accompany it, we make our moane, many of us cry out at length, and cannot be released. If this be true now, as some out of experience will inform us, farewell wiving for my part; and as the comicall poet merrily saith, 1 1 Perdatur ille pessime qui fœminam Duxit secundus, nam nihil primo imprecor! Ignarus ut puto mali primus fuit. 2 Fowl fall him that brought the second match to passe ; He knew not what he did, nor what it was. What shall I say to him that marries again and again? 3 Stulta maritali qui porrigit ora capistro. sea. 4 I pity him not; for the first time he must do as he may, bear it out sometimes by the head and shoulders, and let his next neighbour ride, or else run away, or as that Syracusian, in a tempest, when all ponderous things were to be exonerated out of the ship, quia maximum pondus erat, fling his wife into the But this I confesse is comically spoken, and so I pray you take it. In sober sadness, marriage is a bondage, a thraldom, a yoke, a hinderance to all good enterprises; he hath married a wife, and cannot come; a stop to all preferments; a rock on which many are saved, many impinge and are cast away: not that the thing is evil in it self, or troublesome, but full of all contentment and happiness; one of the three things which please God, when a man and his wife agree together; an honourable and happy estate; who knows it not? If they be sober, wise, honest, as the poet infers; 7 6 "Si commodos nanciscantur amores, If fitly matcht be man and wife, But to undiscreet sensuall persons, that as brutes are wholy led by sense, it is a ferall plague; many times an hell it self; and can give little or no content, being that they are often so irregular and prodigious in their lusts, so diverse in their affections. Uxor nomen dignitatis, non voluptatis, as he said, a wife is a name of honour, not of pleasure: she is fit to bear the office, 1 Eubulus in Crisil. Athenæus dypnosophist. 1. 13. c. 3. 2 Translated by my brother Ralfe Burton. 3 Juvenal. Hæc in speciem dicta cave ut credas. Batchelors alwayes are the bravest men. Bacon. Seek eternity in memory, not in posterity, like Epaminondas, that instead of children, left two great victories behind him, which he called his two daughters. 6 Ecclus. 28. 8 Ælius Verus imperator Spar. vit. ejus. 7 Euripides Andromach. govern a family, to bring up children, sit at bords end and carve; as some carnal men think and say, they had rather go to the stews, or have now and then a snatch as they can come by it, borrow of their neighbours, then have wives of their own; except they may, as some princes and great men do, keep as many curtisans as they will themselves fly out impune. 2 'Permolere uxores alienas, 3 Or that polygamy of Turkes; or Lex Julia, which Cæsar once 6 Unus Iberinâ vir sufficit? ocyus illud "Tis not one man will serve her by her will, But As capable of any impression as materia prima it self, that still desires new formes; like the sea, their affections ebbe and flowe. Husband is a cloak for some to hide their villany; once married, she may flye out at her pleasure; the name of husband is a sanctuary to make all good. Eo ventum (saith Seneca) ut nulla virum habeat, nisi ut irritet adulterum. They are right and straight as true Trojans as mine hostess daughter, that Spanish wench in Ariosto; as good wives as Messalina. Many men are as constant in their choyce, and as good husbands as Nero himself; they must have their pleasure of all they see; and are, in a word, far more fickle then any wo man. 1 Hor. 2 Quod licet, ingratum est. for poorer, in sickness and in health, &c. 3 For better for worse, fcr richer 'tis durus sermo to a sensuall man. Tom. 4. Neque cum unâ aliquâ rem 7 Lib. 28. For either they be full of jealousie, Or masterfull, or loven novelty, etc. Good men have often ill wives, as bad as Xantippe was to Socrates, Elevora to St. Lues, Isabella to our Edward the second: and good wives are as often matched to ill husbands; as Mariamne to Herod, Serena to Dioclesian, Theodora to Theophilus, and Thyra to Gurmunde. But I will say nothing of dissolute and bad husbands, of batchelors and their vices; their good qualities are a fitter subject for a just volume, too well known already in every village, town and city; they need no blazon and lest I should marre any matches, or dishearten loving maids, for this present, I will let them passe. : Being that men and women are so irreligious, depraved by nature, so wandring in their affections, so brutish, so subject to disagreement, so unobservant of marriage rites, what shall I say? If thou beest such a one, or thou light on such a wife, what concord can there be, what hope of agreement? 'tis not conjugium but conjurgium; as the reed and ferne in the 'Embleme, averse and opposite in nature: 'tis twenty to one thou wilt not marry to thy contentment: but as in a lottery forty blanks were drawn commonly for one prize, out of a multitude you shall hardly choose a good one: a small ease hence, then, little comfort. 'Nec integrum unquam transiges lætus diem. If he or she be such a one, Thou hadst much better be alone. 3 If she be barren, she is not--&c. If she have children, and thy state be not good, though thou be wary and circumspect, thy charge will undo thee. -fœcundâ domum tibi prole gravabit; 5 thou wilt not be able to bring them up; and what greater misery can there be, then to beget children, to whom thou canst leave no other inheritance but hunger and thirst? cum fames dominatur, strident voces rogantium panem, penetrantes patris cor: what so grievous as to turn them up to the wide world, to shift for themselves? No plague like to want: and when thou hast good means, and art very carefull of their education, they will not be ruled. Think but of that old proverb, 'Howwv тɛкvа πημата, Heroum filii noxæ, great mens 1 Camerar. 82. cent. 3. more bitter. Bacon. 2 Simonides. 3 Children make misfortunes + Heinsius Epist. Primiero. Nihil miserius quam procreare liberos, ad quos nihil ex hæreditate tuâ pervenire videas, præter famem et sitim. Christoph. Fonseca. 5 1 sons seldome do well; O utinam aut cælebs mansissem, aut prole carerem! Augustus explains in Suetonius. Jacob had his Ruben, Simeon, and Levi: David an Amnon, an Absolon, Adoniah; wise mens sons are commonly fools, insomuch that Spartian concludes, Neminem prope magnorum virorum optimum et utilem reliquisse filium; They had been much better to have been childless. 'Tis too common in the middle sort; Thy sonnes a drunkard, a gamester, a spendthrift; thy daughter a fool, a whore; thy servants lazie drones and theeves; thy neighbours divels; they will make thee weary of thy life. If thy wife be froward, when she may not have her will, thou hadst better be buried alive; she will be so impatient, raving still, and roaring like Juno in the tragedy; there's nothing but tempests: all is in an uproar. If she be soft and foolish, thou werst better have a block, she will shame thee and reveal thy secrets if wise and learned, well qualified, there is as much danger on the other side, mulierem doctam ducere periculosissimum, saith Nevisanus, she will be too insolent and peevish. 3 4 'Malo Venusinam quam te Cornelia mater. 6 7 Take heed; if she be a slut, thou wilt loath her; if proud, shee'l begger thee, shee'l spend thy patrimony in baubles, all Arabia will not serve to perfume her haire, saith Lucian: if fair and wanton, shee'l make thee a cornuto; if deformed, she will paint. If her face be filthy by nature, she will mend it by art, alienis et adscititiis imposturis, which, who can indure? If she do not paint, she will look so filthy, thou canst not love her, and that, peradventure, will make thee unhonest. Cromerus lib. 12. hist. relates of Casimirus, that he was unchast, because his wife Aleida, the daughter of Henry, landsgrave of Hessia, was so deformed. If she be poor, she brings beggery with her (saith Nevisanus), misery and discontent. If you marry a maid, it is uncertain how she proves : Hæc forsan veniet non satis apta tibi: 8 If yong, she is, likely, wanton and untaught; if lusty, too lascivious; and if she be not satisfied, you know where and when, nil nisi jurgia, all is in an uprore, and there is little quietness to be had: if an old maid, 'tis an hazard she dies in childbed : 1 Liberi sibi carcinomata. 4 Lib. 2. 2 Melius fuerat eos sine liberis discessisse. 3 Lemnius cap. 6. lib. 1. Si morosa, si non in omnibus obsequaris, omnia impacata in ædibus, omnia sursum misceri videas, multæ tempestates, &c. numer. 101 sil. nup. opulentiam profundet, totam Arabiam capillis redolens. sanæ mentis sustinere queat, &c. mior esset. 5 Juvenal. 6 Tom. 4. Amores. Omnem mariti 7 Idem. Et quis 8 Subegit ancillas quod uxor ejus defor if a rich widdow, 1 induces te in laqueum, thou dost halter thy self; she will make all away before hand, to her other children, &c. -2 dominam quis possit ferre tonantem? she will hit thee still in the teeth with her first husband: if a yong widdow, she is often unsatiable and immodest. If she be rich, well descended, bring a great dowry, or be nobly allied, thy wives friends will eat thee out of house and home, dives ruinam ædibus inducit; she will be so proud, so high-minded, so imperious. For 3 -nihil est magis intolerabile dite ; there's nothing so intolerable, thou shalt be as the tassel of a gosse-hauk, she will ride upon thee, domineer as she list, wear the breeches in her oligarchicall government, and begger thee besides. Uxores divites servitutem exigunt (as Seneca hits them declam. lib. 2. declam. 6.) Dotem accepi, imperium perdidi. They will have soveraignity, pro conjuge dominam arcessis; they will have attendance, they will do what they list. In taking a dowry thou loosest thy liberty, dos intrat, libertas exit, hazardest thine estate. Hæ sunt atque aliæ multæ in magnis dotibus 4 with many such inconveniences. Say the best, she is a commanding servant; thou hadst better have taken a good huswifely maid in her smock. Since then, there is such hazard, if thou be wise, keep thy self as thou art; 'tis good to match, much better to be free. 5 -procreare liberos lepidissimum, Hercle vero liberum esse, id multo est lepidius. Art thou yong? then match not yet; if old, match not at all. Vis juvenis nubere? nondum venit tempus. Ingravescente ætate jam tempus præteriit. And therefore, with that philosopher, still make answer to thy 1 Sil. nup. 1. 2. num. 25. Dives inducit tempestatem, pauper curam: ducens viduam se inducit in laqueum. 2 Sic quisque dicit, alteram ducit tamen. 3 Si dotata erit, imperiosa, continuoque viro inequitare conabitur. Petrarch. If a woman nourish her husband, she is angry and impudent, and full of reproach. Ecclus. 25. 22. Scilicet uxori nubere nolo meæ. 5 Plautus Mil. Glor. act. 3. sc. 1. Stobæus ser. 66. Alex. ab Alexand. lib. 4. cap. 8. |