Tuesday, December 9. I was in a comfortable frame ot foul most of the day; but especially in the evening devotions, when God was pleafed wonderfully to allift and ftrengthen me; fo that I thought nothing fhould ever move me from the love of God in Chrift Jefus my Lord. O! one hour with God infinitely exceeds all the pleafures and delights of this lower world.

Sometime towards the latter end of January, 1741, I grew more cold and dull in matters of religion, by means of my old temptation, viz. ambition in my studies. But through divine goodness, a great and general awakening fpread itself over the college, about the latter end of February, in which I was much quickened, and more abundantly engaged in religion.

[This awakening here fpoken of, was at the beginning of that extraordinary religious commotion through the land, which is freth in every one's memory. This awa kening was for a time very great and general at NewHaven; and the college had no fmall fhare in it: That fociety was greatly reformed, the students in general be came ferious, and many of them remarkably fo, and much engaged in the concerns of their eternal falvation. And however undefirable the iffue of the awakenings of that day have appeared in many others, there have been manifeftly happy and abiding effects of the impreffions then made on the minds of many of the members of that college. And by all that I can learn concerning Mr. Brainerd, there can be no reason to doubt but that he had much of God's gracious pre ence, and of the lively actings of true grace, at that time: But yet he was afterwards abundantly fenfible, that his religious experiences and affections at that time were not free from a corrupt mixture, nor his conduct to be acquitted from ma. ny things that were imprudent and blameable; which he greatly lamented himlelf, and was willing that others. fhould forget, that none might make an ill improvement of fuch an example. And therefore, although in the time of it, he kept a conftant Diary, containing a very particular account of what paffed from day to day, for the next thirteen months, from the latter end of January, 1741, forementioned, in two fmall books, which he called the two firit volumes of his Diary, next following the

2

account before given of his convictions, converfion, and confequent comforts; yet, when he lay on his death bed, he gave order (unknown to me, until after his death) that these two volumes fhould be deftroyed, and in the beginning of the third book of his Diary, he wrote thus, (by the hand of another, he not being able to write himfelf)-"The two preceding volumes, immediately following the account of the author's converfion, are loft. If any are defirous to know how the author lived in general, during that space of time, let them read the first thirty pages of this volume; where they will find something of a fpecimen of his ordinary manner of living, through that whole fpace of time, which was about thirteen months; excepting that here he was more refined from fome imprudencies and indecent heats, than there; but the spirit of devotion running through the whole, was the fame."

It could not be otherwife than that one whofe heart had been fo prepared and drawn to God, as Mr. Brainerd's had been, fhould be mightily enlarged, animated and engaged, at the fight of fuch an alteration made in the college, the town and land, and fo great an appearance of men's reforming their lives, and turning from their profaneness and immorality, to feriou nefs and concern for their falvation, and of religion's reviving and flourishing almost every where. But as an intemperate imprudent zeal, and a degree of enthusiasm foon crept in, and mingled itself with that revival of religion; and fo great and general an awakening being quite a new thing in the land, at least as to all the living inhabitants of it; neither people nor minifters had learned thoroughly to diftinguish between folid religion and its delufive counterfeits; even many minifters of the gofpel, of long standing and the best reputation, were for a time overpowered with the glaring appearances of the latter: And therefore furely it was not to be wondered at, that young Brainerd, but a fophimore at college, fhould be fo; who was not only young in years, but very young in religion and experience, and had had but little opportunity for the study of divinity, and still lefs for observation of the circumstanees and events of fuch an extraordinary state of things: A man must divest himself of all reafon, to make frange

of it. In thefe difadvantageous circumftances, Brainerd had the unhappiness to have a tincture of that intemperate indiscreet zeal, which was at that time too prevalent ; and was led, from his high opinion of others that he look. ed upon better than himself, into fuch errors as were really contarary to the habitual temper of his mind. One inftance of his misconduct at that time, gave great offence to the rulers of the college, even to that degree that they expelled him the fociety; which it is neceffary fhould here be particularly related, with its circumstances. In the time of the awakening at college, there were feveral religious ftudents that affociated themselves one with another for mutual converfation and affiance in fpiritual things, who were wont freely to open themselves one to another, as fpecial and intimate friends. Brainerd was one of this company. And it once happened, that he and two or three more of these his intimate friends were in the hall together, after Mr. Whittelfey, one of the tutors, had been to prayer there with the scholars; no other perfon now remaining in the hall, but Brainerd and thefe his companions. Mr. Whittelfey having been anu. fually pathetical in his prayer, one of Brainerd's friends on this occafion afked him what he thought of Mr. Whittelfey; he made anfwer, "He has no more grace than this chair." One of the freshman happening at that time to be near the hall (though not in the room) overheard those words of his; though he heard no name mentioned, and knew not who the perfon was, who was thus centured. He informed a certain woman that belonged to the town, withal telling her his own fufpicion, viz. that he believed Brainerd faid this of fome one of the rulers of the college. Whereupon fhe went and informed the rector, who fent for this freshman and examined him; and he told the rector the words that he heard Brainerd utter, and informed him who were in the room with him at that time. Upon which the rector fent for them: They were very backward to inform against their friend, of that which they looked upon as private converfation, and ef pecially as none but they had heard or knew of whom he had uttered thofe words; yet the rector compelled them to declare what he said, and of whom he said it. Brainerd looked on himself greatly abused in the management of

this affair; and thought, that what he said in privatė, was injuriously extorted from his friends, and that then it was injuriously required of him (as it was wont to be of fuch as had been guilty of fome open notorious crime) to make a public confeffion, and to humble himself before the whole college in the hall, for what he had faid only in private converfation. He not complying with this demand, and having gone once to the feparate meeting at New-Haven, when forbidden by the rector, and also hav. ing been accufed by one perfon of faying concerning the rector, that he wondered he did not expect to drop down dead for fining the scholars who followed Mr. Tennent to Milford, though there was no proof of it (and Mr. Brai nerd ever profeffed that he did not remember his saying any thing to that purpose) for these things he was expelled the college.

Now, how far the circumstances and exigences of that day might juftify fuch great feverity in the governours of the college, I will not undertake to determine; it being my aim, not to bring reproach on the authority of the .college, but only to do juftice to the memory of a perfon who I think to be eminently one of thofe whofe memory is bleffed. The reader will fee in the fequel of the story of Mr. Brainerd's life, what his own thoughts afterwards were of his behaviour in these things, and in how chriftian a manner he conducted himself with refpect to this affair though he ever, as long as he lived, fuppofed himself much abu fed in the management of it, and in what he fuffered in it. His expulfion was in the winter, anno 1742, while he was in his third year in college.]

Particularly under the date, WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 14, H.

PART II.

From about the time that he first began to devote himflf more especially to the TUDY of DIVINITY, until he was examined and licensed to preach, by the ASSOCIATION of M.NISTERS belonging to the eaftern diftrict of the county of Fairfield in Connecticut.

MR. Brainerd, the fpring after his expulfion, went to live with the Rev. Mr. Mills of Ripton, to follow his Rudies with him, in order to his being fitted for the work of the miniftry; where he spent the greater part of the time until the affociation licensed him to preach; but frequently rode to vifit the neighbouring minifters, parti cularly Mr. Cooke of Stratfield, Mr. Graham of Southbury, and Mr. Bellamy of Bethlehem.

Fere (at Mr Mills') he began the third book of his Diary, in which the account he wrote of himself is as follows.]

Thursday, April 1, 1742.-I feem to be declining with refpect to my life and warmth in divine things: Had not fo free access to God in prayer as ufual of late. O that God would humble me deeply in the duft before him. I deferve hell every day, for not loving my Lord more, who has (I trust) loved me and given himself for me; and every time I am enabled to exercife any grace renewedly, I am renewedly indebted to the God of all grace for spe. cial affiftance. Where then is boafling? Surely it is exclu ded, when we think how we are dependent on God for the being and every act of grace. O if ever I get to heaven, it will be because God will, and nothing elfe; for I never did any thing of myself, but get away from God! My foul will be aftenifhed at the unfearchable riches of divine grace, when I arrive at the mansions which the bleffed Saviour is gone before to prepare.

Friday, April 2.-In the afternoon I felt fomething fweetly in fecret prayer, much refigned, calm and ferene. What are all the ftorms of this lower world, if Jelus by his Spirit does but come walking upon the feas! Some time pt I had much pleasure in the profpect of the heathen's