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In poundage and drawbacks I lose half my rent;
Whatever they give me, I must be content,
Or join with the court in every debate ;
And rather than that, I would lose my estate."
Thus ended the knight; thus began his meek wife:
"It must, and it shall be a barrack, my life.

I'm grown a mere mopus; no company comes,
But a rabble of tenants, and rusty dull Rums §,
With parsons what lady can keep herself clean?
I'm all over daub'd when I sit by the Dean.
But if you will give us a barrack, my dear,
The captain, I'm sure, will always come here;
I then shall not value his Deanship a straw,
For the captain, I warrant, will keep him in awe;
Or should he pretend to be brisk and alert,
Will tell him that chaplains should not be so pert;
That men of his coat should be minding their prayers,
And not among ladies to give themselves airs."

Thus argued my lady, but argued in vain ;
The knight his opinion resolv'd to maintain.

But Hannah ||, who listen'd to all that was past, And could not endure so vulgar a taste, As soon as her ladyship call'd to be drest,

Cry'd, "Madam, why surely my master 's possest!
Sir Arthur the maltster! how fine it will sound!
I'd rather the bawn were sunk under ground.
But, madam, I guess'd there would never come good,
When I saw him so often with Darby and Wood. ¶

SA cant word in Ireland for a poor country clergyinan.



My lady's waiting-woman.
Two of Sir Arthur's managers.


And now my dream 's out; for I was a-dream'd That I saw a huge rat― O dear, how I scream'd! And after, methought, I had lost my new shoes; And Molly, she said, I should hear some ill news.

"Dear madam, had you but the spirit to tease,
You might have a barrack whenever you please:
And, madam, I always believ'd you so stout,
That for twenty denials you would not give out.
If I had a husband like him, I purtest,

Till he gave me my will, I would give him no rest;
And, rather than come in the same pair of sheets
With such a cross man, I would lie in the streets;
But, madam, I beg you contrive and invent,
And worry him out, till he gives his consent.
Dear madam, whene'er of a barrack I think,
An I were to be hang'd, I can't sleep a wink:
For if a new crotchet comes into my brain,
I can't get it out, though I'd never so fain.
I fancy already a barrack contriv'd

At Hamilton's bawn, and the troop is arriv'd;
Of this, to be sure, Sir Arthur has warning,
And waits on the captain betimes the next morning.
Now see, when they meet, how their honours behave:
Noble captain, your servant' —
-Sir Arthur, your

slave; You honour me much'-The honour is mine.'''Twas a sad rainy night'-' But the morning is fine.' [service.'. Pray how does my lady?'' My wife's at your 'I think I have seen her picture by Jervas.'

Good morrow, good captain. I'll wait on you down.' [clown: You sha'n't stir a foot.'. -You'll think me a


- Not half an inch

For all the world, captain ›


[Arthur! You must be obey'd!' Your servant, Sir My humble respects to my lady unknown.'

I hope you will use my house as your own.' "Go bring me my smock, and leave off your prate, Thou hast certainly gotten a cup in thy pate."

"Pray, madam, be quiet; what was it I said? You had like to have put it quite out of my head. Next day, to be sure, the captain will come, At the head of his troops, with trumpet and drum. Now, madam, observe how he marches in state: The man with the kettle-drum enters the gate : Dub, dub, adub, dub. The trumpeters follow, Tantara, tantara; while all the boys hollow. See now comes the captain all daub'd with gold lace: O la! the sweet gentleman! look in his face; And see how he rides like a lord of the land, With the fine flaming sword that he holds in his hand; And his horse, the dear creter, it prances and rears; With ribbons in knots at its tail and its ears: At last comes the troop by the word of command, Drawn up in our court; when the captain cries, STAND!

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Your ladyship lifts up the sash to be seen
(For sure I had dizen'd you out like a queen).
The captain, to show he is proud of the favour,
Looks up to your window, and cocks up his beaver.
(His beaver is cock'd; pray, madam, mark that,
For a captain of horse never takes off his hat,
Because he has never a hand that is idle;
For the right holds the sword, and the left holds the

bridle :)

Then flourishes thrice his sword in the air,
As a compliment due to a lady so fair;
(How I tremble to think of the blood it hath spilt ;)
Then he lowers down the point, and kisses the hilt.
Your ladyship smiles, and thus you begin:

• Pray, captain, be pleas'd to alight and walk in.’ The captain salutes you with congee profound,

And your ladyship curtsies half way to the ground.


Kit, run to your master, and bid him come to us; I'm sure he'll be proud of the honour you do us. And, captain, you'll do us the favour to stay, And take a short dinner here with us to-day : You 're heartily welcome; but as for good cheer, You come in the very worst time of the year: If I had expected so worthy a guest—'

Lord! madam! your ladyship sure is in jest: You banter me, madam; the kingdom must grantYou officers, captain, are so complaisant !'"

"Hist, hussy, I think I hear somebody coming—” "No, madam; 'tis only Sir Arthur a-humming. To shorten my tale (for I hate a long story), The captain at dinner appears in his glory; The Dean and the doctor * have humbled their pride, For the captain 's entreated to sit by your side; And, because he's their betters, you carve for him first;

The parsons for envy are ready to burst.
The servants amaz'd are scarce ever able

To keep off their eyes, as they wait at the table;
And Molly and I have thrust in our nose
To peep at the captain all in his fine clo'es.

* Dr. Jinny, a clergyman in the neighbourhood. F.

Dear madam, be sure he's a fine-spoken man,
Do but hear on the clergy how glib his tongue ran;
" And, madam,' says he, if such dinners you give,
You'll ne'er want for parsons as long as you live.
I ne'er knew a parson without a good nose;
But the Devil's as welcome wherever he goes:
G-d-n me! they bid us reform and repent,
But, z-s! by their looks they never keep Lent.
Mister curate, for all your grave looks, I'm afraid
You cast a sheep's eye on her ladyship's maid:
I wish she would lend you her pretty white hand
In mending your cassoc, and smoothing your band.
(For the Dean was so shabby, and look'd like a ninny,
That the captain suppos'd he was curate to Jinny.)
Whenever you see a cassoc and gown,

A hundred to one but it covers a clown.
Observe how a parson comes into a room;
G-d-n me! he hobbles as bad as my groom;
A scholard, when just from his college broke loose,
Can hardly tell how to cry bo to a goose;

Your Noveds, and Bluturcks, and Omurs *, and stuff,
By G-, they don't signify this pinch of snuff.
To give a young gentleman right education,
The army's the only good school in the nation:
My schoolmaster call'd me a dunce and a fool,
But at cuffs I was always the cock of the school;
I never could take to my book for the blood o' me,
And the puppy confess'd he expected no good o' me.
He caught me one morning coquetting his wife;
But he maul'd me, I ne'er was so maul'd in my life:

* Ovids, Plutarchs, Homers,

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