what I should have done had you not stepped in so oppor tunely to my rescue, and with your excellent rare wit set at naught the tyrannical devices of those who would put asunder two young hearts that love had joined. Surely no man ever had such true friend as I have found in you.” 66 Nay, my good lord, you overvalue my poor service,” observed Master Shakspeare in a kindred spirit. "That can never be," exclaimed my Lord Southampton. "But I cannot trust myself to say more on that head now. I will wait a better time." "I'faith I am right glad to find I could turn the singing of madrigals to such good account," said his friend merrily. "Yet, I must say, 'twas not without infinite painstaking, I acquired the dignified approbation of Aunt Deborah; nevertheless, I have been so well repaid by the amusement I have had in noticing of her antiquated humour, I would cheerfully go through the same trouble to procure me the like sport." "Alack, what a very absolute rage she will be in when she discovereth her niece hath given her the slip!" said the young noble. "But I do shrewdly suspect her greatest grief will be for the loss of her gallant. I have heard it said that she doth continually sigh for Master Dulcimer in a manner so profound, that it is quite pitiful to hear her; and when she doth fancy herself unseen of any, she will pace up and down her chamber, putting her embroidered handkerchief to her eyes, and turning up her eyes to the ceiling, and clasping of her hands together, and ever and anon singing snatches of madrigals in the most delicate moving manner ever known." "O' my life, 'tis wonderfully pathetic!" cried the other, laughing heartily. "But as I have no taste for antiquarian matters, methinks 'twould be as well were I to turn her over to Master Cotton, who, I doubt not, will make much of her, as he holds nothing in such estimation as ancient pictures and the like, and I will warrant her as old a piece of paintingjudging from her complexion-as he shall find any where, out of a frame.". "Ha, sweet Will!" exclaimed Master Burbage coming up with Ben Jonson, as the other two were indulging themselves with their mirth. "Of what jest hast thou just been delivered, for I see there hath another been born of thy most multitudinous family.” May hap, it shall be nothing better than a new version of the old story," observed Ben Jonson. nascitur mus." 66 "Mons parturiens, Nay, good Ben, I will not have it that way," said my Lord Southampton. "A mountain he may be-Olympus itself was scarce such another, but what is born of him hath nothing of the insignificance of a mouse." "I would say here as many a tender housewife hath said before-let the mouse go," answered Master Shakspeare goodhumouredly. "Perchance my jests are but mice. Yet are they such as have too much wit in them to go into a trap. As for any disparaging words that may be spoken of this facetious varlet, mind them not, my good lord. Ben is like unto one of the heathen gods-he hath grown famous for devouring his own offspring." "Go to!" exclaimed Ben Jonson, joining in the laugh of the others. "Thou hast done nothing of the sort I will be bound for't, with regard to thy words, for thou knowest well enough what poor eating they would make." "Tis hard to say what hunger would do," remarked Mas-ter Burbage in the same merry humour. "Bears suck their own paws for lack of better victual; and if Will was reduced to a like strait, may hap he should be found driven to his wit's end' for a meal." "Good, by my troth," cried Master Shakspeare. "He would not be the first that had come to the extremity of living by his wits," said my Lord Southampton. "I wish him no such bad fortune," remarked Ben Jonson. "Doubtless famine is a great evil; but to get starved to death so rapidly as he must needs be, having come to so sorry a shift, is pitiable to think of." nent. "Save thy sympathy for thyself, Ben," replied his oppo"Wert thou in such want, I have a huge suspicion thou wouldst discover that there could be no jesting with an empty stomach; for it is allowed I have wits to live upon, albeit their be no great provision-but that thou canst find diet of however poor a kind in a like circumstance, I have no such assurance." "You are merry, my masters!" exclaimed my Lord Howard of Walden, who, with two or three noblemen of his acquaintance, now came up, attracted by the evident mirth of Master Shakspeare and his companions. "I warrant me you have said some choice conceit or another. I pray you tell us what was the jest?” "Indeed it was scarce worth repeating," observed Master Shakspeare, now with a monstrous grave countenance. "We were but admiring the infinite conscientiousness of a certain prudent gentlewoman, who, having in a fit of anger, called her husband a brute'-the which at that time she knew he was not, did as speedily as might be, verify the accusation, because she would on no account acknowledge to the telling of an untruth." Upon this the laugh became louder than ever, and my Lord Howard did join in it as heartily as any, with a perfect innocency of the jest having been directed at him, although it was well known of the others to what it alluded. "If we may judge of the firing of the report there must needs be a sharp engagement here," said Colonel Sir Francis Harquebus, joining the circle with several of his friends, who had also been drawn there by the seeming great good humour of the group. "I trust there may not be many wounded on your side?" 66 Nay, good colonel, stay you with us but a brief space. you will find there be no need of any serious apprehension,' replied Master Shakspeare in the same pleasant mood, whereupon the mirth broke out afresh. "Our ordnance doeth the clean contrary of that you have been used to. Perchance we shall keep up a constant fire when we enter the field, yet instead of lessening the forces engaged, we shall be continually adding to our numbers." And so it proved-for the frequent loud laughing of these few, every moment brought to them others of the company-many of whom were the most distinguished in the land-and as Master Shakspeare had ever ready some excellent fine conceit or another which did infinitely tickle the fancies of such as were within hearing, the mirth became louder, and the throng about him increased so prodigiously he could scarce move for the crowd. "It is Master Shakspeare!" said one; and as soon as it got whispered about that he was uttering his notable witty sayings, the singers, and the musicians, and even the masquers and dancers were left unheeded; and these, beginning to know the cause they were so abandoned, with as absolute a curiosity as any, thronged as quickly as they might, towards the same scene of attraction. It happened when the crowd was at its thickest, a message came from the queen's majesty, who had noted the flocking of the company to one place and had been told the cause of it, for Master Shakspeare to appear before her forthwith. "We charge you, Master Shakspeare, with high treason!" exclaimed Queen Elizabeth, when he presented himself according to her bidding, whereupon he began to be somewhat alarmed, and others nigh unto the presence were exceeding curious to know what he had done to bring upon himself so weighty an accusation. "Please your majesty, I" "The offence hath been proved to us," said the queen, interrupting of him very quickly, and then the courtiers looked marvellous serious. "You have drawn away divers of the subjects of this realm from their duty to their lawful sovereign, which is treason of the very greatest magnitude. Is it not so, Master Bacon?" inquired Queen Elizabeth, seeing that excellent fine lawyer in the circle before her. "Please your majesty, there can be no doubt of it," replied he with a smile, for he saw into her majesty's humour, -though few of the others were so quickwitted. "You have by sundry sorts of jests and other pointed weapons," continued the queen, "very dangerous when not in discreet and lawful hands, excited numberless of our nobles, and officers, besides others of lower quality, into violent disturbances against the peace of the realm. We charge you on your allegiance, confess what hatlı led you into this notorious misbehaving. As soon as they heard this speech, the courtiers seemed struck with a wonderful admiration of her majesty's conceit, and with very different faces to those they had put on awhile since, they waited the issue. "Please your majesty," replied Master Shakspeare, looking in no way daunted at the charge. "Before I enter on my confession, let me humbly represent to you, that this is the first time any sovereign hath made treason a laughing matter." "If such it be, methinks it is like to make the offender laugh on the other side of his mouth," exclaimed the queen merrily, at the which the mirth became general. "That I dispute not, believe me," answered he. "I plead guilty of the offence of which your majesty hath justly accused me, but I would venture to say in extenuation, that although I might perchance succeed in the shaking of your 218 SHAKSPEARE AND HIS FRIENDS. majesty's sides, it hath never been my intention in any way to disturb your majesty's crown." "Odds boddikins!" exclaimed the queen-an oath she much affected when in a pleasant humour-and laughing very heartily, as did her courtiers also. "We believe you, and willingly admit the innocency of your intentions, but we let you not off a fitting punishment, and a heavy, proceed you not on the instant to tell us what caused the loud burst of laughter that made us send to you our messenger; and if there seemeth to us to have been sufficient provocation for it, you shall be allowed to depart from our presence free and unharmed." "Your majesty's gracious condescension I cannot sufficiently express my appreciation of," replied Master Shakspeare very respectfully. "But in honest truth, the cause was in indifferent proportion to the effect. your majesty shall judge. This was it However, of that "I called my Rachel 'Plain-face!' In a pet Methinks it be scarce necessary to add, that the offender was allowed to go from the presence unpunished. Here endeth the Story of SHAKSPEARE AND HIS FRIENDS. |