Page. A cur, Sir.

Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; can there be more said? he is good, and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?

Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.

Eva. It is spoke as a Christian ought to speak. Shal. He hath wrong'd me, master Page. Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. Shal. If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is not that so, master Page? He hath wrong'd me; indeed, he hath;-at a word, he hath;-believe me;-Robert Shallow, Esquire, saith he is wrong'd.

Page. Here comes Sir John.

Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and
Pistol.
Fal. Now, master Shallow; you'll complain
of me to the king?

Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge: this shall be answer'd.

Fal. I will answer it straight;-I have done all this-That is now answer'd.

Shal. The Council shall know this.

Fal. "Twere better for you, if it were known in counsel: you'll be laugh'd at.

Eva. Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts. Fal. Good worts!1 good cabbage.-Slender, I broke your head; what matter have you against me?

Slen. Marry, Sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket. Bar. You Banbury cheese! Slen Ay, it is no matter. Pist. How now, Mephostophilus? Slen. Ay, it is no matter.

Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice! that's my humour.

Slen. Where's Simple, my man?-can you tell, cousin?

myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter. [them.

P. We three, to hear it, and end it between Eva. Ferry goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can. Fal, Pistol,

Pist. He hears with ears.

Eva. What phrase is this, He hears with ear! Why, it is affectations.

F. Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse? Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he (or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else), of seven groats in ill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards,1 that cost me two shillings and twopence a-piece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.

Fal. Is this true, Pistol?

Eva. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse. Pist. Ha,thou mountain-foreigner!-Sir John, and master mine,

I combat challenge of this latten bilbo :2
Word of denial in thy labras here;
Word of denial; froth and scum, thou liest.
Slen. By these gloves, then 'twas he.

Nym. Be advised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say,marry trap, with you if you run the nuthook's humour on me; that is the very note of it.

Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John?

Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Eva. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!

Bard. And being fap,5 sir, was, as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careires.

S. Ay, you spake in Latin then too: but 'tis no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. Eva. That is a virtuous mind.

Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

Enter Mistress Anne Page with wine; Mistress Ford and Mistress Page following. Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within. [Exit Anne Page. Slen. O heaven! this is mistress Anne Page. Page. How now, mistress Ford?

F. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are verywell met: by your leave, good mistress. [Kissing her.

Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome:-Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.

[Exeunt all but Shal., Slender, and Evans. Slen. I had rather than forty shillings, I had my book of Songs and Sonnets here:

Enter Simple.

I understand: that is-master Page, fidelicet, master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet,

1 The ancient name of all the cabbage kind.

must wait on myself, must I? You have not The Book of Riddles about you, have you?

Sim. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas ? 1

Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz; There is, as 'twere a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here;-Do you understand me? Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Slen. So I do, sir.

Eva. Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well,

Anne. The dinner attends you, sir.

Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth: Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon my cousin Shallow: [Exit Simple.] A justice of peace sometime may be beholden to his friend for a man :-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: But what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit, till you come.

Slen. I'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did.

Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in.

Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you: I bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, three veneys1 for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my

Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir.

Eva. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page.

Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands.

Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth;-Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?

Sh. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason.

Eva. Nay, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.

Shal. That you must: Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason.

Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz: Can you love the maid?

Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt; but if you say, marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

Era. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely ;-his meaning is good.

Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
St. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la.

Re-enter Anne Page.

Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne:-Would I were young, for your sake, mistress Anne! Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships' company.

Shal. I will wait on himn, fair mistress Anne. Eva. I will not be absence at the grace.

[Exeunt Shallow and Sir H. Evans. 4 Wil't please your worship to come in, sir? 1 (An intentional blunder.j

town?

Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.

Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it, as any man in England:-You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, sir.

Slen. That's meat and drink to me now: I have seen Sackerson2 loose, twenty times: and have taken him by the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shrick'd at it, that it pass'd3:-but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favoured rough things. Re-enter Page.

we stay for you. Page. Come, gentle master Slender, come;

Slen. I'll eat nothing; I thank you, sir. Puge. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, sir; come, come.

Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way.

Page. Come on, sir.

Fal. Mine host of the Garter,Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly, and wisely.

Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers.

Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag: trot, trot.

Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week.

Host. Thou art an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host.

Host. I have spoke; let him follow: Let me see thee froth, and lime: I am at a word; follow. [Exit Host.

Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade; an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered servingman, a fresh tapster; Go, adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive. [Exit Bard. Pist. O base Gongarian1 wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?

Nym. His mind is not heroick, and there's the humour of it.

Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time.

Nym. The good humour is, to steal at a minute's rest.

Pist. Convey, the wise it call: Steal! foh, a fico for the phrase!

Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Pist. Why, then, let kibes ensue. Fal. There is so remedy; I must shift. Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.

Pist. Two yards and more.

Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation; I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be English'd rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's.

Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. N. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass? Fal. Now; the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse.

Pist. To her, boy, say I.

Nym. The humour rises; it is good.

Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too; she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and 1 Hungarian. 3 Chapped feet. 2 A tig.

West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! Nym. I will run no base humour; here, take the humour letter; I will keep the 'haviour of reputation.

Fal. Hold, sirrah, [To Rob.] bear you these letters tightly1;

Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.Rogues, hence avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go; Trudge, plod away,o' the hoof; seek shelter,pack! Falstaff will learn the humour of this age, French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page. [Exeunt Falstaff and Robin. Pist. Let vultures gripe thee, for gourd and fullam 2 hold,

And high and low beguile the rich and poor: Tester I'll have in pouch, when thou shalt lack, Base Phrygian Turk!

Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge.

I

Pist. Wilt thou revenge?

Nym. By welkin, and her star!

Pist. With wit, or steel!

Nym. With both the humours, I:

will discuss the humour of this love to Page. Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfold,

How Falstaff, varlet vile,

His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
And his soft couch defile.

Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness 5, for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humour.

Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt.

SCENE IV.-A ROOM IN DR CAIUS'S HOUSE

Enter Mrs Quickly, Simple, and Rugby.

Quick. What; John Rugby!-I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, master doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i'faith, and find any body in the house, here will be an old abusing of the king's English. Rug. I'll go watch.

[Exit Rugby.

Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for 't soon at night, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no telltale, nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer: he is something peevish that but nobody but has his fault;-but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And master Slender's your master? Sim. Ay, forsooth.

way:

Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring knife?

S. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-coloured beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall? a man of 1 Cleverly. 4 Instigate. 6 Breeder of quarrels. 2 False dice. 5 Jealousy. 7 Brave.

his hands, as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener.

Quick. How say you?-O, I should remember him; does he not hold up his head, as it were? and strut in his gait?

Sim. Yes, indeed, does he.

Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune. Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master; Anne is a good girl, and I wish

Re-enter Rugby.

Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master. Q. We shall all be shent 1: Run in here, good young man; go into this closet. [Shuts Simple in the closet. He will not stay long.-What, John Rugby! John, what, John, I say!-Go, John, go enquire for my master; I doubt he be not well, that he comes not home:and [Sings.

down, down, adown-a, &c.

Enter Dr Caius.

Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys; Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box; Do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.

Q. Ay forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad he went not in himself; if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. [Aside. Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi,il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais à la cour,-la grande affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir?

C. Ouy; mette le au mon pocket; Dépéche, quickly.-Vere is dat knave Rugby? Quick. What, John Rugby! John! Rug. Here, sir.

Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court.

Rug. "Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

C. By my trot, I tarry too long:-Od's me! Qu'ayj'oublié? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad.

Caius. Vat is in my closet?-Villany? larron! [Pulling Simple out.] Rugby, my rapier. Quick. Good master, be content. Caius. Verefore shall I be content-a? Quick. The young man is an honest man. Č. Vat shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. Quick. I beseech you, be not flegmatick; hear the truth of it. He came of an errand to me from parson Hugh.

Caius. Vell.

Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to-
Quick. Peace, I pray you.

C. Peace-a your tongue:-Speak-a your tale. Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to mistress Anne Fage for my master, in the way of marriage. Quick. This is all, indeed, la: but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and heed not.

Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you?-Rugby, baillez me some paper:-Tarry you a little-a while.

[Writes. Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been

1 Scolded.

thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud, and so melancholy:-But nothwithstanding, man, I'll do your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master,-I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself;

Sim. "Tis a great charge, to come under one body's hand.

Quick. Are you avis'd o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early and down ear; I would have no words of it ;) my master late:-but notwithstanding (to tell you in your himself is in love with mistress Anne Page; but notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind-that's neither here nor there.

Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge; I vill cut his Caius. You jack'nape: give-a dis letter to Sir troat in de park; and I will teach a scurvy jacka-nape priest to meddle or make:-you may be gone; it is not good you tarry here. [Exit Simple. Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend.

C. It is no matter-a for dat;-do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? by gar, I will kill de jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jarterre to measure our weapon;-by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page.

Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well: we must give folks leave to prate.

Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me ;-By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door:--Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt Caius and Rugby.

Quick. You shall have An fools-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that; never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there, ho? Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.

Enter Fenton.

Fent. How now, good woman; how dost thou? Quick. The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask.

F. What news? how does pretty mistress Anne? Q. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle: and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it.

Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not loose my suit?

Q. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above; but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book she loves you:-Have not your worship a wart above your eye?

Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that?

Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale;-good faith, it is such another Nan;-but, I detest,1 an honest maid as ever broke bread:-We had an hour's talk of that wart;-I shall never laugh but in that maid's company!-But, indeed, she has given too much to allicholly and musing: But for you-Well, go to.

F.Well, I shall see her to-day: Hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf:-if thou seest her before me, commend me1 (I protest.)

SCENE I.-BEFORE PAGE'S HOUSE. Enter Mistress Page with a letter. Mrs Page. What! have I'scaped love-letters in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see: [Reads Ask me no reason why I love you; for though love use reason for his precisian,1 he admits him not for his counsellor: You are not young, no more am I: go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry, so am I; Ha! ha! then there's more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; Would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, mis tress Page (at the least, if the love of a soldier can suffice), that I love thee. I will not say, pity me, 'tis not a soldierlike phrase; but I say, love me. By me,

Thine own true knight,
By day or night,
With all his might,
For thee to fight,

JOHN FALSTAFF.

O wicked, wicked world !-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! -What should I say to him?-I was then frugal of my mirth.-Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be.

Enter Mistress Ford.

Mrs Ford. Mrs Page! trust me, I was going to your house.

Mrs Page. And trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill.

Mrs Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.

Mrs Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs Ford. Well, I do then; yet, I say, I could show you to the contrary: O, mistress Page, give me some counsel !

Mrs Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour! Mrs Page. Hang the trifle, woman:-take the honour: What is it?-dispense with trifles;what is it?

Mrs Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment, I could be knighted. Mrs Page. What?-Sir Alice Ford! Mrs Ford. We burn daylight-here, read, 1 One rigidly exact.

read ;-perceive how I might be knighted,—I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: And yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere and keep place together, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Green sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in him, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think, the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire have melted him.-Did you ever hear the like? Mrs Page. Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs!-To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill-opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters writ with blank space for different names (sure more), and these are of the second edition: He will print them out of doubt.

Mrs Ford. Why this is the very same; the very hand, the very words: What doth he think of us?

Mrs Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not,acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Let's be revenged on him; let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit: and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses to mine host of the Garter.

Mrs Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villainy against him, that may not sully the chariness1 of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy.

Mrs Page. Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance.

Mrs Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight: Come hither. [They retire. Enter Ford, Pistol, Page, and Nym. Ford. Well, I hope it be not so. Pist. Hope is a curtail2 dog in some affairs: Sir John affects thy wife.

Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. [poor, Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich and Both young and old, one with another, Ford; He loves thy gally-mawfry;3 Ford, perpend.+ Ford. Love my wife?

[thou

Pist. With liver burning hot: Prevent, or go Like Sir Actæon he, with Ring-wood at thy heels: 0, odious is the name!

Ford. What name, sir?

Pist. The horn, I say: Farewell. [night: Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do Away, sir corporal Nym.[sing.

Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit Pistol." Ford. I will be patient; I will find out this.