civilized armies, whenever they storm a town, not only to cut the throats of the men, but to ravifh the women; and it is from this example, I fuppofe, that our officers think it an indifpenfable branch of their duty to debauch the wives and fifters of the inhabitants wherever they are quartered; or per. haps, confidering the great lofs of men we have fuftained by fea and land, they are defirous of filling up the chafm, and providing recruits for a future war,

The last circumftance which I fhall mention, as highly neceffary in an officer, is, the fpirit of gaming. The militia-officer was undoubtedly poffeffed of this fpirit in fome degree before, and would back his own horfes on the turf, or his own cocks in a main, or bye-battle; but he never thought of rifking his whole patrimony on a fingle card, or the turn of a die. Some of them have fuffered more by a peaceful fummer's campaign, than if their eftates had been over-run, pillaged, and laid wafte by the invader: and what does it fignify, whether the timber is cut down and destroyed by the enemy, or fold to fatisfy a debt of honour to a fharper ?

But the rain is over, and I am glad of it as I was growing ferious, contrary to my ufual humour, I have ordered my horfe out and have fome miles to ride-so no more at prefent from

Your conftant correfpondent, &c,
B. Thornton.

$142. On going to Bath, Tunbridge, and other Watering-places, in the Summer.

Nunc eft bibendum. Sadlers-Wells. It has long been a doubt with me, whether his majefty lofes more fubjects in the year by water or by fpirituous liquors: I mean, I cannot determine within myself, whether Bath, Tunbridge, Scarborough, &c. &c. &c. do lefs harm to the conftitutions of my fellow-creatures than brandy, gin, or even British fpirits. I own, nothing gives me more furprife in the practice of the learned in Warwick-lane, than their almoft unanimously concurring in ducking their patients in the fea, or drenching them with falt, fteel, or fulphureous water, be their diftemper what

it may. If a man has a dropfy, they will not hesitate to give gallons of this element, as they do not fcruple to give the strongest cordials fometimes in the moft violent fever.

Though the faculty feem to agree, one and all, that every patient fhould vifit fome watering-place or other in the fummer, I do not find they are settled in their opinions, what particular waters fuit particular diforders. I have vifited them all for my amufement; and upon converfing with the invalids in each place, I have found, to my great furprise, in Bath, Tunbridge, Briftol, and Brighthelmftone, many perfons drinking the waters for the gout, bilious cholics, or weak nerves, as if the fame effects could be produced by fteel, falt, and fulphur; nay, a gentleman of my acquaintance was fent by different phyficians to different places, though they were all agreed about the nature of his cafe. I verily believe, if a man would confult every phyfician in the kingdom, he would vifit every fink in the whole ifland; for there is not an hole or bottom, in any county, that has not its falutary fpring; and every fpring has its phyfician to prove, in a long pamphlet of hard words, that thofe waters are fuperior to any other, and that any patient, in any disorder whatever, may be fure of relief. In short, we feem to have a fecond deluge, not by the wickedness, but the folly of the people, and every one is taking as much pains to perish in it as Noah and his fa mily did to escape it.

The prefent thirft after this element, which the phyficians have created, makes it neceffary for them to fend their patients to fome waters in vogue; but the choice being left to the doctor, he is determined in it by various circumftances: fometimes the patient is fent where the best advice and affiftance may be had, in cafe the distemper fhould increafe; fometimes where the phyfician of the place is a coufin or a pupil of the phyfician in town; fometimes where the doctor has an estate in the neighbourhood; and I have, more than once, known a patient fent to a place, for no other reafon, but because the doctor was born within four miles of it.

I cannot

I cannot eafily fuggeft to myself any reafon, why phyficians in London are fond of fending their patients to waters at the greatest distance, whilft the country practitioners generally recommend the fprings in their neighbourhood. I cannot come into the notion that prevails among many perfons, that fome of the faculty in London divide the fees with those they recommend in the country, like the lawyers who deal in agency; but I am induced to think, that, as they are confcious the waters are out of the cafe, they hope the exer. cife and change of air in a long journey will lay the ground-work of that cure, which the temperance and diffi. pation prescribed by the doctor may poffibly perform; on this account they decline fending their patients to SadlersWells, Powis - Wells, Pancras -Wells, Acton-Wells, Bagnigge-Wells, the Dog and Duck, or Iflington-Spaw, which are as falutary as thofe of Bath or Tunbridge for patients who live at a diftance, and who can receive no benefit from the wells and spaws in their neigh bourhood.

Another circumftance confirms me in the opinion, that the waters of any spaw do nothing more towards the cure than what is to be had from any pump whatfoever. I never found the inhabitants of the place appear at the fprings and wells with the company of foreigners; and I have feen many invalids among them complaining of cholics, afthmas, gouts, &c. as much as the vifiters of the place and if it is faid, that many who come to Bath on crutches go away without them, I have feen, more than once, thofe very crutches fupporting fome miferable cripple of

the town.

It may be urged, that many cures have been performed at thefe public places; but whether they are to be attributed to the waters, or the air, exercife, and temperance prefcribed by the doctor, will appear from the fol lowing story.

An honeft country baker having, by his close and anxious application to bufinefs in the day-time, and a very conftant attendance at the Three Horfefhoes at night, contracted a distemper

that is beft understood by the names of the Hip or the Horrors, was fo very miferable, that he had made two attempts upon his own life; at length, by the perfuafion of his friends, he applied to a phyfician in the neighbourhood for advice: the doctor (I fuppofe a quack, by the low fee which he demanded) told him, he would cure him in a month, if he would follow his directions; but he expected, in the mean time, a new quartern loaf whenever he should fend. for it. In return for the first quartern, he fent a box of pills, with directions for the baker to take three at fix in the morning fafting, after which to walk four miles; to take the fame number at fix in the evening, and to walk the like number of miles; to repeat the fame number of pills at eight, and to work them off with a pint of ale, without the ufe of his pipe, and the like number at ten o'clock, going to bed. The baker kept his word with the doctor, and the doctor kept his with the patient; for, at the end of the month, the honeft fellow was in as good health, and enjoyed as high fpirits, as when he was a boy. The cheapnefs of his cure induced the baker to enquire of his doctor, by what wonderful medicine fo fpeedy and perfect a cure had been effected. The doctor, which is another proof of his not being regularly bred, told him, the pills were made of his own loaf covered with gold leaf; and added, if he would take the fame medicine, and follow the fame directions, whenever his relapfing into his former courfe of life fhould bring on the like diforder, he might be fure of as speedy and effectual a cure.

I fhould, however, want gratitude, as well as candour, if I did not acknowledge a very lafting obligation I lie under to Tunbridge-waters: my wife and I had lamented, for two or three years, that the very good estate which I en, joyed would, probably, after my death, go into another family, for want of an heir in my own. My wife was advised to go to Tunbridge, and to drink the waters for eight or nine months: we were very much grieved to part for fo long a time; but fuch has been our amazing fuccefs, that the dear creature

returned

returned to me, at the end of half a year, four months gone with child. B. Thornton. § 143. The faint-hearted Lover.

Sir,

I do not doubt but every one of your readers will be able to judge of my cafe, as, without question, every one of them either has been, or is at prefent, as much in love as your humble fervant. You must know, Sir, I am the very Mr. Faint-heart described in the proverb, who never won fair lady: for though I have paid my addreffes to feveral of the fex, I have gone about it in fo meek and pitiful a manner, that it might fairly be a queftion, whether I was in earnest. One of my Dulcineas was taken, as we catch mackerel, by a bit of scarlet; another was feduced from me by a fuit of embroidery; and another furrendered, at the first attack, to the long fword of an Irishman. My prefent fuit and fervice is paid to a certain lady who is as fearful of receiving any tokens of my affection as I am of offering them. I am only permitted to admire her at a distance; an ogle or a leer are all the advances I dare make; if I move but a finger it puts her all in a fweat; and, like the fenfitive plant, fhe would fhrink and die away at a touch. During our long courtship I never offered to falute her but once; and then he made fuch a wriggling with her body, fuch a struggling with her arms, and fuch a toffing and twirling of her head to and fro, that, in ftead of touching her lips, I was nearly in danger of carrying off the tip of her nofe. I even dared at another time to take her round the waift; but the bounced away from me, and screamed out as if I had actually been going to commit a rape upon her. I also once plucked up courage fufficient to attempt fqueezing her by the hand, but fhe refifted my attack by fo close a clench of her fift, that my grafp was prefented with nothing but fharppointed knuckles, and a long thumbnail; and I was directly after faluted with a violent ftroke on my jaw-bone. If I walk out with her, I ufe all my endeavours to keep clofe at her fide; but

fhe whifks away from me as though I had fome catching diftemper about me: if there are but three of us, the eludes my defign by fkipping fometimes on one fide and fometimes on t'other as I approach' her; but when there are more of us in company, fhe takes care to be fheltered from me by placing herfelf the very midmoft of the rank. If we ride in a coach together, I am not only debarred from fitting on the fame fide, but I must be feated on the furthermoft corner of the feat oppofite to her, that our knees may not meet. We are as much at diftance from one another at dinner, as if we were really man and wife, whom cuftom has directed to be kept afunder the whole length of the table; and when we drink tea, fhe would fooner run the risk of having the contents fpilt over her, than take the cup and faucer from me any nearer than at both our arms length. If I mention a fyllable that in the leaft borders upon love, the immediately reddens at it as much as if I had let drop a loofe or indelicate expreffion; and when I defire to have a little private converfation with her, the wonders at my impudence to think that she could truft herself with a man alone. In fhort, Sir, I begin to defpair of ever coming to close contact with her; but what is ftill more provoking, though the keeps me at fo refpectful a distance, the tamely permits a ftrapping fellow of the guards to pat her on the cheek, play with her hand, and even approach her lips, and that too in my prefence, If you, or any of your readers, can advife me what to do in this cafe, it will be a lafting obligation conferred on

Your very humble fervant,
TIMOTHY MILDMAN:
Ibid.

$144. On a handfome Landlady.
Sir,
Aug. 28, 1761.

It has been obferved of the writings of the late Harry Fielding, of facetious memory, that he feemed never fo happy as when he could get into the chimney-corner of an inn kitchen. In like manner you must have perceived, that my letters to you during my ruftica. tion have favoured of the affection which