an expectant dinner-party. It is also extremely useful to be silent in the presence of a great man who delights in talking-many an ingenious parasite has lost all the fruits of his labours from wagging too loose a tongue in the presence of his patron, who likes the sound of his own voice better than that of his dependent. But to higher themes.The conversation of lovers is often silence, and feelings which cannot be fashioned in the mould of words, and thoughts which lie too deep in the heart to be revealed by the voice, are all told in the eloquent silence which a lover's soul so well understands. There is a communing of feeling which was never meant to be expressed-a higher flight than poetry itself can reach, tho' poetry is indeed the true language of love-a sentiment which breathes of heaven, but which words would drag down to earth-a sentiment of which silence alone can be the true interpreter.

What does the great poet of the feelings say of silence in a thousand places? "Many a man's tongue," says he, in All's Well that ends Well, shakes out his master's undoing—"

"In silence we may see "Maids' mild behaviour and sobriety." Taming of the Shrew.

"Talkers are no doers."

Richard III.

Full-hearted Spirit! in the passionate stir
And movement of the bosom, who art still
The voice that tells what deepest feelings fill

The chambers of the soul! Interpreter

Of fire-eyed Hope, who pleadest still for her When the faint breath of words is weak and chill! Master of the rich tear-drops that distil

I do evoke thee from thy deep-hid cell, And to that sweetest lady of my love,

Nothing is more odious in conversation than scandal; and yet it must be confessed, there is a delightfully malignant kind of pleasure in pulling to pieces the characters of one's best friends, which we take to be a portion of original sin. This feeling is very nearly allied to that which makes us laugh when we see a person for whom we entertain the sincerest affection and respect, fall down in the channel during a slippery thaw. The fact seems to be, that, in these cases, our natural love of detraction and of the ridiculous gets the better of our kinder feelings. Scandal-mongers, however, are great nuisances in society, and should be banished" to some distant shore," for they do infinite mischief to their friends. This description of people generally abounds in small inland towns, where there is no great circulation of novelty, and where they are compelled to make up for the dulness in which nature has cruelly placed them, by inventing a few little ingenious anecdotes respecting the frailties and failings of their neighbours. In great cities there are plenty of healthy topics to talk about, without introducing any such morbid substitute. The persons most attached to this style of conversation are (we are sorry to say it) young girls and old women; and the times and places best adapted for practising it are, for the former, when they return to a ball-room, and leave their partners at supper; and for the latter, when they are comfortably seated at a game at whist, which furnishes excellent opportunities between the deals. The door-way of a Dissenting chapel in the country, after service, is also an excellent place for hearing and telling little anecdotes of this kind.

There is nothing more disagreeable than finding one's self in the company of persons who are talking of their own profession or business. How edifying to sit and listen to a little knot of merchants discoursing with the longest and most important faces about prices-current, and exports and imports, and drawbacks, and molasses, and Upland cottons, and pearl-ashes; or a party of detestable stock-jobbers running over the fluctuations which the market has sustained. Exclusive conversation of every kind is, in fact, the destruction of all pleasant society, whatever may be the favourite topic in which a man indulges.

Bid thee in thine own eloquent language tell
The inexpressive thoughts of her which move
Trembling within my heart like some dim spell;
And oh let not her lips thy tale reprove.

But of all adepts in conversation, men of letters and authors by profession, from whom the most entertainment and instruction might reasonably be expected, are frequently the most intolerable. Oh the self-love of an author, or rather, the love of an author for his intellectual offspring! It surpasses the fondest and most famed instances of maternal affection or paternal kindness. Some parents are delighted with introducing their children to the notice of their friends, and in pointing out their beauty or their talents; but such delight is not to be compared with the rapture which animates the breast of an author as he is haranguing in praise of his own works. Touch upon the subject, and he starts as if galvanized-give him the least encouragement, and he will put his hand into the large roomy pocket of his black coat, and there will follow a roll of paper, large enough to daunt the courage of the bravest listener. There is no retreat, no absconding, no backingout. An author never even grows hoarse with reading his own works. Page fol lows page, leaf leaf, yet how slowly the pile seems to decrease! Every now and then the delighted parent stops to receive your praises and congratulations-and if his offspring be weak, ugly, and deformed, how can you tell him so to his face? A person must indeed have a strong sense of moral duty, who would dare to tell an author the truth to his face. Horace tells us of a rigid creditor, who used to take out his demands by compelling his debtors to listen to his compositions, " amaras historias," we think he calls them. Certainly this mode of receiving satisfaction of a debt was very little better than the provisions of the ancient Roman law de debitore secando, by which, it is said, a creditor was allowed to cut his debtor into pieces if he did not pay him. For our parts, save us from the hands of an author in an empty room, and with a full pocket!

As to what is generally called literary, or blue stocking conversation, such as would suit the drawing-room of an Edinburgh lady, the talent for it is easily acquired. Skim Sir Walter's last novel-dip into Lord Byron's last poem, and commit two consecutive lines to memory-attend two lectures on geolo

and fix a few of the hardest names, gy, if you can, in your head. Never mention a book without using some adjective of praise or dispraise at the same time and when you speak of authors,

T

always give the name at full length, christian and surname, which looks as if you knew them. Magazine reading is very useful to qualify a man for this society, especially if he adds to it a perusal of the Edinburgh and Quarterly but this would really make him a very accomplished man, and perhaps make him appear rather too learned-which is a fault not easily forgiven.

But the most important branch of our subject still remains unnoticed-we mean the science of small-talk; a science the difficulty of mastering which is equal to the value of the acquisition. There cannot be a person in the world that has not felt the necessity of this accomplishment. How painful it is to see a company of perhaps half a dozen persons sitting round the room, silently tracing with their eyes the pattern of the carpet, as if they were in hopes of discovering by that means some food to resuscitate the fainting conversation! Or to be one of a dinner-party, when the movement of the bottle is the only symptom of vitality amongst the statues which surround the table! Small-talk, however, is an art not depending in any manner on knowledge or information. People who have nothing to say, and who moreover know nothing, are very frequently the best professors of it, and really are able to keep up a lively and pleasant conversation, when scholars and philosophers would sit in a cold and languid silence. The talent is, perhaps, partly constitutional. Women are better small-talkers than men; the Irish, as a nation, better than the English; and the French better than either. A true small-talker can discourse about any thing, and the lighter and more trifling a subject is, the better he will handle it. He is never at a loss; a flower, a leaf, a straw, are materials on which he will bestow his emptiness for an hour; and rather than not have something to say, he will talk about himself, which, by the way, is not always the last subject he touches upon. A really accomplished small-talker will never recur to the weather for assist

ance.

It may perhaps be expected that we should lay down a few rules by which this valuable science may be acquired; but independently of our being limited in space, which would be a sufficient excuse, we are also able to plead another very plausible reason for forbearing to do this at present. The fact is, we have long had serious thoughts of writ

ing a volume on the subject, which, if executed in the manner we contemplate, would be a great acquisition to those who wish to excel in the practice of this amiable and useful accomplishment. The design of our work is to give a series of conversations on all the most trite and approved subjects, dividing them under various heads, with variations and additions, fitting them for persons of different characters, ages, and humours. The great characteristic excellence of these dialogues would be, that by dealing entirely in generals, and carefully framing each observation and sentence, whether question, answer, or remark, so as to be, if we may so express ourselves, a picture of itself, every person, by exerting only a small degree of ingenuity and reasoning, may be able to introduce, at any pause in conversation, some neat and apposite remark, which, from the nature of its contrivance, must necessarily lead to some farther observation, and this, in the hands of a person who had studied the work, would be gradually led and fostered into a sprightly and brilliant conversation. To young persons more particularly whose timidity often prevents them from hazarding any opinion of their own, a work of this nature would be found particularly valuable, as they could not feel any hesitation in introducing the elegant sentences which would be found in our intended publication. The work should not, however, be entirely confined to giving precedents of such conversations as are fitted for general company, but it should also embrace dialogues in delicate situations-as between a young man and a rich uncle in a bad state of health-the proper formula of words on receiving or conferring a favour-or on condoling with a friend on a loss in his familyand lastly, we intend that it should contain a series of declarations, adapted, like the conversations to every age, and condition, for the use of all gentlemen who wish to enter into the married state. This last portion will, we imagine, be the most valuable part of the volume; for it is well known what difficulties a gentleman sometimes lies under in revealing his tender attachment, and how fearful he is that he shall not be sufficiently impressive in the communication. At a time too when the spirits are so much fluttered, and the mind in general disturbed, it surely must be thought a great acquisition to be able to choose a form of words and expres