I returned home and knelt before him, my cup ran over, unbelief was put to flight, and I felt as though worshipping in the holiest place. April 8th.-All nature is gay, and creation strikes the lyre of praise. Join, O my soul, in the heavenly chorus! “June 6th.—It is my meat and drink to do the will of my heavenly Father. I have much enlargement of heart in warning sinners; and to my humble efforts the Lord is often graciously pleased to give his blessing. To recommend my Saviour is not a cross. I cannot purchase peace with man at the expense of purity and a good conscience. "July 29th.-How inadequate is human language to describe divine love! How poor is expression compared with enjoyment! Last Sunday I heard Mr. Smith preach at Bingham. The glory of God's presence seemed to fill the house. But it was at evening family worship that the richest blessing was bestowed. Never, O never, shall I forget the weight of love. I think I could not have borne more, and lived. Self had no part,-Jesus was Lord and Christ. The whole of the last week my soul has disdain'd on earth to dwell.' I felt I could not sin against my heavenly Father while my heart was uplifted to the Rock of my strength. "October 13th.-What have I passed through since I last wrote! My father has exchanged time for eternity, after a few days' illness. Blessed be God, I have hope in his death. My soul cleaveth to the I will of God. The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.' My own loss is beyond all calculation; but I know that God 'careth for me.' He is a strong hold in the day of trouble. My eldest brother has expressed a wish for family worship, which, in the Lord's strength, we have attempted. "December 2d.—I have had anxiety about the future. But while God careth for sparrows, will he forget his children? They that trust in the Lord shall not want any good thing.' "28th.-How great have been my defects, and how many my mercies during the year, now nearly closed! On Christmas-day I could adore one undivided Trinity,—the Father as my Creator, the Son as my Sacrifice and Surety, and the Holy Ghost as my Sanctifier. Yes, I felt the equal love of each,-all uniting to bless and save me. "February 24th, 1828.-A month ago I seemed to be hastening to the house appointed for all living. Yet, contrary to all our expectation, I am now in the enjoyment of good health. I am spared; and may the gracious design be fulfilled! I find it a delightful employment to recommend religion to children, and the sick poor. Often, while I have been telling of the love of Christ, have I seen the tears fall down the faces of the young. 66 April 11th.-Yesterday I left home to reside with Miss Strong, of Bingham, that I may prepare, should divine Providence open the way, to be a preceptress of youth. "December 9th.-I have been profited to-day by a letter from a pious friend. It contained, however, some trying intelligence. I had hoped to have obtained a desirable situation as Governess; but the parties have determined to send their children to school. This is the third disappointment of the kind I have had in three months. Earth is but a broken reed, which, if leaned upon, will pierce us through with many sorrows. "February 21st, 1829.-I have finally left Bingham, and am once When more enjoying the pleasures of home, waiting for a situation. an earthly friend promises me anything, I fully expect that which is promised; and is God less faithful, who has said, 'Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you?' May 15th. On the 2d of March I went to Dogdyke, near Coningsby, Lincolnshire, to be with my friend Miss Poynton, (now Mrs. Samuel Joll,) on the occasion of her marriage. After spending a fortnight there, I had to bid them a solemn farewell. They have engaged in a cause, in which above all others I should delight,—to tell the slaves in the West Indies of a Saviour's love. I continued six weeks longer with Mrs. Joll's widowed and (may I not add?) bereaved mother. She has given her only daughter, her only child, to the Missionary cause. This has been to me a serious visit, Mr. Joll's brother having spoken to me of marriage. How mysterious is divine Providence! My acquaintance with Miss Poynton, formed many miles from her home and mine, has led to this occurrence. As my everlasting welfare. may be deeply involved in this matter, I pray earnestly that I may be guided aright. During my stay at Dogdyke, I devoted half an hour every forenoon and evening to private prayer. These were seasons of especial good. grace. "July 10th.-Although I have lately been sometimes sorrowful, yet the retrospect occasions much gratitude and love. Divine 'love has gently led me on, even from my infant days.' I acknowledge and adore Him as the God of providence as well as of In a way I could not have anticipated, light has been shed on my path: counsel has not been sought in vain. I view my present engagement as the most important step of my life. May I be prepared for the duties of my prospective station! "29th.-The Missionary cause lies near my heart. I have lately obtained many new subscribers. I consider my success to be in answer to prayer, and this makes it so much the more welcome. 66 6 September 27th.-I am just returned from chapel. I have heard a faithful sermon from, Let us therefore fear, lest, a promise being left us of entering into his rest, any of you should seem to come short of it.' The subject was in agreement with my previous meditations. I see that it is awfully possible to come short.' Much is included in being an entire Christian. I want to die to human opinion. The fear of this too often brings me into bondage. I shall never be very useful until content to be accounted a fool for Christ's sake. "December 13th.-I have been much animated to-day by reading Scripture prophecies of the universal reign of Christ. The contemplation of the subject fills me with strong desire for their fulfilment and powerfully stimulates my efforts. February 28th, 1830.—I have renewed my ticket, and also my covenant with God. My life, my blood, I here present, April 16th.-I never felt more anxious for the salvation of souls than at present. How immense their value as shown in the price of their redemption! No cross appears too great, could I but be an instrument of leading them to repentance. As to my own experience, I have given myself to God. I have neither care nor fear; my all is in his hands. I constantly endeavour to embrace his will. Through faith in Christ, I enter into the holy of holies. The atoning blood 'cleanses and keeps me clean.' My perception of divine things is much clearer than formerly. And O, the solemn blessedness of close communion with God! This surpasses all other joys! May I ever walk in Him, who is to me the way, the truth, and the life!' "Sabbath evening, 1831.-Although I have been kept at home by affliction, He who filled the temple of Solomon with his presence, has filled my heart with his love, and my lips with his praise. I have full confidence in him, and believe that this light affliction' will be useful All is well: it is needful to be reminded that here we have no continuing city.' to me. of "June 3d, 1832.—I have at present a settled peace. The language my heart is, 'Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth.' I know more of having my life hid with Christ in God. All my affairs, too, seem to be wisely and kindly directed by Providence. I have not words to express my sense of divine goodness. November 14th.—I have been led to meditate on the holiness of God. And what an example is furnished by the Lord Jesus Christ! Greatly do I admire it, and earnestly desire to be conformed to it. September, 1835. (Swindon.)—Events very important to me have occurred since I wrote last. In the spring and earlier summer months, I suffered much from extreme debility; but the consolations of religion were not small.' My circumstances occasioned a clinging to life; and, contrary to the expectation of my friends, my health has been restored. On the 13th of last month I was married to Mr. Joll. I thank God for our union. I feel the importance of my new relation to the church as well as to my husband. May I be faithful in the discharge of every duty! My present mercies begin to unfold themselves. The situation of our house is retired: we have nothing to do with the world of noise and show, but dwell with a pious and affectionate people. Our opportunities of usefulness are numerous. We have already visited many poor families, who received us most cordially. "October 18th.-My lips shall praise Thee, and not be silent. I clearly see the hand of Providence in our appointment. The chapel is filled with attentive hearers, and there are several who are concerned for their salvation. "November 5th.-I have been graciously assisted to speak to, and pray with, a lady who called upon me. I am thankful for every victory over my foolish timidity. I have sometimes grieved the Holy Spirit by it. Deepen thy work in me, O God! 66 February 14th, 1836.-Since I wrote last we have frequently rejoiced on witnessing the blessed effects of religious services, and the ministry of the word. The society is in a livelier state, and our meetings are of a very pleasing character. I endeavour to consecrate my services entirely to the Lord my God.' Last evening I received much good myself from visiting a sick woman, who had often wished that some person would see her, and instruct her in the way of salvation. "June 24th, 1837.-The time of our departure from this place is at hand. Here we have spent two very comfortable years, and I trust not in vain, although fully aware that, had we been more holy, we should have been more useful. Yet I am thankful that I am not distressed with the thoughts of not having cared for the spiritual interests of those among whom I have been dwelling. My mind would sometimes be anxious about the future as it respects ourselves; but Providence will direct us. 'The name of Jesus is a tower "December 17th. (St. Ives, Huntingdon Circuit.)-I hope to experience much spiritual benefit this evening, when partaking of the emblems of the Saviour's body and blood, in company with my husband and a Christian native of New-Zealand. This I account a singular privilege. Wakatara is truly converted to God, and enjoys the triumph of faith. Many gracious words fall from his lips. In reply to the question, on what subject his mind generally dwelt, he said, 'On what my Saviour suffered, and the salvation he has wrought out for me: my eyes are constantly directed to the cross of Christ. His death is my life; and when I die, I expect to go straight to heaven.' O the power of divine grace! 6 "March 25th, 1838.-On Sunday morning, the 4th of February, my second son was born. Since I became a wanderer, I have received much kindness from Christian friends; so that if our Saviour were to ask, ‘When I sent you without purse or scrip, lacked ye anything?' my answer must be, Nothing, Lord.' The word of the Lord was precious' to me this morning, while Mr. Buddle urged believers to leave the first principles, and go on to perfection. I enjoy the services of the house of prayer, and a faithful experimental ministry. I purpose-and, I trust, from right motives-to meet a few young persons, and the elder Sunday-school children, weekly. I need divine help, that I may make the word of God simple to them. "June 10th.-On my children's list are now thirty-five names. Some of these little ones' experience deep religious feeling. "Christmas-day.-This morning I heard in a neighbouring church one of the most faithful sermons I ever listened to in the Establishment. My heart gave thanks to God. The subject of the discourse was very experimental, and the sermon was extempore. In his prayer before sermon, Mr. S - pleaded with great fervour the promise of the Spirit as the Sanctifier of his people. "February 2d, 1840. (Diss.)-A short time ago my Leader remained with me after the class-meeting. When we conversed on personal holiness, and the means of its attainment, the spirit of earnest believing prayer was given to us. I saw that I was called to trust and reliance; and I cast my soul on the atoning Sacrifice, and felt I could trust, love, and adore. Such an immediate emptying of self, and filling with humble confidence and love, I know not that I ever experienced. I could say, 'Jesus is made unto me wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption.' Our gracious God is blessing us here; the 'spirit of prayer and supplication is poured out;' our prayer-meetings are well attended. Praise the Lord. He will 'revive us again, that we may rejoice in him.' 66 May 20th, 1842. (Burton-on-Trent.)-The loving-kindness of the Lord has not ceased, although I have not lately recorded it. Variously has it been manifested, both temporally and spiritually. Being sufficiently recovered last year from my confinement, I was graciously enabled to perform a long journey with my babe, then only a few weeks old. The friends we met in our new appointment were very kind. All, all, is the Lord's doing. I trust we shall see the work of the Lord revive here. Many persons were brought to God during the winter; and although I have been afflicted in body, my soul has been happy. I have for some time been sensible of a growth in grace. The service of God yields me much pleasure. I esteem his precepts concerning all things to be right. My soul has often been much blessed in visiting the sick and poor of Christ's flock, in company with Mr. Joll. Yet I want more of the habit of prayer, to be enabled to live in its spirit and constant exercise. 66 August 20th.-I have been very ill the last fortnight, and mourn the want of complete submission to the will of God. That my dear mother, with whom I am at present, should be put to inconvenience on my account, distresses me. I have violent palpitation of my heart, which is occasioned by any extra exertion, even mental. Mine is not sufficiently a cheerful resigned piety. It seems to be a trial to be a poor useless clog on the earth. But I am the Lord's prisoner. I desire the salvation, even the early salvation, of my children more than any other thing. I feel the importance of my relation to them to be daily increasing, and cry unto God for wisdom. 66 Sunday, 28th.-My heart was glad at being enabled to go to God's house; but the excitement was too much for my feeble frame. I managed to reach the pews, and then sank down, and could scarcely retain my consciousness, the palpitation being so violent; but on looking to Jesus in faith, I felt indescribable peace. I have dwelt with much profit on the wisdom and love of God in chastening his children. I would not be without chastisement: it has a subduing influence. I trust my chief foe, self-will, is yielding. I feel more willing to be accounted a broken vessel, a poor unprofitable thing. Yet God graciously unites the hearts of the people to me. I wonder at his love. "Christmas-Day.-After an absence of ten weeks, through affliction, I have this day been to the chapel. How delightful to worship God in his house! Many persons never expected to see me there again. I have consulted another Surgeon, from whom I learn that relief is all I am to expect; and this, through divine mercy, I have obtained. I have lately had severe conflicts with the powers of darkness. One entire night, I slept not. My distress was great. I feared that all I had known and felt of religion was a delusion,-something into which I had persuaded myself. The tempter asked, 'What wilt thou do in the swellings of Jordan?' I could only say, 'Lord, save me!' God answered for himself; and in the morning I could 'joy in the God of my salvation.' "March 5th, 1843.-Last Sunday, after another relapse, being favoured with improved health, I went to the chapel, and obtained the help I needed. I am not without strong consolation, and have abiding trust and peace. I am a wonder to myself. How are my anxieties hushed! We have a thoughtful and pious servant; and, when in comparative health, I endeavoured to redeem the time, that I might have an opportunity to attend the means of grace, and visit the people from house to house; yet so worthless do I see myself, that I glory only in this, that I understand and know the Lord.' I trust I am |