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and feasts. But, upon my líonour, the girl has a fertile invention.

Miss God. So! what, that story was yours; was it?

Young Wild. Pray, madam, don't I hear another voice?

Miss Gran. A distant relation of mine.—— Every syllable false. But, sir, we have another charge against you. Do you know any thing of a lady at Abington?

Young Wild. Miss Grantham again. Yes, madam, I have some knowledge of that lady.

Miss Gran. You have? Well, sir, and that being the case, how could you have the assu

rance

Young Wild. A moment's patience, madam! That lady, that Berkshire lady, will, I can assure you prove no bar to my hopes.

Miss Gran. How, sir? no bar?

Young Wild. Not in the least, madam; for thet lady exists in idea only.

Miss Gran. No such person?

Young Wild. A mere creature of the imagination.

Miss Gran. Indeed!

Young Wild. The attacks of Miss Grantham were so powerfully enforced, too, by paternal authority, that I had no method of avoiding the blow, but by the sheltering myself under the conjugal shield..

Miss Gran. You are not married, then? But what credit can I give to the professions of a man, who, in an article of such importance, and to a person of such respect

Young Wild. Nay, madam, surely Miss Godfrey should not accuse me of a crime her own charms have occasioned. Could any other motive but the fear of losing her, prevail on me to trifle with a father, or compel me to infringe those laws, which I have hitherto so inviolably observed?

Miss Gran. What laws, sir?

Young Wild. The sacred laws of truth, madam.

Miss Gran. There, indeed, you did yourself an infinite violence. But, when the whole of the affair is discovered, will it be so easy to get rid of Miss Grantham? The violence of her passion, and the old gentleman's obstinacy

Young Wild. Are nothing to a mind resolved.

Miss Gran. Poor Miss Grantham ! Young Wild. Do you know her, madam? Miss Gran. I have heard of her but you, sir, I suppose, have been long on an intimate footing

:

Young Wild. Bred up together from children.

Miss Gran. Bravo! Is she handsome? Young Wild. Her paint comes from Paris, and her femme de chambre is an excellent ar

tist.

Miss Gran. Very well! Her shape?

teemed the best stay-maker for people inclined to be crooked?

Miss Gran. But as to the qualities of her mind; for instance, her understanding? Young Wild. Uncultivated.

Miss Grun. Her wit?
Young Wild. Borrowed.
Miss Gran. Her taste?
Young Wild. Trifling.
Miss Gran. And her temper?
Young Wild. Intolerable.

Miss Gran. A finished picture! But, come, these are not your real thoughts; this is a sacrifice you think due to the vanity of our sex.

Young Wild. My honest sentiments: and, to convince you how thoroughly indifferent I am to that lady, I would, upon my veracity, as soon take a wife from the Grand Signior's seraglio.Now, madam, I hope you are satisfied?

Miss Gran. And you would not scruple to acknowledge this before the lady's face? Young Wild. The first opportunity.

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Miss Gran. That I will take care to provide you. Dare you meet me at her house?" Young Wild. When?

Miss Gran. In half an hour.

Young Wild. But won't a declaration of this sort appear odd at-a—

Miss Gran. Come, no evasion; your conduct and character seem to me a little equivocal, and I must insist on this proof at least of— Young Wild. You shall have it. Miss Gran. In half an hour? Young Wild. This instant. Miss Gran. Be punctual.

Young Wild. Or may I forfeit your favour. Miss Gran. Very well; till then, sir, adieu! Now, I think, I have my spark in the toil; and if the fellow has any feeling, if I don't make him smart for every article! Come, my dear, I shall stand in need of your aid. [Erit.

Young Wild. So! I am now, I think, arrived at a critical period. If I can but weather this point-But why should I doubt it? it is in the day of distress only that a great man displays his abilities. But I shall want Papillion! where can the puppy be?

Enter PAPILLION.

Young Wild. So, sir, where have you been rambling?

Pap. I did not suppose you would wantYoung Wild. Want! you are always out of the way. Here have I been forced to tell forty lies upon my own credit, and not a single soul to vouch for the truth of them.

Pap. Lord, sir, you know

Young Wild. Don't plague me with your apológies; but it is lucky for you that I want your assistance. Come with me to Miss Grantham's. Pap. On what occasion ?

Young Wild. An important one; but I'll pre

Young Wild. Pray, madam, is not Curzon es- pare you as we walk.

2

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Old Wild. I don't mean as to property; that I am not solicitous about; but as to their character: Do they live in reputation? Are they spected in the nighbourhood?

Sir James. The family of the Sybthorps!
Old Wild. Of the Sybthorps.

Sir James. Really, I don't know, sir.
Old Wild. Not know!

Old Wild. Doubtless.

Sir James. Then I fancy you may make youreasy. Old Wild. Why so?

self

Sir James. You have got, sir, the most prudent daughter-in-law in the British Dominions. Old Wild. I am happy to hear it.

Sir James. For, though she mayn't have brought you much, I'm sure she'll not cost you a farthing.

Old Wild. Ay; exactly Jack's account.
Sir James. She'll be easily jointured.
Old Wild. Justice shall be done her.

Sir James. No provision necessary for younger children.

Old Wild. No, Sir! why not? I can tell you, if she answers your account, not the daughter of a duke

Sir James. Ha, ha, ha!

Old Wild. You are merry, sir.

Sir James. What an unaccountable fellow !
Old Wild. Sir!

Sir James. I beg your pardon, sir. But with re-regard to this marriage

Sir James. No; it is the very first time I ever heard of the name.

Old Wild. How steadily he denies it! Well done, baronet! I find Jack's account was a just one. [Aside.] Pray, sir James, recollect yourself.

Sir James. It will be to no purpose.

Old Wild. Come, sir, your motive for this affected ignorance is a generous, but unnecessary, proof of your friendship for my son: but I know the whole affair.

is.

Sir James. What affair?
Old Wild. Jack's marriage.
Sir James. What Jack?

Old Wild. My son Jack.
Sir James. Is he married?

Old Wild. Is he married! why, you know he

Old Wild. Well, sir!

Sir James. I take the whole history to be neither more nor less than an absolute fable. Old Wild. How, sir? Sir James. Even so.

Old Wild. Why, sir, do you think my son would dare to impose upon me?

Sir James. Sir, he would dare to impose upon any body. Don't I know him?

Old Wild. What do you know?

Sir James. I know, sir, that his narratives gain him more applause than credit; and that, whether from constitution or habit, there is no believing a syllable he says.

Old Wild. Oh, mighty well, sir! He wants to turn the tables upon Jack. But it won't do; you are forestalled; your novels won't pass upon

me.

Sir James. Sir!

Old Wild. Nor is the character of my son to be blasted with the breath of a bouncer. Sir James. What is this?

Old Wild. No, no, Mr. Mandeville, it won't

do; you are as well known here as in your own county of Hereford.

Sir James. Mr. Wilding, but that I am sure this extravagant behaviour owes its rise to some impudent impositions of your son, your age would scarce prové your protection.

Old Wild. Nor, sir, but that I know my boy equal to the defence of his own honour, should he want a protector in this arm, withered and impotent as you may think it.

Enter Miss GRANTHAM.

Miss Gran. Bless me, gentlemen, what is the meaning of this?

Sir James. No more at present, sir: I have another demand upon your son; we'll settle the whole together.

rather too warm: I can't think Mr. Wilding bad-hearted at the bottom. This is a levityOld Wild. How, madam, a levity?

Miss Gran. Take my word for it, no more: inflamed into habit by the approbation of his juvenile friends. Will you submit his punishment to me? I think I have the means in my hands both to satisfy your resentments, and accomplish his cure into the bargain.

Sir James. I have no quarrel to him, but for the ill offices he has done me with you.

Miss Gran. D'ye hear, Mr. Wilding? I am afraid my opinion with sir James must cement the general peace.

Old Wild. Madam, I submit to any

Enter a Servant.

Serv. Mr. Wilding to wait upon you, madam.

[Exit.

Miss Gran. He is punctual, I find. Come

Old Wild. I am sure he will do you justice. Miss Gran. How, sir James Elliot! I flattered myself that you had finished your visits here, sir. Must I be the eternal object of your out-good folks, you all act under my direction. You, rage, not only insulted in my own person, but in think fit, the real truth of the Abington business. sir, will get from your son, by what means you that of my friends? Pray, sir, what rightOld Wild. Madam, I ask your pardon; a dis- You must likewise seemingly consent to his marriage with Miss Godfrey, whom I shrewdly sus agreeable occasion brought me here: I come, madam, to renounce all hopes of being nearer pect he has by some odd accident, mistaken for allied to you, my son, unfortunately, being married Come, sir James, you will withdraw. I intend me; the lady herself shall appear at your call. already. to produce another performer, who will want a little instruction. Kitty!

Miss Gran. Married!

Sir Jumes. Yes, madam, to a lady in the clouds: and because I have refused to acknowledge her family, this old gentleman has behaved in a manner very inconsistent with his usual politeness.

Old Wild. Sir, I thought this affair was to be reserved for another occasion; but you, it

seems

Miss Gran. Oh, is that the business! Why, I begin to be afraid that we are here a little in the wrong, Mr. Wilding.

Old Wild. Madam!

Miss Gran. Your son has just confirmed sir James Elliot's opinion, at a conference under Miss Godfrey's window.

Old Wild. Is it possible?

Miss Gran. Most true; and assigned two most whimsical motives for the unaccountable tale.

Old Wild. What can they be!

Miss Gran. An aversion for me whom he has seen but once! and an affection for Miss Godfrey, whom I am almost sure he never saw in his life.

Old Wild. You amaze me!

Miss Gran. Indeed, Mr. Wilding, your son is a most extraordinary youth! he has finely perplexed us all. I think, sir James, you have a small obligation to him.

Enter KITTY.

Let John shew Mr. Wilding in to his father; then come to my dressing-room; I have a short scene to give you in study. [Exit. KITTY.] The girl is lively, and, I warrant, will do her charac ter justice. Come, sir James. Nay, no cere mony; we must be as busy as bees.

[Exeunt MISS GRANTHAM and SIR JAMES. Old Wild. This strange boy! But I must com mand my temper.

Young Wild. [Speaking us he enters.] People to speak with me! See what they want, Papil lion. My father here! that's unlucky enough.

Old Wild. Ha, Jack, what brings you here? Young Wild. Why, I thought it my duty to wait upon Miss Grantham, in order to make her some apology for the late unfortunate

Old Wild. Well, now, that is prudently as well as politely done.

Young Wild. I am happy to meet, sir, with your approbation.

Old Wild. I have been thinking, Jack, about my daughter-in-law: as the affair is public, it is not decent to let her continue longer at her father's.

Young Wild. Sir!

Old Wild. Would it not be right to send for

Sir James. Which I shall take care to acknow- her home? ledge the first opportunity,

Old Wild. You have my consent. An abandoned profligate? Was his father a proper subject for his- -But I discard him.

Miss Gran. Nay, now, gentlemen, you are

Young Wild. Doubless, sir. Old Wild. I think so. Why, then, to-morrow my chariot shall fetch her.

Young Wild. The devil it shall! [Aside.] Not quite so soon if you please, sir.

Old Wild. No! Why not?

Old Wild. And has it never occurred to you,

Young Wild. The journey may be dangerous that what was gained by honour might be lost

in her present condition.

Old Wild. What's the matter with her? Young Wild. She is big with child, sir. Old Wild. An audacious-Big with child! that is fortunate. But however, an easy carriage, and short stages can't hurt her.

Young Wild. Pardon me, sir, I dare not trust ber: she is six months gone.

Old Wild. Nay, then, there may be danger indeed. But should not I write to her father, just to let him know that you have discovered the secret.

Young Wild. By all means, sir, it will make him extremely happy.

Old Wild. Why, then, I will instantly about it. Pray, how do you direct to him? Young Wild. Abington, Berkshire. Old Wild. True; but his address? Young Wild. You need not trouble yourself, sir: I shall write by this post to my wife, and will send your letter inclosed.

Old Wild. Ay, ay, that will do. [Going. Young Wild. So! I have parried that thrust. Old Wild. Though, upon second thoughts, Jack, that will rather look too familiar for an introductory letter.

Young Wild. Sir!

Old Wild. And these country gentlemen are full of punctiliosNo, I'll send him a letter apart so give me his direction.

Young Wild, You have it, sir.

Old Wild, Ay; but his name: I have been so hurried that I have entirely forgot it. Young Wild. I am sure so have I.-[Aside.] His name his name, sir-Hopkins. Old Wild, Hopkins! Young Wild, Yes, sir,

Old Wild. That is not the same name that you gave me before-that, if I recollect, was either Sypthorp or Sybthorp.

Young Wild. You are right, sir-that is his paternal appellation-but the name of Hopkins he took for an estate of his mother's: so he is indiscriminately called Hopkins or Sybthorp; and now I recollect I have his letter in my pocket-he signs himself Sybthorp Hopkins. Old Wild. There is no end of this; I must stop him at once. Hark ye, sir, I think you are called my son?

Young Wild, I hope, sir, you have no reason to doubt it.

Old Wild. And look upon yourself, as a gentleman ?

Young Wild. In having the honour of descending from you,

Old Wild. And that you think a sufficient pretension?

Young Wild. Sir-pray, sir—

Old Wild. And by what means do you imagine your ancestors obtained that distinguishing title? By their pre-eminence in virtue, I suppose!

Young Wild. Doubtless, sir.

by infamy?

Young Wild. Perfectly, sir.

Old Wild. Are you to learn what redress even the imputation of a lie demands; and that nothing less than the life of the adversary can extinguish the affront?

Young Wild. Doubless, sir.

Old Wild. Then how dare you call yourself a gentleman? you, whose life has been one continual scene of fraud and falsity! And would nothing content you but making me a partner in your infamy? Not satisfied with violating that great band of society, mutual confidence, the most sacred rights of nature must be invaded, and your father made the innocent instrument to circulate your abominable impositions? Young Wild. But, sir!

Old Wild. Within this hour my life was near sacrificed in defence of your fame: But, perhaps, that was your intention; and the story of your marriage merely calculated to send me out of the world, as a grateful return for my bringing you into it.

Young Wild. For Heaven's sake, sir!
Old Wild, What other motive?

Young Wild. Hear me, I entreat you, sir. Old Wild. To be again imposed on! no, Jack, my eyes are opened at last.

Young Wild. By all that's sacred, sir-
Old Wild. I am now deaf to your delusions,
Young Wild. But hear me, sir. I own the
Abington business-

Old Wild. An absolute fiction?
Young Wild. I do.

Old Wild. And how dare you-
Young Wild. I crave but a moment's audi-

ence.

Old Wild. Go on.

Young Wild. Previous to the communication of your intention for me, I accidentally with a lady, whose charins

Old Wild. So !-what, here's another marriage trumped out? but that is a stale device. And, pray, sir, what place does this lady inhabit? Come, come, go on; you have a fertile invention, and this is a fine opportunity. Well, sir, and this charming lady, residing, I suppose, in nubibus

Young Wild. No, sir; in London.
Old Wild. Indeed!

Young Wild. Nay, more, and at this instant in this house.

Old Wild. And her name

Young Wild. Godfrey.

Old Wild. The friend of Miss Grantham ? Young Wild. The very same, sir. Old Wild. Have you spoke to her? Young Wild. Parted from her not ten minutes ago; nay, am here by her appointment.

Old Wild. Has she favoured your address? Young Wild, Time, sir, and your approbation, will, I hope.

Old Wild. Look ye, sir, as there is some little

Young Wild. We parted this moment. Such a scene?

probability in this story, I shall think it worth | for you. My father has got to the bottom of further inquiry. To be plain with you, I know of the Abington business. Miss Godfrey ;. am intimate with her family; and Pap. The deuce! though you deserve but little from me, I will endeavour to aid your intention. But, if in the progress of this affair, you practise any of your usual arts; if I discover the least falsehood, the least duplicity, remember you have lost a fa

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Pap. You, sir.

Young Wild. Me!

Pap. And what was the issue!

Young Wild. Happy beyond my hopes! Not only an act of oblivion, but a promise to plead my cause with the fair.

Pap. With Miss Godfrey?

Young Wild. Who else!-He is now with her in the other room.

Pap. And there is no-you understand me— in all this?

Young Wild. No, no; that is all over nowmy reformation is fixed

Pap. As a weather-cock.

Young Wild. Here comes my father.

Enter OLD WILDING.

Old Wild. Well, sir, I find, in this last article, you have condescended to tell me the truth: the young lady is not averse to your union; but,

Pap. Yes, sir; they have brought in their in order to fix so mutable a mind, I have drawn

bills.

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Young Wild. Pr'ythee, are you mad? There must be some mistake; you know that I

Pap. They have been vastly puzzled to find out your lodgings; but Mr. Robinson meeting by accident with Sir James Elliot, he was kind enough to tell him where you lived. Here are the bills: Almack's, twelve dozen of claret; | ditro champagne, frontiniac, sweatmeats, pineapples; the whole amount is 3721. 9s. besides

music and fire-works.

Young Wild. Come, sir, this is no time for trifling.

Pap. Nay, sir, they say they have gone full as low as they can afford; and they were in hopes, from the great satisfaction you expressed to Sir James Elliot, that you would throw them in an additional compliment.

Young Wild. Hark ye, Mr. Papillion, if you don't cease your impertinence, 1 shall pay you a compliment that you would gladly excuse.

Pap. Upon my faith, I relate but the mere matter of fact ! You know, sir, I am but bad at invention; though this incident, I can't help thinking, is the natural fruit of your happy one. Young Wild. But are you serious? is this possible?

Pap. Most certain. It was with difficulty I restrained their impatience; but, however, 1 have dispatched them to your lodgings, with a promise that you shall immediately meet them.

Young Wild. Oh, there we shall soon rid our hands of the troop. -Now, Papillion, I have news |

|

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up a slight contract, which you are both to sign,
Young Wild. With transport!
Old Wild. I will introduce Miss Godfrey.
[Erit OLD WILD.
Young Wild. Did not I tell you, Papillion?
Pap. This is armazing, indeed !
Young Wild. Am not I a happy, fortunate—
But they come.

Enter OLD WILDING and MISS GODFREY.

Old Wild. If, madam, he has not the highest sense of the great honour you do him, I shall cease to regard him.-There, sir, make your own acknowledgements to that lady.

Young Wild. Sir!

Old Wild, This is more than you merit; but let your future behaviour testify your gratitude. Young Wild. Papillion! madam! sir! Old Wild. What, is the puppy petrified! Why don't you go up to the lady ?

Young Wild. Up to the lady!-That lady? Old Wild. That lady!-To be sure. What other lady!-To Miss Godfrey.

Young Wild. That lady Miss Godfrey?

Old Wild. What is all this?-Hark ye, sir; I see what you are at: but no trifling; Ill be no more the dupe of your double detestable-Recollect my last resolution: This instant your hand to the contract, or tremble at the consequence. Young Wild. Sir, that, I hope, is-might not I-to be sure

Old Wild. No further evasions! There, sir. Young Wild. Heigh ho! [Signs it.]

Old Wild. Very well. Now madam, your name, if you please?

Young Wild. Papillion, do you know who

she is?

Pap. That's a question indeed! Don't you, sir?

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