Abbildungen der Seite
PDF
EPUB

Mr. L., alas! of whom I had once good hopes, is now gone into secular life. Mr. T's foul miscarriages I must reckon among my academical sorrows; and the death of that excellent person Mr. Shepherd; to which has been added the defection of Mr. Parminter, who when formed for eminent usefulness, has been unhappily perverted by the Moravian errors so far that all the prospects of his services among the Dissenters is lost. I have also been lately under considerable discouragement in the Congregation. We are not so well attended as formerly; several places appear empty on a Lord's day (though the lectures are generally pretty full ;) and which greatly troubles me; we have had very few additions to our church, only thirteen in all the last year, and we lost twelve members, eight by removals; as indeed several then left us to live in London or elsewhere, `and none came in their room; so that upon the whole, I think it evident, that our interest declines, notwithstanding a great deal that I have certainly done to promote its increase.

To all this is to be added the great lukewarmness and indifference of most professors, especially in any considerable stations, and the scandalous behaviour of some. My good friend Mrs. K *** has given me cause of grief by her conduct; and that most detestable wicked wretch John C*****, by enormities of which I have lately heard, even this day. Mr. E**** 's having forsaken his place so generally among us, is also another lamentable circumstance; and so it is, that of those who have fallen and been cut off, there is no return, though they have been solemnly called to it. These things are matter of great grief to me: oh, that I might bemoan sin more frequently before the Lord; and might go unto him with greater earnestness, who is able to remove our captivity, and to make his Jerusalem a joy and a praise! The main things in which I find myself deficient are, that I have prayed no more; and that I have

visited no more: and that I have been no more careful to keep a particular account of these things; all which, by divine assistance, I purpose to remedy this year.

A SCHEME OF BUSINESS WHICH, BY THE DIVINE ASSISTANCE, I PURPOSE TO DO DURING THE NEXT YEAR. I DESIRE to form all my schemes with an humble sense of the great uncertainty of life; I have been cautioning my hearers against laying schemes in dependence upon a year to come; but I desire to form the present plan, with a sense of my dependence upon the God of my life, and with humble resignation to his will should he please to cut short the residue of my days in their midst;-whenever to his infinite wisdom it shall seem meet; only I desire, that while I am continued here I may be found employed as the purposes of his glory and my own usefulness may require.

My work as a Tutor is already projected, only I determine, by Divine Grace, to abound more and more in it; so far especially as relates to inspection, and to give earnest and affectionate exhortations to those that are placed under my care.

My work as a Pastor I cannot project, as to the sermons I shall preach, only that I will, if God permit, go on with the Parables; that I will end the course On God manifested in the flesh; that I will endeavour to study some on the Promises; and I will also promote some associations among my people, and attempt to form the Society of the young men in particular; I will endeavour to visit more diligently, and will, if possible, before the long vacation, write the history of the Congregation entirely, and with some memoirs of the alterations made in it since the survey taken in 1741, which will I am sure be a very humbling scene; for God has in that time made very great and melancholy changes in its state. I purpose also to apply to the heads of families at least, as to some of the souls

under their care, with those exhortations and advices which I have projected in my pocket-book.

As for my writings, I hope that I may be able to finish Colonel Gardiner's Life: it is possible, also, that I may write my Dissertation upon Proselytes. I have, yesterday, begun the fourth volume of my Expositor, and I fully purpose, by the divine assistance, to write something upon it every day when I am at home, and generally a few verses when abroad, while God is pleased to spare my health, so as to be capable to take pen in hand: and this scheme I purpose to pursue till the whole is finished.

These are the projects I form; I form them for God: I desire to live only for his glory; and I heartily consent to die this day, or this hour, if he so determines, and thereby declares he has nothing further for me to do. May he mercifully forgive my former trifling. May he graciously accept my sincere purposes for his service; and whenever he is pleased to take me away, may he raise up some more valuable instrument for the honour of his Name and Gospel among men, who may outdo even my schemes, as much as they too frequently have outdone my execution.

Friday, January 2, 1747.

HINTS OF A REMARKABLE EXPERIENCE, APRIL 5, 1747, WITH SOME ACCOUNT OF WHAT PASSED AFTERWARDS.

THE last week, especially towards the latter part of it, was a week of uncommon deadness; and most of all did that deadness prevail yesterday, insomuch that I was hardly able to keep myself awake in the service of God, or to feel any one thought of lively devotion. This morning as soon as I was up, which was rather before six, I did apply myself with some earnestness to the throne of grace to entreat the communication of the Spirit to quicken me: and I bless God that I felt some strong stirrings of spiritual life. And while I was praying, was directed to mention

those words, "I am come, that ye might have life, and that ye might have it more abundantly;" which accordingly I chose for the scripture of the day. After a short prayer, I returned to my secret devotions, and pleaded for the pouring out of the spirit of God upon his Ministers and his Ordinances; when it came into my heart, I know not how, to beg that as a token of it, God would shed abroad something sensible and peculiar upon me this day; particularly exciting in my heart some powerful sentiments of his love; and yet more particularly speaking to me before I arose from my knees in some encouraging language that might reach my heart. I feared I had displeased God in this petition; for after it, instead of finding my frame better, it grew worse; and I felt myself in a sort of mental entanglement, fearing that I had offended in a petition so very circumstantial, as I had seldom allowed: nevertheless, I was determined I would lay there waiting upon God, and crying to him till I was called away by providence to some other necessary duty. And I had hardly formed the determination before those words of God to Joshua came strongly into my mind, "Wherefore liest thou thus upon thy face? Israel has sinned; up and sanctify the people." Words which had the greater weight with me, as Mr. John Cooper's most unhappy and scandalous affair, which has given, I may say, an unequalled degree of offence, is this day to be determined by the church. On this it seemed to be my duty quickly to arise and to return to other services; but yet I thought I felt my soul inclined to remain a few moments before the Lord, and behold the scene suddenly changed; many sweet promises were on a sudden brought to my mind, and particularly that “light is sown for the righteous; him that overcometh I will make a pillar." Promises so long sealed had a new sweetness; and above all these two, Son, thou art ever with me: And then when I seemed to ask for something yet more personal,

"In that day I will take thee, O Zerabbabel, my servant, saith the Lord, I will make thee as a signet; for I have chosen thee, saith the Lord of hosts." And now I durst ask no more; for, indeed, I had no more to ask. I arose with tears of joy; and though I found an hour had passed in this address, I did not think it lost, but added a little more to the account by writing down an experience so remarkable and so sweet.

REMARKS ON WHAT PASSED ON A SACRAMENT DAY,

SEPTEMBER 13, 1747.

I MUST record this day as one of the most blessed of my life. God was pleased to meet me in my secret retirement in the morning, and poured into my soul such a flood of consolation in the exercise of faith and love, as I was hardly able to contain. It would have been a relief to me to have been able even to have uttered strong cries of joy. Oh, how did I then wish for a melodious voice, and how gladly could I have made earth and heaven re-echo with praise! Family devotion was unutterably sweet; and though the pleasure of my sermon was much interrupted by an accidental disorder that happened in my throat while I was speaking, yet I bless God, the sacramental attendance, and the evening services were all beyond expression sweet. My soul was full of God, and of heaven.

The scripture on which the meditation turned was that in 1 Pet. iii. 18. "Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but quickened by the spirit." I cannot express the view which was given me of the infinite love and grace of Christ in suffering for our cause the just for the unjust, which I was enabled to own before God with great brokenness of heart and unfeigned humility. This view I had of the sufferings of Christ, who himself was perfectly just, for us; the righteous instead of the unrigh

« ZurückWeiter »