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'T is here grave poets urge their clajin,

Hail mighty thane, for Scotland born, For some thin blast of tiny fame;

To fill her almost empty horn: Here bind their temples drunk with praise,

Hail to thy ancient glorious stem, With half a sprig of wither'd bays.

Not they from kings, but kings from them. O poet, if that honour'd name Befits such idle childish aim; If Virgil ask thy sacred care, If Horace charm thee, oh forbear

THE CIT'S COUNTRY BOX, 1757. To spoil with sacrilegious hand,

Vos sapere & solos aio bene vivere, quorum, The glories of the classic land:

Conspicitur nitidis fundata pecunia villis. Hor. Nor sow thy dowlas on the satin, Of their pure uncorrupted Latin.

The wealthy Cit, grown old in trade, Retter be native in thy verse,

Now wishes for the rural shade, What is Fingal but genuine Erse?

And buckles to his one horse chair, Which all sublime sonorous flows,

Old Dobbin, or the founder'd mare; Like Hervey's thoughts in drunken prose.

While wedg'd in closely by his side, Hail Scotland, hail, to thee belong

Sits madam, his unwieldy bride, All pow'rs, but most the pow'rs of song;

With Jacky on a stool before 'em, Whether the rude unpolish'd Erse

And out they jog in due decorum. Stalk in the buckram prose or verse,

Scarce past the turnpike half a mile, Or bonny Ramsay please thee ino',

How all the country seems to smile! Who sang sae sweetly aw his woe.

And as they slowly jog together, If aught (and say who knows so well)

The cit commends the road and weather; The second-sighted Muse can teil,

Wbile madam doats upon the trees, The happy lairds shall laugh and sing,

And longs for every house she sees, When England's Genius droops his wing.

Admires its views, its situation, So shall thy soil new wealth disclose,

And thus she opens her oration : So thy own thistle choke the rose.

“ What signify the loads of wealth, But what comes here? Methinks I see

Without that richest jewel, health? A walking university.

Excuse the fondness of a wife, See how they press to cross the Tweed,

Who doats upon your precious life! And strain their limbs with eager speed !

Such ceaseless toil, such constant care, While Scotland, from her fertile shore,

Is more than human strength can bear. Cries, “ On my sons, return no more."

One may observe it in your face Hither they haste with willing mind,

Indeed, my dear, you break apace : Nor cast one longing look behind;

And nothing can your health repair, On ten-toe carriage to salute

But exercise and country air. The king, and queen, and earl of Bute.

Sir Traffic has a house, you know, No more the gallant northern sons

About a mile from Cheney-Row; Spout forth their strings of Latin puns;

He's a good man, indeed 't is true, Nor course all languages to frame

But not so warm, my dear, as you: The quibble suited to their name;

And folks are always apt to speerAs when their ancestors be-vers'd

One would not be out-done, my dear!” That glorious Stuart, James the First.

Sir Traflic's name, so well apply'd, But with that elocution's grace,

Awak'd his brother merchant's pride; That oratorial flashy lace,

And Thrifty, who had all his life Which the fam'd Irish Tommy Puff,

Paid utmost deference to his wife, Would sow on sentimental stuff;

Confess'd her arguments bad reason, Twang with a sweet pronunciation,

And by th' approaching summer season, The flow'rs of bold imagination.

Draws a few hundreds from the stocks, Macpherson leads the flaming van,

And purchases his country box. Laird of the new Fingalian clan;

Some three or four miles out of town, While Jacky Home brings up the rear,

(An hour's ride will bring you down,) With new-got pension neat and clear

He fixes on bis choice abode, Three bundred English pounds a year.

Not balf a furlong from the road : While sister Peg, our ancient friend,

And so convenient does it lay, Sends Macs and Donalds without end;

The stages pass it ev'ry day: To George awhile they tune their lays,

And then so snug, so mighty pretty, Then all their choral voices raise,

To have an house so near the city! To heap their panegyric wit on

Take but your places at the Boar Th’illustrious chief, and our North Briton. You're set down at the very door. Hail to the thane, whose patriot skill

Well then, suppose them fix'd at lasty Can break all nations to his will;

White-washing, painting, scrubbing past, Master of sciences and arts,

Hugging themselves in ease and clover, Mæcenas to all men of parts;

With all the fuss of moving over; Whose fost'ring hand, and ready wit,

Lo, a new heap of whims are bred! Shall find us all in places fit;

And wanton in my lady's head. So shall thy friends no longer roam,

“ Well to be sure, it must be own’d, But change to meet a settled home,

It is a charming spot of ground;


So sweet a distance for a ride,
And all about so countrifeil!
'I would come but to a trifling price
To make it quite a Paradise;
I cannot bear those nasty rails,
Those ugly broken mouldy pales:
Suppose, my dear, instead of these,
We build a railing, all Chinese.
Although one hates to be expos'd;
'Tis dismal to be thus enclos'd;
One hardly any object sees,
I wish you'd fell those odious trees.
Objects continual passing by
Were something to amuse the eye,
But to be pent within the walls
One might as well be at St. Paul's.
Our house, beholders would adore,
Was there a level laivn before,
Nothing its views to incommode,
But quite laid open to the road;
While ev'ry trav'ler in amaze,
Should on our little mansion gaze,
And pointing to the choice retreat,
Cry, 'that's sir Thrifty's country seat.”

No doubt her arguments prevail,
For madam's taste can never fail.

Blest age! when all men may procure
The title of a connoisseur;
When noble and ignoble herd
Are govern'd by a single word;
Though, like the royal German dames,
It bears an hundred Christian names,
As genius, fancy, judgment, goût,
Whim, caprice, je-ne-scai-quoi, virtù,
Which appellations all describe
Taste, and the modern tasteful tribe.

Now bricklay'rs, carpenters, and joiners,
With Chinese artists, and designers,
Prorluce their schemes of alteration,
To work this wondrous reformation.
The useful dome, which secret stood,
Enbosom'd in the yer-tree's wood,
The trav'ler with amazement sees
A temple, Gothic, or Chinese,
With many a bell, and tawdry rag on,
And crested with a sprawling dragon;
A wooden arco is bent astride
A ditch of water, four foot wide,
With angles, curves, and zigzag lines,
From Halfpenny's exact designs.
In front, a level lawn is seen,
Without a shrub upon the green,
Where taste would want its first great law,
But for the skulking, sly ha-ha,
By whose miraculous assistance,
You gain a prospect two fields distance,
And now from Hyde-Park Corner come
The gods of Athens, and of Rome.
Here squabby Cupids take their places,
With Venus, and the clumsy Graces:
Apollo there, with aim so clever,
Stretches his leaden bow for ever;
And there without the pow'r to fly,
Stands, fix'd a tip-toe, Mercury.

The villa thus completely grac'd,
All own that Thrifty has a taste;
And madam's female friends, and cousins,
With common-council-men, by dozens,
Flock every Sunday to the seat,
To stare about them, and to eat,


In all professionary skill,
There never was, nor ever will
Be excellence, or exhibition,
But fools are up in opposition;
Each letter'd, grave, pedantic dunce
Wakes from his lethargy at once,
Shrugs, shakes his head, and rubs his eyes,
And, being dull, looks wondrous wise,
With solemnu nhiz, and critic scowl,
The wisdom u nis brother ow).

Moderns! He hates the very name;
Your ancients have prescriptive claiin:
But let a century be past,
And we have taste and wit at last;
For at that period moderns too
Just turn the corner of virtù.
But merit now has little claim
To any meed of present fame,
For 'tis not worth that gets you friends,
'Tis excellence that most offends.
If, Proteus-like, a Garrick's art,
Shows taste and skill in every part;
If, ever just to Nature's plan,
He is in all the very man,
E'en bere shall Envy take her aim,
- write, and

The Jealous Wife, tho'chastely writ,
With no parade of frippery wit,
Shall set a scribbling, all at once,
Both giant wit, and pigmy dunce;
While Critical Reviewers write,
Who show their teeth before they bite,
And sacrifice each reputation,
From wanton false imagination.
These observations, rather stale,
May borrow spirit froin a tale.

Genius, a bustling lad of parts,
Who all things did by fits and starts,
Nothing above him or below him,
Who'd make a riot, or a poem,
From eccentricity of thouzht,
Not always do the thing he ought;
But was it once his own election,
Would bring all matters to perfection;
Would act, design, engrave, write, paint,
But neither, from the least constraint;
Who hated all pedantic schools,
And scorn'd the gloss of knowing fools,
That hold perfection all in all,
Yet treat it as mechanical,
And give the same sufficient rule
To inake a poem, as a stool-
From the tirst spring-time of his youth,
Was downright worshipper of Truth;
And with a free and liberal spirit,
His courtship paid to lady Merit.

Envy, a squint-ey'd, mere old maid,
Well known among the scribbling trade;
A hag, so very, very thin,
Her bones peep'd through her bladder-skin;
Who could not for her soul abide
That folks should praise, where she must chide,
Follow'd the youth where'er be went,
To mar each good and brave intent;
Would lies, and plots, and mischief hatch,
To ruin him and spoil the match.

Honour she held at bold defiance,

Whate'er he tries with due attention, Talk'd much of faction, gang, alliance,

Rarely escapes his apprehension; As if the real sons of taste

Surmounting every opposition, Had clubbid to lay a desert waste.

You'd swear he learnt by intuition. In short, wherever Genius came,

Shou'd he rely alone on parts, You'd find this antiquated dame;

And study therefore but by starts, Whate'er be did, where'er he went,

Sure of success whene'er he tries, She follow'd only to torment;

Should be forego the means to rise ? Callid Merit by a thousand names,

Suppose your watch a Graham make, Which decency or truth disclaims,

Gold, if you will, for value's sake; While all her business, toil, and care,

Its springs within in order due, Was to depreciate, lie, compare,

No watch, when going, goes so true; To pull the modest maiden down,

If ne'er wound up with proper care, And blast her fame to all the town.

Wbat service is it in the wear? The youth, inflam'd with conscious pride,

Some genial spark of Phæbus' rays, To prince Posterity apply'd,

Perhaps within your bosom plays: Who gave his answer thus in rhyme,

O how the purer rays aspire, By his chief minister, old Time:

If application fans the fire! “ Repine not at what pedants say,

Without it genius vainly tries, We'll bring thee forward on the way;

Howe'er sometimes it seem to rise: If wither'd Envy strive to hurt

Nay application will prevail, With lies, with impudence, and dirt,

When braggart parts and genius fail: You only pay a common tax

And now to lay my proof before ye, Which fool, and knave, and dunce exacts.

I here present you with a story, Be this thy comfort, this thy joy,

In days of yore, when Time was young, Thy strength is in its prime, my boy,

When birds convers'd as well as sung, And ev'ry year thy vigour grows,

When use of speech was not confiu'd Iinpairs the credit of my foes.

Merely to brutes of human kind, Envy shall sink, and be no more

A forward Hare, of swiftness vain, Than what her Naiads were before;

The genius of the neighb'ring plain, Mere excremental maggots, bred,

Wou'd oft deride the drudging crowd: In poet's topsy-turvy head,

For geniuses are ever proud. Born like a momentary Ay,

He'd boast, his flight 't were vain to follow, To flutter, buzz about, and die.

For dog and horse he'd beat them hollow, “ Yet, Genius, mark what I presage,

Nay, if he put forth all his strength, Who look through every distant age:

Outstrip his brethren half a length. Merit shall bless thee with her charms,

A Tortoise heard his vain oration, Fame lift thy offspring in her arms,

And vented thus his indignation. And stamp eternity of grace

“ Oh Puss, it bodes thee dire disgrace, On all thy numerous various race.

When I defy thee to thy race. Roubilliac, Wilton, names as high

Come, 't is a match, nay, no denial, As Phidias of antiquity,

I lay my shell upon the trial," Shall strength, expression, manner give,

'T was done and gone, all fair, a bet, And make e'en marble breathe and live;

Judges prepar'd, and distance set. While Sigismunda's deep distress,

The scamp'ring Hare outstript the wind, Which looks the soul of wretchedness,

The creeping Tortoise lagg'd behind, When I, with slow and softning pen,

And scarce had pass'd a single pole, Have gone o'er all the tints again,

When Puss had almost reach'd the goal. Shall urge a bold and proper claim

“ Priend Tortoise,” quoth the jeering Hare, To levei half the ancient fame;

Your burthen's more than you can bear, While future ages yet unknown

To help your speed, it were as well With critic air shall proudly own

That I should ease you of your sheil: Thy Hogarth first of every clime

Jog on a little faster prythee, For humour keen, or strong sublime,

I'll take a nap, and then be with thee." And hail him from his fire and spirit,

So said, so done, and safely sure,
The child of Genius and of Merit."

For say, what conquest more secure?
Whene’er he wak'd (that's all that's in it)
He could o'ertake him in a minute.

The Tortoise heard his taunting jeer,
THE HARE AND TORTOISE. 1757. But still resolv'd to persevere,

Still draw'd along, as who should say, A FABLE.

“I'll win, like Fabius, by delay;" Genius, blest term, of meaning wide,

On to the goal securely crept, For sure no term so misapply'd,

While Puss unknowing soundly slept. How many bear thy sacred name,

The bets were won, the Hare awake, That never felt a real fame!

When thus the victor Tortoise spake: Proud of the specious appellation,

“ Puss, tho' I own thy quicker parts, Thus fools have christen'd inclination.

Things are not always done by starts, But yet suppose a genius true,

You may deride my awkward pace, Exempli gratiâ, me or you:

But slow and steady wins the race."


CUCKOO, are, so Wollaston defines, Of our ideas merely signs,

A FABLE; ADDRESSED TO DAVID GARRICK, ESQ. Which have a pow'r at will to vary,

ON THE REPORT OF HIS RETIRING FROM THE As being vague and arbitrary.

STAGE, DEC. 1760. Now dimn'd for instance—all agree,

Critics, who like the scarecrows stand Damn'd's the superlative degree;

Upon the poet's common land, Means that alone, and nothing more,

And with severity of sense, However taken heretofore;

Drive all imagination thence, Damu'd is a word can't stand alone,

Say that in truth lies all sublime, Which has no meaning of its own,

Whether you write in prose or rhyme. But signifies or bad or good

And yet the truth may lose its grace, Just as its neighbour's understood.

If blurted to a person's face; Examples we may find enough.

Especially if what you speak Damu'd high, damn'd low, damn'd fine, damn'd Shou'd crimson o'er the glowing cheek: stuff.

For when you throw that slaver o'er him, So fares it too with its relation,

And tumble out your praise before him, I mean its substantive, damnation.

However just the application, The wit with metaphors makes bold,

It looks a-squint at adulation. And tells you he's damnation cold;

I would be honest and sincere, Perhaps, that metaphor forgot,

But not a fiatterer, or severe. The self-same wit's damnation hot,

Need I be surly, rough, uncouth, And here a fable I remember

That folks inay think I love the Truth? Once in the middle of December,

And she, good dame, with beauty's queen, When ev'ry mead in snow is lost,

Was not at all times naked seen: And ev'ry river bound with frost,

For every boy, with Prior, knows, When families get all together,

By accident she lost her clothes, And feelingly talk o'er the weather;

When Falshood stole them to disguise When-pox on the descriptive rhyme

Her misbegotten brood of lies. In short it was the winter time.

Why should the prudish goddess dwell It was a Pedlar's happy lut,

Down at the bottom of a well, To fall into a Satyr's cot:

But that she is in piteous fright, Sbiv'ring with cold, and alınost froze,

Lest, rising up to mortal sight, With pearly drop upon his nose,

The modest world should feer and flout her, His fingers' ends all pinch'd to death,

With not a ray of clothes about her? He blew upon them with his breath.

Yet she might wear a proper dress “ Friend,” quoth the Satyr,“ what intends

And keep her essence ne'ertheless, That blowing on thy fingers' ends?”

So Delia's bosom still will rise, It is to warm them tbus I blow,

And fascinate her lover's eyes, For they are froze as cold as snow.

Though round her ivory neck she draws And so inclement has it been,

The decent shade of specious gauze. I'm like a cake of ice within."

I hear it buzz'd about the table, * Come,” quoth the Satyr, “ comfort, man! “ What can this lead to?"-Sirs, I'll cheer thy inside, if I can;

You're welcome in my homely cottage
To a warın fire, and mess of pottage.”

When birds allow'd the Eagle's sway,
This said, the Satyr, nothing loth,

Ere Eagles turn'd to fowls of prey, A bowl prepar'd of sav'ry broth,

His royal majesty of Air Which with delight the Pedlar view'd,

Took Music underneath his care; As smoking on the board it stood.

And, for his queen and court's delight, But, though the very steain arose

Commanded concerts ev'ry night. With grateful odour to his nose,

Here every bird of parts might enter, One siogle sip he ventur'd nut,

The Nightingale was made præcentor; The gruel was so wond're us hot.

Under whose care and just direction, What can be done? --with gentle puff

Merit was sure to meet protection. He blows it, 'till it's cool enough.

The Lark, the Blackbird, and the Robin " Why how now, Pedlar, what's the matter? This concert always bore a bob in: Still at thy blowing !” quoth the Satyr.

The best performers all were in it, “I blow to cool it," cries the clown,

The Thrush, Canary-bird, and Linnet. “ That I may get the liquor down:

But birds, alas! are apt to aim For though I grant, you've made it well,

At things, to which they've smallest claim. You've boil'd it, sir, as hot as Hell.”

The staring Owl, with hideous hoot, Then raising high his cloven stump,

Offer'd his service for a flute. The Satyr smote him on the rump.

The Cuckoo needs would join the band; “ Begone, thou double knare, or fool,

“ The Thrush is but a paltry hand: With the same breath to warm and cool:

And I cap best supply that place, Friendship with such I never hold

For I've a shake, a swell, a grace.” Who're so damn'd hot, and so damn'd cold." The manager their suit preferr'd:

Both tun'd their pipes, and both were beard;

Yet each their several praises miss'd,

Thinking that bell and knocker too For both were heard, and both were hiss'd. Were found out nothing else to do, The Cuckoo hence, with rancour stirr'd,

But to inform the house, no doubt, (A kind of periodic bird,

That there was somebody without, Of nasty hue, and body scabby,

Who, if they might such favour win, No would-be-play-wright haif so shabby)

Would rather choose to be within. Reviles, abuses, and defames,

But had our servants no more sense, Screams from a branch, and calls hard names, Lord! what must be the consequence? And strikes at Nightingale or Lark,

Errour would errour still pursue, Like Lisbon ruffians, in the dark.

And strife.and anarchy ensue, The Owl harangues the gaping throng

Punctilio from her altar hurl'd, On pow'rs, and excellence of song,

Whence she declares unto the world “ The Blackbird's note has lost its force;

Wbate'er by Fancy is decreed, The Nightingale is downright hoarse;

Through all her niceties must bleed, The Linnet's harsh; the Robin shrill;

For if there was not to be found -The Sparrow has prodigious skill!"

Some wholesome difference of sound, At length they had what they desir'd;

But the same rap foretold th' approach The skilful Nightingale retird.

Of him who walk'd, or rode in coach, When Folly came, with wild Uproar,

A poor relation now and then,
And Harmony was heard no more.

Might to my lord admittance gain,
When his good lordship hop'd to see
Some rascal of his own degree;

And, what is more unhappy still,

The stupid wretch who brings a bill,
Venus, of laughter queen and love,

Might pass through all the motley tribe, The greatest demirep above,

As free as one, who brings a bribe. Who scorn'd restriction, hated custom,

My lady.too might pique her grace knew her own sex too well to trust 'em,

With carriage stiff and formal face, Proceeded on the noble plan,

Which, she deceivd, had taken care At any rate, to have her man;

For some inferior to prepare; Look'd on decorum as mere trash,

Or might some wretch from Lombard-street And liv'd like *** and ***

With greater ease and freedom meet, From Paphos, where they her revere

Than sense of honour will admit As much as we do Cælia here,

Between my lady and a cit. Or from Cythera, where her altars

Those evils wisely to prevent, Are deck'd with daggers, true-love halters, And root out care and discontent, Garters yclept, and other trophies,

Ev'ry gay smart, who rides behind, Which prove that man in love an oaf is,

With rose and bag in taste refin’d, According to appointment, came

Must music fully understand, To see Cæcilia, tuneful dame,

Have a nice ear and skilful hand; Whose praise by Dryden's Ode is grown

At ev'ry turn be always found Bright and immortal as his own;

A perfect connoisseur in sound; And who hath been for many years

'Through all the gamut skilful fly, The chief directress of the spheres.

Varying his notes, now low, now high, Thomas, who rode bebind the car,

According as he shifts his place; And for a flambeau held a star,

Now boarsely grumbling in the base, Who, in the honest way of trade,

Now turning tenor, and again Hath forg'd more horns, and cuckolds made, To treble raising his shrill strain; Than Vulcan and his brawny dolts

So to declare, where'er he be, Ever for Jove forg'd thunderbolts,

His master's fortune and degree, Slipt gently down, and ran before 'em,

By the distinguishing address, Ringing the bell with due decorum.

Which he'll upon the door express. But, truth to say, 1 cannot tell

Thomas, whom I have nam'd before Whether it knocker was or bell,

As ringing at Cæcilia's door, (This for Vertù an anecdote is,)

Was perfect master of this art, Which us'd to give Cæcilia notice,

And vers'd alike in ev'ry part: When any lady of the sky

So that Cæcilia knew, before Was come to bear her company.

Her footman came unto the door, But this I'm sure, be which it will,

And in due form had told her so, Thomas perform'd his part with skill.

That madai Venus was below. Methinks I hear the reader cry

The doors immediate open fiew, “ His part with skill? why, you or I,

The goddess, without more ado, Or any body else, as well

Displaying beauty's thousand airs, As Thomas, sure, could ring a bell,

Skim'd through the hall, and trip'd up

stairs. Nor did I ever hear before

Cæcilia met ber with a smile Of skill in knocking at a door.”

Of great delight, when all the wbile, Poor low-liv'd creature! I suppose,

If her false heart could have been seen, Nay, and am sure, you're one of those

She wish'd she had at Cyprus been. Who, at what door so'er they be,

But ladies, skill'd in forms and arts, Will always knock in the same key.

Don't in their faces wear their hearts,

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