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JBo3er the barber's hr.ntl, which indeed was at first very terrible to beheld: for the razor was almost twice as long as an o.-dinary scythe. His majesty, according to tlie custom of the country, was only thaved twice a week. I once prevailed on the barber to give me some of the suds or lather, out of which I picked forty or fifty of the. strongest; stumps of hair. I then took a piece i»f fine wood, and cut it like the back of a comb, making several holes in it at equal distance with as small a needle as I could get from Glumdalclitch. 1 fixed in the stumps so artificially, scraping aud Hoping them with my knife towards the points, that I made a very tolerable comb; which was a seasonable supply, rny own being so much broken in the teeth, that it was almost useless: neitherdid 1 know any artist in that country so nice and exact, as would undertake to make me another.

And this puts me in mind of an amusement, wherein I spent many of my leisure hours. 1 desired the queen's woman to save for roe the combings of her majesty's hair, whereof in time I got a good quantity, and consulting with my friend the cabinet-maker, who had received general orders to do little jobs for me, I directed him to make two chair-frames, no larger than thole I had in my box, and then to bore little holes with a sine awl round these parts where I designed the backs and seats; through these holes I wove the strongest hairs I could pick out, just after the manner of cane-chairs in England. When they were finished, I made a present of them to her majesty, who kept them in her cabinet, and used to shew them for curiosities, as indeed they were the wonder of every one that beheld them. The queen would have had me lit upon oue of these chairs, but I absolutely refused to obey her,

for Gulliver has here given a political account of qp country but England: it is however a mistake to which any comment jtor world have been liable, who hid read little more than the titles or contents of the chapters into which this work, is divided; for the woi J Europe has in some English, and all the Irish, editions been printed in tie title of this chaster instead of England.

protesting I would rather die a thousand deaths than place a dilhonourable part of my body on thole precious hairs, that once adorned her majesty's head. Of thole hairs (as 1 had always a mechanical genii!-) I likewise made a neat little purle aboi-t five feet long, with her maje:;y's nan.e decyphered in gold letters, which I gave to Glumdalclitch by the queen's consent. To fay the) truth, it wa- more for (hew than use, being not of strength to bear the weight of the larger coins, and therefore me kept nothing in it but some little toys that girib are fond cf.

The king, who delighted in misic, had frequent conceits at court, towhick I was somesiines carried, and set in my box on a table to hear them : but the noise was so great, that I could hardly distinguish the tunes. I am confident, that all the drums and trumpets of a royal army, beating and sounding together just at your ears, could not equal it. My practice was to have my box removed from the place where the performers fat, as far a» I could, then to shut the doors and windows of it, and draw the window curtains; after which. I found their music mt disagreeable.

I had learned in my youth to play a little-upon the spinet. Glumdalclitch kept one in her chamber, and a master attended twice a week to teach her: I called it a spinet, because it somewhat resembled that instrument, a,nd was played upon in the fame manner. A fancy came into my he id, that I would entertain the king and queen with an English tune upon this instrument. But this appeared extremely difficult: tor the spinet was near sixty feet long, each key being almost^ foot wide, so that with my arms extended I could not reach to above five keys, aid top;'ss them down required a good imart stroke with my silt, which woulu be ton great a labour, and lo no purpose. TTie method I contrived was this: I prepared two round stick' about the bigness of common cudgels; they were thicker at one end than the other, and I covered the thicker cijds with a piece of a mouse's {kin, thai, hy rappingon them, I might neither damage the tops of the keys, nor imerrupt the sound. Before

3 K 2 the the spinet a bench was placed about four feet below the keys, and I was put upon the bench. I ran sideling upon it that way and this, as fast as I could, banging the proper keys with my two sticks, and made a shift to play a jigg to the great satisfaction of both their majesties: but it was the most violent exercise I ever underwent, and yet I could not strike above sixteen keys, nor consequently play the bass and treble together, as other artists do, which was a great disadvantage to my performance.

The king, who, as I before observed, was a prince of excellent understanding, would frequently order that I should be brought in my box, and set upon the table in his closet; he would then command me to bring one of my chairs out of t,he box, and sit down within three yards distance upon the top of the cabinet, which brought me almost to a level with his face. In this manner I had several conversations with him. I one day took the freedom to tell his majesty, that the contempt he discovered towards Europe, and the rest of the world, did not seem answerable to those excellent qualities of mind that he was master of: that reason did not extend itself with the bulk of the body; on the contrary, we observed in our Country, that the tallest persons were usually least provided with it: that, among other animals, bees and ants had the reputation of more industry, art, and sagacity, than many of the larger kinds; and that, as inconsiderable as he took me to be, I hoped I might live to do his majesty some signal service. The king heard me with attention, and began to conceive a much better opinion of me than he had ever before. He desired I would give him as exact an account of the government of England as I possibly could; because, as __ fond as princes commonly are of their own customs (for so he conjectured of othermonarchs by my former discourses) he should be glad to hear of any thing that might deserve imitation.

Imagine with thyself, courteous reader, how often I then wished for the tongue of Demosthenes or Cicero, that

might have enabled me to celebrate the praise of my own dear native country in a style equal to its merits and felicity.

I began my discourse by informing his majesty, that our dominions consisted of two islands, which composed three mighty kingdoms under one sovereign, besides our plantations in America. I dwelt long upon the fertility of our soil, * and the temperature of our climate. I then spoke at large upon the constitution os an English parliament, partly made up of an illustrious body called the house of peers, persons of the noblest blood, and of the most ancient and ample patrimonies. I described that extraordinary cape always taken of their education in arts and arms, to qualify them for being counsellors both to the king and kingdom; to have a share in the legislature; to be members of the highest court of judicature, from whence there could be no appeal; and to be champions always ready for the defence of their .prince and country, by their valour, conduct, and fidelity. That these were the ornament and bulwark of the kingdom, worthy followers of their most renowned ancestors, whose honour had been the reward of their viyue, from which their posterity were never once known to degenerate. To these were joined several holy per'sons as part of that assembly under the title of bishops, whose peculiar business it is to take care of religion, and of those who instruct the people therein. These were searched and sought out through the whole nation, by the prince and his wisest counsellors, among such of the priesthood as were most deservedly distinguished by the sanclity of their lives, and the depth of their erudition, who were indeed the spiritual fathers of the clergy and the people.

That the other part of the parliament consisted of an assembly called the house of commons, who were all principal gentlemen, freely picked and culled out by the people themselves, for their great abilities and love of their country, to represent the wisdom of the whole nation. And that these two bodies made up the most august assembly bly in Europe, to whom, in conjunction with the prince, the whole legislature is committed.

I then descended to the courts of justice, over which the judges, those venerable sages and interpreters of the law, presided for determining the disputed rights and properties or men, as well as for the punishment of vice, and protection of innocence. I mentioned the prudent management of our treasury, the valour and achievements of our forces by sea and lan<3. I computed the number of our people, by reckoning how many millions there might be of each religious sect, or political party among us. I did not omit even our sports and pastimes, or any other particular, which I thought might redound to the honour of my country. And I finished all with a brief historical account of affairs and events in England for about an hundred years pall.

This conversation was not ended under five audiences, each of several hours; and the king heard the whole with great attention, frequently taking notes of what I spoke, as well as memorandums of what questions he intended to ask me.

When I had put an end to these long discourses, his majesty in a sixth audience, consulting his notes, proposed many doubts, queries, and objections upon every article. Ale asked what methods were used to cultivate the minds and bodies of our young nobility, and in what kind of business they commonly spent the first and teachable part of their lives. What course was taken to supply that assembly, when any noble family became extinct. What qualifications were necessary in those who are to be created new lords: whether the humour of the prince, a sum of money to a court lady or a prime minister, or a design of strengthening a party opposite to the public interest, ever happened to be motives in those advancements. What share of knowledge these lords had in the laws of their country, and how they came by it, so as to enable them to decide the properties of their se 1 low-subjects in the last resort. Whether they were all so free from avarice, partialities, or

want, that a bribe, or some other siniller view, could have no place among them. Whether those holy lords I spoke of were always promoted to that rank upon account of their knowledge in religious matters, and the sanctity of their lives; had never been compilers with the times while they were common priests, or slavish prostitute chaplains to some nobleman, whose opinions they continued servilely to follow after they were admitted into that assembly.

He then desired to know, what arts were practised in electing those whom I callecfcommoners: whether a stranger with a strong purse might not influence the vulgar voters to chuse him before their own landlord, or the most considerable gentleman in the neighbourhood. How it came to pass, that people were so violently.bent upon getting into this assembly, which 1 allowed to be a great trouble and expence, often to theruin of their families, without any salary or pension: because this appeared such an exalted strain of virtue and public spirit, that his majesty seemed to doubt it might possibly not be always sincere: and he desired to know, whether such zealous gentlemen could have any views of refunding themselves for the.charges and trouble they were at, by sacrificing the public good to the designs of a weak and vicious prince in conjunction with a corrupted ministry. He multiplied his questions, and sifted me thoroughly upon every part of this head, proposing numberless enquiries and objections, which I think it not prudent or convenient to repeat.

Upon what I said in relation to our courts of justice, his majesty desired to be satisfied in several points: and this I was the better able to do, having been formerly almost ruined by a long suit in chancery, which was decreed for me with costs. He asked what time was usually spent in determining between right and wrong, and what degree of expence. Whether advocates and orators had liberty to plead in causes manifestly known to be Unjust, vexatious, or oppressive. Whether par-" ty in religion or politics were observed to beof any weight in the scale of j ustice. Whether those pleading orators were

3 K 3 persou»

persons educated in the general know- picked up at a venture in the streets ledge of equitv, or av.]y in provincial, for small wages, who might get an national, arid other local customs. Whe- hundred times more by cutting their ther they or their judges had anypartin throats.

penning those law?, which they assumed He laughed at my odd kind of arith~the liberty qf interpreting and glossing metic (as he was pleased to call it) in upon at their pleasure. Whether they reckoning the numbers of our people had ever at different times pleaded for by a computation drawn from the feand against the fame cause, and cited veral sects among us in religion and precedent1; to prove contrary opinions, politics. He said, he knew no reason Whether they were a rich or a pcor cor- why those, who entertain opinions preporation. Whether they received any judicial to the public, should be obligpecuniary reward for pleading or deli- ed to change, t>r should not be obliged vering their opinions. And parsicu- to conceal them. And as it was tyranlarly, whether they were ever admitted ny in any government to require the as members in the lower senate. first, so it was weakness not to enforce

He fell next upon the management the second: for a man may be allowed os our treasury; and said, he thought to keep poisons in his closet; but not my memory had failed me, be.cause I to vend them about for cordials, computed our taxes at about five or six He observed, that among the.divermillio.ns a year, and when I came to sions of our nobility and gentry I had mention the iffaes, he found they some- mentioned gaming : he desired to know times amounted to more than double; at what age this entertainment was for the notes he had taken were very usually taken up, and when it was laid particular in this point, because he down; how much of their time it emhoped, as he told me, that the know- ployed: whether it ever went 10 high ledge of our conduct might be useful to as to affect their fortunes: whether him, and he could not be deceived in mean vicious people by their dexterity his calculations. But, if what I told in that art might not arrive at great him were true, he was ilill at a loss riches, and sometimes keep our very how a kingdom could run out of its nobles in dependence, as well as habicstate like a private person. He asked tuate them to vile companions, wholly me, who were our creditors, and where take them from the improvement of we found money to pay them. He their minds, and force them by the wondered to he;r me talk of such charg- losses they received to learn and practise able and expensive wars; that ier- that infamous dexterity upon others, tainly we must be a qu.irrcliome people, He was perfectly astonished with the

or live among very bad neighbours, historical account I gave him of our and that our generals must needs be affairs during the last century, protest, richer than our kings. He asked what ing it was only a heap of conspiracies, business we had out of our own islands, rebellions, murders, massacres, revounless upon the score of trade or treaty, lutions, banishments, the very worst or to defend the coasts with our fleet, effects that avarice, faction, hypocrisy, Above ail, he was amazed to hear me perhdiousness, cruelty, rage, madness, talk of a mercenary standing army in hatred, envy, lust, malice, and ambithe midst of peace, and among a free tion could produce, people. He said, if we were governed • His majesty in another audience was by our own content in the persons of at the pains to recapitulate the sum of our representatives, he could not ima- all I had spoken; compared the quesgineof whom we were afraid, or against tions he made with the answers 1 had whom we were to fight; and would given; then taking me into his hands, hear my opinion, whether a private andstrokingmegently,delivered himself man's house might not better be de- in these words, which I shall never sorfended by himself, his children, and get, nor the manner he spoke them in: family, than by half a dozen rascals « My little friend Grildrig, you havfe

made ma'de a most-admirable panegyric upon but this prince happened to be fo cu

your country ; you have clearly proved, rious and inqgisitive upon every parti

that ignorance, idleness, and vice, are cular, that it could not consisteither with

the proper ingredients for qualifying a gratitude or good manners to refuse

legislator; that laws are best explained, giving him what satisfaction I was able,

interpreted, and applied by those whose Yet thus much I may be allowed to fay

interest ,'jid abilities lie in perverting, in my own vindication, that I artfully

confounding, and eluding them. lob- eluded ninny of his questions, and gave

serve among you some lines of an in- to every point a more favourable turn

IHtution, which in its original might by many degrees than the strictness of

have been tolerable, but these half e- truth would allow. For I have always

rased, and the rest wholly blurred and borne that laudable partiality to my

blotted by corruptions. It doth not own country, which Dionyfius Mali

appear from ajl you have said, how any carnassenliswith so much justice recom

one perfection is required toward the mends to an historian: I would hide

procurement of any one station among the frailties and deformities of my po

you; much less, that men are ennobled litical mother, and place her virtues

en account of their virtue, that priests and beauties in the most advantageous

are advanced for their piety or learn- light. This was mv sincere endeavour

ing, soldiers for their conduct or valour, judges for their integrity, senators f|>r the love of their country, or counsellors for their wisdom. As for yourself, continued the king, who have

in those many discourses I had with that monarch, although it unfortunately failed of success.

But great allowances should be given. to a king, who lives wholly secluded

spent the greatest pirt cf your life in from the rest of the world, and mull

travelling, I am well disposed to hope therefore be altogether unacquainted

you may hitherto have escaped many with the manners and customs that most

vices of your country. But by what I prevail in other nations : the want of

have gathered from your own relation, which knowledge will ever produce

and the answers I have with much pains many prejudices, and a certain njrrovj

wringed ,\nd extorted from you, I can- ness of thinking, from which we and

not but conclude the bulk of your na- the politer countries of Europe are

tives to be the most pernicious race of wholly exempted. And it would be

little odious vermin, that nature ever hard indeed, if so remote a prince's

suffered to crawl upon the surface of notions of virtue and vice were to be

the earth."

CHAP. Vis.

of bis country.

The author's love


offered as a standard for all mankind.

To confirm what I have now said, and further to shew the miserable effects of a confined education, I shall here insert a passage which will hardly

mahs a proposal of much advantage to obtain bdief; In" h( t0 u,grattate

tot king, <wb,cb is resiled. The king's myself farther into his majesty's favour,

grjat ignorance ,n poltttcs. Th: learn- j J0,d ^ of an invention discovered

mg of that country very imperfa and between three and four hundred years

censed. Thelavjs, and mihtary „/- a0 t0 maJ.e a certain p0Wli(.r> jnt0 an

fairs, and parties in the si ate. he'ap of whjch ,,ie {m Vlle(t s?a,k of fire

Norhing but an extreme love of truth falling would kindle the whole in a me.

could have hindered me from conceal- ment, although it were as big asamoun

ing this part of my story. It was in tain, and make it all fly up in the air

vain to discover my resentments, which together with a noi'e and agitation

were always turned into ridicule; and greater than thunder. That a proper

1 was forced to rest with puience, while quantity of this powder rammed into

my noble and molt beloved country was an hollow tube of brass or iron, ac

so injuriously treated. I am as heartily cording to its bigness would drive a

sorry as any of my readers can posiibly ball of ir n or lead with such violence

be, that such an occasion was

and speed, as nothing was able to siif3 K. 4 taitt

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