Mark Twain's (burlesque) Autobiography and First Romance

While going through the possessions of a decreased guest who owed them money, the mistress of the inn and her son find a treasure map that leads them to a pirate's fortune.

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Seite 35 - THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT This is the farmer sowing his corn, That kept the cock that crowed in the morn, That waked the priest all shaven and shorn, That married the man all tattered and torn, That kissed the maiden all forlorn, That milked the cow with the crumpled horn, That tossed the dog That worried the cat That killed the rat That ate the malt That lay in the house that Jack built.
Seite 16 - I will remark here, in passing, that certain ancestors of mine are so thoroughly well known in history by their aliases, that I have not felt it to be worth while to dwell upon them, or even mention them in the order of their birth. Among these may be mentioned RICHARD BRINSLEY TWAIN, alias Guy Fawkes ; JOHN WENTWORTH TWAIN, alias Sixteen-String Jack; WILLIAM HOGARTH TWAIN, alias Jack Sheppard ; ANANIAS TWAIN, alias Baron Munchausen ; JOHN GEORGE TWAIN, alias Capt.
Seite 4 - ... suddenly. Augustus Twain seems to have made something of a stir about the year 1160. He was as full of fun as he could be, and used to take his old sabre and sharpen it up, and get in a convenient place on a dark -night, and stick it through people as they went by, to see them jump. He was a born humorist. But he got to going too far with it ; and the first time he was found stripping one of these parties, the authorities removed one end of him, and put it up on a nice high place on Temple Bar,...
Seite 18 - The reader of this little pamphlet will see that it is only of his ancestors that Mark Twain writes. "My own history," he says, "would really seem so tame contrasted with that of my ancestors, that it is simply wisdom to leave it unwritten until I am hanged." As Mr. Clemens has written his autobiography, and as, according to latest accounts, he is still unhanged, he apparently has changed his mind — a feat for which we should all be profoundly thankful. As an autobiographer, Mark is simply immense....
Seite 27 - Now it hath come to pass that age hath laid its hand upon my brother, and he waxes feeble. The cares of state do tax him sore, therefore he wills that you shall come to him and be already duke in act, though not yet in name. Your servitors are ready— you journey forth to-night.
Seite 12 - He converted sixteen TWAIN (From the burlesque autobiography of Mark Twain) thousand South Sea islanders, and taught them that a dog-tooth necklace and a pair of spectacles was not enough clothing to come to divine service in. His poor flock loved him very, very dearly; and when his funeral was over, they got up in a body (and came out of the restaurant) with tears in their eyes, and saying, one to another, that he was a good, tender missionary, and they wished they had some more of him.
Seite 2 - NEW YORK AGENTS FOR THE WALTHAM WATCH. Designs made to Order, and Estimates given, Free of Charge. Goods sent per Express, COD Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1871, by SHELDON & CO., In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.
Seite 14 - ... seventeenth round the awe-stricken savage said solemnly that that man was being reserved by the Great Spirit for some mighty mission, and he dared not lift his sacrilegious rifle against him again, the narrative seriously impairs the integrity of history. What he did say was: " It ain't no (hie !) no use. 'At man's so drunk he can't stan1 still long enough for a man to hit This is the Rat 'that ate the Malt that lay in the House that Jack built. him. I (hie !) / can't 'ford to fool away any more...

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