beauty, and should provide himself with a fund of complaisance, which is requisite to support a constant intercourse with a person even of the highest understanding and the greatest equanimity. The wife, on the other hand, should not expect a constant course of adulation and obedience; she should dispose herself to obey, in turn, with a good grace; a science very difficult to attain, and, consequently, the more estimable in the opinion of a man who is sensible of the merit. She should endeavour to recover the charms of the mistress, by the solidity and good sense of the friend.' You are now a married woman, and in a way to be a great many better things than a fine lady; such as an excellent wife, a faithful friend, a tender parent, and, at last, as the consequence of them all, a saint in heaven.2 But, madam, if the fates withstand, and you Still makes new conquests, and maintains the past.3 Be to her faults a little blind, Let all her ways be unconfin'd, And clap your padlock on her mind.1 Do not expect more from life than life will afford. You may often find yourself out of humour, and you may often think your wife not studious enough to please you; and yet you may have reason to consider yourself as, upon the whole, very happily married.1 In all marriages which I have ever seen, most of which have been unhappy ones, the great cause of unhappiness has proceeded from slight occasions; and I take it to be the first maxim in a married condition, that you are to be above trifles. When two persons have so good an opinion of each other as to come together for life, they will not differ from each other in matters of importance, because they think of each other with respect, in regard to all things of consideration, and are prepared for mutual assistance and relief in such occurrences: but for less occasions they have formed no such resolution, but leave their minds unprepared.2 The kindest and the happiest pair 1 Dr. Johnson (Boswell's Life), ii. 107. And will, with sympathy, endure The female heart is naturally susceptible, and much influenced by first impressions. Formed for love, and gratefully attached by delicate attentions, but chilled by neglect, and frozen by coldness; by contempt it is estranged, and, by habitual and longcontinued inconstancy, lost." The spirit of love has something so extremely fine in it, that it is very often disturbed and lost, by some little accidents, which the careless and unpolite never attend to, until it is past recovery.3 It is a rule proper to be observed in all occurrences of life, but more especially in the domestic or matrimonial part of it, to preserve always a disposition to be pleased. This cannot be supported but by considering things in their right light, and not as our own fancies or appetites would have them.4 Two persons who have chosen cach other out of all the species, with design to be each other's mutual comfort and entertainment, have, in that action, bound themselves to be good-humoured, affable, discreet, forgiving, patient, and joyful, with respect to each other's frailties and perfections, to the end of their lives." Man and wife are equally concerned to avoid all offences of each other, most especially in the Cowper (Mutual Forbearance). 3 Spectator, No. 506. 4 Ibid. No. 479. 2 Reference mislaid. 5 Ibid. No. 490. beginning of their conversation. Every little thing can blast an infant blossom, and the breath of the south can shake the little rings of the vine; but when, by age and consolidation, they stiffen into the hardness of a stem, and have, by the warm embraces of the sun and the kisses of heaven, brought forth their clusters, they can endure the storms of the north and the loud noises of the tempest, and yet never be broken.' With newly married persons, trifles are commonly occasions of great anxiety: contradiction being a thing, so early, wholly unusual, that the smallest instance of it is taken for the highest injury; and it very seldom happens that the man is slow enough in assuming the character of a husband, or the woman quick enough in condescending to that of a wife. It immediately follows, that they think they have been, all the time of their courtship, talking in masks to one another, and therefore begin to act like disappointed people.2 You see me though, for myself alone, I would not be ambitious in my wish, To wish myself much better; yet for you A thousand times more fair, ten thousand times Jeremy Taylor (Sermon on the Marriage Ring). 2 Tatler. Is an unlesson'd girl, unschool'd Happy in this, she is not yet so old unpractis❜d: But she may learn; happier than this, 'Tis not the liquid brightness of those eyes, O'er each of them to shade their light; 'Tis not that chin so round, that cheek so fine, By nature's finest pencil wrought, To shame the full-blown rose, and blooming peach, No:-'tis that gentleness of mind, that love So kindly answering my desire; That grace, with which you look, and speak, and move, That thus has set my soul on fire.2 Ah! you seem little to understand how great, how exquisite a pleasure there is in being really beloved! It is impossible that the most beauteous face in nature should raise in me such pleasing 1 Merchant of Venice. (Portia speaks.) 2 Frederick Prince of Wales, on his wife, the clever and amiable Augusta of Saxe Gotha. See Jesse's entertaining account of those times, lately published. |