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behold the hath cleaned it in like fhameful fort, and fhewn to be the head of a nail. O my fhield! my fhield! well may I fay with Horace, «Non bene relicta parmula."

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The goffips, not at all inquiring into the caufe of his forrow, only asked if the child had no hurt? and cried, "Come, come, all is well; what has the woman done but her duty a tight cleanly wench, I warrant her: "what a ftir a man makes about a ba"fon, that an hour ago, before her labour was bestowed upon it, a country barber would not have hung at his fhop-door!" " A bason (cried another) no fuch matter; 'tis no"thing but a paultry old sconce, with "the nozzle broke off." The learned gentlemen, who till now had flood fpeechlefs, hereupon looking narrowly on the fhield, declared their affent to this latter opinion, and defired Cornelius to be comforted; affuring him it was a fconce, and no other. But this, instead of comforting, threw the doctor into fuch a violent fit of paffion, that he was carried off groaning and speechlefs to bed; where, being quite spent, he fell into a kind of flumber.

The nutrition of SCRIBLERUS. Cornelius now began to regulate the fuction of his child; feldom did there pafs a day without difputes between him and the mother, or the nurse, concerning the nature of aliment. The poor woman never dined but he denied her fome dish or other, which he judged prejudicial to her milk. One day the had a longing defire to a piece of beef; and as fhe ftretched her hand towards it, the old gentleman drew it away, and spoke to this effect: "Hadft thou "read the ancients, O nurse, thou "would't prefer the welfare of the "infant which thou nourisheft, to the "indulging of an irregular and vora"cious appetite. Beef, it is true, 66 may confer a robuftnefs on the limbs "of my fon, but will hebetate and

clog his intellectuals." While he fpoke this, the nurse looked upon him with much anger, and now and then caft a wishful eye upon the beef. -"Paffion (continued the doctor, ftill

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holding the difh) throws the mind "into too violent a fermentation: it " is a kind of fever of the foul; or, as Horace expreffes it, a fhort madnefs. Confider, woman, that this day's fuction of my fon may caufe him to imbibe many ungovernable paffions, and in a manner fpoil him "for the temper of a philofopher. Ro"mulus, by fucking a wolf, became "of a fierce and favage difpofition; and were I to breed fome Ottoman emperor, or founder of a military "commonwealth, perhaps I might indulge thee in this carnivorous appe

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tite."-What! interrupted the nurfe, beef fpoil the understanding! that's fine indeed-how then could our parfon preach as he does upon beef, and pudding too, if you go to that? Don't tell me of your ancients, had not you almoft killed the poor babe with a dish of dæmonial black broth ?— Lacedæ"monian black broth, thou would't "fay (replied Cornelius); but I can"not allow the furfeit to have been " occafioned by that diet, fince it was "recommended by the divine Lycur"gus. No, nurfe, thou muft certainly "have eaten fome meats of ill digef, "tion the day before; and that was "the real caufe of his diforder. Con"fider, woman, the different tempe

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raments of different nations: What "makes the English phlegmatic and melancholy, but beef? What renders the Welsh fo hot and choleric, "but cheese and leeks? The French

derive their levity from their foups, "frogs, and mushrooms. I would not "let my fon dine like an Italian, left, <like an Italian, he fhould be jealous "and revengeful. The warm and fo. "lid diet of Spain may be more bene"ficial, as it might endow him with a profound gravity; but, at the fame "time, he might fuck in with their "food their intolerable vice of pride. "Therefore, nurfe, in fhort, I hold it "requifite to deny you, at prefent, not "only beef, but likewife whatfoever

any of thofe nations eat." During this fpeech, the nurse remained pout ing and marking her plate with the knife, nor would the touch a bit during the whole dinner. This the gld gentle

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crepitacula exceeded ours.

"I would not have Martin as yet to "fcourge a top, till I am better in"formed whether the trochus, which was recommended by Cato, be re"ally our prefent tops, or rather the "hoop which the boys drive with a "tick. Neither crofs and pile, nor

man obferving, ordered that the child," of opinion) kept the children from to avoid the rifque of imbibing ill hu- "breaking earthen-ware. The China mours, fhould be kept from her breast cups in these days are not at all the all that day, and be fed with butter "fafer for the modern rattles; which mixed with honey, according to a pre-is an evident proof how far their fcription he had met with fomewhere in Euftathius upon Homer. This indeed gave the child a great loofenefs, but he was not concerned at it, in the opinion that whatever harm it might do his body, would be amply recompenfed by the improvements of his understanding. But from thenceforth he infifted every day upon a particular diet to be observed by the nurfe; under which, having been long uneafy, the at laft parted from the family, on his ordering her for dinner the paps of a fow with pig; taking it as the highest indignity, and a direct infult upon her fex and calling.

Play-Things.

Here follow the inftructions of Cornelius Scriblerus concerning the plays and play-things to be ufed by his fon Martin.

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"Play was invented by the Lydians,

ducks and drakes, are quite fo an"cient as handy-dandy, though Ma"crobius and St. Auguftine take no"tice of the firft, and Minutius Fœlix describes the latter; but handydandy is mentioned by Aristotle, Plato, and Aristophanes.

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"The play which the Italians call cinque, and the French mourre, is "extremely ancient; it was played at by Hymen and Cupid at the mar"riage of Pfyche, and termed by the "Latins, digitis micare.

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"Julius Pollux defcribes the omilla or chuck-farthing: though fome will

be nearer the aphetinda of the ancients. He alfo mentions the ba"filinda, or King I am; and mynda "or hoopers-hide.

But the chytrindra, defcribed by "the fame author, is certainly not our "hot-cockles; for that was by pinch

as a remedy against hunger. Sopho-have our modern chuck-farthing to cles fays of Palamedes, that he invented dice to ferve fometimes inftead of a dinner. It is therefore wifely contrived by nature, that children, as they have the keenet appetites, are molt addicted to plays. From the fame caufe, and from the unprejudiced and incorrupt fimpli"city of their minds, it proceeds, that the plays of the ancient children are "preferved more entire than any other of their customs. In this matter I "would recommend to all who have concern in my fon's education, any "that they deviate not in the leaft

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ing, and not by ftriking; though "there are good authors who affirm "the rathapigifmus to be yet nearer "the modern hot-cockles. My fon "Martin may ufe either of them indifferently, they being equally antique. "Building of houfes, and riding from the primitive and fimple anti-upon ticks, have been used by chil

quity.

To fpeak firft of the whistle, as it is the first of all play-things. I will "have it exactly to correfpond with the "ancient fiftula, and accordingly to be compofed feptem paribus disjuna

cicutis.

"I heartily with a diligent fearch may be made after the true crepitaculum or rattle of the ancients, for that (as Architas Tarentinus was

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Julius Pollux, in his ninth book, fpeaks of the melolonthe or the kite; but I question whether the kite of antiquity was the fame with ours: "and though the Ogryzonia or quailfighting is what is moft taken notice "of, they had doubtless cock-matches "alfo, as is evident from certain an"cient gems and relievos.

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In a word, let my fon Martin difport himself at any game truly an. "tique, except one, which was invent "ed by a people among the Thracians,

who hung up one of their compa"nions in a rope, and gave him a knife to cut himself down; which if he failed in, he was fuffered to hang till he was dead; and this was only "reckoned a fort of joke. I am ut"terly against this, as barbarous and << cruel.

"I cannot conclude, without taking << notice of the beauty of the Greek <names, whofe etymologies acquaint

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us with the nature of the fports; and how infinitely, both in fenfe and found, they excel our barbarous names of plays.'

Notwithstanding the foregoing injunctions of Dr. Cornelius, he yet condefcended to allow the child the use of fome few modern play-things; fuch as might prove of any benefit to his mind, by inftilling an early notion of the fciences. For example, he found that marbles taught him percuffion, and the laws of motion; nut-crackers, the ufe of the lever; fwinging on the ends of a board, the balance; bottle-fcrews, the vice; whirligigs, the axis and peritrochia; bird-cages, the pully; and tops, the centrifugal motion,

Others of his fports were farther carried to improve his tender foul even in virtue and morality. We fhall only inftance one of the moft ufeful and inftructive, bob-cherry, which teaches at once two noble virtues, patience and conftancy; the first in adhering to the purfuit of one end, the latter in bearing a difappointment.

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pains? Alas! becaufe we have loft "their true cure, by the melody of the

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pipe. All this was well known to "the ancients, as Theophraftus affures "us (whence Cælius calls it loca do"lentia decantare), only indeed fome "fmall remains of this fkill are pre"ferved in the cure of the tarantula. "Did not Pythagoras ftop a company " of drunken bullies from forming a "civil houfe, by changing the ftrain

of the pipe to the fober spondæus? "and yet your modern musicians want

art to defend their windows from " common nickers. It is well known, "that

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" that when the Lacedæmonian mob were up, they commonly fent for a "" Lesbian musician to appease them, and they immediately grew calm as "foon as they heard Terpander fing: Yet I don't believe that the pope's "whole band of mufic, though the best of this age, could keep his holi"nefs's image from being burnt on a "fifth of November." Nor would Terpander him felf(replied Albertus) "at Billingfgate, nor Timotheus at "Hockley in the Hole, have any manner of effect; nor both of them together bring Horneck to common civility." "That's a grofs mistake" (faid Cornelius very warmly); " and, to prove it fo, I have here a fmall "lyra of my own, framed, ftrung, and tuned, after the ancient manner. I "can play fome fragments of Lesbian tunes, and I wish I were to try them upon the most paffionate creatures "alive."-" You never had a bet"ter opportunity (fays Albertus), for

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yonder are two apple-women fcolding, and just ready to uncoif one an"other." With that Cornelius, undreffed as he was, jumps out into his balcony, his lyra in hand, in his flippers, with his breeches hanging down to his ancles, a stocking upon his head, and waistcoat of murrey-coloured fattin upon his body: He touched his lyra with a very unufual fort of an harpegiatura, nor were his hopes fruftrated. The odd equipage, the uncouth inftrument, the trangeness of the man, and of the mufic, drew the ears and eyes of the whole mob that were got about the two female champions, and at last of the combatants themselves. They all approached the balcony, in as clofe attention as Orpheus's firft audience of cattle, or that of an Italian opera, when fome favourite air is just awakened. This fudden effect of his music encouraged him mightily; and it was obLerved he never touched his lyre in fuch a truly chromatic and enharmonic manner, as upon that occafion. The mob laughed, fung, jumped, danced, and ufed many odd geftures; all which he judged to be caufed by the various ftrains and modulations. " Mark (quoth

he) in this, the power of the Ionian;

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"in that you fee the effect of the "lian." But in a little time they be gan to grow riotous, and threw ftones : Cornelius then withdrew, but with the greatest air of triumph in the world.

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Brother (faid he) do you observe I "have mixed, unawares, too much of "the Phrygian; I might change it to "the Lydian, and foften their riotous tempers: But it is enough: learn "from this fample to fpeak with ve"neration of ancient mufic. If this lyre in my unskilful hands can per"form fuch wonders, what must it not "have done in those of a Timotheus "or a Terpander?" Having faid this, he retired with the utmoft exultation in himfelf, and contempt of his brother; and, it is faid, behaved that night with fuch unufual haughtinefs to his family, that they all had reafon to with for fome ancient Tibicen to calm his temper.

LOGIC.

Martin's understanding was fo totally immerfed in fenfible objects, that he demanded examples, from material things, of the abstracted ideas of logic: as for Crambe, he contented himfelf with the words; and when he could but form fome conceit upon them, was fully fatisfied. Thus Crambe would tell his inftructor, that all men were not fingu lar; that individuality could hardly be predicated of any man, for it was commonly faid, that a man is not the fame he was; that madmen are befide themfelves, and drunken men come to themfelves; which fhews, that few men have that most valuable logical endowment, individuality. Cornelius told Martin that a fhoulder of mutton was an indidual, which Crambe denied, for he had feen it cut into commons. That's true (quoth the tutor), but you never faw it cut into fhoulders of mutton: If it could (quoth Crambe) it would be the most lovely individual of the univerfity. When he was told, a substance was that which was fubject to accidents; then foldiers (quoch Crambe) are the most fubftantial people in the world. Neither would he allow it to be a good definition of accident, that it could be prefent or abfent without the deftruction of the fubject; fince there

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The Seat of the Soul.

are a great many accidents that deftroy clothes could better fublift without him, the fubject, as burning does a houfe, than he without his clothes. and death a man. But, as to that, Cornelius informed him, that there was a natural death, and a logical death; that though a man, after his natural death, was not capable of the leaft parifh-office, yet he might fill keep his ftall amongst the logical predicaments.

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Cornelius was forced to give Martin fenfible images. Thus, calling up the coachman, he asked him what he had feen in the bear-garden? The man anfwered, he saw two men fight a prize: one was a fair man, a ferjeant in the guards; the other black, a butcher: the ferjeant had red breeches, the butcher blue: they fought upon a ftage about four o'clock, and the ferjeant wounded the butcher in the leg. "Mark (quoth Cornelius) how the fellow runs through the predicaments. Men, "fubftantia; two, quantitas; fair and black, qualitas ; ferjeant and butcher, relatio; wounded the other, actio et paffio; fighting, fitus ; ftage, ubi; two o'clock, quando; blue and red "breeches, habitus." At the fame time he warned Martin, that what he now learned as a logician, he must forget as a natural philofopher; that though he now taught them that accidents inhered in the fubject, they would find in time there was no fuch thing; and that colour, tafte, fmell, heat, and cold, were not in the things, but only phantafms of our brains. He was forced to let them into this fecret, for Martin could not conceive how a habit of danc ing inhered in a dancing-mafter, when he did not dance; nay, he would demand the characteristics of relations. Crambe used to help him out, by telling him, a cuckold, a lofing gamefter, a man that had not dined, a young heir that was kept fhort by his father, might be all known by their countenance; that, in this laft cafe, the paternity and filiation leave very fenfible impreffions in the relatum and correlatum. The greatest difficulty was when they came to the tenth predicament; Crambe affirmed that his habitus was more a fubstance than he was; for his

In this defign of Martin to investigate the difeafes of the mind, he thought nothing fo neceffary as an enquiry after the feat of the foul; in which, at first, he laboured under great uncertainties. Sometimes he was of opinion that it lodged in the brain, fometimes in the ftomach, and fometimes in the heart. Afterwards he thought it abfurd to confine that fovereign lady to one apart. ment; which made him infer, that the fhifted it according to the feveral func tions of life: The brain was her study, the heart her ftate room, and the ftomach her kitchen. But, as he faw feveral offices of life went on at the fame time, he was forced to give up this hypothefis alfo. He now conjectured it was more for the dignity of the foul to perform feveral operations by her little minifters, the animal fpirits; from whence it was natural to conclude, that she refides in different parts, according to different inclinations, fexes, ages, and profef fions. Thus, in epicures he feated her in the mouth of the ftomach; philofophers have her in the brain, foldiers in their heart, women in their tongues, fidlers in their fingers, and rope-dancers in their toes. At length he grew fond of the glandula pinealis, diffecting many fubjects to find out the different figure of this gland, from whence he might difcover the caufe of the different tempers in mankind. He fuppofed that in factious and reftléfs-fpirited people, he fhould find it harp and pointed, allowing no room for the foul to repofe herfelf; that in quiet tempers it was flat, fmooth, and foft, affording to the foul, as it were, an eafy cushion. He was confirmed in this by obferving, that calves and philofophers, tygers and ftate fmen, foxes and fharpers, peacocks and fops, cock-fparrows and coquettes, monkeys and players, courtiers and fpaniels, moles and mifers, exactly refemble one another in the conformation of the pineal gland. He did not doubt likewife to find the fame refemblance in highwaymen and conquerors: In

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