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Sour Crout. Upon my word, Major Racket has very fine disposition to make a figure at de head of de army; five or six German campaigns will-ah, dat is de best school in de vorld for make de var.

Sir Chr. Five or six German campaigns! Sour Crout. Ay, Chevalier; vat you say to dat?

Sir Chr. O Mynheer! nothing at alla German war, for ought I know, may be a very good school, but it's a damned expensive education for us.

De Jar. C'est vrai, Chevalier, dat is all true, cet pay la dat place is the grave for the Frenchman and de fine English guinea.

Sir Chr. True, Monsieur; but our guineas are rather worse off than your men, for they stand no chance of rising again.

De Jar. Ha, ha, ha! dat is very well-le Chevalier have beaucoup d'esprit, great deal of wit, ma foi.

Rac. I think the knight is in luck-but don't let us lose sight of our subject. You, gentlemen, are all prepared, perfect in the several parts, you are to play?

All. Ay, ay.

Rac. You, Mynheer Sour Crout?

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Rac. We are come to a crisis, and the catastrophe of our piece can't be very far off. Sir Chr. I wish, like other plays, it don't end in a marriage.

Rac. Then I shall be most confoundedly bit but come, knight.

Sir Chr. Rot you, I do, as fast as I can-I can't think, Racket, what the deuce makes thee so warm in this business; there is certainly something at bottom, that I don't comprehend.— But, do, Major, have pity on the poor girl; upon my soul she is a sweet little syren, so innocent and

I

Rac. Pooh, pooh; don't be absurd. thought that matter had been fully explained; this, knight, is no time to look back. But suppose now I should have a little mischief in hand?

Sir Chr. How! of what kind ?

Rac. Be innocent of the knowledge, dearest

Sour Crout. I understand—I will pique his knight, till done, and then applaud the deed. honour-the pride of his famille.

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Rac. True; well

But. I suppose to give him orders about drawing the writings.

Sir Chr. Not unlikely-but you think Flint will come to the club?

But. There is no manner of doubt; because why, he hallooed to me, from over the waywhat, Billy, I suppose you are bound to the Bear? well, boy, I shall be hard at your heelsand he seemed in prodigious vast spirits.

Rac. I am mistaken if we don't lower them a little. Well, gentlemen, the time of action draws nigh. Knight, we must decamp. Sir Chr. When you will.

Sir Chr. It is very extraordinary, Major Racket, if you are determined to make the devil a visit, that you can't pay it alone; or if you must have company, what a pox makes you think of fixing on me?

Rac. Hey day! ha, ha? What, in the vapours again?-we must have some more punch.

Sir Chr. You are mistaken; that won't have power to change the state of my mind; my resolves are too firm.

Rac. And who wishes to break them? I only ask your assistance to-night; and your reformation, you recollect, don't begin 'till to mor

row

Sir Chr. That's true, indeed; but no human power shall prevail to put it off any longer than

to-morrow.

Rac. Or the next day at farthest.
Sir Chr. May I be if I do.

[Exeunt RACKET and SIR CHRISTOPHER. Poul. Come, lads, light your pipes-which of us shall be first to attack? Billy?

But. Won't it be rather too bold for me to begin?

Poul. Then let us leave it to chance-Hush!
I hear him lumbering in-compose your looks;
let his reception be solemn and grave.
But. Leave that chair for him.

Enter FLINT.

Flint. How fares it, my lads? Well, boys,
matters are settled at last-the little Kate has
complied, and to morrow is fixed for the day.
Poul. You have settled it, then?
Flint. As firm as a rock.

Poul. So you can't retreat if you would?
Flint. Retreat! I have no such design.

Poul. You han't? Flint. No, to be sure, you great fool! what the deuce would Poultice be at?

Poul. Nay then, neighbours, what we have been saying, will just signify nothing.

Flint. Saying? why you have not heardthat is, nobody

Poul. No, nothing very material-Only-but as the matter is carried so far

Flint. So far! why I hope you have not found out any flaw-Kitty has not

Poul. No, no, nothing of that-no, upon my word-I believe a very modest, prudent, good girl, neighbour.

All. No manner of doubt.

Flint. Well, then-but what a plague is the meaning of this? You all sit as silent and glumwhy can't you speak out with a pox?

Poul. Why, Squire, as we are all your fixed friends, we have been canvassing this matter among us.

Flint. You have?

Poul. Marriage, you know very well, is no trifling affair; too much caution and care can't be used.

Flint. That I firmly believe, which has made me defer it so long.

Poul. Pray lend me your hand; how is the state of your health? do you find yourself hearty and strong?

Flint. I think so; that is I-you han't observed any bad symptoms of late?

Poul. No; but you used to have pains flying about you.

Flint. Formerly; but since I have fixed my gout to a fit they are gone that, indeed, lays me up four or five months in a year.

Poul. A pretty long spell; and in such a case,

do you think now, that a marriage

Dotage, that married the Devonshire girl, he had a matter of ———

But. No, no; he dropped off in six months.
Poul. True, true, I had forgot.
Flint. Lord have mercy!

But. Indeed, an old master of mine, Sir Harry O'Tuff, is alive, and walks about to this day. Flint. Hey!

Poul. But you forgot where Sir Harry was born, and how soon his lady eloped!

But. In the honey moon; with Captain Pike of the Guards; I mind it full well.

Flint. That, indeed, alters the case. Poul. Well, but, Billy, you are not serious in this? you don't think there is any danger of death?

But. As to the matter of death, the doctor knows better than I; because why, that lies in his way; but I shall never forget Colonel Crazy, one of the best customers that ever I had; I never think of him without dropping a tear

Flint. Why, what was the matter with him? But. Married Lady Barbary Bonnie, as it might be about midnight on MondayFlint. Well

But. But never more saw the sweet face of the sun.

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But. Then what a world of money must go!

jaunting to see all the fine sights in that place.

Flint. The most best receipt in the world-running forwards and backwards to town, and why that, man, was one of my motives-wives, you know, are allowed to make very good nurses. Poul. That indeed.

Flint. Ay, and then they are always at hand; and besides they don't cost one a farthing. Poul. True, true; why, you look very jolly and fresh; does not he?

All. Exceedingly.

Poul. Yet he can't be less than let me seewasn't you under old Syntax at Wells?

Flint. He died the year I left school.
Poul. That must be a good forty year since.
Flint. Come sheep-shearing next.
Poul. Then, squire, you are hard upon sixty?
Flint. Not far away, Master Poultice.

Poul. And Miss Linnet sixteen! you are a bold man-not but that there are instances, indeed, where men have survived many years such disproportionate marriages as these.

Flint. Survived! why should they not? Poul. But, then, their stamina must be prodigiously strong.

Flint. Stamina!

Flint. I shan't take her to many of them; perhaps I may show her the Parliament-house, and plays, and Boodle's, and bedlam, and my Lord Mayor, and the lions.

But. Then the vast heap of fine clothes you must make

Flint. What occasion for that?

But. As you arn't known, there is no doing without; because why, every body passes there for what they appear.

Flint. Right, Billy; but I believe I have found out a way to do that pretty cheap.

But. Which way may be that? Flint. You have seen the minister that's come down to tack us together?

But. I have-Is he a fine man in the pulpit? Flint. He don't care much to meddle with that; but he is a prodigious patriot, and a great politician to boot.

But. Indeed!

Flint. And has left behind him at Paris, a choice collection of curious rich clothes, which

Poul. Let us see! Button, there was doctor he has promised to sell me a penn'orth.

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Flint. What a miserable poor toad is a husband, whose misfortunes not even death can relieve!

But. Think of that, squire, before it be too late!

Flint. Well, but friends, neighbours, what the deuce can I do? Are you all of a mind?

De Jar. All, all; dere is no question at all: What! a garçon of your ancient famille to take up with a pauvre petite bourgeoise?

Flint. Does that never happen in France?

De Jar. Never, but when Monsieur le Baron is v s very great beggar, and le bourgeoise has damned deal de guineas.

Poul. That is none of our case.

Flint. No, no--Mynbeer, do your people nerer make up such matches?

a miserable scrape am I in! and here, too, not an hour ago, it has cost me, the Lord knows what, in making her presents!

Poul. Never mind that; you had better part with half you are worth in the world.

Flint. True, true-well, then, I'll go and break off all matters this minute.

Poul. The wisest thing you can do.

But. The sooner the better.

Flint. No doubt, no doubt, in the-and yet, Button, she is a vast pretty girl-I should be heartily sorry to lose her-dost think one could not get her on easier terms than on marriage? But. It is but trying, however.

Flint. To tell truth, Billy, I have always had that in my head; and, at all events, I have thought of a project that will answer my purpose. But. Ay, squire, what is it?

Flint. No matter-and, do you hear, Billy? should I get her consent, if you will take her off my hands, and marry her, when I begin to grow tired, I'll settle ten pounds a year upon you, for both your lives.

But. Without paying the taxes?

Flint. That matter we will talk of hereafter.

[Exit. Poul. So, so, we have well settled this business, however.

But. No more thoughts of his taking a wife. Poul. He would sooner be tied to a gibbet; but, Billy, step after him, they will let you in at Sir Christopher Cripple's; and bring us, Bill, a faithful account.

But. I will, I will: but where shall you be? Poul. Above, in the Phoenix; we won't stir out of the house; but be very exact. But. Never fear.

SCENE II.

Enter Miss LINNET.

[Exeunt.

Miss Lin. Heigh ho! what a sacrifice am I going to make! but it is the will of those who Sour Crout. Never, never-what, a German have a right to all my obedience, and to that I dishonour his stock! wby, Mester Fiint, should will submit. [Loud knocking at the door.] Bless Mistress Linnet bring you de children for de tenue! who can that be at this time of night! Our generations to come, they could not be chose de canons of Strasburgh.

Flint. No?

friends may err; aud projects the most prudentially pointed, may miss of their aim; but age and experience demand respect and attention,

Pout. So, squire, take it which way you will, and the undoubted kindness of our parents' de

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signs claims, on our parts at least, a grateful and ready compliance.

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Enter FLINT.

Flint. Why, bat, miss

Miss Lin. It is true, in compliance with the Flint. She is alone, as I wished-Miss, I beg earnest request of my friends, I had consented to pardon for intruding at this time of night, but-sacrifice my peace to their pleasure; and, though Miss Lin. Sir! reluctant, would have given you my hand. Flint. Vastly well!

Flint. You can't wonder that I desire to enjoy your good company every minute I can. Miss Lin. Those minutes, a short space will place, Mr. Flint, in your power; if, till then, you had permitted me to

Flint. Right. But, to say the truth, I wanted to have a little serious talk with you of how and about it. I think, miss, you agree, if we marry, to go off to the country directly?

Miss Lin. If we marry! Is it, then, a matter of doubt?

Flint. Why, I tell you, miss; with regard to myself, you know, I am one of the most ancientest families in all the country round

Miss Lin. Without doubt.

Flint. And, as to money and lands in these parts, I believe few people can match me. Miss Lin. Perhaps not.

Flint. And as to yourself—I don't speak in a disparaging way—your friends are low folks, and your fortune just nothing.

Miss Lin. True, sir; but this is no new discovery; you have known this

Flint. Hearme out now!-as I bring all these good things on my side, and you have nothing to give me in return but your love, I ought to be pretty sure of the possession of that.

Miss Lin. I hope, the properly discharging all the duties of that condition, which I am shortly to owe to your favour, will give you convincing proofs of my gratitude.

Flint, Your gratitude, miss!-but we talk of your love! and of that, if I marry, I must have plain and positive proofs.

Miss Lin. Proofs ! of what kind?

Flint. To steal away directly with me to my lodgings.

Miss Lin. Your lodgings!

Flint, There pass the night, and in the morning, the very minute we rise, we will march away to the abbey.

Miss Lin. Sir!

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Miss Lin. What motive, but obedience to them could I have had in forming an union with you? Did you presume I was struck with your personal merit, or think the sordidness of your mind and manners would tempt me?

Flint. Really, miss, this is carryingMiss Lin. You have wealth, I confess; but where could have been the advantage to me, as a reward for becoming your drudge? I might, perhaps, have received a scanty subsistence, for I can hardly suppose you would grant the free use of that to your wife, which your meanness has denied to yourself.

Flint. So, so, so !-by and by she will alarm the whole house!

Miss Lin. The whole house! the whole town shall be told. Sure the greatest misfortune, that poverty brings in its train, is the subjecting us to the insult of wretches like this, who have no other merit but what their riches bestow on them.

Flint. What a damnable vixen! [Aside. Miss Lin. Go, sir! leave the house! I am ashamed, sir, you have had the power to move me; and never more let me be shocked with your sight.

Enter LADY CATHERINE and MRS. LINNET.

Lady Cath, How's aw wi you within ?— Gad's mercy! what's the matter wi miss? I will hope, Maister Flint, it is na you, wha ha set her a wailing?

Mrs. Lin. Kitty, my love!

Miss Lin. A modest proposal of that gentleman's making

Lady Cath. Of what kind?

Miss Lin. Only this moment to quit my father and you, and take up my lodging with him.

Lady Cath. To night! aw, that is quite out of the order of things; that is ne'er done, Maister Flint, till after the ceremony of the nuptials is

said.

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Enter MAJOR RACKET, SIR CHRISTOPHER
CRIPPLE, and BUTTON.

to come in, Mrs. Linnėt, but we were afraid
Sir Chr. We beg pardon for taking the liberty
some accident might have happened to miss―
Mrs. Lin. There has, sir.
Rac. Of what kind?

Mrs. Lin. That worthy gentleman, under pre-
tence of friendship to us, and honourable views
to my daughter, has hatched a treacherous de-
sign to inevitably ruin my child!
Sir Chr. What, he? Flint?'
Mrs. Lin. Even he.

Sir Chr. An impudent son of a

-Billy, lead

me up, that I may take a peep at the puppyYour servant, young gentleman! what is it true that we hear? A sweet swain this, to tempt a virgin to sin! Why, Old Nick has made a mistake here; he used to be more expert in his angling; for what female on earth can be got to catch this bait? Lady Cath. Haud, haud you, Sir Christopher Cripple, let Maister Flint and I have a short conference upon this occasion-I find, Maister Flint you ha made a little mistake, but marriage will set aw matters right in the instant. I suppose you persevere to gang wi miss to kirk in the morning?

Flint. No, madam, nor the evening neither. Lady Cath. Mercy a Gad! what, do you refuse to ratify the preliminaries?

Flint. I don't say that neither.

Sir Chr. Then name the time in which

will fulfil them-a week?

Lady Cath. A fortnight?

Mrs. Lin. A month?

Flint. I won't be bound to no time.

you

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Lady Cath. Well; but, Maister Flint, are you willing to make miss a pecuniary acknowledgment for the damage?

Flint. I have done her no damage, and I'll make no reparation.

Rac. Twelve honest men of your country may happen to differ in judgment.

Flint. Let her try, if she will.

Sir Chr. And, I promise you, she shan't be to seek for the means.

Lady Cath. If you be nae afraid of the laws, ha you no sense of shame ?

Rac. He sense of shame!

Lady Cath. Gad's wull! it shall cum to the proof; you mun ken, good folk, at Edinburgh, last winter, I got acquainted with Maister Foot the play-actor-I will get him to bring the filthy loon on the stage

Sir Chr. And expose him to the contempt of the world? he richly deserves it.

Flint. Ay, he may write, you may rail, and the people may hiss, and what care I? I have that at home, that will keep up my spirits. Lady Cath. At hame?

Rac. The wretch means his money. Flint. And what better friend can any man have? Tell me the place where its influence fails? Ask that gentleman how he got his cockade? Money! I know its worth; and, therefore, can't too carefully keep it. At this very instant, I have a proof of its value; it enables me to laugh at that squeamish impertinent girl, and despise the weak efforts of your impotent maliceCall me forth to your courts when you please, that will procure me able defenders, and good witnesses too if they are wanted. [Erit.

Sir Chr. Now there's a fellow that will never reform.

vain to expect justice or honour from him! What a most contemptible cur is a miser!

Sir Chr. Ten thousand times worse than a highwayman; that poor devil only pilfers from Peter or Paul, and the money is scattered as soon as received; but the wretch, that accumulates for the sake of secreting, annihilates what was intended for the use of the world, and is a robber of the whole human race.

Rac. And of himself, too, into the bargain.
But. For all the world; like a magpie, he
steals for the mere pleasure of hiding.
Rac. Well observed, little Bill.

But. Why, he wanted to bring me into his plot-yes; he made proposals for me to marry miss, after his purpose was served!

Sir Chr. How!

But. But he was out in his man-let him give his cast clothes to his coachman. Billy Button can afford a new suit of his own.

Rac. I don't doubt it at all.

But. Fellow-I am almost resolved never to set another stitch for him as long as I live.

Sir Chr. Right, Button, right; but where is Miss Kitty? Come hither, my chicken: Faith I am heartily glad you are rid of this scoundrel; and, if such a crippled old fellow as me was wor thy of your notice-but hold, Kate, there is another chap I must guard you against

Miss Lin. Another, sir! Who?
Sir Chr. Why, this gentleman.
Rac. Me!

Sir Chr. Ay, you; come, come, major, don't think you can impose upon a cunning old sportsman like me.

Rac. Upon my soul, Sir Christopher, you make me blush."

Sir Chr. Oh! you are devilish modest, I know-but to come to the trial at once. I have some reason to believe, major, you are fond of this girl; and, that her want of fortune mayn't plead your excuse, I don't think I can better begin my plan of reforming, than by a compliment paid to her virtue-then take her, and, with her, two thousand guineas in hand.

Mrs. Lin. How, sir!

Sir Chr. And expect another good spell when Monsieur le Fevre sets me free from the gout. But. Please your worship, I'll accept her with half

Lady Cath. Gi me leave, Sir Christopher, to throw in the widow's mite on the happy occasion; the bride garment, and her dinner shall be furnished by me.

Sir Chr. Cock-a-leeky soup?

Lady Cath. Sheep's head singed, and a baggies in plenty.

Sir Chr. Well said, lady Catherine! Miss Lin. How, sir, shall I acknowledge this goodness?

Sir Chr. By saying nothing about it-Well, sir, we wait your answer.

Rac. I think the lady might first be consulted: I should be sorry a fresh persecution should Rac. You had better let him alone; it is in follow so fast on the heels of the

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