ven, yea, by him, that is higher than all the angels, our Lord Redeemer hin felf; who "came not to be "miniftered to, but to minifter," Mat. xx. 28. I only bewail my unworthiness of it, and my infufficiency for it that I have the treasure, not only in an earthen, but in a broken and defiled veffel: and have been an ill enfample to the flock; and either too rigid, or too remifs in my applications; seeking my own honour, cafe and lucre, more than the glory of my Lord, the pleafing of God, and the faving of fouls: impatient to be croffed, and enraged at wrongs to myfelf, but not fo much concerned for the fuccefs of his word, and holy religion. I have been a keeper of the vineyards, but my own vine I have not kept. My finful neglects, I confefs them: O may the Lord forgive them, and enable me, by his grace, ftill to amend the matter, and to do more and better !

But seeing I have this miniftry, my foul, as I have received mercy, I muft not faint; but go on in the name of the Lord, to make full proof of it: and by fetting home God's truths upon men's hearts, approve myself faithful, both to him, and them: and fo please him that fent me, and also be his inftrument, to fave them that hear me. Though, when I have thus discharged my confcience, in fpeaking boldly, and dealing freely, and rebuking sharply; and regarding the favour of God, more than the pleafing of man, I fhall be like to lofe fo many friends, and procure fo many enemies, and pull fo much ill will and clamour on my head, that never can I be able to bear up with any comfort; if not fup. ported with the peace of my own mind; and the hope of better things to come.

For to be huffed and fcorned, by proud, lordly finners; (whofe common theme, is the contempt of the clergy:) to be frowned and looked awry upon; and nothing but ftomached and abused by all the

guilty that are touched, and hold themselves aggrieved, yea, to be used worst, when we do our duty beft, and find no returns but hatred, for all our labour of love: fo thanklefs an office is this that nobody that meant to be faithful in it, would meddle with it; did he not overlook all present things, to confider thofe that are eternal. One would even as foon chufe to be a scavenger or executioner, as a conscientious minifter; did we not expect another scene of things, beyond this tranfitory world; where the cafe will be fo extremely altered. The fmall thanks, and the scurvy returns, from thofe, to whofe fouls we offer the biggest kindness, would make us even defperate, and weary of our life, as well as of our of fice; if we were not affured, that our judgment were with the Lord, and our work with our God: in whofe eyes we shall be glorious, though Ifrael be not gathered.

O how often does it fadden thee, my foul, to fee fome of the flock wandering, and running to ruin; while I ftrive and labour in vain, to reduce them? and yet muft I endeavour to find out the very things, which are my pain and grief to difcover. I muft be inquifitive and obfervant, to know the condition of my people: that I may the better understand how to make fuitable applications to particular perfons. And I must use great plainness of fpeech; and often inculcate the fame needful truths: Yea, often must I speak, as they count it, out of feafon; and make more bold than welcome; and rather be cenfured by ill men, for barking, than be condemned of the holy Lord, for dumb. If they will not give leave, I must take it: and proceed in pursuance of my office, counting it a fmall thing, to be judged of man's judgment; and fet at work all my wits, and ufe all honeft arts, and with zeal and ferven cy, exercife my miniftry: though I may feem a difturber of the peace, and troublefome to the men

at

at eafe that I may not indeed ftand as a cypher, nor only bear the name of a minifter. When I muft give only an account; and be refponfible, for the fouls under my care, to do that with joy, and not with grief, upon which hangs all their falvation, or damnation everlasting; I must keep up my heart, and harden my face even against the turdieft finners, and make my way, against the biggest discouragements; not fo much minding mens good looks or words, as the fad neceffity of their cafe, and the eternal fecurity of their fouls. Looking unto Jefus, who endured fo great contradiction of finners against himfelt! and believing, that when the great fhepherd fhall appear, I fhall receive a crown of glory, that fades not away. And if they that turn many to righteousness, shall fhine as the ftars for ever and ever: then may I conclude, that he who fo winneth fouls is wife: though to pluck them as brands out of the fire, he may be fcorched himself: yet let men take it as they will: it is enough, if he that fets me a-work, is pleafed with the performance, and my labour fhall not be in vain in the Lord. Though I be counted as the off-fcouring of all things I fhall find no caufe to complain, if he be pleased to take notice of it, to my glory; that in the midft of a crooked and perverfe generation, I endeavoured to fhine as a light in the world: and though I did not all that I would or fhould: yet, was full of care, to do whatever I could, to glorify him on earth, and to help my neighbours to heaven.

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MY Lord, and Master in heaven! who haft

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been pleased to employ me in thy work, I "defire to lift up my heart, in thankfulness for the "high favour, and alfo to beg grace and ftrength "of thee, fufficient for the weighty bufinefs. O "make me a meflenger for good, to the people,

whose

I

"whofe minifter I am; a true friend of their fouls, " and the effectual inftrument of their falvation. "have spoken in the name of the Lord, the truths of "thy word: but in great infirmity; and with fuch "manifold defects, and foul mifcarriages, in the "way of my miniftry: that I extremely need, and "earneftly beg thy mercy. O if the Lord fhould "require at my hands all the fouls fpoiled and hurt,

through my neglects in my work, and the fcan"dals in my life; 1 fhould be covered with confu "fion, and fink under a remedilefs condemnation. "But, O Lord God, merciful and gracious, who haft

thy arms ftill extended, to receive every penitent, "that fadly bewails his fins, and humbly implores thy pardon, pity and spare thy fervant, I befeech thee; and humble me in thy fight, and forgivę "me all my finful or iffions and commiffions: and "caufe me to experience in myself, fome of the joy "of that falvation, which I preach to others: that "receiving fuch mercy from thee, I may for ever glorify and praise thee. Amen."

MEDITATION XCV.

Before the Lord's Supper.

My foul! whither am I now going? and what fhould I now be doing? I am invited to feast even with the King of heaven, and to receive the moft precious favour at the hands of my Lord. And, O with how great concern and awfulness, fhould I enter into fuch a prefence? and also, with what sweet refentment and chearfulness, should I put on for fuch a bleffing? O what deep humiliation and reverence becomes the finful and unworthy? and yet with

what

what high expectation, and mighty confidence, may we approach to the Lord of love, that is moft rich in mercy? I muft eat the paffover with bitter herbs, and forrowful remorfe for the fins, that caufed my Saviour's fufferings; but I muft chew upon it alfo with all love and gratitude to my dear Redeemer ; and with faith and rejoicing in Chrift Jefus: that he would be pleafed fo to fuffer for my fins, to fave me from the endless fufferings of hell. The forrow, for what I, a child of difobedience, have done, must not overwhelm my comfort, in that which he, the Son of God, has done; nor muft I wallow in fuch confternation, as fhall hinder and deftroy the communion. For it is (my foul) a feftival entertainment, and eating and drinking in token of reconciliation, and peace, and friendfhip from above: to fhew that the quarrel is taken up, the wrath appeased, and all the indignation overpaft. And it is not a doleful business, only to fadden my heart, but a happy price put into my hands, for the heavenly advantage of my foul, that I may fhare in the infinite fulness of Chrift, to fill up all that is lacking in myself; and not only come to him, but be united with him, and receive all spiritual, bleffed communications from him. The apprehenfion of my unworthiness, that is no bar to my acceptance; nor muft it keep me from him, but rather haften me to him. For if none but the worthy fhould be accepted; ah, Lord, who then could be faved? but according to the grace of the gofpel, I fhall be the worthier, for being fenfible, how unworthy I am. And though I know myfelf to be exceeding unworthy; yet may I eat and drink worthily; i. e. fuitably to the ordinance; in fuch reverence and penitence, and faith, and love, and defire after Chrift, and thankfulness to him, as fhall make me meet to receive him; though not to deferve him. Thus may I be dreft up in a facramental garb, pro

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