not sit down to dinner), which were blown up with air instead of being stuffed with wool. At a moment when the cups were filled to the brim with the choicest wine, and the guests were lifting them to their lips with anticipations of liquid Elysium, a tap was drawn beneath the carpet, and consequently down tumbled all the recliners on the floor, where they lay pell-mell, with wine spilt, goblets lost, and utter confusion prevailing, except on the face of Heliogabalus, who looked on, and indulged in laughter inextinguishable.

OLD-FASHIONED RIDDLEs.

2. IN words unnumbered I abound,
In me mankind doth take delight;
In me much learning still is found,
Yet I can neither read nor write.

A. It is a book, printed or written.

2. With learning daily I am conversant,
And scan the wisdom of the wisest man;
With force I pierce the strongest argument,
Yet know no more than it had never been.

A. It is a worm that eats through the books in a learned library.

2. Full rich am I, yet care not who

Doth take away from me my wealth;
Be it by fraud, I will not see,

Nor prosecute, though 't be by stealth.

A. It is a coffer wherein great riches are laid up.

2. Though I am pierced a thousand times,
Yet in me not a hole is made;

I notice give when Phoebus climbs
To drowsy mortals in their bed.

A. It is a window penetrated by the light.

2. I'm dragged along through dirt and mire,
O'er craggèd stones and hills about;

And yet I neither faint nor tire,

But rather weary those that do 't.

A. It is a coach drawn about by horses.

2. Five ribs I have, a breech and head,
Four feet, and likewise a long tail :

In smoke and fire I make my bed,
And to do service never fail.

A. It is a gridiron.

DID YOU EVER?

DID you ever know a sentinel who could tell what building he was keeping guard over?

Did you ever know a cabman or a ticket porter with any change about him?

Did you ever know a tradesman asking for his account who had not "a bill to take up on Friday"?

Did you ever know an omnibus cad who could not engage to set you down within a few yards of any place within the bills of mertality?

Did you ever know a turnpike man who could be roused in less than a quarter of an hour, when it wanted that much of midnight?

Did you ever see a pair of family snuffers that had not a broken spring, a leg deficient, or half an inch of the point knocked off?

Did you ever know a lodging-house landlady who would own to bugs?

Did you ever know the boots at an inn call you too early for the morning coach?

Did you ever know a dancing-master's daughter who was not to excel Taglioni?

Did you ever know a man who did not think he could poke the fire better than you could?

Did you ever know a Frenchman admire Waterloo Bridge?

Did you ever know a housemaid who, on your discovering a fracture in a valuable china jar, did not tell you it was "done a long time ago," or that it was "cracked before"?

Did you ever know a man who did not consider his walking-stick a better walking-stick than your walking-stick?

Did you ever know a penny-a-liner who was not on intimate terms with Lytton-Bulwer, Captain Marryat, Sheridan Knowles, Tom Hood, Washington Irving, and Rigdum Funidos?

Did you ever know a hatter who was not prepared to sell you as good a hat for ten and sixpence as the one you've got on at five-andtwenty shillings?

Did you ever know a red-haired man who had a very clear notion of where scarlet began and auburn terminated?

Did you ever know an amateur singer without a "horrid bad cold"?

Did you ever know an author who had not been particularly ill-used by the booksellers?

Did you ever know a man who did not consider that he added ten years to his life by reading the Comic Almanac?-Hood's Comi Annual, 1841.

THE GRAVE.

THE grave is deep and soundless,
And canopied over with clouds ;
And trackless, and dim, and boundless,
Is the unknown land that it shrouds.

In vain may the nightingales warble
Their songs-the roses of love
And friendship grow white on the marble
The living have reared above.

The virgin, bereft at her bridal

Of him she has loved, may weep;
The wail of the orphan is idle,

It breaks not the buried one's sleep.

Yet everywhere else shall mortals
For peace unavailingly roam ;
Except through the shadowy portals,
Goeth none to his genuine home!

And the heart that tempest and sorrow
Have beaten against for years,

Must look for a summer morrow

Beyond this temple of tears.- Seewis (German).

THE CRAFTY BUTCHER.

A BUTCHER of Caen bought a calf of a cattle-jobber in the environs ; half a gallon of cider was to clench the bargain, and the butcher jocosely observed in conversation, among other things, that he meant to smuggle the calf into town in broad daylight, and to pass the octroi, or customs barrier, publicly, without paying. The cattle-dealer declared this to be impossible, and a wager was accordingly laid between him and the butcher, who merely made this condition, that the dealer should lend him his dog for half an hour. He put the dog into a large sack, which he threw over his shoulder, and away he trudged into the city. On reach ing the octroi, he declared he had nothing to pay, as there was only a dog in the sack, which he had just bought, and shut up that he might not find his way to his former master. The officers of the octroi would not take this story on trust, but insisted on seeing the dog. The butcher was therefore obliged to open his sack, and the dog naturally availed himself of the opportunity to run away. Off scampered the butcher after him, scolding and swearing all the way. In a quarter of an hour he was again at the octroi, with the sack on his shoulder as before. "You have given me a pretty chase," said he, peevishly, walking through. Next day he invited the officers to partake of a veal cutlet, with which, having won the wager, he treated them and the cattle dealer.

PLEASE TO RING THE BELLE.

I'LL tell you a story that's not in Tom Moore,
Young Love likes to knock at a pretty girl's door-
So he called upon Lucy, 'twas past ten o'clock,
Like a spruce single man with a smart double knock.
Now a handmaid, whatever her fingers be at,
Will run like a puss when she hears a rat-tat ;
So Lucy ran up, and in two seconds more,

Had questioned the stranger, and answered the door.
The meeting was bliss, but the parting was woe,

For the moment must come when such comers must go ;

So she sighed and she whispered, poor innocent thing,
"The next time you come, Love, pray come with a ring!"

Thomas Hood.

FRANKLIN ON THE GAME OF CHESS.

CHESS is so interesting in itself as not to need the view of gain to induce engaging in it, and thence it is never played for money. Life is a kind of chess, in which we have points to gain, and competitors or adversaries to contend with, and in which there is a great variety of good and ill events that are, in some degree, the effects of prudence or the want of it. By playing at chess then we learn,

1st. Foresight, which looks a little into futurity, considers the consequences that may attend an action, for it is continually occurring to the player: If I move this piece what will be the advantage of my new situation? What use can my adversary make of it to annoy me? What other moves can I make to support it, and to defend myself from his attack?

2nd. Circumspection, which surveys the whole chess-board, or scene of action, the relations of the several pieces and situations, the dangers they are respectively exposed to, the probability that the adversary may take this or that move, and attack this or the other piece, and what different means can be used to avoid the stroke or turn the consequences against him.

3rd. Caution, not to make our moves too hastily. This habit is best acquired by observing strictly the laws of the game, such as, “If you touch a piece you must move it somewhere; if you set it down you must let it stand," and it is therefore best that these rules should be observed, as the game thereby becomes more the image of human life, and particularly of war, in which if you have incautiously put yourself into a bad and dangerous position, you cannot obtain your enemy's leave to withdraw your troops and place them more securely, but you must abide all the consequences of your rashness.

And lastly, we learn by chess the habit of not being discouraged by present bad appearances in the state of our affairs, the habit of

hoping for a favourable change, and that of persevering in the search of resources.

66

A BACHELOR SKETCH.

MARRIED people are all levelled down below the region of speculative opinions, paradoxical heterodoxes, or heterodoxical paradoxes. They speak sensibly of cookery, of the training of children, of the price of the four-pound loaf, the rise of butter, and the expense of education. They are rational; but what do we at our symposia of darling fellowships? Ah! there's the rub." Funny and free, then, are our bachelor revelries. We are jolly dogs, “fellows of infinite jest and most excellent fancy," who instruct the planets in what orbits to run, correct Old Time, and regulate the sun; we mount where science guides, measure earth, weigh air, and state the tides. Every one of us rides his hobby, which he whips and spurs to the amusement of his fellows, each of whom, when the laugh is out, mounts his wooden Rosinante, and gallops helterskelter.

All have their charms, but charm not all alike;
On different senses different objects strike;
Hence different passions more or less inflame,
As strong or weak the organs of the frame.

We have all of us a species of happy madness, which we increase by our libations; and, as the blood of the grape warms our hearts, we experience the soothing effects of "the weed," as we appreciate the delicious aroma and its influences over the senses and thinking faculties (Christison concludes that "no well-ascertained ill effects have been shown to result from the practice of smoking. Dr. Pereira testifies to its healthy effects both on the mind and body. Even Dr. Prout, the highest medical authority of the day who can be cited against tobacco, only speaks of what " is said" of its deleterious effects. Locke says that "Tobacco may be neglected, but reason first recommends the trial, and custom makes it pleasant." Professor Johnstone, himself no smoker, concludes from the testimony of mankind,-for, next to salt, tobacco is the article most largely consumed by man,-" that its greatest and first effect is to assuage and allay and soothe agitation in general; and that its after-effects are to excite and invigorate, and at the same time to give steadiness and fixity to the powers of thought")-our better nature, as it surges in our bachelor hearts, wells over towards mankind. We fight our battles o'er again, we "set the table in a roar," we laugh loud, long and heartily; we cultivate the flowers of imagination, and paint pictures until the curtain falls to our own satisfaction; and when at length we bid adieu to this sublunary scene, we endow princely hospitals for the destitute, on whom it devolves to calm down the harpy faces of our shades by drinking to our memory on the anniversaries of our birth. Ladies fair, gentle and simple, our fate is in your hands. You can do as you like with us. You are our jury, and can give your