Beware of the Calends of February. 64 Lone groves, dull greens, and horrid Old halls, old aunts, long fermons, croaking rooks. He next fuppofes, "That the gay profpect of the fields and meadows, with the courtship of birds on every tree, naturally unbend the mind, and foften it to pleasure." What effect this rural fcene might have upon a milkmaid, 'tis hard to fay; but women of fashion and delicacy are above being affected by fuch common objects. His laft conjecture is, "That a woman is prompted by a kind of instinct to throw herfelf upon a bed of flowers, and not to let thofe beautiful couches which Nature has provided lie ufelefs." Now, here honest Spec is out again; for I would venture a good fnug bed, in a fnug room, against all the daifies and cowflips in England. Are not the privacy, conveniency, and fecurity of a private damaík bed or couch, much stronger temptations to a woman of fashion to throw herfelf down en, or to be thrown dean on, than a cold, open, unfheltered bed of flowers? He was certainly thinking of the milkmaid again. Having fully confuted the Spectator, I fhall now defcribe to the Ladies the dangers to which the winter expules them. I believe I may take it for granted, that every fine woman who comes to town for the winter, comes heartily tired of the country and her husband. The happy pair have yawned at one another at least ever fince Michaelmas, and found to their coft, that their company has been exceedingly burthenfome to each other.-The Lady, who has had full leifure moft minutely to confider her good man, has pofitively found out, that he is by no means a pretty man. Now the confequence of all this is obvious; a Syllogifm will explain it A woman of fashion ought to have a lover: She finds that he has no lover: Therefore the must provide herfelf with one when the comes to town, and enlift a cicisbea for the fervice of the current year. With thefe difpofitions fhe opens the winter; but at the fame time with a fteady refolution of not ftraying from the bounds, or at least the appearance of virtue. But, Frailty, thy name is Woman! The lover appears firit in the innocent form of Virtue and Esteem; his converfation is liftened to and ap proved; it grows frequent and particular.--Well, how can one help that? Where's the harm of being diftinguifhed by the friendship of a man of fenfe and fafhion? And can it be wondered at, that one converfes more with him than with a hundred fools, that would be always plaguing one? With thefe juft diftinctions in his favour, he proceeds, and gains the more ground as his approaches are the lefs perceived. He is admitted to the toilette as an agreeable friend and companion, where he improves the morning moments, which I take to be the mollia tempora, fo propitious to his purposes. Here the converfation infenfibly grows more ferious: Sentiments of love and conftancy are difcuffed: The lover laments his unfortunate difpofition to both, and wishes to Heaven that he knew neither. The Lady, not without fome emotion, and an aukward smartnefs, tells him, the believes they will neither of them ever do him any great hurt. This unjuft reproach extorts from him, what otherwife he could never have had the courage to have faid, viz. That that depends entirely upon her.Here it is out-the ice is broke-What's to be done? The Lady now plainly perceives his meaning, which (to be fure) fhe never before fufpected.She flattered herself that "he had a friendthip and value for her, but the now plainly perceives the contrary." She is enraged, and vows never to forgive him-Here the lover deprecates her wrath, bids her blame her own beauty and his fate, but pity him; and prefling her hand, which (it may be) in her anger fhe forgets to pull away, faithfully promifes never to hold that language more if he can help it. Upon this folemn engagement he is Beware of the Calends of February. is forgiven, re-admitted, and all danger is looked upon to be over. Short and fallacious, fecurity for this point once gain'd, the befieger is most advantageoufly pofted; is in a fituation to parly with the garrifon, and ftands fair for the horn-work. Here he can argue the cafe fairly; fhew the negligence or oppreffion of the prefent governor, offer terms of honour, fafety, or better ufage; and by perfuafions either bring about a willing furrender, or at least fo far abate the vigour of the refiftance, as with a little force to make himself master of the place. Having thus pointed out the danger, I will now point out the beft prefervatives I can think of against it.-Let my fair countrywomen, therefore, begin to reflect, as foon as they begin to find a particular pleafure in the conversation of a man, and let them tremble when they first make him a graver courtesy than they do to other people. But if, when he approaches them, they pull up their gloves, adjust their looks, or count the sticks of their fans, they are in a bad way; and tho' they may for a time deceive them felves with the notion, that it is his understanding they admire, they will find at last that man, like his kindred ferpent, when he has once got his head in, the reft will foon follow. Friendship and Efteem are the bearded arrows of Love, that enter with ease; but when torn out, leave the wound the greater. - I abfolutely prohibit balls; the agitation of country-dances putting the blood into an unusual ferment, too favourable to the partner. Befides, they often encourage, and caufe the firft squeeze by the hand; which I have often known produce ferious confequences. Moreover, there is a certain figure called Setting, that occafions a too familiar collifion; which I have often known ominous, and in its confequences productive of other figures. I require them alfo to be very cautious in the use and choice of theatrical - entertainments, and avoid the reprefentation of those diamatic pieces, VOL. VIII. which feem only calculated to foften the heart and inflame the imagination. What warm, and pleafing defcriptions of Love are our best tragedies filled with! Love is commonly what the whole turns upon, and is reprefented as the only comfort, pleasure, and joy of life The cordial drop heav'n in our cup has thrown, To make the nauseous draught of life go down. And can one wonder then that a lady who does not find this incomparable drop at home, fhould feek for it elfewhere? For the is told in another place, that Life without love is load, and time ftands in Hill. What we refufe to love to Death we give And then, then only, when we love, we live. This at once explains the whole thing to them, and accounts for their being fo tired of their country Tête-à Têtes with their husbands, and for their faying fo often., Well, this is not living! It feems it was all for Love, an omiffion they refolve not to be much after guilty of. It would be endless to specify the particular plays which I muit totally prohibit; but I can almoft fupply the defect by one thort and general ruleLet them abfolutely abslain from all those plays which they like the best. There are certain books too of a moft ftimulating and inflammatory nature, a few dotes of which may throw the reader into fuch a fever, that all the Divinity in Christendom cannot quench it. The catalogue of these books would be long; but my fair readers will easily understand what I mean, when I tell them, that I hint at thofe which are generally kept under lock and key; and which, when any body comes in, are immediately clapt under the cushion. If my fair country women would follow thefe maxims of advice, Doctors Commons would have lefs bufinefs to tranfact, and there would be fewer aching hearts in the kingdom. İ M. To ! I To the EDITOR of the OXFORD MAGAZINE. SIR, Declare I'll wait no longer. I "I have 80l. to my fortune, which A 18 or 20, with a goodish kind of character, who has jet-black eyes, and wears his hair in a queue; one that is induftrious, fmart, debonnair, goodhumoured, facetious, and agreeable; with a man that is bleft with these endowments, I should think myself and my fortune happily beftowed. Therefore when your bachelor readers perufe this, if they are convinced they merit the above-mentioned character, let them fend their names and places of refidence to you, and upon the leaft intimation you give me in your Magazine, I purpofe to make choice of that candidate for a husband, who comes nearest the character I have drawn. LUCY MANLOVE." To the EDITOR of the OXFORD MAGAZINE. SÍR, S you must certainly be a friend faid fuch civil things to me, as I had gaping Small Talk at the Pantheon. gaping multitude; my Lover fafcinated, and 1, for my own part, ready to fink into the earth, bare-headed, abandoned by him who, by the bye, so soon as he had recovered himself, flunk off, and no one to comfort me, till at laft a well-looking woman recovered my head, . I may call it, for had I as much brains as would have stuffed one of the curls, I should not have run such a rifque; but then the fashion, Lord one looks. fo obfolete unlefs in the prefent taste, that no Gentleman will take any notice of one. 67 What can be done? If thofe mcnfters will carry burthens, let them be obliged to keep the middle of the ftreet with their brother Brutes, or let the ingenious Artists who fupply our deficiency of hair, contrive fome method to fix their work fecure enough to withstand fuch rude fhocks for the future; do think of fomething, as many heads are hourly liable to devaftation, as well as that of MARTHA GRIZZLE, SMALL TALK at the PANTHEON. M glad they've had the Mrs. B-y. I'M. glad they've had the fpirit to refent the proprietors behaviour in print-this will do for them. Countess D-f. I'll bear witnefs there were no indecencies committed by any of us. Mrs. Gr. I'll take the long odds, as Mr. P-ton fays, but they break down before the end of the winter. Mifs K-y. The women of quality are not contented with fpoiling our trade, by taking the beft part of it out of our hands; but want to demofish it entirely, by laying an embargo upon our perfons to prevent our coming to public places. But I'll come here in spite of them, or the proprie. tors, or the devil himself. Charlotte H. Well fpoken, like a girl of fpirit: If you had received your education at my nunnery, I do Monday, Feb. 3, not think you could have faid any thing more to the purpose. Mifs C-x. Mifs Ky is quite in the right; but I beg to be excufed dancing on ball-nights. The prudes. all fat down laft Wednesday when I tood up. I was going to fay to them what Lady V- faid upon a like occafion at Bath," Pray, ladies, do you think whoring catching ?” But I've fpited them, I've given a ticket to my hair-dreffer and another to my milliner for Wednesday, on condition they fhall dance the whole evening. Countess of D-f. Bravo, Mifs C-x,-and I intend to fend Mrs. Rheda, and he is a very modest wo man. Mifs Ky. As to their catching the infection, I believe there is no great danger of that, as they seem to have it pretty ftrong upon them already. Exeunt.] SIR, To the EDITOR of the OXFORD MAGAZINE. LOOK upon author I work, that is evidently of public four quarters of the wefcription of the utility, to be a friend to mankind, and that it is incumbent upon every one to exert his utmost efforts to promote an extenfive circulation of fuch works. It is therefore with pleafure that I recommend to the world, the following moft excellent Dictionary of the English Language, part of which I have perufed with infinite pleafure, and declare it to be upon a plan, fo much fuperior to any thing of the kind, that every perfon (I am fully convinced) who be comes a purchafer in confequence of this recommendation, will think himfelf under great obligations to me. I beg, therefore, you will infert the folJowing Advertisement, in the body of your Magazine, which will oblige many of your readers, and particularly Your most humble fervant, Piccadilly, Feb. 28, 1772. SAM. WILLIAMS. General Repofitory of the English Containing a copions explanation of all the words in the English language, together with their different fignifications, viz. 1. The words, and the va1ious fenfes in which they are used. 3. The true pronunciation pointed out by being properly accented. 3. Initial letters placed to denote the part of speech to which each word belongs. particular defcription of the counties, cities, and principal towns in England and Wales, than has ever appeared in any book of the kind. 6. The lives of the English poets, and other illuftrious men who have flourished in these kingdoms. To which will be prefixed, A Complete English Grammar. By the Rev. Frederick Barlow, M. A. Vicar of Burton, affited by feveral other gentlemen.-London: Printed for the Author, and fold by T. Evans, at No. 54, in Pater-nofter-row; F. Blyth, at the Royal-Exchage; and all other Bookfellers, &c. in Great-Britain and Ireland, where Proposals at large may be had. To the PUBLIC. THE purchase of thofe voluminous works, which have already been publifhed on this fubject, is too expenfive for thofe who ftand in the greatest need of information in this branch of literature; and there is at prefent no other alternative than the choice of a large folio, which cofts feveral pounds, or a fmall volume in octavo of the value of only fix fhillings: As the former therefore is too prolix, and the latter too concife, being a mere abridgement, we imagined that the medium between the two extremes would at once contribute to the improvement and the economy of the purchafers; and as Bailey's, Dyche's, Fenning's, and other Dictionaries are confined to the limits of one volume, quantity of matter, to fupply their dewe propofe, by giving just double the ficiences, and render this work, as near as poffible, agreeable to the title we have given it, The Complete English Dictionary. This is alfo furnished with copper-plates, neceffary to ilomitted in every thing of the kind. luftrate the work, which are totally Burton, Feb. 1, 1772. F. BARLOW. |