14 THE AGREEABLE SURPRISE. [ACT I groat; and though he doats upon her, yet, awed by her fortune, the poor fool sighs at humble distance. Yes; and, egad! there were folks sighing for him, too. Why, do you know, Compton, he has made a conquest of a rich cheesemonger's widow in the Borough, who, supposing him much poorer than herself, forced money upon him to lure his affection. [Laughing.] Ha, ha, ha! this old mouldy widow will have him in spite of his teeth; and thinking him still incapable of repaying her in coin, actually designs to hunt him with an attorney, and follow him here into the country, to force him into marriage. Ha, ha, ha! but where's Eugene now? because the bridegroom's presence is necessary at a wedding, you know. Com. I left him at home, drawing. Sir F. At study how to get his bread by scratching upon copper, or daubing canvass. Ha, ha, ha! Com. True, Sir Felix. From the idea he has Fortune still to court, he is diligent in improving every grace, and acquiring every accomplishment that can render him worthy of her favour. Sir F. And Laura in London, laying out a few hundreds I gave her this morning. Com. Without an idea that I am her father, or even breathing but from your bounty. O, Sir Felix ! so many obligations in the scale, gratitude is a feather. Sir F. Then keep it to yourself, you feather-headed goose. Arn't we to be happy ?-Compton, you took me into partnership with you, when all my stock was a little honesty; a poor capital, as the world goes! I have now the means, you the inclination. And were you rich and I poor, I know you'd act by me as I mean to do by you. [Calling.] Here, Lingo! Lingo! Com. I see you have brought home your new butler. Sir F. Yes, Sir; but he's a cursed fellow, as ignorant as dirt. It seems he has been a schoolmaster here in the country, taught all the bumpkin fry what he calls Latin, and the damn'd dog so patches his own bad English with his bits of bad Latin, and jumbles the gods, goddesses, heroes, celestial and infernal, together at such a rate !-I took him to oblige a foolish old friend of mine, who intended him for St. Omers; so I must keep him to draw good wine, and brew balderdash Latin-[Calling.] Lingo! SCENE 1.] THE AGREEABLE SURPRISE. 15 Com. I see a carriage coming down the avenue. Sir F. Eh! it's Laura. Step you home for Eugene. [Compton crosses to R.] D'ye hear, Compton? not a word till I break the matter myself. Ecod! they'll be so happy. Com. I am sure they will be perfectly so. SONG.-COMPTON. The virgin lily of the night, Aurora finds in tears; But soon in coif of native white, No longer droops, distress'd, forlorn, The limpid streams of noble source, O'er golden sands they gently glide, Reflecting heaven with splendid pride, As rolling through the vale. [Exit, R. Sir F. I'll puzzle 'em a little first, though; their sur prise and joy will be the greater Enter LAURA, L. Sir F. Here we are, eh ?-very well laid out all your cash? didn't run in debt, I hope Lau. No, sir; your kindness amply supplied me. Lau. [Aside.] Now he will pretend to rail at my extravagance, although he delights in every wish of mine.First, sir, I rattled up to my milliner's in Bond StreetMrs. Bufont has a charming taste-there was a cap, sir, the very crown of elegance! Sir F. And cost a crown in silver, I warrant now. Lau. True, sir; but if we don't yield a little to the fashions of the times, we shall make a rusty appearance to our polished neighbours of the Continent. Sir F. Laura, I like a medium. I'll neither rust in particularity, nor will I be a weathercock to every puff of fashion. SONG. SIR FELIX FRIENDLY. In Jacky Bull, when bound for France, But taught to ride, to fence, and dance, With his tierce and carte, sa, sa, For cocks and dogs, see squire at home, Our squire's a nice Adonis. The prince of macaronies. {Crosses to L. Sir F. For a trip or so, I should have no objection to a snuff at the air of Fontainbleau; should like to see the little chapel at Loretto, or the great tun of Heidelburgh, or the Escurial, the bull feast, the goblins, tapestry, or, no offence to his holiness's great toe, to pop my nose into the Vatican. But, after all, I should be unfashionable enough to prefer little England to all the gardens and fountains of France, and palaces and conversationi of Italy. SONG.-LAURA. The tuneful lark, as soaring high, Upon its downy wings, With wonder views the vaulted sky, But gently dropping to the nest, [Exit, R. Sir F. [Laughing] Ha, ha, ha! poor Laura! I'll surprise you presently. [Calling.] Lingo!-Where is SCENE 1.] THE AGREEABLE SURPRISE. 17 this crazy butler of mine? Lingo! O, here he comes at last. Now will he pester me with his damned barbarous Latin-Lingo! Enter LINGO, L. Lin. I'm here, Domine Felix. Sir F. Domine! I'll Domine your blockhead against the wall, if you Domine me. Lin. I wont't, Domine Felix. Sir F. Again! Lin. I've done, Domine Félix. Sir F. Are your knives and glasses and every thing ready for supper? Lin. All ready, Domine Felix. Sir F. O, damn your Domine! Pray, Lingo, stir and be clever; a great deal to do; and I beseech you, let me hear no more of your cursed Latin. [Exit, R. Lin. My cursed Latin! a blessed ignorant family this I have got into ! Enter CUDDEN, l. Lin. Cudden, whither so fast? Cud. I am going upon the lawn, to be merry, and to dance with my sweetheart, the dairy-maid. We'll have such game' Lin. Game! Cudden, you must know the Olympic games were propria quæ maribus mascula dicas. Cud. I know naught of French, Master Lingo. I loves to hear good English, because as why, I speaks good English; and so good bye, meister butler. [Exit, R. Enter STUMP, L. Lin. O, farmer Stump! Stu. I can't stay. Lin. You can't stay! O, you Adonis of the woodsUt sunt divorum, Mars, Bacchus, Apollo, vivorum. Stu. I don't understand Greek. [Exit, R. Lin. Ay, ay, all my Latin is Greek to these people. You unhappy clowns, oh, you Cyclops! they know nothing, nor won't be learned. Not a soul in the house will listen to me but Cowslip, the dairy-maid; and she's going to jig it upon the lawn with the dancing fawns and rusty bumpkins. And here she comes. B 3 Enter CowSLIP. with a bowl of cream, L. Lin. My sweet Cowslip, properly called Cowslip, No. minitivo, hanc huc et hoc. Cow. I have put the hoc into the syllabub, Mr. Lingo, and here it is! Lin. What a sensible soul it is! Cow. Will you take it within, Mr. Lingo? Lin. No, child, I prefer the air; Zephyrus, Æolus, Boreas, and other gentle breezes, will attend us here. I love the fragrant gales. Cowslip, sit down; you're a noun adjective, and must not stand by yourself. Let's have a toast. Cow. I'll go bake one, sir. Here's that the masculine may never be neuter to the feminine gender. Cow. Here's that-ay, here's the masculine to the feminine gender. [Drinks.] O, lord! I left out the neuter. Lin. You were right-recte, Puelle. I know these things, child, so did Ovid and Cæsar. Cow. What, Cæsar the great dog, sir? were suckled by a wolf. and found Rome in Italy. Romulus and Remus They ravished the Sabine girls Cow. Ah! such fellows would find room any where. Lin. Jupiter was a fine god; he swam on a bull to Europe; he went into a flash of fire for Semele. Cow. Yes, sir, he'd go any lengths for his ale. Lin. I mean his amours. Cow. O, ay; he'd drink with Moors or Turks either. Cow. Who! why, Jew Peter, the old clothes-man. Lin. O coelum in terra! For all my conversation, I find you know no more than the parson of the parish. Áb, Cowslip, if you was a goddess! the goddesses knew men and things. Cow. More shame for 'em, Mr. Lingo, I say. Lin. Jove loved an eagle; Mars, a lion; Phoebus, a cock; Venus, a pigeon; Minerva loved an owl. Cow. I should not have thought of your cock lions, your owls, and your pigeons; if I was a goddess, give me a roast duck. Lin. If you was Flora or Ceres. |