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How fhort is my knowledge of the light and helps that I have had to improve it? "Bleffed FATHER of lights, fhine out with thy light and thy truth, more clearly upon my foul: "that I may better know thee, and know how I fhall believe, and what I fhall do, according to thy will. And the light which thou art pleafed "to impart, O let me not put it under a bushel, "nor live a contradiction to my own knowledge; "but as the child of light, may I walk in it, and "work by it, the things that please my God, "Amen."

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MEDITATION LV.

Of ill mens good opinion of themselves.

My foul, doft thou know any better men and women in the world, than fuch as are most forward to be their own accufers? or any more corrupt and naught, than thofe that are readieft to rife up in their own defence and commendation? With me then, it goes a good way into the character of a fincere Chriftian, much to debafe and criminate, judge, and condemn himself. As on the other hand, I cannot but take it for a fhrewd fufpicion of one in a forry condition, that is used still to diffemble, and flourish off the evil of his heart and life; and commonly to clear and justify (if not ap

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plaud) himself: as if he were pure and innocent; even without any guilt or fault. Thus are fome at pains, to paint a rotten poft; to caft a fine cover over the filthy corruption; and indeed to difcover their nakedness most of all, by their industrious ftriving thus to conceal it. While thus they fhew, that they are yet in the old darknefs; and still faft afleep in their fins: because they fee nothing amifs; nor are come to reflect, and tell their dreams. And the more like they are to Laodicea, the worse still to be liked: when they fay, as Rev. iii. 17. "They "are rich, and increafed with goods; and have "need of nothing: and know not that they are "wretched, and miferable, and poor, and blind, " and naked." Though the Lord knows, how bad it is with them, by nature; and by their own vain converfation, and evil doing; yet they feem to apprehend nothing of the matter, but carry, as if all were well on their fide; when, alas, all is to naught with their fouls: and as if they were none of the fallen and loft, whom Chrift had need to come feek and fave. How often doft thou fee this, my foul, and grieve in fecret, for many that feem never to grieve for themselves, but can bear it out brifk and jocund, as if they were in the braveft condition? and count it the greatest wrong, to be told, how much they are out of the right: crying out of the meffenger of the Lord, who cries aloud, to tell them of their fins; What does he make of us? Though peradventure, he can scarce make so bad of them, as really they are, who have been fo extremely out; and not only ftrangers, but enemies, even from the womb. Yet can they reckon upon all good and fair, from the very beginning; and no corruption will run out, till the boils are broken. No, they are touchy, and out of all patience, to have them rubbed upon; and cry, like the poffeffed with devils, Matth. viii. 29. "What have we to

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"do with thee, JESUS, thou Son of God? art thou come to torment us, before the time?" they would fteal upon damnation, to efcape the trouble of converfion. As long as dead in fin; alas, what fense have they of it? what eyes, to fee it? what tongues, to confefs it? what hearts, to bewail it? what concern about the matter? They will not believe a word, (though it be the Word of God,) that makes against them; but conclude ftill, that all must needs fucceed well in their cafe, because they love themselves; and fo they would have it. What do they care, how much evil the Lord knows by them; if they can but get the world to think well of them? they will fhipwreck their fouls, to buoy up their credit. And though they be fhamelefs in finning; yet are they afhamed of confeffing, left it fhould difparage and lose them; when as no thing would, indeed, make it so apparent that there were any hopes of them. Yet, more are they concerned for hiding, than for mending the matter, Though ftill that very hiding does but betray them, becaufe there is not a greater finner, than he that makes fo light of his fins, when his confcience is even like a piece of brawn that feels not the knife; yea, his heart like the anvil, that is never the fofter for all the ftrokes.

O my foul, how contrary is this to the whole generation of God's children? they are better taught, than fo to affront their Lord, and fly in the face of heaven, that lays all the world down before God; and thunders moft terribly, against such things as the hardened wretch can put off fo easily. Inftead of boasting themfelves, they are in bitterness for their fins; and lothe themselves in their own fight, while the unhumbled finner is glorying in his fhame; and afks, what harm have I done? who dare offer to accufe me? he must have his fins proved upon him: and will never plead guilty, till with very

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much ado, it be fcrewed and wrung out of him, and merely extorted from him. The holy apoftle, he arraigns himself, and reads his own indictment, throughout Romans vii. crying out, " O wretched man that I am!" but can I expect it, my foul, to hear any of the devil's vaffals fo ingenuous, as to preach of themselves, and declare against the works of their mafter? No, he that has the power over them, ftops their mouths from uttering fuch kind of language; and will not fuffer them fo to fhame the devil, or to flinch from his fervice.

But do the sturdy criminals think, that God has fuch need of them; he must take them into favour, before ever they are fenfible, how they have offended? O how vain, how impudent is this, my foul! when, be fure, he will make them better to know themselves; yea, make their own wickedness correct them, and their backflidings reprove them ; till they perceive and fee," what an evil thing it is, "and bitter, that they have forfaken the Lord; "and that his fear was not in them," Jer. ii. 19. And O how wretched is their cafe, who never yet knew how wretched it was! how far are they from the kingdom of God, when they have not fo much as fetched the firft ftep towards it? and what help fhall they find from the heavenly phyfician, who feel no fpiritual fickness? what reft in the Saviour for their fouls, that never came to him labouring and heavy laden? did he come to call fuch righte ous ones! no, his business is, to fet up the humbled, and to heal the broken hearted. And let this comfort thee, my foul, under the fharp feeling of thy fins, when they are ever before thy eyes, and prefs heavy upon thy heart; think not then the worfe of thy cafe, but be glad that thou haft fo much life and fenfe, and fuch a trouble upon thy fpirit, as fends thee away to thy Saviour, and puts thee in a preparation for his falvation. Time was, thou couldest

think all well, when all was amifs; but now art thou likelier, indeed, to have all well, because thou difcerneft what is amifs. And though it is no pleafant, yet it is a needful fight: for dideft thou not fee it, how couldeft thou amend it! and if they that never knew the grace of God in truth, (to put fire under their pots, and heat them into fuch a troublefome concern for their fins,) can be fo filly, as to hug themselves in that escape; and brag, what continual peace they have had; and none of thefe fears, and doubts, and forrows; pitying thee, for having fuch a melancholy time. O my foul, do thou rather pity the poor fenfeless creatures, that are yet lying in their graves; and, if they do not fooner hear the voice of the Son of GOD, to roufe them into life and sense, must feel and smart for it eternally, when it will be too late for remedy. And be thou well contented, to abide the discipline of that good hand, which is thus plucking thee out of everlasting trouble; that thou mayeft have all thy hell here; and after thy mourning a while for fin, be comforted with pleasure for evermore.

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ISCOVER me, O LORD, I pray thee, ftill more and more to myfelf; and make me "to understand of a truth how it is with my foul; "that I may not flatter myself in my own eyes, nor "reckon myself to be, what I am not, or to have "what I have not; but let me perceive the worft of cc my cafe; that I that I may feek in time, for the effectual help. And when I have done my very beft, yet "let me acknowledge, that I am unprofitable, and "finful; and look to be justified and faved, only by the free grace of God, through the redemp❝tion of our Lord Jefus Chrift. Amen."

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