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Mrs. Scrib. Oh law!-Hiccup - this is very bitter
[Sobbing and Crying I have had seven Children, besides Four Miscarriages, and very hard Times of 'em al', by him, and to be us'd thus this is very
hard, Band. Look ye, Gentlemen, I don't well know what to make of all this I am amaz'd, or so, 'tis true but he's my own Cousin. -I lodge in Vinegar-Yard
-every Body knows me I only came for the Di. version; of an Interlude, or so Do you know anything of this matter, Sir?
[To Pinch. Pinch. Foolish enough, Faith!
—why really I don't know what to say to these odd kind of Circumftances; but pray may
Band. Sir, I don't know what you mean; but I'm half Seas over
Pinch. Very merry upon my Word, (Mr. Bandileer's woful drunk)
[Aside, Oh you're very sober - you've hardly wet your Lips to Day.
Band. Say you fo, Sir ?
Band. How's that, Sir? Hey day! what, d'ye get behind me? -Look ye, Gentkmen, I take you to be my
[Standing behind Band, and making a very great Noife. Band. How, Sir! Dam ye, Sir, that won't pass neither, Sir.
Friend. Oh no harm, no harm, good Mr. Bandileer---you must not be
the Gentleman means only Merriment He's an arch Wag, if you did but know him.
Band, Look ye, Gentlemen, if that be all, the Gentle
get rid of 'em.
man is a Stranger to me, and perhaps I may be a Stranger to him; but however I'll venture a Tester or two at AlFours with him, if he's so far forth dispos’d.
Mrs. Scrib. Look, if you han't chaft up and down 'till you sweat like any Bull Come, wipe your own dear four frowzy Face with your own Doll's Handkerchief Hiccup
Serib. Aa! did I think you wou'd ha' serv'd me fo! Go
you're a hiccupping Beast good mind to send you home to the Family of the Patia. pans, I have fo, you'en-n-n-enormous Cockatrice. Ban. Look ye, I brought my Cousin out
I took her up, as they say, and so, d'ye fee, l’H set her down again. Cler. These Fools begin to be troublesom, we must
Ha! here's Clever too come with Inc, telligence from my Uncle.
Enter Mrs. Clever, I see there's Success in your Face, I dare swear the Design thrives.
Clev. Admirably the Plot is as just as that in a Critick’s Play, the Parts are all ready, and we are to begin within this Half Hour; but I hold it convenient to disperse this impertinent Audience first, that we may rehearse in private.
Mar. You have no farther Occasion for my biting Lo
Clev. He may dispose of his Person how he pleases- , we shall hardly find him of any further Consequence.
Mar. I'll pin him to Madam Scribblefcrabble and her bouzy Gallant, and turn 'em adrift together. But what Thall we do with my dear Friend Stale?
Clev. Let me alone with her.Engage Mr. Friendly to trip off with the first Opportunity, and leave the Test to my Management,
[To Clerimont. Cler. You won't be so unmerciful to turn her loose after him? Clev, I must confess, running away is not the best
Proof a young Fellow can give of his Courage; but for the present Occasion tell him 'tis neceffary for the Swain to fly, and the Nymph to pursue. Let him leave Word with his Man where we may hear of him.
Mar. Well, I vow, Mr. Pinch, you'll engage me extreamly by this piece of Service, [To Pinch afiden'
-This little impertinent Lawyer has a bus'ness of Consequence to look after for me here in Town, and this unfortunate Affair of his Wife does so exasperate his ChoJer, that he'll not think of it 'till we get her out of the way.
Pinch. Where shall I attend your Ladyship?
Mar. As proper as any, where we'll be all with you immediately, and divert our felves at the Expence of the Pamily of the Scribblescrabbles.
Pinch. We'll laugh' immoderately Does your Ladyship know what fun is?
Mar. No- but it's no matter for that.
Pinch. No, as you say, Madam, it's no matter for that; but I'll shew you such Sport, fuck Fun, - I'll bite Mr. Bandileer. Look ye, Mr. Scribble scrabble, we'll have no more words of this matter, your Lady is a virtuous Person, and a good Wife, he has born you many Children, but we have all our Failings.
Scrib. Ah! -name her not, dear Squire
Mar. Mr. Scribblefcrabble, let me advise you in this Adventure I have engag‘d Mr. Pinch to serve you in it
[TO Scribblescrabble Aside. You may trust your
Wife with him, and all will be well. Scrib. Ah de-de-dear Madam, the Squire's a Gentleman
it wou'dn'c grieve one to trust ones Wife with a Gentleman.
Mar. They're but just going hard by, we'll follow 'em presently
Scrib. Squire, dear Squire, have an Eye to Be-Be-BeBarnaby Bandileer: my Heart misgives me plaguily.
[Aside to Pinch. Pinch. Bite! D’ye think I don't know what to do? Trouble not your
felt. Mr. Bandileer's very' much in Dirink but no matter for that, he'll bite so much the better. Hum -hum You were a saying, Sir, [To Bandileer your Name Was Barnaby.
Band. Yes, Sir; no Offence, I hope.
Pinch. Oh none at all, so much the better; I love Bar. naby of all Names, I was born on a Barnaby-bright in the morning. I have seen you somewhere or other, for cer-, tain.
Band. I use the Cat and Fiddle, moft an End, Sir.
Pinch. In Drury-Lane ? Ay there it was, if I am not mightily miftaken, I have bit a Corporal that belong'd to your Company, a very merry Fellow, but I have forgot his Name.
Band. Kit Cunnybarrone belike.
[To Mrs. Scribble. You and I and your Cousin here, we'l steal off, and have one healing Quart of Walnuts and Sack at the Greyhound.
[Whilf Clever entertains my Lady Stale, Friend
ly steals of Band. I must needs say you're a very civil Gentleman, Sir, and if you'll so far demeanor your self, Sir,ye, Sir, if my cousin be willing I came with my Cousin, Sir, and I'll go with my Cousin, Sir, I'U stand and fall with my cousin, Sir.
Mrs. Schib. I'm fure you behave your self so like a Gentleman, that -hiccup But if my Simon Mould take a new Vagary -oh dear -biccup
Pinch. On never fear that The Ladies have undertaken to bambouzle him they'll make him know his. Duty, and beg your Pardon - now! your time and Acal off-take care of your Cousin, Mr. Bandileer.
Mrs. Scrib. Oh dear, my Hiccocks is
bad. Ban. Look ye, I'll stand and fall, that's my Word.
[Exeunt Pinch, Bandileer, and Mrs. Scribble, Scrib. How! ha! what! Gone again! Squire, Squire ! Mar. Husht! be quiet, come hither.
Scrub. Squire, dear Squire, have a care of Be-Be-Batnaby
Mar. Did n't I tell you this was the only way to get rid of your Wife's Relation?
Scrit. I acquiefce, Madam, I acquiesce.
Clev. Have a little Patience, Madam, and I'll set every thing in Order.
[Adjusting Lady Stale's Head. I know your Ladyship uses to be the nicest Creature in the World in these Matters.
In the Name of Wonder, who cou'd it be that dress’d you to-Day? Stale. Oh I cou'd n't bear any aukward body's Fifts 2
I can't tolerate any thing but my own Wos man don't you know my Woman !
Clev. Oh dear, yes, Madam, Mrs. Fi idlefaddle.
Stale. "Tis the carefullest Creature; she has liv'd with me ever since the Restoration, and never administer'd a wrong thing to me, or fuck a Pin amiss, in all the time,
Clev. The Restorazion! That's a long time indeed. Your Lady ship's Maid-Servants i believe are much more constant than our Men.
State. The Restoration did I say? the- Restoration? My Memory! what a thing is my Memory! I meant your other Publick Business that has happen'd here.
Clev. The Revolution ?
I take so little Notice of your Públick News! But, as I was saying, ñe's the heedfullest Perfon in any thing that relates to my Person,
Clev. I wonder the fhou'd put fo little Powder in your Hair; I swear one might see it look quite grey, indeed that was a Fault in Mrs, Fiddlefaddle.