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«fe a great many accidents that destroy the subject, as burning does a house, and death a man. But, as 'to that, Cornelius informed him, that there was a natural death, and'a logical death; that though a man, after his natural death, was not capable of the least parish-office, yet he might still keep his stall amongst the logical predicaments.
Cornelius was forced to give Martin sensible images. Thus, calling up the coachman, he asked him what he had seen in the bear-garden? The man answered, he saw two men fight a prize: one was a fair man, a serjeant in the guards; the other black, a butcher: the serjeant had red breeches, the butcher blue: they sought upon a stage about four o'clock, and the serjeant wounded the butcher in the leg; "Mark "(quoth Cornelius) how the fellow "runs through the predicaments. Men, "substantial two, quantitas\ fair and "black, qualitas; serjeant and butcher, *' rtlatio; wounded the other, a3io et "fajpo; fighting, situs; stage, ubi; "two o'clock, quando; blue and red "breeches, habitus." At the fame time he warned Martin, that what he now learned as a logician, he must forget as a natural philosopher; that though he now taught them that accidents inhered in the subject, they would find in time there was no such thing; and that colour, taste, smell, heat, and cold, were not in the things, but only phantasms of our brains. He was forced to let them into this secret, for Martin could not conceive how a habit of dancing inhered in a dancing-master, when he did not dance; nay, he would demand the characteristics of relations. Crambe used to help him out, by telling him, a cuckold, a losing gamester, a man that had not dined, a young heir that was kept short by his father, might be all known by their countenance; that, in this last cafe, the paternity and filiation leave very sensible impressions in the relatum and correlatum. The greatest difficulty was when they came to the tenth predicament; Crambe affirmed that his habitus was more a substance than he wa?; for his
clothes could better subsist without birri, than he without, his clothes.
The Seat of the Soul. In this design of Martin to investigate the diseases of the mind, he thought nothing so necessary as an enquiry atter the feat of the foul; in which, at first, he laboured under great uncertainties. Sometimes he was of opinion that it lodged in the brain, sometimes in the stomach, and sometimes in the heart. Afterwards be thought it absurd to confine that sovereign lady to one apart-' ment; which made him infer, that she shifted it according to the severaWunctions of life: The brain was her study, the heart her state- room, and the stomach her kitchen. But, as he saw several. offices of life went on at the fame time, he was forced to give up this hypothesi* also. He now conjectured it was more for the dignity of the soul to perform several operations by her little ministers, the animal spirits; from whence it wai natural to conclude, that she resides ia\ different parts, according to different inclinations, sexes, ages, and professions. Thus, in epicures he seated her in the mouth of the stomach; philosophers have her in the brain, soldiers in their heart, women in their tongues, (idlers in their singers, and rope-dancers in their toes. At length he grew fond of the glandula pinealis, dissecting many subjects to find out the different figure of this gland, from whence he might discover the cause of the different tempers in mankind. He supposed that in factious and restless-spirited people, he should find it (harp and pointed, allowing no room for the soul to repose herself; that irt quiet tempers it was flat, smooth, and soft, affording to the soul, as it were, an easy cushion. He was confirmed in this by observing, that calves and philosophers, tygers and statesmen, foxes and sharpers, peacocks and fops, cock-sparrows and coquettes, monkeys and players, courtiers and spaniels, moles and misers, exactly resemble one another in the conformation of the pineal gland. He did not doubt likewise to find the same resemblance in highwaymen and conquerors: In
order to satisfy himself in which, it was, that he purchased the body of one of the first species (as hath been before related) at Tyburn, hoping in time to have the happiness of one of the latter too under his anatomical knife.
Tie Soul a Quality.
This is easily answered by a familiar instance. In every jack there is a meatroasting quality, which neither resides in the fly, nor in the weight, nor in any particular wheel in the jack, but is the result of the whole composition : so, in an animal, the self-consciousness is not a real quality inherent in one being (any more than meat-roasting in a jack) but the result of several modes or qualities in the fame subject. As the sly, the wheels, the chain, the weight, the cords, &c. make one jack, so the several parts of the body make one animal. As perception or consciousness Is said to be inherent in this animal, so is meat-roasting said to be inherent in the^jack. As sensation, reasoning, volition, memory, &c. are the several modes of thinking ; so roasting of beef, roasting of mutton, roasting of pullets, geese, turkeys, &c. are the several modes of meat-roasting. And as the general quality of meat-roasting, with its several modifications, as to beef, mutton, pullets, &c. does not inhere in any one part of the jack; so neither does consciousness,with its several modes of sensation, intellection, volition, &c. inhere in any one, but is the result from the mechanical composition of the whole animal. Pope.
§ 36. Diversity of Geniuses.
I (hall range these confined and less copious geniuses under proper classes, and (the better to give their pictures to the reader) under the names of animals of some fort or other; whereby he will be enabled, at the first sight of such as (hall daily come forth, to know to what kind to refer, and with what authors to compare them.
1. The Flying Filhes: These are writers who now and then rise upon their fins, and fly out of the profund; but their wings are soon dry, and they drop down to tne bottom. G. S. A. H. C. G.
2. The Swallows are authors that are eternally slumming and fluttering up and down; but all their agiliiy is employed to catch flies. L. T. W. P. Lord H.
3. The Ostriches are such, whose heaviness rarely permits them to raise themselves from the ground; their wings are of no use to lift them up, and their motion is between flying and walking; but then they run verv fast D. F. L. E. The Hon. E. H.
4. The Parrots are they that repeat another's words, in such a hoarse odd voice, as makes them seem their own. W. B. W. H. C. C. The Reverend D. D.
5. The Didappers are authors that keep themselves long out of sight, under water, and come up now and then where you least expected them. L. W. G. D. Esq. The Hon. Sir W. Y.
6. The Porpoises are unwieldy and big; they put all their numbers into a great turmoil and tempest; but whenever they, appear in plain light (which » is seldom) they are only (hapeless and ugly monsters. L D. C. G. I. O.
7. The Frogs are such as can neither walk nor fly, but can leap and bound to admiration: they live generally in the bottom of a ditch, and make a great noise whenever they thrust their heads above water. E. W. L. M. Esq. T. D. Gent.
8. The Eels are obscure authors, that wrap themselves up in their own mud, but are mightv nimble and pert. L. W. L. T. P. M. General C.
9. The Tortoises are slow and chill, and, like pastoral writers, delight much in gardens: they have for the most part a line embroidered ihelj, and underneath, it, a heavy lump. A. P. W. B. L. E. The Right Hon. E of S.
These are the chief characteristics of the Bathos: and in each ot these kinds we have the comfort to be blessed with sundry and manifold choice spirits in this our island.
Tie Advancement of tie Basics.
Thus have I (my dear counirym<*n) with incredible pains and diligence, discovered the hidden sources of the Bathos, or, as I may fay, broke open
X x. the
the abysses of this great deep. And having now established good and wholesortie laws, what remains but that all true moderns, with their utmost might, do proceed to put the fame in execution? In order whereto, I think I shall, in the second place, highly deserve of my country, by proposing such a scheme, as may facilitate this great end.
As our number is confessedly far superior to that of the enemy, there seems' nothing wanting but unanimity among ourselves. It is therefore humbly offered, that all and every individual of the Bathos do enter into a firm association, and incorporate into one regular body ; whereof every member, even the meanest, will some-way contribute to the support of the whole; in like manner as the weakest reeds, when joined in one bundle, become infrangible. To which end our art ought to be put upon the fame foot with other arts of this age. The vast improvement of modern manufactures ariseth from their being divided into several branches, and parcelled out to several trades: for instance, in clock-making, one artist makes the balance, another the spring, another the crown-wheels, a fourth the cafe, and the principal workman puts all together: to this œconomy we owe the perfection of our modern watches; and doubtless we also might that of our modern poetry and rhetoric, were the several parts branched out in the like manner.
Nothing is more evident than that divers persons, no other way remarkable, have each a strong disposition to the formation of some particular trope Or figure. Aristotle faith, that the hyperbole is an ornament fit for young men of quality ; accordingly we find in those gentlemen a wonderful propensity towards it, which is marvellously improved by travelling: soldiers also and seamen are very happy in the same figure. The periphrasis or circumlocution is the peculiar talent of country farmers; the proverb and apologue of old men at clubs; the ellipsis, or speech by half words, of ministers and politicians; the aposiopesis, of courtiers; the litotes, and diminution, of ladies, whisperers, and backbiters; and the auadiplosis, of common criers and 7
hawkers, who, by redoubling the fame words, persuade people to buy their oysters, green hastings, or new ballads. Epithets may be found in great plenty at Billingsgate, sarcasm and irony learned upon the water, and the epiphonema or exclamation frequently from the bear-garden, and as frequently from the ' Hear him' of the House of commons. ■ i .
Now each man applying his whole time and genius upon his particular figure, would doubtless attain to perfec« tion: and when each became incorporated and sworn into the society (as hath been proposed) a poet or orator would have no more to do but to send to the particular traders in each kind; to the metaphorist for his allegories, to the simile-maker for his comparisons, to the ironist for his sarcasms, to the apophthegmatist for his sentences, &c.; whereby a dedication or speech would be composed in a moment, the superior artist having nothing to do but to put together all the materials.
I therefore propose that there be contrived, with all convenient dispatch, at the public expence, a rhetorical chest of drawers, consisting of three stories; the highest for the deliberative, the middle for the demonstrative, and the lowest for the judicial. These shall be subdivided into loci or places, being repositories for matter and argument ia the several kinds of oration or writing; and every drawer shall again be subdivided into cells, resembling those of cabinets for rarities. The apartment for peace or war, and that of the liberty ofiheprefs, may in a very few days be filled with several arguments perfectly new; and the vituperative partition will as easily bercplenished with a most choice collection, entirely of the growth and manufacture of the present age. Every composer will soon be taught the use of this cabinet, and how to manage all the registers of it, which will be drawn out much in the manner of those in an organ.
The keys of it must be kept in honest hands, by some reverend prelate, or valiant officer, of unquestionable loyalty and- affection to every present establish* ment in church and state; whjch will sufficiently guard against any mischief
which which might otherwise be apprehended from it.
And being lodged in such hands, it may be at discretion let out by the day, to several great orators in both houses; from whence it is to be hoped much prosit and gain will accrue to our society.
Dedications and Panegyrics.
Now of what necessity the foregoing project may prove, will appear from this jingle consideration, that nothing is of equal consequence to the success of our works as speed and dispatch. Great pity it is, that solid brains are not, like other solid bodies, constantly endowed with a velocity in sinking proportionable to their heaviness: for it is with the flowers of the Bathos as with those of nature, which, if the careful gardener brings not hastily to market in the morning, must unprositably perish and wither before night. And of all our productions none is so short-lived as the dedication and panegyric, which are often but the praise of a day, and become by the next utterly useless, improper, indecent, and false. This is the more to be lamented, inasmuch as these two are the sorts whereon in a manner depends that profit, which must still be remembered to be the main end of our writers and speakers.
We shall therefore employ this chapter in shewing the quickest method of composing them: after which we will teach a short way to epic poetry. And these being confessedly the works of most importance and difficulty, it is presumed we may leave the rest to each author's own learning or practice.
First of Panegyric. Every man is honourable, who is so by law, custom, or title. The public are better judges of what is honourable than private men. The virtues of great men, like those of plants, are inherent in them, whether they are exerted or not; and the more strongly inherent, the leTs they are exerted; as a man is the more rich, the less he spends. All great ministers, without either private or œconomical virtne, are virtuous by their posts, liberal and generous upon the public money, provident upon public supplies, just by paying public interest, courage
ous and magnanimious by the fleets and armies, magnificent upon the public expences, and prudent by public sue-, cess. They have by their office a righC to a share of the public stock of virtues; besides, they are by prescription immemorial invested in all the celebrated virtues of their predecessors in the fame stations, especially those of their own ancestors.
As to what are commonly called the colours of honourable and dishonourable, they are various in different countries: in this, they are blue, green, and red.
. But, forasmuch as the duty we owe to the public doth often require that we should put some things in a strong light, and throw a (hade over others, I shall explain the method of turning a vicious man into a hero.
The first and chief rule is the golden nile of transformation; which consist* in converting vices into their bordering) virtues. A man who is a spendthrift, and will not pay a just debt, may have his injustice transformed into liberality; Cowardice may be metamorphosed into prudence; intemperance into goodnature and good-fellowship; corruption into patriotism; andlewdnefs into tenderness and facility.
The second is the rule of contraries. It is certain the less a man is endued with any virtue, the more need he has to have it plentifully bestowed, especially those good qualities of which the world generally believes he has none at all: for who will than!: a man for giving him that which he has?
The reverse of these precepts will serve for satire; wherein we are ever to remark, that whoso Ioseth his place, or becomes out of favour with the government, hath forfeited his (hare in public praise and honour. Therefore the truly public-spirited writer ought in duty to strip him whom the government hath stripped; which is the real poetical justice of this age. For a full collection of topics and epithets to be used in the praise and dispraise os ministerial and unministerial persons, X refer to our rhetorical cabinet; concluding with an earnest exortation to all my brethren, to observe the precepts here laid down; the neglect of which.
X x 2 ha*
their ears in a
has cost some of them pillory.
A Receipt to make an Epic Poem.
An epic poem, the critics agree, is the greatest work human nature is capable of. They have already laid down many mechanical rules for compositions of this sort, but at the fame time they cut off almost all undertakers from the possibility of ever performing them; for the first qualification they unanimously require in a poet, is a genius. I (hall here endeavour (for the benefit sf my countrymen) to make j t manifest, that epic poems may be made without a genius, nay without learning or much reading. This must necessarily be of great use to all those who confess they never read, and of whom the world-is convinced they never learn. Moliere observes of making a dinner, that any man can do it with money; and isa professed cook cannot do without it, he has his art for nothing: the fame may be said of making a poem; it is easily brought about by him that has a genius, but the (kill lies in doing it without one. In pursuance of this end, I shall present the reader with a plain and sure recipe, by which any author in the Bathos may be qualified for this grand performance.
To make an Epic Poem.
For the Fable. Take out any old poem, history-book, romance, or le. gend (for instance, Geoffry of Monxnouth, or Don Belianis of Greece) those parts of story which afford molt scope for long descriptions: put these pieces together, and throw all the adventures you fancy into one tale. Then take a hero, whom you may chuse for the sound of his name, «fid put him in the midst of these adventures: there let him work for twelve books; at the end of which you may take him out, ready prepared to conquer or to marry; it being necessary that the conclusion of an epic poem be fortunate.
To make an Episode. Take any remaining adventure of your former collection, in which you could no way involve youf hero; or any unfortunate accident that was too good to be thrown away; and it will be of use, applied to
any other person, who may be loft and evaporate in the course of the work, without the least damage to the composition.
For the Moral and Allegory. These you may extract out of the fable after- . wards, at your leisure: be sure you strain them sufficiently.
For the Manners. For those of the hero, take all the best qualities you can find in the most celebrated heroes of antiquity: if they will not be reduced to a consistency, lay them all on a heap upon him. But be sure they are qualities which your patron would be thought to have; and to prevent any mistake which the world may be subject to, select from the alphabet those capital letters that compose his name, and set them at the head of a dedication or poem. However, do not observe the exact quantity of these virtues, it not being determined whether or no it be necessary for the hero of a poem to be an honest man. For the undcr-characters, gather them from Homer and Virgil, and change the names as occasion serves.
For the Machines. Take of deities, male and female, as many as you can use : separate them into two equal parts, and keep Jupiter in the middle: let Juno put him in a ferment, and Venus mollify him. Remember on all occasions to make use of volatile Mercury. If you have need of devils, draw them out of Milton's Paradise, and extract your spirits from Tasso. The use of these machines is evident: since no epic poem can possibly subsist without them, the wisest way is to reserve them for your greatest necessities. When you cannot extricate your hero by any human means, or yourself by your own wit, seek relief from heaven, and the gods will do your business very readily. This is according to the direct prescription of Horace, in his Art of Poety:
Nee d:us intcrfit, nisi dignus vindice nodus
That is to fay, "A poet should never