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of natural philosophy. They are great at impacts, angles of incidence, transmission of forces, triangulation, and other cabalistic expressions, which are supposed to give a tone to their play, and to redeem croquet from the commonplace of a garden game. A man of this class has curious theories of his own, the working out of which involves much acrobatic distortion and personal inconvenience. He takes his distances as if he were laying a gun; and then, after working out an intricate little problem in conic sections, in a small memorandum book that he carries for the purpose, he lies down on the grass at an ascertained distance from the ball (A) he is going to strike, and with a horizontal sweep of the mallet, calculated with a due regard to the principles of plane trigonometry, hits his own ball, and misses the one (B) he aims at.
A fourth class of tiresome players may, perhaps, be admitted, in order to include those amiable beings who, unobjectionable in every other croquet particular, devote the intervals between their play to the cultivation of an affectionate understanding between themselves. They
are only objectionable because they keep the play waiting, and are given to making pretty little sacrifices to each other's interests, if they happen to be on different sides. This is an amiable weakness, but reprehensible, because it is traitorous to the other players on their respective sides, who perhaps may not feel as enthusiastic in the cause
of the interesting opponents as the interesting opponents themselves. It is to this class that I myself belong.
The game of croquet has become so general an amusement in summer months, that I am surprised that appropriate emblematic costumes have not been invented for the benefit of enthusiastic players. The cricketer has his shirt covered with portraits of eminent cricketers (who are wonderfully alike, and all with tall white hats-the last form of head-dress that one would think a cricketer would select); the boating man has skiffs innumerable floating on the wide expanse of his manly chest; the sporting man has horsy emblems about him; the doggy man is a walking kennel; the amateur actor wears Shakespearian shirt-studs stuck into a ballet-girl shirt. Why should not the croquet player be equally distinguished? I am not great at fashionprints; but as no professional fashion-artist has thought it worth his while to suggest an appropriate croquet costume, I am induced to do my best to supply the deficiency.
(To the Editor of THE BROADWAY.)
SIR,-Having spoken to Mrs. Brown on the subject of literature in general, and of your new periodical in particular, I am happy to be able to convey to you the opinions of that excellent woman on both subjects. It will be easily discovered, by even a cursory perusal of the annexed paper, that Mrs. Brown is not only a hard reader, but a deep thinker; and, as such, her testimony on any subject connected with literature must be invaluable. With these few words of introduction, I will leave Mrs. Brown to speak for herself, and merely subscribe myself, Yours very truly,
Mrs. Brown on Periodical Literature.
WELL, in course, readin' and writin' is noble things, and werry proper in their places; but I'm sure what that writin' is come to now-a-days with the penny post, nobody wouldn't believe; for that gal of mine, she's a-writin' 'er letters mornin', noon, and night.
I says to 'er, "If ever I ketches you a-writin' your foolishness all
over my dresser in the middle of the day again, and a-neglectin' of your work, I'll put all the lot behind the fire, and you may suit yourself, for you won't suit me."
Bless you, every hinstant of that gal's time she's a-writin', and wherever she can get the money from for them antelopes and paper as she uses by the oshun, you wouldn't credit.
Not as she's a bit partickler about makin' free with them as belongs to others, as I'm sure the gal as lived along with me when I did used to let lodgins, she did make free with their things, as wasn't never, no more stationary the minit as their backs was turned; and yet not a gal as ever tampered with the tea-caddy, nor yet purloined the pickles, and you might 'ave trusted with a cut joint by the week, and never miss a mouthful; not as ever any servant in my 'ouse need take the wittles as always 'as what I 'ave myself, even to stewed petty-toes for supper, for I'd scorn to eat up every bit myself, as I considers 'oggish.
As to the readin', it's wuss than the writin', for I'm sure them papers is that full o' 'orrors as gives you the cold shudders; as I says to Brown of a Sunday arternoon, "I don't want to 'ear no more of them awful murders;" and as to many things in them papers, I do believe as they inwents them for the sake of them as likes for to 'car about sich beastly ways.
But I must say, as I likes to 'ave anythink as is interestin' read to me out loud, the same as Jane Seamore did used to, as were obligated for to lay flat on 'er back, through a crooked spine, on a deal board; and I did used to take my work, and set along with her many and many a time, and would again, though 'er mother and me 'ave 'ad words, and not spoke for ever so long, about Mrs. Grimshaw, as I will 'ave as Mr. Clarkson neglected shamefully, through bein' the parish doctor.
I'm sure the way as that poor gal, a-layin' on the flat o' her back, would read, was wonderful, and never know'd her spell a word and not try back one time in a 'undred.
The 'istories as she'd read was wonderful, all about them times when parties did used to go about all over England, with nothink on but a bit of blue paint, as must 'ave been chilly work, I should say, and nothink for to live upon but acorns and mistletoe, as I do not believe could 'ave kep' life and soul together.
I'm sure, who'd be a king and queen, I can't think, for the way as they did used to treat 'em was downright shameful, a-'ackin' on 'em to bits in battles, and a-shootin' on 'em in the eye with a harrow, let alone cuttin' off their 'eads, as I think it was Charles the Twelfth. Not as them kings was much account neither, as was a dusty lot with their wives and their beauties, and treatin' 'em werry bad, as one 'ad
six on 'em as he went and cut off one arter the other.
Certainly, I did pity them princes as was smothered quite cool by their own uncle in the Tower, as I've seen myself, as must 'ave been a black-'arted willin, as they do say was born with teeth the same as King John the Third, as was a gloomy tyrant, as lost all 'is things at the wash, as he took to 'art that deep as to die on it; as seemed a foolish act, tho' werry aggrawatin', the same as 'appened to poor Mrs. Symons, as 'ad the clothes-basket cut off the back of the cart, with a whole family's linen, as made her pay to the last farthin'; and never will I believe as them shirts was worth the money, as twelve and sixpence a piece is a long price, tho' calico 'ave been that frightful high as not a bit of decent print to be 'ad under tenpence and a shillin'; but as I was a-sayin', I don't believe a word about that ere
good Queen Bess, as did ought to 'ave been ashamed of 'erself a-cuttin' off parties 'eads, and should like to know 'ow she'd 'ave liked it 'erself, a old cat; and as for a-sayin' as Queen Wictoria is like her, why it's a downright insult.
But, law bless me, to think about poor King George bein' that mad and shet up, like any other poor deluded maniac, and obligated for to 'ave a Regent over 'im as was 'is own son, as certainly did not seem natural for to turn agin 'is own father; but what could you espect from a man as will turn on 'is own wife? As I've 'eard my dear mother often talk about Queen Caroline, as tried for to bust open the doors of Westminster Abbey, and would 'ave done it too, if it 'adn't been as the Lord Mayor 'eld 'er back; as it's a mercy as all London wasn't swimmin' with gore, thro' a-fightin' for 'er body to pass thro' Temple Bar, as one young man were shot dead, as was poor spite agin a dead body; as no doubt she 'ad 'er faults, but certainly that ere Regent he was a beauty, he was, for to find fault with a wife a'ready as were a Roman, so couldn't be lawful queen.
I'm sure in my opinion it would be as well not to 'ave so many of them 'istories wrote, a-rakin' up all them bygones as 'ad better be bygones, and aint pleasant for to see in print about your own relations, as, in course, a grandfather is, tho' distant; and well I remember mine, as was a kind-'arted old soul, and did use to bring me apples and parliament, but, I'm thankful for to say, never went mad, nor none of them wagaries, as may do wery well for royal families, but wouldn't suit me.
I must say as I didn't 'old with that there Lady Dawdley's Secret, as seems for to be puttin' wrong notions in young gals 'eads, as were a artful minx, and give out as she were dead and buried in the newspapers; and if 'er poor dear 'usband didn't take on dreadful, a-frettin' arter 'er as was all the while alive and kickin', and married to old Sir Dawdley, down somewhere Essex-ways. And that poor 'usband he come down all along with a friend of his'n, as were nephew to where she was married.
But, law bless you, she was that bold, as to go and brazen it out. And if she didn't take and shove 'er real 'usband down a well on the quiet, as wouldn't never 'ave been found out, only thro' the other party, as was the nephew, a-tracin' on 'im.
Nice games that Lady Dawdley was up to a-tryin' for to get rid of that there nephew; and if she didn't go and set fire to a 'ouse where he was a-stoppin', in the 'opes of burnin' 'im in 'is bed, the wicked 'ussey.