SCENE IV.-OLIVIA'S GARDEN. Enter Olivia and Maria. O. I have sent after him: He says, he'll come; How shall I feast him? what bestow on him? For youth is bought more oft, than begg'd, or I speak too loud. [borrow'd. Where is Malvolio?-he is sad, and civil, And suits well for a servant with my fortunes;Where is Malvolio? Mar. He's coming, madam; But in strange manner. He is sure possess'd. Oli. Why, what's the matter? does he rave? Ματ. No, madam, He does nothing but smile; your ladyship Were best have guard about you if he come; For, sure, the man is tainted in his wits. Oli. Go call him hither. I'm as mad as he, If sad and merry madness equal be.— Enter Malvolio. How now, Malvolio? Mal. Sweet lady, ho, ho. [Smiles fantastically. Oli. Smil'st thou? I sent for thee upon a sad1 occasion. Mal. Sad, lady? I could be sad: This does make some obstruction in the blood, this crossgartering: But what of that, if it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true sonnet is: Please one, and please all. Oli. Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee? Mal. Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs: it did come to his hands, and commands shall be executed. I think, we do know the sweet Roman hand. Oli. Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio? Oli. Thy yellow stockings? Mal. And wished to see thee cross-gartered. Oli. Cross-gartered? Mal. Go to: thou art made, if thou desirest to be so; Oli. Am I made? Mal. If not, let me see thee a servant still. Oli. Why, this is very midsummer madness. Enter Servant. Serv. Madam, the young gentlemen of the Count Orsino's is returned; I could hardly entreat him back: he attends your ladyship's pleasure. Oli. I'll come to him. [Exit Servant.] Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him; I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry. [Exeunt Olivia and Maria. Mal. Oh, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than Sir Toby to look to me? This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him on purpose that I may appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that in the letter. Cast thy humble slough, says she: be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants,-let thy tongue tang with arguments of state,-put thyself into the trick of singularity:- -and, consequently, sets down the manner how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful! And, when she went away now, Let this fellow be looked to: Fellow !1 not Malvolio, nor after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres together; that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance,-What can be said? Nothing, that can be, can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked. Re-enter Maria, with Sir Toby Belch, and Fabian. Sir To. Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? I'll speak to him. Fab. Here he is, here he is:-How is't with you, sir? how is't with you, man? Mal. Go off; I discard you, let me enjoy my Oli. Heaven comfort thee! Why dost thou private ;_go off. smile so, and kiss thy hand so oft? Mar. How do you, Malvolio? Mal. At your request? Yes; Nightingales answer daws. Mar. Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady? [writ. Mal. Be not afraid of greatness: 'Twas well Oli. What meanest thou by that, Malvolio? Mal. Some are born great,Oli. Ha? 1 Grave. Mar. Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell you?-Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him. Mal. Ah, ha! does she so? Sir To. Go to, go to; peace, peace, we must deal gently with him; let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is't with you? What, man! defy the devil: consider he's an enemy to mankind. Mal. Do you know what you say? Mur. La you, an you speak ill of the devil, 1 Companion how he takes it at heart! Pray heaven, he be not bewitched! My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say. Sir To. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace: this is not the way: Do you not see, you move him? let me alone with him. Fab. No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is rough, and will not be roughly used. Sir To. Why how now, my bawcock?1 how dost thou, chuck? Mal. Sir? Sir To. Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'tis not for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan; Hang him, foul collier! Mal. Go hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow things: I am not of your element; you shall know more hereafter. [Exit. Sir To. Is't possible? Fab. If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction. Sir To. His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man. Mar. Nay, pursue him now; lest the device take air, and taint. Fab. Why, we shall make him mad, indeed. Sir To. Come, we'll have him in a dark room, and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he is mad; we may carry it thus, for our pleasure, and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time, we will bring the device to the har, and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see. Enter Sir Andrew Ague-cheek. Fab. More matter for a May morning. Sir To. If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: I'll giv't him. Mar. You may have very fit occasion for't; he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart. Sir To. Go, Sir Andrew; scout me for him at the corner of the orchard, like a bailiff: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest, swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft, that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away. Sir And. Nay, let me alone for swearing. [Exit. Sir To. Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behaviour of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less; therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth; he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Ague-cheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman (as, I know his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so frighten them both, that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices. Enter Olivia and Viola. Fab. Here he comes with your niece: give them way, till he take leave, and presently after him. Sir To. I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge. [Exeunt Sir Toby, Fabian, and Maria. Oli. I have said too much unto a heart of stone, Sir And. Here's the challenge, read it; I And laid mine honour too unchary out: warrant, there's vinegar and pepper in't. Fab. Is't so sawcy? Sir And. Ay is it, I warrant him; do but read. Sir To. Give me. [Reads.] Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow. Fab. Good and valiant. Sir To. Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't. Fab. A good note: that keeps you from the blow of the law. Sir To. Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest | in thy throat, that is not the matter I challenge thee for. F. Very brief, and exceeding good sense-less. Sir To. I will way-lay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me,———— Fab. Good. Sir To. Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain. Fab. Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: Good. There's something in me, that reproves my fault; Vio. With the same 'haviour that your passion 0. Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture; master. Oli. How with mine honour may I give him Which I have given to you? [that Vio. I will acquit you. Oli. Well, come again to-morrow: Fare thee well. [Exit. Re-enter Sir Toby Belch and Fabian. Sir To. Gentleman, heaven save thee. Vio. And you, sir. Sir To. That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full Sir To. Fare thee well: And God have mercy of despight, bloody as the hunter, attends thee upon one of our souls! He may have mercy upon at the orchard end: dismount thy tuck,1 be mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thy-yare2 in thy preparation, for thy assailant is self. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy quick, skilful, and deadly. sworn enemy. Andrew Ague cheek. Vio. You mistake, sir; I am sure, no man 1 Beau-cock. 2 A boy's play. 1 Rapier. 2 Ready. hath any quarrel to me; my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man. Sir To. You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill and wrath, can furnish man withal. Vio. I pray you, sir, what is he? Sir To. He is knight, dubbed with unhacked rapier, and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre; hob, nob, is his word; give't or tak't. Vio. I will return again into the house, and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men, that put quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour: belike, this is a man of that quirk. Sir To. Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury; therefore get you on, and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me, which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked: for meddle you must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you. Vio. That is as uncivil, as strange. I beseech you, do me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose. Sir To. I will do so. Signor Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return. [Exit Sir To. Vio. Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter? Fab. I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more. Vio. I beseech you, what manner of man is he? Fab. Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria: Will you walk towards him? I will make your peace with him, if I can. Vio. I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one, that would rather go with sir priest, than sir knight: I care not who knows so much of my mettle. [Exeunt. Re-enter Sir Toby with Sir Andrew. Sir To. Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a virago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, and he gives me the stuck-in,1 with such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on: They say he has been fencer to the Sophy. Sir And. I'll not meddle with him. Sir To. Ay, but he will not now be pacified; Fabian can scarce hold him youder. Sir And. Plague on 't; an I thought he had been valiant, and so cunning in fence, I'd have seen him hanged ere I'd have challenged him. 1 Stoccato, a term in fencing. Let him let the matter slip, and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet. Sir To. I'll make the motion: Stand here, make a good show on 't; this shall end without the perdition of souls. [Aside.] Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you. Re-enter Fabian and Viola. [To Fab.] I have his horse to take up the quarrel; I have persuaded him the youth's a devil. Fab. He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants, and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels. Sir To. There's no remedy, sir; he will fight with you for his oath's sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for the supportance of his vow: he protests, he will not hurt you. Vio. [Aside.] Pray heaven defend me! A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a man. Fab. Give ground, if you see him furious. Sir To. Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you: he cannot by the duello1 avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on; to't. Sir A. Pray heaven, he keep his oath! [Draws. Enter Antonio. V.I do assure you, 'tis against my will. [Draws. Ant. Put up your sword;-if this young Have done offence, I take the fault on me; gentleman If you offend him, I for him defy you. [Drawing. Sir To. You, sir? why, what are you? Than you have heard himn brag to you he will. A. One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more Sir To. Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you. [Draws. Enter two Officers. Fab. O good Sir Toby, hold; here come the officers. Sir To. I'll be with you anon. [To Antonio. Vio. Pray, sir, put up your sword if you please. [To Sir Andrew. Sir And. Marry, will I, sir;-and, for that I promised you, I'll be as good as my word; He will bear you easily, and reins well. 1 Off. This is the man, do thy office. 2 Off. Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit Of Count Orsino. Ant. 1 Off. No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well, Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.Take him away; he knows I know him well. You do mistake me, sir. Ant. [To Viola.] I must obey.-This comes with seeking you; But there's no remedy; I shall answer it. What will you do? Now my necessity Makes me to ask you for my purse: It grieves mc Much more, for what I cannot do for you, Than what befalls myself. You stand amaz'd; But be of comfort. 2 Off. Come, sir, away. A. I must entreat of you some of that money 1 Laws of duel, Out of my lean and low ability I'll lend you something: my having is not much; I'll make division of my present with you: Hold, there is half my coffer. Ant. Will you deny me now? Is't possible, that my deserts to you Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery, Lest that it make me so unsound a man, As to upbraid you with those kindnesses That I have done for you. Vio. I know of none; Nor know I you by voice, or any feature: I hate ingratitude more in a man, Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness, Or any taint of vice, whose strong corruption Inhabits our frail blood. Ant. O heavens themselves! 2 Off. Come, sir, I pray you, go. 4. Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here, I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death; 1 Off. What's that to us? The time goes by; away. A. But, O, how vile an idol proves this god!-Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.In nature there's no blemish, but the mind; None can be call'd deform'd, but the unkind: Virtue is beauty; but the beauteous evil Are empty trunks, o'erflourish'd by the devil. 1 Of. The man grows mad; away with him. Come, come, sir. A. Lead me on.[Exeunt Officers with Antonio. V. Methinks, his words do from such passions fly, That he believes himself; so do not I. Vio. He nam'd Sebastian; I my brother know [Exit. Act Fourth. SCENE I. THE STREET BEFORE OLIVIA'S HOUSE. Enter Sebastian and Clown. Clo. Will you make me believe, that I am not sent for you? Seb. Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow; Let me be clear of thee. Clo. Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her; nor your name is not master Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither.--Nothing, that is so, is so. Seb. I pr'ythee, vent thy folly somewhere else; Thou know'st not me. Clo. Vent my folly! He has heard that word of some great man, and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world, will prove a cockney.-I pr'ythee now ungird thy strangeness, and tell me what I shall vent to my lady: Shall I vent to her, that thou art coming? Seb. I pr'ythee, foolish Greek, depart from me; There's money for thee; if you tarry longer, I shall give worse payment. C. By my troth, thou hast an open hand:-These wise men, that give fools money, get themselves a good report after fourteen years' purchase. Enter Sir Andrew, Sir Toby, and Fabian. Sir And. Now, sir, have I met you again f there's for you. [Striking Sebastian. Seb. Why, there's for thee, and there, and there: Are all the people mad? [Beating Sir Andrew. Sir To. Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house. Clo. This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be in some of your coats for two-pence. [Exit Clown. Sir T. Come on, sir; hold. [Holding Sebastian. Sir A. Nay, let him alone, I'll go another way to work with him; I'll have an action of battery against him, if there be any law in Illyria: though I struck him first, yet it's no matter for that. Seb. Let go thy hand. Sir To. Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier, put up your iron; you are well fleshed; come on. [thou know? Seb. I will be free from thee. What would'st If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword. [Draws. Sir To. What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two of this malapert blood from you. [Draws. Enter Olivia. Oli. Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee, Sir To. Madam? [hold. Oli. Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch, Fit for the mountains, and the barbarous caves, Where manners ne'er were preached! out of my Be not offended, dear Cesario:- [sight, Rudesby,1 be gone!-I pr'ythee, gentle friend, [Exeunt Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian. Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway In this uncivil and unjust extent2 1 Rude fellow. 2 Degree. Against thy peace. Go with me to my house; [Exeunt. SCENE II.-A ROOM IN OLIVIA'S HOUSE. Enter Maria and Clown. Mar. Nay, I pr'ythee, put on this gown, and this beard; make him believe thou art Sir Topas, the curate; do it quickly: I'll call Sir Toby the whilst. Exit Maria. Clo. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in't; I am not tall enough to become the function well: nor lean enough to be thought a good student: but to be said, an honest man, and a good housekeeper, goes as fairly, as to say, a careful man, and a great scholar. The competitors1 enter. Enter Sir Toby Belch and Maria. Sir To. Jove bless thee, master parson. Clo. Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of king Gorboduc, That, that is, is; so I, being master parson, am master parson; For what is that, but that? and is, but is? Sir To. To him, Sir Topas. Clo. What, hoa, I say,-Peace in this prison! Sir To. The knave counterfeits well; a good knave. Mal. [In an inner chamber.] Who calls there? Clo. Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatick. Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady. Clo. Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? talkest thou nothing but of ladies? Sir To. Well said, master parson. M. Sir Topas, never was a man thus wronged: good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad; they have laid me here in hideous darkness. Clo. Fie, thou dishonest Sathan! I call thee by the most modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with courtesy: Say'st thou, that house is dark? Mal. As hell, Sir Topas. though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abused: I am no more mad than you are; make the trial of it in any constant question.1 Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras, concerning wild-fowl? Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird. Clo. What thinkest thou of his opinion? Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion. Clo. Fare thee well: Remain thou still in darkness: thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits; and fear to kill a woodcock, less thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well, Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, Sir To. My most exquisite Sir Topas! Mar. Thou might'st have done this without thy beard, and gown; he sees thee not. Sir To. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were; for I am now so far in offence with my niece, that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber. [Exeunt Sir Toby and Maria. Clo. Hey Robin, jolly Robin, Tell me how thy lady does. [Singing. Mal. Fool. Clo. My lady is unkind, perdy. Clo. Alas, why is she so? Clo. She loves another-Who calls, ha? Mal. Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, and paper; as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for't. Clo. Master Malvolio ! Mal. Ay, good fool. ink, C. Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits? Mal. Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused: I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art. Clo. But as well? then you are mad, indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool. Mal. They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of my wits. Clo. Advise you what you say; the minister is here.-Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore? endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble. Mal. Sir Topas Clo. Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Clo. Why, it hath bay-windows, transparent-Who, I, sir? not I, sir. God b' wi' you, good as barricadoes, and the clear stones towards the Sir Topas.-Marry, amen.-I will, sir, I will. south-north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet Mal. Fool, fool, fool, I say,complainest thou of obstruction? Mal. I am not mad, Sir Topas; I say to you, this house is dark. Clo. Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness, but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog. Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, 1 Confederates. Clo. Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking to you. Mal. Good fool, help me to some light, and some paper; I tell thee I am as well in my wits, as any man in Illyria. Clo. Well-a-day,-that you were, sir! 1 Regular conversation. 8 Scolded. 2 Any other gem as well as a Topaz. |