Letters to Sara: The Agony of Adult Sibling Loss

Even when the bond with an adult brother or sister is extremely close, it seems that the ones who get the bulk of the concern after a sibling dies are the spouse and children (and the parents, if still living), not the brother or sister. When Anne McCurry's sister Sara died of breast cancer at age 54, Anne was devastated at losing her hero and best friend. She found little help or information anywhere in dealing with the overwhelming grief of adult sibling loss.

Adding to the anguish of losing her only sister was the bewildering behavior of Sara's husband of 24 years, which included a total absence of grief and an immediate search for a new woman. Anne had a terrible need to "talk" to Sara about her paralyzing grief and about her brother-in-law's surprising behavior. She began writing letters to Sara, which became the basis for this non-fiction book.

Interwoven throughout the letters is the story of Sara's illness, as well as discussion of numerous aspects of grief such as anticipatory grief, the stages of grieving, anniversary grief, survivor's guilt and the universality of grief. The letters also reveal Anne's dogged attempt to solve the mystery of her brother-in-law's hurtful behavior. In the end, she does.

Written with poignancy, insight and some humor, Letters to Sara is a must read for anyone who has lost a much loved sibling.