and where the wages of my fin is death, yet the gift of God is eternal life through Jefus Chrift our Lord.

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LORD, I have finned myfelf not only paft the power of counting, but even paft the "fenfe of feeling my fins. No malignity and pro❝ vocation do they want, to turn thee utterly against me, and make thee caft me away with abhorrence "from thee. Yet thou, even thou, O Lord, art he "who blotteft out our tranfgreffions for thy own "fake, and will not remember our fins against us, "to impute them unto us; because thy own belov"ed Son has paid all our scores for us. Thou haft "declared to the world, and affured us in thy word, "that thou delighteft not in the death of finners, " and my own experience confirms me in it, that "thou art not willing I fhould perish. For had it "been thy pleasure, Lord, to ruin me, O how long "before this day, nighteft thou have gained that "end upon me! to the mercy then that fo long has fpared me, I feek and fue for yet further mercy to

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forgive me. Nor can I count it vain to afkor "that, which thou delighteft to beftow. But to the "reprieve which thou haft granted I beg that thou "wilt be pleased to add my pardon: and abfolve ❝me from all my guilt: and for thy dear Son's fake, "let me find gracious acceptance in thy fight. "Amen."

TH

MEDITATION

XCVIII.

Of the Peace of Conscience.

HERE is no peace to the wicked. No, my foul; all the peace wherein they hug themselves VOL. I. 3 N

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and which they feem to enjoy, is only a dream and delufion; which arifes but from the forgetfulness, and infenfibleness of their condition. When they are concluding, that all is well, only because they observe not what is amifs: nor fee it, because they have loft their eyes, nor feel the evil, because they are grown paft feeling. But the true peace, they cannot have even with themfelves, any more than with heaven when they go on to do fuch things, as they can never answer to their own minds: and fo, muft needs go self-condemned, as far as any confcience is alive in them, and no faving good can they hope to themselves, upon any good grounds: but as they have rueful fouls within them, fo have they a dreadful profpect before them. And the peace to which they rudely lay claim, belongs to another fort of men, that take a better courfe of life. For peace, and great peace have they, that love thy law, O Lord. There is no fuch fweet fatisfaction, as in the way of our duty; where we are fed with the continual feast of a chearful conscience; revived with the light of thy bleffed countenance, and heartened on, with the hopes of thy heavenly glory.

Though holy fouls, as they are tender, may be timorous; and even when they are fafe, yet fometimes mistrust their own fafety: nor have all thofe made fhipwreck of good confcience, that fail in dark nights, and bluftering days: but many that work out their falvation with fear and trembling, may be upon much better terms with Heaven, than others that rush on more confidently and pretending. Yet ftill, righteousness has the greatest tendency to establishment to fettle the mind, and make a sweet composure within; even amidst all perturbations abroad. Grace and peace ufe to go hand in hand together. And O the happy calm and ferenity of that breast, where he (by his Spirit) comes, who hufhes winds and waves, and wars; and makes all ftill and quiet

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before him! my foul, fet thyfelf, to learn this way of peace. For O who can abide to lie on the rack of conscience? and what good will thy life do to thee, without comfort? and what comfort canft thou find in all the enjoyments of the world, if thou haft no quiet at home; but must be ftill on the ramble, feeking reft, and finding none to thy mind; becaufe, alas, thy mind is all out of frame to receive it. For where guilt remains, peace keeps off And thou art guilty, as long as unrighteous and ftill thou wilt be unrighteous, till thou haft affiance in the Lord our righteousnefs. For all thy purging of conscience will never do, without the great purgative, of his blood. Let fome vain gloriously talk as big as they will, of their uprightnefs, and innocence, and clear confcience, and good works; alas it is but empty talk and it is not in my works, but in my Saviour, that I fhall find reft to my foul. For live I never fo exactly, and make never fuch ftraight paths for my feet: this will not clear me off in many points, ftill wanting and amifs: if I do not fly to the fanctuary of Chrift's merits and righteoufnefs. Still fhall I be diffident of all that is in me, or that can be done by me, till I center in the only Mediator between the holy God and finful man: and disclaim all else, to make Jefus my only hope. For the utmost that ever I can boast, what is it, but the main bent of my heart, and the general drift of my life? but alas, in many things we offend all; and are often at a lofs, to make out but our fincerity; which is the only accomplishment, that we can now pretend to. So, that ftill I need a Saviour, to fave me, even from the condemnation of my own heart : and it is only, when juftified by faith, that I have peace with God, thro' our Lord Jefus Christ.

But this notwithstanding, that the best I can do myfelf, will not quite ftop the mouth of clamorous confcience: yet, my foul, there must be good works

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and godly life; to ftop confidence from running into impudence, and faith from dwindling away into fancy. So muft I clear off old fcores, that I may not come before the Lord, as if I would still ftand to my fins. And where I cannot come without them; yet muft I be humbled for them, and refolved against them. For O what peace can I have with confcience, as long as I have peace with fin? what good teftimony, from a bad confcience? it must be void of offence; before it will be full of joy. For how can the corrupt tree bring forth good fruit; therefore, when pricked and troubled, I must feek to remove the cause; and pluck out the thorn, that I may have ease, and cleanse the fountain, if I defire to taste of the sweet ftream. For what but uproar, mutiny, disturbance, and all to pieces in the wicked foul! difcordant lufts, though jarring among themfelves, yet can all well enough agree, to tear and divide it: and though they promise nothing but eafe, when they come to be gratified, yet the compliance with them only gives them new ftings, to wound our fouls: and it is but like pouring down water in the feverish heats, that presently more inflames and torments. Thefe breedbates then must be turned out; ere the foul can return to its reit. But when I become the Lord's freeman, manumitted from under the ufurpation of luft and paffion, a blessed change then I find, like the right fetting of diflocated bones: or coming out of a tempeftuous fea, into a new world of fuch tranquillity as I was a mere ftranger to before. When the beaftly lufts are killed, then do I live like a man. When the enemies are cut off, that troubled me; then fhall I indeed have the quiet life.

Yet it is not every fin, my foul, that will break thy peace: if it only remains in me, but is not allowed by me, though my heart may condemn me, yet will the gospel acquit me. If there be no (peccatum devoratorium falutis. Tert.) fuch wickedness að

ruins all the hopes of heaven: the God of all grace will not then take me at the worst, nor damn the believer in his Son, for every miscarriage of life. No, let holiness be predominate, and keep uppermoft in me; and then there will be heart's ease, and my foul fuch a region of peace, where clouds are difperfed, and ftorms laid, and all made bright and calm. This armour of light will make thee bold in thy God, againft all the world: when thou knoweft nothing by thyfelf, but the common frailties of human life; no guilt harboured, no way of wickednefs, in which thou art engaged. Look over thy accounts then, and caft up thy book, my foul: to fee what remains yet, not croffed out by repentance, and faith in the blood of Chrift Jefus, and make hafte thus to clear it off, and for the future, use conscience fair and friendly; if thou wouldst have it to comfort and befriend thee. O may this take thee off every wicked way; and for ever turn thy heart against the fins which thou art tempted to admit and follow: not only, that they will be bitterness in the latter end, but deftroy all thy peace, even at prefent; and throw thee into the fhadow of death, and the mouth of hell. And if thou make fuch defperate adventures, and run the loose risks, thy God will be angry with thee, and instead of looking fweet upon thee, will hide his face from thee, and thunder with his wrath and judgments against thee: yea, turn thy own confcience (which fhould be thy fweet comforter) to be thy cruel tormentor. O if thou ftandeft fair with heaven then, know when thou art well; and hold faft thy righteoufnefs, and let no temptation in the world ever prevail with thee, to buy any pleasure of fin. at fo dear a rate, as the lofs of thy peace, and thy God, and heaven, and the joy unfpeakable, and pleafures for evermore.

THE