thy French Man, who accidentally paffed that way, and being a Man naturally of a withered Look, and hard Features, promised himself good Succefs. He was placed upon a Table in the great Point of View, and looking upon the Company like Milton's Death,

Grinn'd horribly a Ghaftly Smile.

HIS Mufcles were fo drawn together on each Side of his Face, that he fhewed twenty Teeth at a Grinn, and put the Country in fome Pain, left a Foreigner fhould carry away the Honour of the Day; but upon a further Trial they found he was Mafter only of the Merry Grinn.

THE next that mounted the Table was a Malecontent in thofe Days, and a great Master of the whole Art of Grinning, but particularly excelled in the angry Grinn. He did his Part fo well, that he is faid to have made half a Dozen Women mifcarry; but the Juftice being apprifed by one who flood near him, that the Fellow who grinned in his Face was a Jacobite, and being unwilling that a Difaffected Perfon fhould win the Gold Ring, and be looked upon as the best Grinner in the Country, he ordered the Oaths to be tendered unto him upon his quitting the Table, which the Grinner refufing, he was fet afide as an unqualified Perfon. There were feveral other Grotefque Figures that prefented themselves, which it would be too tedious to defcribe. I must not however omit a Plough-man, who lived in the further Part of the Country, and being very lucky in a Pair of Lanthorn-Jaws, wrung his Face into fuch a hideous Grimace, that every Feature of it appeared under a different Distortion. The whole Company stood aftonished at such a complicated Grinn, and were ready to affign the Prize to him, had it not been proved by one of his Antagonists that he had practifed with Verjuice for

fome

fome Days before, and had a Crab found upon him at the very time of Grinning; upon which the best Judges of Grinning declar'd it as their Opinion, that he was not to be looked upon as a fair Grinner, and therefore ordered him to be set aside as a Cheat.

THE Prize, it seems, fell at length upon a Cobler, Giles Gorgon by Name, who produced several new Grinns of his own Invention, having been ufed to cut Faces for many Years together over his Laft. At the very first Grinn he caft every humane Feature out of his Countenance, at the fecond he became the Face of a Spout, at the third a Baboon, at the fourth the Head of a Bafe-Viol, and at the fifth a Pair of Nut-crackers. The whole Affembly wondered at his Accomplishments, and bestowed the Ring on him unanimously; but, what he efteemed more than all the reft, a Country Wench whom he had wooed in vain for above five Years before, was so charmed with his Grinns, and the Applauses which he received on all Sides, that fhe married him the Week following, and to this Day wears the Prize upon her Finger, the Cobler haying made use of it as his Wedding-Ring.

THIS Paper might perhaps feem very impertinent, if it grew ferious in the Conclufion. I would nevertheless leave it to theConfideration of thosewho are the Patrons of this monstrous Trial of Skill, whether or no they are not guilty, in fome measure, of an Affront to their Species, in treating after this manner the Human Face Divine, and turning that Part of us, which has fo great an Image impreffed upon it, into the Image of a Monkey; whether the raifing fuch filly Competitions among the Ignorant, propofing Prizes for fuch useless Accomplishments, filling the common Peoples Heads with fuchtenfeJefs Ambitions, and infpiring them with such abfurd

VOL. III.

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Ideas

Ideas of Superiority and Preheminence, has not in it fomething immoral as well as ridiculous. L

N° 174.

Wednesday, September 19.

Hec memini, & victum fruftra contendere Thyrfin. Virg. HERE is fcarce any thing more common

fubfift but by their Agreement: This was well reprefented in the Sedition of the Members of the humane Body in the old Roman Fable. It is often the Cafe of leffer confederate States against a fuperior Power, which are hardly held together, though their Unanimity is neceffary for their common Safety: And this is always the Cafe of the landed and trading Interest of Great Britain; the Trader is fed by the Product of the Land, and the landed Man cannot be cloathed but by the Skill of the Trader; and yet thofe Interefts are ever jarring.

WE had last Winter an Inftance of this at our Club, in Sir ROGER DE COVERLEY and Sir ANDREW FREEPORT, between whom there is generally a conftant, though friendly, Oppofition of Opinions. It happened that one of the Company, in an hiftorical Difcourfe, was observing, that Carthaginian Faith was a proverbial Phrase to intimate Breach of Leagues. Sir ROGER faid it could hardly be otherwife: That the Carthaginians were the greatest Traders in the World; and as Gain is the chief End of such a People, they never purfue any other: The Means to it are never regarded; they will, if it comes eafily, get Money honeftly; but if not, they will not fcruple to attain it by Fraud or Cozenage: And indeed, what is the whole Bufinefs of the Trader's Accompt, but to over-reach him who trufts to his Memory? But were that not fo, what can there great and noble be expected

pected from him whofe Attention is for ever fixed upon ballancing his Books, and watching over his Expences? And at beft, let Frugality and Parfimony be the Virtues of the Merchant, how much is his punctual Dealing below a Gentleman's Charity to the Poor, or Hofpitality among his Neighbours?

CAPTAIN SENTRY obferved Sir A NDREW very diligent in hearing Sir ROGER, and had a mind to turn the Difcourfe, by taking notice in general, from the highest to the lowest Parts of humane Society, there was a fecret, tho' unjust, Way among Men of indulging the Seeds of Ill-nature and Envy, by comparing their own State of Life to that of another, and grudging the Approach of their Neighbour to their own Happineis; and on the other Side, he who is the lefs at his Eafe, repines at the other, who, he thinks, has unjustly the Advantage over him. Thus the Civil and Military Lifts look upon each other with much Ill-nature, the Soldier repines at the Courtier's Power, and the Courtier rallies the Soldier's Honour; or to come to lower Inftances, the private Men in the Horse and Foot of an Army, the Car-men and Coach-men in the City Streets, mutually look upon each other with Ill-will, when they are in Competition for Quarters or the Way, in their refpective Motions.

It is very well, good Captain, interrupted Sir ANDREW: You may attempt to turn the Difcourse if you think fit; but I must however have a Word or two with Sir ROGER, who, I fee, thinks he has paid me off, and been very fevere upon the Merchant. I fhall not, continued he, at this Time remind Sir ROGER of the great and noble Monuments of Charity and Publick Spirit which have been erected by Merchants fince the Reformation, but at prefent content my felf with what he allows us, Parfimony and Frugality. If it were confiftent

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with the Quality of fo ancient a Baronet as Sir RoGER, to keep Accompt, or measure Things by the most infallible Way, that of Numbers, he would prefer our Parfimony to his Hofpitality. If to drink fo many Hogfheads is to be Hofpitable, we do not contend for the Fame of that Virtue; but it would be worth while to confider, whether fo many Artificers at Work ten Days together by my Appointment, or fo many Peafants made merry on Sir RoGER'S Charge, are the Men more obliged? I believe the Families of the Artificers will thank me, more than the Houfholds of the Peasants shall Sir ROGER. Sir ROGER gives to his Men, but I place mine above the Neceffity or Obligation of my Bounty. I am in very little Pain for the Roman Proverb upon the Carthaginian Traders; the Romans were their profeffed Enemies: I am only forry no Carthaginian Hiftories have come to our Hands; we might have been taught perhaps by them fome Proverbs against the Roman Generofity, in fighting for and beftowing other Peoples Goods. But fince Sir ROGER has taken Occasion from an old Proverb to be out of Humour with Merchants, it should be no Offence to offer one not quite fo old in their Defence. When a Man happens to break in Holland, they fay of him that he has not kept true Accounts. This Phrafe, perhaps, among us, would appear a foft or humorous way of speaking, but with that exact Nation it bears the highest Reproach for a Man to be mistaken in the Calculation of his Expence, in his Ability to answer future Demands, or to be impertinently fanguine in putting his Credit to too great Adventure, are all Inftances of as much Infamy, as with gayer Nations to be failing in Courage and common Honefty.

NUMBERS are fo much the Measure of every thing that is valuable, that it is not poffible to demonftrate