way, and charges me to do just the contrary. Never muft I offer fo to fet up for myfelf, out of God; nor look upon myfelf as my own, but his; nor allow of any inclinations, that interfere and clash with his appointments; but ftill throw all my own in- · terefts under his, and not to do this or the other, only because I have a mind to it; but because I think that God is pleased with it; faying from my very heart, Lord, not my will, but thine be done; and down with felf-will and felf-conceit, that God may be all in all.

Nor muft I only renounce what is downright ungodly, but deny myself in fuch things as minister to my idleness and luxury, to my worldliness and avarice, to my pride and vain-glory, to my wrath and vengeance; as gulofity and loofe company, affectation of fashions and pompous accommodations, a gamesome life, wanton dalliance and vain converfation. I muft not only be humble in all my abundance, but open handed in letting it go to do good; not fcraping and hoarding up, to value myself the more, upon having fo much; but looking upon it, only as a price put into my hands, to do the better fervice to God and religion, by being the richer in good works. I must not be fond of the world's dignities or of my own accomplishments, or others commendations, or whatever would puff me up, and make me proud; but even remember that I am a poor frail worm, and finful duft and afhes. I must not be inflamed with the impertinence of fools, the contradiction of finners, the abufes of neighbours, the malice of enemies, or the falfhood of friends; but curb the boisterous paffions, poffefs my foul in patience, and not fhew fierce and outrageous in my own cause and quarrel, as if I could not be deceived, or were too good to be wronged. I muft not be wedded to my own will and way, fo as to think of carrying all before me, and to affect men only

according

*

according as they please me, and scarce ever forgive fuch as affront me; but endure to be croffed of men, as well as afflicted of the Lord; and bear it with meekness from men, and humble myself under the hand of God; not repining at it, when fo he would have it, but thinking that to be best for me, which he lays upon me: yea, I must use to cross myself, and act against my laziness, and give against my penuriousness, and abftain against my voluptuousness, and abase myself against my pride, and contain myself against my wrath. And all this, my foul, is not to be indeed againft but for myself. It is to promote my best interest and my greatest advantage, here to make me good, and hereafter to keep me from the worst of all evils. When they that are all for indulging to their flesh, do but go all to naught, and practise the greatest cruelty in nurfing it up for everlasting mifery. And fo when they feem most of all for themfelves, they only make rods for themselves, feed the enemies to cut their throats, and to avoid a little trouble of mor tifying their lufts, fpill the blood, and for ever ruin the blifs of their fouls.

Deny myself then, my foul, I muft, or do worse; for in fparing myself, I fhall but spoil myself; but if I would follow my Saviour into his glory, this of felf-denial he has told me, is the way, Matt. xvi. 24. "If I deny not myself, I deny him; and he will "deny me." And what is it but mockery, to call myfelf his, when another leader has me more than he has; and another intereft fways me more than his does? I must therefore break my own will, and fet myself against that enemy within me, which gives all the reft advantage against me; and dread it as the heaviest plague on this fide hell, to be abandoned over to myfelf, to follow the fwing of my own lufts, and to make my willing rule, to do only what is good in my own eyes. But to deny myself,

what

what is it, but to transfer the right to the true owner, and put myself, from a forry keeper, into the best hands? and however fenfe may reluctate against it, my reafon is clearly for it; that he who made me, and redeemed me, fhould have the dif pofing of me. And I cannot really do myself a greater kindness, than in being fo feemingly unkind to myself. It is the means of grace, and the way of my peace, and honour, and blifs. It will make me good, and eafy, and ferene, in my mind; and beft fatisfied with myself, and moft chearful and comfortable in my life; to refcue myfelf from the care of a fool, and the mercy of an enemy, and put my self into the hands of a God, that is my chief good, to take me to his favour, and revive me with the light of his countenance, and guide me with his counfel, till he receive me into his glory.

35

NONVINCE me, O LORD my God, that the felf-denial, which has looked fo frightful "unto me, is nothing unfriendly to me; but what "I have mistaken to be againft me, is indeed the beft for me. O teach me fo well to understand "it, that I may come to like well of it, and love to "ufe myself to it, and may experience the happy "advantages which come by it: yea, give me, "Lord, fupernatural aids, to enable me for the do"ing of that, which by own ftrength I cannot ef "fect. That I may not only think of it, but fuc"cessfully accomplish the thing pleafing to God, "and fatisfactory to my own mind, in fetting my"felf against my particular temptations, and for"bearing the evil to which I am urged; that fo doing, I may get the worthieft victories over myfelf, and get above the biggest dangers, that

"threaten

"threaten my foul; and may be fafe in thy hands, "and accepted in thy fight. Amen."

MEDITATION LXVIII.

Of the Confeffion of Sin.

MY foul, how are finful men for keeping the devil's counfel; and covering their tranfgref fions, as Adam; either with lies, to deny it; or with impudence, to brazen it off; or with excuses and extenuations, to glofs it over; or with fome shifts and evasions, to transfer the blame away from themselves to others! but, alas, none of these covers will ferve the turn, to falve the matter, and conceal their guilt, or bring them off in the judgment. For all will come to light; and be fure, their fin will find them out; and be found more hateful upon them, because they were fo difingenuous and sturdy in it. And they fhall have the fadder after-reckoning, because they were for keeping all close to the laft: and fo treasured up to themfelves wrath against the day of wrath, to bear the heavy brunt of all together. But the confefling of fin, is as a vomit to relieve the burdened foul, and to bring down mercy and pardon from the Lord. So the offender found it, Pfalm xxxii. 5. "I faid, I will confefs my tranfgreffions "to the Lord, and thou forgaveft the iniquity of 66 my fin." And fo, to all it is promised; 1 John

i.

5. "If we confefs our fins, he is faithful and just "to forgive them." My confeffion then, is not to acquaint him with what he does not know of my cafe; but to abafe myself, and break my heart, and fo to prepare me for his compaffion, to my remiffion, and falvation.

I am to make my confeffion, to fuch as I have wronged, who are capable of forgiving the injury done to themselves: and I am also at liberty, to confefs other fins to the priest, or to any elfe, as far as I think them concerned, or likely to minifter any eafe and help. But I fee no more obligation for others to confefs to the prieft; than for the priest to confefs to them. And I wonder how the Romanifts (if they had not the knack to extract quidlibet ex quolibet,) could fetch their auricular confeffion, and fuch fhriving themfelves to the prieft, wherewith they entangle the confciences of their people, from Jam. v. 16. where it is made reciprocal: and the thing recommended, is confeffing our fins, mutually to one another; which if practifed as it ought, might indeed be of very great fervice, to keep us humble, to establish the weak in grace, that are be low us, and to invite in the aids of the ftrong, that are above us.

But to the offended majefty, who is alfo the foun tain of mercy, I am to tell all, and to make my confeffions, without limitations. And when himfelf fhews me this way, and is pleafed to open this door, O fhall not I, a wretched finner, readily and thankfully accept the bleffed favour; and thus go upon my fubmiffion to my Father; that fo foon can remedy where others, that hear my forrowful tale, can no more than pity? to him will I freely pour out my complaint, and fhew him all my trouble. I will go and tell him, where it pinches, and what is the plague of my heart; and not fpare myself, that he may spare me. I will humbly arraign myself at his holy tribunal; and acknowledge my defert of his condemning fentence. With fhame of face, and forrow of heart, I will fo abase myself, and bewail my fins; and purfue them with hatred, into his prefence, to have execution done upon them, as the enemies of his honour, and of my foul. Yet will I VOL. I.

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