subtle suggestion in his "shake-hands" that he did so on comTHE BITTER CRY OF THE BROKEN-VOICED CHORISTER. pulsion, and reserved himself the right of punching Leicester's head

Mamma (severely). "DON'T SQUINT, EFFIE, MY DEAR!" Effie. "I WASN'T SQUINTING, MAMMA. I WAS ONLY MAKING 'DINNER EYES' AT MAJOR STUFFAM. I HEAR HE GIVES SUCH CHARMING DINNER PARTIES, AND I SHOULD SO MUCH LIKE TO BE ASKED !"

["The independence and integrity of Siam... is a subject of great importance to the British, and more especially to the British Indian Empire."-Lord Rosebery. "We have in no way any intention of threatening the independence of Siam."-M. Develle.]

British Tar sings, someway after Mr. Rudyard Kipling's" Tommy."

AIR-"Mandalay."

"By the old Moulmein Pagoda, lookin' eastward to the sea,
There's a Burma girl a settin'," an' she takes 'er time from me.
But this Siam puss looks pooty, and I'm sorter bound to say
"You stand back, you sailor Frenchy! that's a game as two can
play!"

'Twas my game at Mandalay,

And you seem on the same lay:

You can twig my Jack a-flaunting from the Nile to Mandalay ;
But this I've got to say,
If your 'and on 'er you lay,

I shall ask you to take a 'and in a game as men can play!

'Er petticoat is yaller, and 'er little cap is green,

And-I shouldn't half object to interjuce 'er to my Queen!

I don't want to see 'er suckin' of a Paris cigarette,

And a-wastin' purchased kisses on French Bullyvards-you bet!

No, I wouldn't shed no blood,

But by Mekon's yaller mud,

I'ave always felt it "bizness" to take care no rival stud

On my road to "far Cathay."

You'll "respect 'er Independence and Integrity," you say?
Well, a man who on a woman 'is 'and would dare to lay-
Hay? Save in the way o' kyindness! Why, you've capped me
there, I own,
Which I didn't think that sentiment to Frenchies was beknown.
It's a bit o' good old VIC.!

But you've nicked it quick and slick.
Well, I 'ope you'll square it fairly, and not lay it on too thick,
In the brave old Bismarck way!

The idea o' wasting ivory, silk, and peacocks' tails, and such,
Upon merchants who're a trifle too much like GEORGE CANNING'S
Dutch."

66

When a fair and square Free Trader, like-well, not unlike myself,
Could stand by for to purtect 'er, and 'elp 'er-and 'im-pile pelf,

Well-I can quite understand

She may find your 'eavy 'and

Too kyind by half, my Frenchy, and prefer the British land,

And the British Tar's old way.

That would stagger sly AH SIN himself. If you git in my way
On my road to "Old Cathay,"

Or my aid this gyurl should pray,

Wot? She's fired upon your gunboats? Well, I'd like to know, yer see,
If them gunboats wos cavortin' where they didn't ought to be.
Your clutch upon 'er wrist, eh? Well, that's like your bloomin' I might p'raps come down like thunder, as I did in Mandalay !
cheek!

[squeak

She shrinks from you, my Frenchy. No, yer know if she should

Give a reglar woman's squeak,

Though she looks carved out o' teak

I should think o' my own womankind, my friend, and I should-speak
In the British sailor's way!

"In matters of commerce, the fault of the Dutch
Is giving too little and asking too much."
Canning's "A Political Despatch."

THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES.-Middlesex v. Sussex.

subject). I should be inclined to doubt myself whether it afforded any accurate idea of either the industry or the-er-relaxations peculiar to that region, which can hardly be favourable to such pursuits. Miss Friv. They might find it useful for escaping from a grizzly, mightn't they?

AT THE WORLD'S WATER SHOW. The performance has begun. Captain BOYTON has just descended the Chute in a boat, with a bevy of lightly-clad young ladies waving flags with shrill enthusiasm. Canadians, Indians, and Negroes row various craft containing Beauties of the Ballet about the Mr. Hopl. Hardly, if, as I have always been given to understand, Lake. An elderly Negress stands on an island, and waves a towel the grizzly bear is an equally expert climber. I imagine their title encouragingly at things in general. Two Clowns, accompanied by of Rocky Mountain Wonders" is merely indicative of their-er a futile individual disguised as a Frog, start to run round the-origin, and that their performances would indeed excite more margin of the Lake with a gallant determination to be funny, but wonder in their native country than anywhere else. One should abandon the attempt after making a quarter of the distance, and always guard against taking these things in too literal a spirit. complete the circuit with a subdued and chastened demeanour. [Miss F. assents demurely, and is suddenly moved to mirth, as she is Mr. Bravo (to Mr. BLAZZEY, enthusiastically). Capital show this careful to explain, by the sight of a Nigger, which, Mr. H. very justly -wonderfully well arranged! remarks, is scarcely a subject for so much amusement.

Mr. Blazzey (screwing up his eyes). Y-yes. Better if they'd had water running down the incline, though, and sent all the boats in that way.

Mr. Bravo. Don't see how they could pump up water enough for that, myself; and if they did, it would all run through at the sides! Mr. Blazz. (ignoring any hydraulic difficulties). Oh, they could have dodged that if they chose; anyway, that's how it ought to have been managed!

Miss Frivell (to Mr. Hoplight). I can hardly believe this is the same place where BUFFALO BILL

gave his performance only last year, can you? It all looks so different!

Mr. Hopl. (after ponderous consideration). I find no difficulty in recognising it, myself. The difference you observe is due to the fact that the arena which was originally constructed for-erdisplays of horsemanship requires to undergo some considerable-er -structural alterations before being equally well adapted to a performance in which-er-boating and swimming form the-er -principal features.

Miss Friv. (with exemplary gravity). I see. You mean there must be water?

Mr. Hopl. Water is undoubtedly er indispensable element in such an exhibition. Miss Friv. How clever of you to know that! But perhaps someone told you?

Mr. Hopl. (modestly). I arrived

at it by the-er-light of my own unassisted intelligence.

Miss Friv. Did you?

Not

really! "How far that little

Mr. Bravo (after the Corps de Ballet have performed various evolutions on a large raft). I call that uncommonly pretty, all those girls dancing there in the sunlight, eh?

Mr. Blazz. Pretty enough-in its proper place.

Mr. Bravo (losing his patience at last). Why, hang it all, you wouldn't have the Ballet danced under water, would you? Mr. Blazz. Well, it would be more of a novelty, at any rate. [Mr. BRAVO decides that "it was a mistake to come out with a chop like BLAZZEY."

"I find no difficulty in recognising it, myself."

IN THE SHILLING SEATS.

A Small Sharp Boy (with an admiring Father, Mother, and Grandmother). Father, why ha' them Injuns all got feathers stuck round their 'eds like shuttlecocks, eh? Is it to show as they're in the terbaccer line, eh, Father? Is the gentleman on the bicycle a real demon, eh, Father? Ain't he like what a real demon is ? Why ain't you never seen one, Father? Think you'll ever see one, eh? Why 's that man going right up atop of that pole for? Why is he goin' to jump off? Will he git drownded, eh, Father? Don't he ever git drownded? Could dive off from as 'igh as that with your legs tied? Could Uncle BILL? Could Gran'ma, with 'er legs tied ?

you

[&c., &c.

DURING THE WALRUS HUNT.

Shilling and Sixpenny Spectators. That's the police station on that boat where the two Bobbies are... 'Ere's a rummy couple coming along in this boat! See the bloke with the bald'ed, and the ole girl in a pink bonnet?. There, they've run slap into them

candle throws his beams!" (To herself.) I didn't mean to be so | others, and the ole bloke's got his 'eels in the air. Oh, dear, oh, rude as that! But he's no business to be such a bore!

Mr. Bravo (after the Sculling-race between Ross and BUBEAR). That was a good race, eh? They're the champion scullers, you know. Mr. Blazz. Don't see the point of setting 'em to race here, though. Rather like running the Derby in a riding-school!

dear!

Look at the bobbies tryin' to run 'em in. Lor, they 're all pourin' water on to each other's 'eds as 'ard as they can go! 'Ere's the ole walrus swimmin' up now, d'ye see? And the ole Clown a fishin' for 'im. 'E's bin an' dragged 'im 'in 'ed foremost! Look at the walrus a duckin' o' the ole woman. Hor, hor, if ever I A Sympathetic Lady (during the Swimming-race). How well those see the like o' that! Is that like 'ow they 'unt walruses, Father, girls do swim! I suppose they go under first, and then come up eh ? Blest if the ole walrus ain't got into the station 'ouse after 'em. again. But how damp they must get, to be sure, doing that twice a Look at 'em all gittin' out on the roof-in they jump! And the ole day! I daresay they never get their hair properly dry from one girl goin' in backards, hor, hor! And the other bloke any'ow. See week's end to another. I should think that must be so uncomfortable the 'ole admiral in the cocked 'at a takin' sights through 'is spy-glorss! for them, you know. However, they seem to be having plenty of Now they're gittin' the 'arpoon ready. There, they've copped 'im fun among themselves. I wish we could hear what they are saying;-it's all over! Well, that was a good lark, and no mistake! but there's so much to look at, that one misses most of it!

64

My

AT THE LANDING-PLACE-AFTER SHOOTING THE CHUTES. [A Pontoon is moved out into the centre of the Lake, and three Oh, it was perfectly splendid! We put the rugs right over our Rocky Mountain Wonders" give an entertainment on board. The heads, and didn't get wet a bit!... I don't know if you're aware of first Wonder constructs the letter A with himself and two high it, my dear, but you've got black streaks all down your face. ladders, up which the other two run nimbly. They meet at the Gracious! it's the dye from my veil. Do I look very dreadful. top with mutual surprise, and a touch of resentment, as if each dear? Well, it shows, of course-but I wouldn't touch it, or you'll had expected at least to find solitude there. The Second Wonder make it worse.... This lot got a ducking, and no mistake-look at lies down on his back resignedly, and the Third, meanly availing 'em-ho, ho!... I say, dear old chap, you ought to have come too-it himself of the opportunity, stands on his friend's stomach, and was ripping! Splashed? No, nothing to speak of. Eh? strikes an attitude. Both descend and bow, in recognition of hat ?" What's wrong with it? Oh, confound it all! I only took applause, and then each starts up his ladder again-only to meet a front seat to oblige those two girls. Yes, I can see they're giggling once more at the top, more surprised and annoyed than ever. at me as well as you can. Look here, old fellow, do you know if The Third Wonder refuses to be appeased unless he is allowed to there's a place here where I can get my hat ironed, and buy a collar hold the Second head downwards by the ankles. After further and tie? Because I've got to meet the CHAFFINGTONS here, and amenities of this kind they come down, apparently reconciled, dine with 'em and that. "So have you?" Then that's why you and are towed back to the shore. backed out of going down the Chute! Why the deuce didn't you say so? Oh, if you're going to stand there laughing like a fool, I'm off! I may just have time to- Hang it; there are the CHAFFINGTON girls! Is my collar too beastly limp? you might tell a fellow!

Miss Fric. Is that supposed to be an illustration of life on the Rocky Mountains?

Mr. Hopl. (bringing the full powers of his mind to bear on the

And so the two warriors walked to the barrack square and sent for the unfortunate Private THOMAS ATKINS. As the order was conveyed to the quarters of the rank and file, men lounged out of the mess-room, and disIr is proposed to establish a fire-station, eussed the Colonel's orders. It seemed "a "with fifty men, on the Thames Embank-bit strange," but it was not for them to ment." For what purpose? In case of dispute the chief's command. And, as they any body setting the Thames on Fire? spoke, Private THOMAS ATKINS was produced. He had a clean defaulter's sheet.