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Friend. What a Grin! like a wooden Cut of Scoggan be-fore a Jeft-Book.

Cler. Oh Brute! go to the Lady, for Shame.

Friend. Madam, you know my Forbearance was only a Mark of my Respect.

[Going towards her.. Stale. Ah! you Men!-- well, I fay no more---why would you put me in this Chafe!---you know how it is with me always I warrant you my poor Head will

fuffer for it this Two Days

feel how it burns

Mar. Was there ever fuch a nauseous Five and Fifty -but how do I know but Age and Fol

Fondling!

ly may make me fuch a monfter?
Cler. Never, 'tis impoffible.

Mar. How, Clerimont! fhall I never grow
Cler. Certainly if you live

Old?

but furely the Wit and Tenderness of my Mariana can never degenerate to the Folly and Fondness of fuch an Ideo-To me, you must be always as you are, thus dear, thus agreeable, the conftant Object of my Love.

Mar Oh, fie, fie! a marry'd Man and talk of Love! to his own Wife too!- -They'll hear you, and laugh

at us in their turn, if you han't a care,

Stale. But do you fay you'll put me out of my Pain by to-morrow morning? 'Tis extreamly kind.

Friend. I have given you my Word, and you may depend upon it.

Stale. The Expedition of your Performance will make amends for every thing- tis exceffively kind. Friend, Hufht! not a Word more- ·Mariana and Cle rimont will find Matter of Mirth out of it, and turn our Happiness into Ridicule.

Mar. See here's fweet Mr. Pinch again, as gay as if this Mishap had never befallen him, and there were no fuch wicked Inftrument as a Cudgel in Nature.

Enter Pinch and Scribblefcrabble.

Pinch. Madam, your most humble Servant. A fcurvy kind of a foolish Butinefs happen'd to happen just now here a little odly, Madam, but no great matter, Madam, 'tis all over now.

Mar

Mar. I am very glad to fee you look fo well after it--I'll fwear I think you're improv'd

ven a meft agreeable turn to his Face Gentlemen.

that Patch has giYour Opinion,

Cler. The Patch does its Part, upon my Word.
little o'th' biggeft, or fo-but elfe wonderfully well. ·
Friend. And are you as found within as without, Sir?-
Pinch. Oh to all Intents and Purposes.

Friend. And d'ye think you could bite as well as ever?
Pinch. Ask my little Scribblefcrabble elfe

bite your Coufin, as fhe was dreffing my Head?
Scrib. None of my Coufin, Squire.

Didn't. I

Pinch. Nay, nay, the cali'd you Coufin; a fat comely Gentlewoman hard by here at the Sign of the Adam and Eve, that fells Sawfages and Black-puddings.

Scrib. She's none of my Coufin, fhe's only my Doll's Coufin.

Pinch. Why the Woman's a good Woman

are you afham'd of your Kindred?

Scrib. She's none of my Coufin.

What

[Angrily.

Mar. Ridiculous, we shall have 'em quarrel presently.
Cler. Come, come, no matter whofe Coufin fhe is.
Friend. You bit her, you fay.

Pinch. Bit her! ay marry did I- and fo I fhou'd have ferv'd all her Family, and all her Generation, if they had been hereWhat, han't I been at Mofcow, Ifaphan, Babylon, and fo forth? Knock him down! · Scr ib. What did he say she was my Coufin for?

[Grumbling. Mar. To fet afide this foolish Difpute, pray fhew me the biting Song, which you faid was fet to Mufick.

Pinch. Here it is, and it is in the Nature of a Dialogue, and if your Ladyship will do me the Honour to bear a Bob with me, as I may fo fay, we'll perform it before all the Company,

Mar. To oblige you, Sir, I'll do my best."

Α

A Dialogue.

Thyrfis. IRIS, I have long, in vain,

Been

your

Slave, and wore your Clog

'Tis but just I fhou'd complain,
Since you use me like a Dog.

Iris. Faithful Lovers are but few;

Cou'd I trust, I wou'd trust you:
Of all your Sex I am afraid,

And therefore vow to die a Maid.

Thyrfis. Die a Maid! So young, fo pretty!"
I'll be true, by all that's good:

Iris.

Die a Maid! I'll fwear 'tis pity.

Bite! Thyrfis, did you think I wou'd ?

But fince you will be mine alone,

Here kifs the Book and fwear

The Wedding Ring shall make us one...

Thyrfis. Bite! Iris, now I think all's fair,

Chorus. Bite! Thyrfis, now I think all's fair,
And well we may agree,

Since thus we love upon the Square,
And Biters both are we

Cler. Rarely perform'd, upon my Word-Mr. Pinch has his Gifts--what fay you, Mr. Scribblefcrabble?

Scrib. Mighty well indeed, Sir---the Squire is a fine Gentleman, that's the truth on't----but let him be never fo well vers'd in the Arts and Sciences, he ought not to reflect upon the Family of the Scribblefcrabbles.

Cler

Cler. Oh no more of that-----

Scrib. What if I did marry Mrs. Dorothy Pattypan, the Paftry-Cook's Daughter, I didn't marry all her Scoundrel Confanguinity, I hope; no, I difclaim 'em, I make her and them to know themselves, I keep 'em under, I----Enter Bandileer drunk, and Mrs. Scribblefcrabble.

Mrs. Scrib. Nay, dear Coufin Barnaby, where wou'd you haul one-------I'll fwear I have eat fo much Goose, and drank fo much Sack, that I am almost in a Quandary. Hiccup good lack! how I have got the Hiccocks; well, I won't drink a drop more, profefs now. Band. Look ye, take no care of that, I'll carry you to a Friend of mine, d'ye fee, and there we'll have a Cup of rare Juniper, cure your Hiccup, I warrant youNothing but a cold Stomach, Coufin.

Stale. In the Name of Aftonishment, what may thefe be, Child?

Mar. Ha! as I live, Mrs. Dorothy Seribblefcrabble in her own proper Perfon.

Stale. What, not our little Man of Law's Confort? Mar. The very felf-fame, as I'm virtuoushalf boofie too— oh ruful!

Band. Dear Coufin, let me bufs you

you mightily.

Mrs. Scrib. Oh gemini! Hiccup

you fo rude

She's

-I love [Kiffes her.

[blocks in formation]

-Hiccup----don't ye fee all the Gentry

here----for Shame----Hiccup---If our little Simon fhou'd hear of this now----Hiccup----

Scrib. Ha! how! mercy upon me! what's this I fee!

[Turning about, and feeing his Wife.

Mar. Now for the Denouement of the Piece.

Mrs. Scrib. Oh law!... I am ruinated and undone--p there is my own Husband.

Scrib. Is your Name Dorothy? ha!- Anfwer me that, Mrs. Scrib. Yes Hiccup.

Scrib. hat is the reafon that you fet at nought my Superiorit and Authority, and d-de-dare to come hither without my leave? Anfwer me quickly-Come! what fay- ha? Mrs. Scrib.

Mrs. Scrib. Nay, dear Simmy, don't be angry. I only came to Hiccup-bear my Coufin Bandileer Com Pany I wou'dn't, for all the Varfal World, have come, Hiccup but that you know I love Sack and Walnuts mightily. -Hiccup. Scrib. Cuc-cu-Coufin me no CoufinsAnfwer me that quickly -who am I? ha!

-Hiccup

who am I?

Band. Look ye, I'll ftand by my Coufin, She's my own Coufin, tho' I am but a private Gentleman Soldier, whereof what argues that- -my Name's Barnaby Ban dileer.

Mrs. Scrib. Well, well, I know who you are well e-nough, you are my Hony-Hiccup-but 'tis very hard if one must not- Hiccup- or go a little abroad with a Hiccup Relation, or fo Hiccup..

of

Scrib. Go! you're a Quean.

Mar. Oh fie, Mr. Scribbfcrabble! what! this to the Wife your Bofom!

Scrib. You're a Carrion! I'm engag'd! and Chastisement will enfue.

Stale. How? you little Brutal you

Dear,

My Dear, my

[To Mariana. fuffer the poor Sure any TwoQuorum, as they

for the Honour of the Sex let us never Woman to be infulted before our Facesof our Gender are fufficient, or of the fay, to keep a Husband in Order. Mrs. Scrib. Ab dear Ladies, 'tis your- -HiccupGoodness -but 'tis an unknown thing, the Life that I Hiccup- lead with him every Day.

Mar. Look ye if he doesn't weep, poor tender-hearted Creature! Come, for my fake, you must not make a Quarrel of it

Mick.

-What? 'twas but an innocent Fro

Scrib. Ha! I don't love Frolicks

Mrs. Scrib. Simmy, dear Simmy, don't tofs and fling, and

- Hiccup

you'll break my Heart

and ding up and down fo

Hiccup

Scrib. Go thou fe-fe-fe-fe-fe-falfe Dorothy-Elope, be gone go to your Gallant, go

Mrs. Scrib

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