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She is not worth my notice-[Sits down, turns | every thing I play for, may fortune eternally his back, and looks uneasy.) i'll take no more forsake me, if I endeavour to set you right again. pains about it. (Pauses for some time, then

[Erit. looks at her.] Is it not very strange, that you Enter Mr. and Mrs. Drugget, WOODLEY, and won't hear me? Lady Rac. Sir, I am very ready to hear you.

Nancy. Sir Cha. Very well, then, very well; you re- Mrs. Drug. Gracious ! what's the matter now? meinber how the game stood.

Lady Rac. Such another man does not exist. [Draws his chair near her. I did not say a word to the gentleman, and yet Lady Rac. I wish you would untie my neck- he has been raving about the room, and stormlace, it hurts me.

ing like a whirlwind. Sir Cha. Why can't listen?

Drug. And about a club again ! I heard it all, Lady Rac. I tell you it hurts me terribly. Come bither, Nancy; Mr.Woodley, she is yours

Sir Cha. Death and confusion! (Moves his for life. chair away.) there is no bearing this. (Looks at Mrs. Drug. My dear, how can you be so pasher angrily.] It won't take a moment, if you will sionate? but listen. (Moves towards her.) Can't you see, Drug. It shall be so. Take her for life, Mr. that by forcing the adversary's hand, Mr. Jen-Woodley. kins would be obliged to

Wood. My whole life shall be devoted to her Lady Rac. [Moving her chair away from him.] happiness. Mr. Jenkins had the best club, and never a dia- Drug. Mr. Woodley, I recommend my girl to mond left.

your care. I shall have nothing now to think of, Sir Char. (Rising.) Distraction ! Bedlam is but my greens, and my images, and my shrubnot so mad. Be as wrong as you please, madam. bery. Though, mercy on all married folks, say May I never hold four by bonours, may I lose 1 !--for these wranglings are, I am afraid, what

they must all come to.

Ereunt.

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SCENE I.-A Room in Sir THEODORE Good- the mirth, especially when they know what kind Child's House,

uf lovers they are; and that the sole motive of their addresses was the lady's fortune. Well,

sure, since the days of giants and enchanted casEnter SiR THEODORE and CHARLOTTE. tles, no poor damsel has been besieged by such

a group of odd mortals. Let me review my Char. Nay, there can be no larm in a lit- equipage of lovers! the first upon the list is a tle mirth, guardian, even those who happen beau Jew, who, in spite of nature and educato be the objects, must approve the justice tion, sets up for a wit, a gentleman, and a man of it.

of taste. Sir T. But consider, Charlotte, what will the Sir 7. Aye, laugh at him as much as you world say of me? will it not be in every mouth, will. that Sir Í'neodore Goodchild was a very impru- Char. The next is a downright English dent man, in combining with his ward to turn Newmarket, stable-bred gentleman jockey, who her lovers into ridicule !

having ruined his finances by dogs, grooms, Char. Not at all, sir : the world will applaud cocks, and horses, and such polite company, now thinks to retrieve his affairs by a matrimo- Sir T. Thou art a inad creature! well, madam, pial match with a city fortune.

I will indulge your wickeri mirth. His name is Sir T. Ha, ha, ha! I find, madam, you have Callaghan O'Brallaghan. perused the squire with great exactness.

Char. () shocking! Callaghan O'Brallaghan! Char. Pretty well, sir. To this Newmarket why it is enough to choke one ; and is as ditti. wight succeeds a proud, haughty, Caledonian cult to be uttered as a Welch pedigree. Why knight; whose tongue, like the dart of death, if the fates should bring us together, I shall be spares neither sex nor age, it leaves none uuvi. obliged to hire an Irish interpreter, to go about sitcd. All dread and all feel it.

with me, to teach the people to pronounce my Sir T. Yes, yes, his insolence of family, and name ; - ha, ha, ha! licentiousness of wit, have gained the con- Sir T. You may laugh, madam, but he is tempt and general toleration of mankind. as proud of that name as any of your lovers But we must not look upon his spleen and ill are of their titles. I suppose they all dine nature, my dear, as a national, but a personal here. vice.

Char. Certainly !-all but Squire Groom. Chur. As such, sir, I always understand, Sir T. 0! you must not expect him; he is and laugh at him.--Well of all my swains, he at York, he was to ride his great inatch there, he is the most whimsical ; his passion is to turn yesterday. He will not be here, you may be fvery morial into ridicule'; even I, the object of sure. -Let me see :-what is't o'clock ? almost his fame, cannot escape ; for while bis uvarice three.- Who's there? courts joy fortune, his pride despises, and sneers at my birth.

Enter a Servant. Sir T. That, Charlotte, is only to shew his wit.

Order the coach to the door. Char. True, sir.—The next in Cupid's train Ser. 'Tis ready, sir. is your nephew, guardian, a wild Irish, Prus- Sir 7. I will but just step to Lincoln's Jou sian, hard-headed soldier, whose military hu- Hall, and see what they are doing in your cause; mour, and fondness for his profession, make me it is to be ended to-day. By the time I return, fancy sometimes that he was not only born in a I suppose your company will be come. A good siege, but that Bellona had been his nurse, Mars morning to you, Charlotte. his scboolmaster, and the furies his playfellows. Char. Sir a good mrning: -Ha, ha, ha!

[Exit Sir Theodore. Sir. T. Ha, ha, ha! O fye, Charlotte, how Morde. [Sings Italian" withoat.] Sir Thcocan you be so severe upon my poor nephew? dore, your humble servant.

Char. Upon my honour, Sir Theodore, I Sir T. (Without] Mr. Mordecai, your most don't mean to be severe, for I like his character obedient. extremely ;-ba, ba! Sir T.' Well, well, notwithstanding your

Enter a Servant, mirth, madam, I assure you he has gain’d the highest esteem in his profession.—Put what can Sero. Mr. Mordecai, madam. you expect, my dear, froin a soldier, a mere

Char. Shew him in. [Erit Sercant. rough-hewn soldier, who, at the age of fifteen, Morde. [Without.) I see your coach is at would leave Ireland, his friends, and every other the door. Sir Theodore, you dine with us, I pursuit, to go a volunteer into the Prussian ser- hope. vice, and there he has lived seventeen years; so Sir T. (Il'ithout. Certainly, You'll find Miss that I don't suppose he has six ide as out of his Charlotte within. Your servant. own profession-garrisons and camps have been Morde. [Without.] Yours, Sir Theodore. the courts and academies that have formed bim. But he ever had, from a child, a kind of mili-Enter MORDECAI, singing an Italian Air, and tary madness.

addressing CHARLOTTE fantastically. Chur. 0, I am in love with leis warlike humour, I think it highly entertaining.

Char. O caro, caro, carissimo. Sir T. As he has not made any direct ad- Morde. Voi sete molto cortese ! anima mia! dresses to

you, Charlotte, let me inform here let me kneel, and pay my softest adoration; him how improper such a step would be, and and thus, and thus, in amorous transport breath even let us leave bim out of our scheme to-iny last.

[Kisses her hund. night.

Chur. Ha, ha, ha! softly, softly! you Char. O, sir, impossible ! our day's sport, would not sure breath your last yet, Mr. Niorour plot, our every thing, would be imperfect decai. without him ; why, I intend hiin to be the lead- Morde. Why, no, madam, I would live a liting instruirent in the concert. One cannot pos- tle longer for your sake. [Rowing very

low. sibly do without Sir Callaghan Brall--Bra- Char. Ha. ha, ha! you are infinitely polite Brall.--Pray, guardian, learn me to pronounce --but a truce with your gallantry-why you my lover's name.

are as gay as the sun ;-I think I never saw ang ing.

tour.

thing better fancied than that suit of yours, Mr. tow chandler's shop, in the dog days ; his filthy Mordecai.

high dried poisons me, and his scandal is grosser Morde. Ha, ha !-a-well enough—just as than a hackney news writer's : madam be is as my tailor fancied—ha, ha, ha! do you like it, much despised by his own countrymen, as by the madam?

rest of the world. The better sort of Scotland Char. Quite elegant : I don't know any one never keep bim company; but that is entre nous, about town deserves the title of beau better than entre nous. Mr. Mordecai.

Sir A. (Speaks without.] Randol, bid SamMorde. O dear, madam, you are very oblig-ney be here with the chariot at eight o'clock

exactly. Char. I think you are called Beau Mordecai by every body.

Enter SIR ARCHY.—MORDECAI runs up to Morde. Yes, madam, they do distingush me

embrace him. by that title, but I don't think I merito the ho- Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! my cheeld of circumcisioe,

gee us a wag of thy loof; hoo dun ye do, aj Char. No body more : for I think you are bonny Girgishite ? always by far the finest man in town. But do Morde. Always at your service, Sir Arcby: you know that I have heard of your extraordi- -He stinks worse than a scotch snuff shop. nary court the other night, at the Opera, to

(Aside

. Miss Sprightly.

Sir A. Weel, Mordecai, I see yee are as deeMorde. O heavens, madam, how can you be ligent in the service o’yeer mistress, as in the ser so severe? that the woman has designs, I sted vice of yeer leuking glass, for yeer face and yeer fastly believe ; but as to me-oh

thoughts are always turned upon the one or cho Char. Ha, ha, ha ! nay, nay, you must not other. deny it; for.my intelligence is from very good Morde. And I see your wit, Sir Archy, like a hands.

lawyer's tongue, will ever retain its usual politeMorde. Pray, who may that be?

ness and good nature. Char. Sir Archy Macsarcasm.

Char. (Coming forwurd.] Ha, ha, ba ! civil Morde. Oh, shocking! the common Pasquin and witty on both sides. Sir Archy, your most of the town ; besides, madam, you know he's obedient.

[Curtsies. my rival, and not very remarkable for veracity Sir A. Ten thousand pardons, madam, I did in his narrations,

na'observe ye; I hope I see yeer ladyslip weel, Char. Ha, ha, ha! I cannot say he's a reli- Ah! yee look like a deeveenity gious observer of truth, but his humour always

(Bowing awkwardly and los. makes amends for his invention. You must Char. Sir Archy, this is immensely gal allow he has humour, Mr. Mordecai.

gant. Morde. O cuor mio! how can you think so; Sir A. Weel, madam, I see my friend Mar. bating his scandal, dull, dull as an alderman, decai here, is determined to bear away the prize after six pounds of turtle, four bottles of port, fra us all! Ha, ha, ha! he is trick'd out in a* and twelve pipes of tobacco.

the colours of the rainbow. Char. Ha, ha, ha! O surfeiting! surfeit- Char. Mr. Mordecai is always well dress'd, ing.

Sir Archy. Morde. The man indeed has something droll Sir A. Upon my honour he is as fine as a jay. -something ridiculous in him ;-his abominable Turn aboot man, turn aboot, let us Fiew Scots accent, his grotesque visage, almost buried yeer finery : step along and let us see keer in spuff, the roll of his eyes, and twist of his shapes—he has a bonny march wi' him : vary mouth, his strange inhuman laugh, his tremen- weel, vary eligant.-Ha, ha, ha! guid traith, dous perriwig, and his manner altogether, indeed, I think I never saw a tooth-drawer better dresshas something, so caricaturely risible in it, ed in aw my life. that, ha, ha, ha! may I die, madam, if I don't

[Viewing and admiring his dress. always take him for a mountebank doctor at a Char. Ha, ha, ha! Dutch fair.

Morde. You are very polite, sir. Char. Oh, oh ! what a picture has he drawn? Char. But, Sir Archy, what is become of my why you're as severe in your portraits as Sir Irish lover, your friend, Sir Callaghan : I hope Archy himself.

he dives here.

Sir A. Ah, ah! guid faith, wool he ! I liare Enter a Servant.

brought him along wi' me.

Char. What! is he in the house? Ser. Sir Archy Macsarcasm is below, ma- Sir A. Ay, in this very mansion, madam: for dam.

ye mun ken, that like the monarchs of awld I Char. Shew him up.

[Exit Serdant. never travel noo without my fool. Morde. Don't you think, madam, he is a Char. Then, pray, Sir Archy exhibit pour horrid, foul-mouthed, uncouth fellow ? he is fool. worse to me, madam, than assafætida, or a tal- Níorde. Let's have a slice of hiin.

sing it.

Sir A. Jauntly, jauntly, not so fast! he is a reptile, a mere reptile ! and as to the Irishinot in reeght order yet.

man, Sir Callaghan O'Brallaghan, the fallow Char. Ilow do you mean, Sir Archy; is weel enough to laugh at, but I wou'd ha'

Sir A. Madam, as we came heether, I coun-yee leuk aboot yce there, for yee ken that yeer sellid him to wreete a loove epestle till ye, by guardian is Iris uncle, and, to my certain knowway of introduction tull his courtship! he is now ledge, there is a deseeign upon yeer fortune in aboot it below stairs, and in ten meenutes yee that quarter, depend upon it. mun leuck to see an amoroos bellet, sic as has Char. Very possible, Sir Archy, very possinai ben penn'd sin the days of Don Quixote ;- ble ; for a woman's fortune, I believe, is the Ha, ha, ha!

principal object of every lover's wish. Omnes. Ha, ha, ha !

Sir A. Madam, yeer observation is very orChar. O charming! I shall be impatient till I thodoz, in truth-as to Mordecai, Sir Callaghan, see his passion upon paper.

Squire Groom, and sic like fellows; but men of Sir A. Guid faith inadam, he has done that honour ! men of honour, madam, bave other prinalready; for he has composed a jargon, that he ciples. I assure yee, lady, the tenure of my afcalls a sonnet, upon bis bewitching Charlotte, fection is nai for yeer pecuniar, but for the menas he tarms you. Mordecai, yee have heard him tal graces of yeer soul, and the devene parfec

tions of yeer body, which are indeed to me a Morde. I beg your pardon, Sir Archy, I have Peru nd a Mexico. heard him roar it. Madam, we had him last Char. O, Sir Archy, you overwhelm me. night at the tavern, and made him give it to us Sir A. Madam, I speak upon the verity of in an Irish howl, that might be heard from hence mine honour ; beside, madain, guir you marry to West Chester.

me, ye wool marry a man of sobreeity and oeco. Sir A. Ha, ha, ha! why ye have a devellish nomy, 'tis true I am pot in the high-day of deal of wit, Mordecai.

blood, yet, as the poet sings, far fra the vale of Char. Ha, ha, ha! I must hear this song. years ; not like your young fashy whupsters,

Morde. Madam, your servant ;-I will leave that go off like a squib or a cracker, on a rejoica Sir Archy to entertain you for a few minutes. ing night, in a noise and a stanch, and are

Char. You are not going, Mr. Mordecai. never heard of after.
Alorde. Madam, I ain only going down stairs,

Char. You are certainly right, Sir Archy, to see if Sir Callaghan is disengaged ; and if he the young fellows of fashion are inere trifes. be, to have a laugh at him before dinner, by way

Sir A. They are baubles madam, absolute of a whet—that's all, madam, only by way of baubles and prodigals, therefore yee should prea whet.

[Going. ponderate the maiter weel, before ye mak yeer Sir A. But, hark'e, Mordecai, not a seelable electiou. Consider, madam, there is nai scant of the letter.

of wealth or honour in oor fameely. Lady, we Morde. O never fear me, sir Archy, am as hai in the boose of Macsarcasm, twa Barons, secret as a spy.

Erit. three Viscounts, six Earls, yane Marquisate, and Sir A. What a fantastical baboon this tesre twa Dukes, besides Baronets and Lairds oot of lite makes of himself. The fellow is the mockery aw reckoning, of the whole nation.

Char. Ha, ha, ha! Char. Why, to say the truth, lie is entertain

Sir A. What gars yee laugh, madam ? ing, Sir Archy.

Char. I beg your pardon, sir; but—ha, la, Sir A. O'yes, he is rediculous, therefore ha ! I am laughing io-ha, ha, ha! to think very useful in society,--for wherever he comes

what a-ha, ha! a number of noble relations I there must be laughter. But, now, madam, shall have. eef yee please, a word or twa of oor ain maiters;

Sir A. Faith wool ye madam, and other guess ye sec I do na paster ye with Aames, and darts. famcelies than ye hai in this part of the world. and seeghings, and lamentations, and frecvolous Odzwunds, madam, there is as much deeference protestations, like yeer silly loovers in a ro-betwixt our Nobeelity of the North, and yours inance ; for yee ken, I awways speak my

o'the South, as there is betwixt a haund of blood thoughts wi' a blunt inteegrity :-madam, I and a mungrel. loove you, and guin I deed not, I would scorn

Char. Ha, ha, ha! Pray how do you make to say it.

out that, Sir Archy. Char. O, Sir Archy, all the world allows you

Sir A. Why, madam, in Scotland, aw our sincerity, which is the most valuable quality a

Nobeelity are sprang fra Monarchs, warriors, friend or a lover can possess.

heroes, and glorious achievements; now, here Sir A. Vary true, madam, therefore I can

i'th' South, ye

sprung

frai

sugar not help giving yee aboot ye, who caw them hogsheads, rum puncheons, wool packs, hop selves yeer lovers.--Squire Groom doubt- sacks, iron bars and tar jackets ;-in short, less, is a man of honour, and my vary guid ye are a composition of Jews, Turks, and friend, but he is a baggar, a baygar; and, Refugees, and of aw the commercial vagrants touching this Mordecai, the fellow is wealthy, of the land and sea—a sort of amphibious breed 'tis true ; yes, yes, he is wealthy, but he is ye are.

are

aw

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