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“ed, and strove in every possi- 1 “ demanded sleep, the fear of “ ble way to prepare myself to “ awaking in a miserable eterni. “ go to God, that I might be “ ty prevented the closing of « saved from his wrath. The “ my eyes, and nothing gave “ more I strove in this selfish “me ease. No voice of mirth, “ way the more anxious I was, “ or sound whatever was heard, “ and no hope was given. Soon " but what reminded me of the “I began to murmur and re- « awful day when God shall W pine, and accused God of the “ bring every work into judg. “ greatest injustice, in requiring “ ment. All self-righteousness “ me to turn to him, and while “ failed me, and having no confi“ I was striving with all my “ dence in God, I was left in deep “ might, as I supposed, he ap “ despondency. After a while “ peared not to regard me. I 1 " a surprising tremor seized all « considered God as obligated to “my limbs, and death appeared “ save me because I had done " to have taken hold upon me. 66 so much for him, and finding “ Eternity, the word eternity, « no relief, I wished that he sounded louder than any hu“ might not be, and began real- “ man voice I ever heard, and " ly to doubt the truths of his “ every moment of time appear“ holy word, and to disbelieve " ed infinitely more valuable
his existence, for if there were “ than all the wealth of the “ a God I perfectly hated him. 66 world. Not long after this an " I searched the scriptures dai- “ unusual calmness pervaded “ ly, hoping to find inconsisten “ my soul, which I thought little “ cies in them, to condemn the “ of at first, except that I was “ Bible because it was against s freed from my awful convic6 me; and while I was diligent- tions, and this sometimes griev“ ly pursuing my purpose, every " ed me, fearing I had lost all " thing I read, and every ser “ conviction. Soon after hear“ mon I heard, condemned me. “ ing the feelings of a Christian “ Christian conversation gave “ described, I took courage, and “ me the most painful sensa- “ thought I knew by experience « tions. I tried to repent, but what they were. The char“I could not feel the least sor- “acter of God, and the doc“ row for my innumerable sins. 65 trines of the Bible, which I “ By endeavoring to repent, I saw " could not meditate, upon be“ my heart still remained im “ fore, without hatred, especial6 penitent. Altho' I knew that “ ly, those of election and free “ I hated every thing serious, " grace, now appear delightful,
yet I determined to habituate and the only mean by which, “ myself to the duties which “ through grace, dead sinners “ God required; to see if I could“ can be made the living sons of “ not by that means be made to 6 God. My heart feels it sin6 love him, and I continued in « fulness. To confess my sins “ this state some months. The | “ to God gives me that peace, “ fear of having committed the which before I knew nothing “ unpardonable sin, now began “of.-To sorrow for it, affords “ to arise in my mind, and I “ that joy which my tongue can“ could find no rest day nor« not express. Were I sensi
night. When my weary limbs 1 « ble that at death my hope 6 would perish, yet it seemeth “ man shall see the Lord-we 6.to me now that I could not“ must be born again.” It im“ willingly quit the service of mediately occured to my mind « God, nor the company of that I was one of that descrip“ Christians ; but my unfaith
tion. 6 fulness often makes me fear L“ I had made a profession of “ my sincerity, and should I at “ religion but was conscious I “ last be raised to glory, all the “ had never felt it. This lay “ praise will be to God for the “ with great weight upon my “ exhibition of his sovereign 6 mind. As I was walking a 46 grace."
“ few evenings after this anxiety Another person, nearly forty “ began, the first thing I recolyears of age, at a private lec- “ lect, after I left the house, ture, attended April 22d, 1801, “ where I had been, I was standwas so wrought upon by the “ing still, more than half a mile word being set home upon his “ distant from the place I had heart, that he instantly became “ left, reasoning with myself, in so overcome with a sense of his “ this manner, What, must danger, that he was scarcely able “ man be born again? Is this a to stand, and looked, as he saith, “ work of the Holy Spirit ? Is .“ Round about for something to “ God sovereign having mercy " stay myself with. Fearing “ on whom he will have mercy ? .“ lest some one should ask, what “ Are not these doctrines in the « aileth thee? I endeavored to “ bible? Yes I know they are “ bear up under the pressure, as“ for I have often read them. 6 much as possible, and so con- “ Why then should we not hear “ cealed the matter. This, how " them, for all that God hath “ ever, put me upon enquiring | “ taught is good and nothing to
what I should do to be saved, “ be refused ? Surely we ought. “ for previously I had little or “ Oh, what shall I do! I will “ no anxiety about my future « not open my mouth against 6 state. Soon after this I set up “ them. Thus I was weary and “ family prayer, which I had “heavy laden, and continued un« never attempted before. In “ til Thanksgiving day, when I .“ the beginning it was hard, but “ began more sensibly to fear “ I felt it my duty and was una “ that I should be of all men the “ble to rest without it. Having “ most miserable. In the eve“ many serious thoughts, and“ ning I went again to one of my “ loving, as I imagined, the ser “ neighbors in order to divert “ vice of God, I went forward “ my awakened mind, but in “ and made a public profession “ vain. The chearly conversa“of religion, and believed all “ of my neighbor increased my “ was well until the 22d of No- “ sorrow. I wondered how “ vember following, when upon “ any could laugh or smile. “the Lord's day it was observed 6 When I returned and attempt“ in the sermon, that persons “ed to commend my house in “ might be strict in all the out “ prayer to God, I was more dis“ ward forms and duties of reli- “ tressed than ever, for I began « gion and still be in the gall of “ to feel my spiritual blindness, “ bitterness and bonds of iniqui “ especially in prayer, for my o ty, “ For without holiness no 1" form was gone, and I could
“ not recall it. I experienced forded relief, and afterwards fill“ the same again the next ed that soul with peculiar joy. “ morning. When I took my | The other was an instance of “ Bible in my hands, I had such great temptation in secret pray6 a tremor that I could not read er ; while thus distressed with “ and could scarcely speak, so temptations. “ It came into " that I went out, ashamed and “ my mind says he that I
confounded. I endeavored to “ needed divine assistance, im“ pursue my secular business, “ mediately, my whole heart and “ but it was with great indiffer- “ soul appeared to ascend to “ ence, for my soul was full of “ Heaven with this fervent pe“ anguish till by sovereign grace “ tition, That God would con“ it was brought home to God. “ descend to meet me in the “ About the middle of the day | “ closet and graciously assist me “ on Friday after, I had such “ in conquering the tempter, “ manifestations of God's love, “ that I might no more be led “ and such admiring thoughts of " captive by him at his will. I “his holy character, and of all “ do not remember all the words “ the precepts of the gospel “ I used, but I began my peti« which my soul so much de- “ tion thus, Holy, holy, holy "tested before, that I could no “ Lord God Almighty. The an6 longer hold my peace. , Iim-“ swer I received was not by an “ mediately left all, repaired to “ audible voice, but the fact that “ my dwelling and called upon “ God had heard and would “my dear companion to help “ grant my request, was as evi“ me praise the Lord. Praise “ dent as if it had been by a voice. “ the Lord, Oh, sing praises to “ This was a precious season, « our God, was the incessant " and I felt astonished at my “ language of my soul thro’ the “ stupidity, that I had never be“ day. Now I wanted all around “ fore tho't of looking to God for “ me to taste the loving kind. “ assistance. When it was morn“ ness of our God and to bless “ ing I took my Bible and re“ his holy name. Since that “ tired to my closet, and began “ time I have had a variety of “ my devotions, asking God to “ feelings and hours of darkness, “ meet with me and such sen“ but I cannot give up my hope “ sible and sweet communion 65 in Christ.”
| with God I never thought of There are two other persons “ enjoying before. I proceeded of different ages, one is in early “renewedly to enter into covenant life, who have been remarkably “ with my maker, which as it tempted and buffeted of Satan,“ appears to me I did with all as they fully believed. One of “ my heart, dedicating myself to them seemed to be forced, as it “his service, both soul and body, were, by an irresistible power « for time and eternity. I could to take life, so that a number of “ now truly say, Lord, it is good days the person feared to take a “ for me to be here. One hour knife in his hand, or any other “ spent in thy service is better sharp tool, for it seemed as tho' “ than ten thousand spent elseit must necessarily be put to the “ where. throat, even without its being de- « The night following after sired; but God in due time af- “ resting awhile, I awoke and ( felt as if I was actually encircled been no instance of any one pro" in the arms of my dear Re- fessing Godliness, that has turn
deemer. No tongue can de- ed back, or dishonored his pro6 scribe the bliss I felt. I con- fession. The tares we know “ ceived it to be what Peter ex will grow among the wheat, but 66 presseth in this manner- we have not yet discovered them. « Whom having not seen ye love Since the date of the last letter, « in whom tho' now ye see him five have been duly examined .6 not, yet believing ye rejoice with and propounded for admission
“ joy unspeakable and full of glory. unto the Church ; which, to. “ Again, these words made a gether with several more, who « deep impression upon my have probably as good a hope as “ mind, They that know thy any we have named, but parti« name will put their trust in cular circumstances have kept 56 thee.''
them out of the Church, will “For eight or ten days, suc- make the number of hopeful
cessively, I had an hour or two converts, in the late awakening, “ each morning, before light, of to surpass 100; and we hope “ enjoying the sweetest com- the glorious work has not yet “ munion with my Saviour, that ended, for there have been two .6 it is possible for finite crea- or three instances of awakenings .6 tures to enjoy, in this imper- since the communication of our “ fect state. The spirit did not last; but God only knoweth “ leave ine until it had, seem- | what is in the womb of futurity; “ ingly, led my mind to a com- and to us it belongeth to bow « prehensive view of the whole with reverence before him, giv6 character of God, and of all ing thanks at the remembrance « his precepts. Lastly, I had a of his holiness. “ most realising view of the odi JOSIAH B. ANDREWS. "ous nature of sin, and the won
Killingworth, May « derful patience of God, in bear
23, 1804. “ ing so long with impenitent
) « sinners. From that time my “ greatest anxiety has been to
The CONSTITUTION of the New6 cease from sin, and no temp
Hampshire Missionary Society, “ tation has overtaken me but
with an address to all Chris.“ such as is common to men.” The persons referred to in this
tian people. narrative, have all of them been To all who wish well to the hopefully in the school of Christ
cause of Zion. more than three years, and some of them much longer; which
CHRISTIAN BRETHREN, · must have been some trial of OTTISHING you prosperity their faith, and afford a com- VV and peace, through the fortable hope that the things knowledge of our Lord and Sawhich they have experienced, viour Jesus Christ; we beg liare not the result of a heated berty to inform you, that, from imagination, nor the wild effu- a consideration of the deplorasions of a disordered brain, but ble condition of inillions of our the genuine effects of God's fellow-men, who are perishing holy spirit. There has, as yet, through lack of knowledge of the way of salvation by Chrisť ; | the transactions of the Society, from a sense of our solemn and and to perform all the usual duvoluntary obligations to promote ties of said office. the interest of the Redeemer's V. The duty of the Treasukingdom, in all possible, proper rer shall be, to receive, and be ways; and from the pious ex | accountable for, all the property ample of many of our Christian of the Society, in whatever way brethren, both in Europe and it may arise ; to answer the orAmerican : WE, a number of ders of the Trustees; and to exministers and servants of Christ, hibit a fair account of all his convened in Hopkinton, on Wed- proceedings to the Society, annesday, September 2d, 1801, for nually, and oftener to the Trus. the purpose of consulting upon tees, if required. the most suitable means for pro- VI. The duty of the Trustees moting a cause so important and shall be, to examine candidates desirable, have considered it an for Missions ; to employ and indispensible duty to form into a direct Missionaries; furnish SOCIETY, in order to unite our them with proper credentials ; exertions for spreading abroad recall, or dismiss them, if nè. the glad tidings of salvation a- | cessary; and, in a word, to sumong the Heathen, and others, perintend the affairs of the Soin our frontier and infant settle- ciety, between their annual meetments, who are destitute of the ings, when, it will be expected, precious privileges which we en- that they make report of their joy.
proceedings, and also of the serTo inform you of the motive vices and success of their Misand design of our Society, we sionaries. take the liberty to lay before VII. That the Society may you its CONSTITUTION, which is reap the benefit of the united as follows:
exertions of their Board of Art. I. The Society shall be Trustees, it will be expected of known by the name of the New- the latter that they hold, statedHampshire Missionary Society; ly, semi-annual meetings ; and the sole object of which, is, the that they meet oftener, if necespropagation of the gospel among sary.
those who are destitute of its ! VIII. The Society shall meet, · precious privileges.
annually, on the Tuesday preII. The Officers of the Soci- ceding the General Election of ety shall consist of a President, the State, at ten o'clock, A. M. at Secretary, a Treasurer, and six the place appointed for the Gen
Trustees, to be chosen annually, eral Election, unless, for special by ballot.
reasons, they shall agree at one III. The duty of the Presi- meeting to have their next holdent shall be, to regulate the den at a different time and place; meetings of the Society ; to act, on which day of their meeting, ex officio, as one of the Trustees a Sermon shall be delivered at and their Moderator, any four four o'clock, P. M.–And at each of whom shall constitute a quo- meeting, the preacher, a first
and second, shall be chosen for IV. The duty of the Secreta- the next. ry shall be, to keep records of' IX. All questions before the