anointed me from Head to Foot. What they meant, I could not imagine; for there gather'd a great Crowd about me, crying, An Heir, an Heir; upon which I grew a little ftill, and believed this was a Ceremony to be used only to great Perfons, and fuch as made them, what they call'd, Heirs. I lay very quiet; but the Witch, for no Manner of Reafon or Provocation in the World, takes me and binds my Head as hard as poffibly fhe could, then ties up both my Legs, and makes me fwallow down an horrid Mixture; I thought it an harfh Entrance into Life to begin with taking Phyfick; but I was forced to it, or elfe must have taken down a great Inftrument in which fhe gave it me. When I was thus drefied, I was carried to a Bed-fide, where a fine young Lady (my Mother I wot) had like to have hugg'd me to Death. From her, they faced me about, and there was a Thing with quite another Look from the rest of the Room, to whom they talk'd about my Nofe. He feem'd wonderfully pleas'd to fee me; but I knew fince, my Nofe belong'd to another Family. That into which I was born, is one of the moft numerous amongst you; therefore Crowds of Relations came every Day to congratulate my Arrival; among others, my Coufin Betty, the greatest Romp in Nature: She whisks me fuch a Height over her Head, that I cry'd out for fear of falling. She pinch'd me, and called me fquealing Chit, and threw me into a Girls Arms that was taken in to tend me. The Girl was very proud of the Womanly Employment of a Nufe, and took upon her to ftrip and drefs me a new, becaufe I made a Noife, to fee what ailed me: She did fo, and stuck a Pin in every Joint about me. I ftill crica: Upon which, the lays me on my Face in her Lap; and to quiet me, tell a nailing in all the the Pins, by clapping me on the Back, and skreaming a Lullaby. But my Pain made me exalt my Voice above hers, which brought up the Nurfe, the Witch I firft faw and my Grandmother. The Girl is turn'd down Stairs, and I stripp'd again, as well to find what ail'd me, as to fatisfy my Granam's further Curiofi- 5 ty. This good old Woman's Vifit was the Caufe of all my Troubles. You are to understand, That I was hitherto, bred by Hand, and any Body that ftood next, gave me Pap, if I did but open my Lips; infomuch, that I was grown fo cunning, as to pretend my felf afleep when I was not, to prevent my being cramm'd. But my Grandmother began a loud Lecture upon the Idlenefs of the Wives of this Age, who, for Fear of their Shapes, forbear fuckling their own Offfpring And Ten Nurfes were immediately fent G for; one was whisper'd to have a wanton Eye, and would foon fpoil her Milk; another was in a Confumption ; the Third had an ill Voice, and would frighten me, inftead of lulling me to fleep. Such Exceptions were made against all but one Country Milch-Wench, to whom I was committed, and put to the Breaft. This carelefs Jade was eternally romping with the Footmen, and downright starved me; infomuch that I daily pined away, and fhould never have been reliev'd, had it not been, that on the Thirtieth Day of my Life, a Fellow of the Royal Society, who had writ upon Cold Baths, came to vifit me, and folemnly protefted, I was utterly loft for want of that Method: Upon which he fous'd me Head and Ears into a Pail of Water, where. I had the good Fortune to be drowned, and fo escap'd belafh'd into a Linguift till Sixteen, running ing after Wenches till Twenty five, and being married to an ill natured Wife till Sixty: Which had certainly been my Fate, had not the Inchant ment 13 تا ment between Body and Soul been broke by this Philofopher. Thus, till the Age I fhould have otherwife liv'd. I am oblig'd to watch the Steps of Men; and if you please, shall accompany you in your prefent Walks, and get you Intelligence from the Aerial Lacquey, who is in Waiting, what are the Thoughts and Purposes of any whom you enquire for. I accepted his kind Offer, and immediately took him with me in an Hack to White's. 1 White's Chocolate-house, May 13. We got in hither, and my Companion threw 3 a Powder round us, that made me as invilible as himself; fo that we could fee and hear all others, our felves unfeen and unheard. ما The firft Thing we took Notice of, was a Nobleman) of a goodly and frank Afpect, with his generous Birth and Temper vifible in it, playing at Cards with a Creature of a black and horrid Countenance, wherein were plainly delineated the Arts of his Mind, Coufenage and Falfhood. They were marking their Game with Counters, on which we could fee Infcriptions, imperceptible to any but us. My Lord had feor'd with Pieces of Ivory, on which were writ, Good Fame, Glory, Riches, Honour, and PoBerity. The Spectre over-against him had on his Counters the Infcriptions of Dishonour, Impudence, Poverty, Ignorance, and Want of Shame. Blefs me! faid I Sure my Lord does not fee what he plays for! As well as I do, fays Pacolet. He defpifes that Fellow he plays with, and fcorns himfelf for making him his Companion. At the very Inftant he was fpeaking, I faw the Fellow who play'd with my Lord, hide Two Cards in the Roll of his Stocking: Pacolet immediately ttole 'em from thence; upon which the Noble man man foon after won the Game. The little Triumph he appeared in, when he got fuch a triAing Stock of ready Money, tho' he had ventured fo great Sums with Indifference, increas'd my Admiration. But Pacolet began to talk to me. Mr. Ifaac, This to you looks wonderful, but not at all to us higher Beings That Noble has as many good Qualities as any Man. of his Order, and feems to have no Faults but what, as I may fay, are Exc:efcencies from Virtues. He is Generous to a Prodigality, more Affable than is confiftent with his Quality, and Couragious to a Rafhnefs. Yet, after all this, the Source of his whole Conduct is (tho' he would hate himself if he knew it) meer Avarice. The Ready Cafh laid before the Gamefter's Counters makes him venture, as you fee, and lay Diftintion against Infamy, Abundance against Want in a Word, all that's defirable against all that's to be avoided. However, faid I, be fure you difappoint the Sharpers to Night, and teal from 'em all the Cards they hide. Pacolet obey'd me, and my Lord went Home with their whole Bank in his Pocket. Will's Coffee-hofe, May 13. To Night was acted a Second Time a Comedy, call'd, The Bufie Body: This Play is written by a Lady. In old Times, we us'd to fit upon a Play here after it was acted; but now the Entertainment is turn'd another Way; not but there are confiderable Men appea in all Ages, who, for fome eminent Quality or Invention, deferve the Efteem and Thanks of the Publick. Such a Benefector is a Gentleman of this Houfe, who is obferved by the Surgeons with much Envy; for 5 he has invented an Engine for the Prevention of Harms by Love-Adventures, and by great Care and Application, hath made it an Immodefty to name his Name. This Act of Self-denial has gain'd น gain'd this worthy Member of the Commonwealth a great Reputation. Some Law-givers have departed from their Abodes for ever, and commanded the Obfervation of their Laws till their Return; others have used other Artifices to fly the Applaufe of their Merit; but this Perfon fhuns Glory with greater Addrefs, and has, by giving his Engine his own Name, made it obfcene to speak of him more. However, he is rank'd among, and receiv'd by the modern Wits, as a great Promoter of Gallantry and Pleasure. But I fear, Pleafure is lefs underftood in this Age, which fo much pretends to it, than in any fince the Creation. 'Twas admirably faid of him who firit took Notice, That (Res eft fervera Voluptas) there is a certain Severity in Pleasure. Without that, all Decency is banished; and if Reafon is not to be prefent at our greatest Satisfactions, of all the Races of 3 Creatures, the Humane is the most miferable. It was not fo of old; when Virgil defcribes a A Wit, he always means a virtuous Man; and all his Sentiments of Men of Genius are fuch as fhow Perfons diftinguished from the common Level of Mankind, fuch as placed Happiness in the Contempt of low Fears, and mean Gratifications Fears, which we are fubject to with the Vulgar; and Pleafures, which we have in common with Beafts. With thefe, illuftrious Perfonages, the wifeft Man was the greatelt Wit; and none was thought worthy of that Character, unless he answered this excellent Defcription of the Poet: Qui Metus omnes inexorabile Fatum We had this Morning Advice, That fome Englifh Merchant Ships, convoyed by the Bristol of 54 Guns, were met with by a Part of Monf. du |