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Hel. You may depend on't, sir; nothing in my But what physician e'er can ease power shall be wanting; you have only to in

The torments which I feel ? quire for Dr. Hellebore.

Think, charming nymph, whilc I comDor. Twont be long before I see you, bus

plain, band?

Ah, think what I endure ! Hel, Husband! This is as unaccountable a

All other remedies are vain ; madness as any I have yet met with!

The lovely cause of all my pain
[Erit Hel. with Dor.

Can only cause my cure.

Gre. It is, sir, a great and subtle question Gre, I think I shall be revenged on you now, among the doctors, Whether women are more my dear. So, sir.

easy to be cured than men? I beg you would atLean. I think I make a pretty good apotheca- tend to this, sir, if you please Some say, No; ry, now.

others say, Yes; and, formy part, I say both Yes Gre. Yes, faith; you are almost as good an and No; forasmuch as the incongrnity of the apothecary, as I'm a physician; and, if you opaque humours that meet in the natural temper please, I'll convey you to the patient.

of women, are the cause that the brutal part will Lean. If I did but know a few physical hard always prevail over the sensible---One sees words

that the inequality of their opinions depends Gte. A few physical hard words! Why, in a upon the black movement of the circle of the few hard words consists the science. Would you moon; and as the sun, that darts his rays upon know as much as the whole faculty in an instant, the concavity of the earthsir? Come along, come along! Hold; the doc- Char. No, I am not at all capable of changing tor must always go before the apothecary. my opinion.


Sir Jas. My daughter speaks! my daughter SCENE III.-SIR JASPER's house. speaks! Oh, the great power of physic! Oh, the Enter Sir JASPER, CHARLOTTE, and Maid.

admirable physician! 'How can I reward thee

for such a service! Sir Jas. Has she made no attempt to speak, Gre. This distemper has given me a most in

sufferable deal of trouble. Maid. Not in the least, sir; so far from it, [Traversing the stage in a great heat, the that, as sbe used to make a sort of noise before,

Apothecary following.) she is now quite silent.

Char. Yes, sir, I have recovered my speech; Sir Jas. Looking on his watch.]—'Tis almost but I have recovered it to tell you, that I never the time the doctor promised to return-Oh, he will have any husband but Leander. is here! Doctor, your servant.

[Speaks with great eagerness, and drives Sie

JASPER round the stage.

Sir Jas. But
Gre. Well, sir, how does my patient?

Char. Nothing is capable to shake the resoSir Jas. Rather worse, sir, since your pre-lution I have taken. scription.

Sir Jas. What !
Gre. So much the better; 'tis à sign that it Char. Your rhetoric is in vain; all your


courses signify nothing. Sir Jas. Who is that gentlemam, pray, with Sir Jas. 1you?

Char. I am determined; and all the fathers Gre. An apothecary, sir. Mr. Apothecary, I in the world shall never oblige me to marry condesire you would immediately apply that song I trary to my inclinations. prescribed.

Sir Jas. I have Sir Jas. A song, doctor! Prescribe a song? Char. I will never submit to this tyranny; and

Gre. Prescribe a song, sir! Yes, sir; prescribe if I must not have the man I like, I'll die a maid. a song, sir. Is there any thing so strange in Sir Jas. You shall have Mr. Dapper-that? Did you never hear of pills to purge me- Char. No-not in any manner-not in the lancholy? If you understand these things better least-not at all! You throw away your breath ; than I, why did you send for me? 'Sbud, sir, this you lose your time : you may confine me, beat song would make a stone speak. But, if you me, bruise me, destroy me, kill me; do what you please, sir, you and I will confer at some dis-will, use me as you will; but I never will consent; tance, during the application; for this song will nor all your threats, nor all your blows, nor all do you as much harm as it will do your daughter your ill usage, never shall force me to consent. apod. Be sure, Mr. Apothecary, to pour it down So far from giving him my heart, I never will her ears very closely.

give bim my haud: for he is my aversion; I AIR VI.

hate the very sight of him; I had rather see the

devil! I had rather touch a load! you may make Lean. Thus, lovely patient, Charlotte sees ine miserable another way; but with hiin

you Her dying patient kneel;

shan't, that I'm resolved ! Soon cured will be your feigned disease; Cre. There, sir, there! I think we have

brought her tongue to a pretty tolerable consist

Enter DORCAS. ency.

Dor. Where is this villain, this rogue, this Sir Jas. Consistency, quotha ! why, there is pretended physician? no stopping her tongue-Dear doctor, I desire

Sir Jas. Heyday! What, what, what's the you would make her dumb again.

matter now? Gre. That's impossible, sir. All that I can Dor. Oh, sirrah, sirrah! Would you have dedo to serve you is, I can make you deaf, if you stroyed your wife, you villain? Would you have please.

been guilty of murder, dog? Sir Jas. And do you think

Gre. Hoity toily! What madwoman is this? Char. All your reasoning shall never conquer Sir Jas. Poor wretch! For pity's sake, cure my resolution,

her, doctor. Sir Jas. You shall marry Mr. Dapper this Gre. Sir, I shall not cure her, unless someevening.

body gives me a fee -If you will give me a Char. I'll be buried first.

fee, Sir Jasper, you shall see me cure her this Gre. Stay, sir, stay! let me regulate this af

instant. fair ; it is a distemper that possesses her, and I

Dor. I'll fee you, you villain-cure me! know what remedy to apply to it. Sir Jas. Is it possible, sir, that you can cure

AIR.--VII. the distempers of the mind? Gre. Sir, I can cure any thing. Hark ye, Mr.

If you hope, by' your skill Apothecary! you see that the love she has for

To give Dorcas a pill, Leander is entirely contrary to the will of her fa

You are not a good politician : ther, and that there is no time to lose, and that

Could wives but be brought an immediate remedy is necessary. For my part,

To swallow the draught, I know of but one, which is a dose of purgative

Each husband would be a physician. running-away, mixt with two drams of pills matrimoniac, and three large handfuls of the arbor

Enter James. vitæ ; perhaps she will make some difficulty to James. O sir, undone, undone! Your daughter take them; but as you are an able apothecary, is run away with her lover Leander, who was I shall trust to you for the success. Go, make here disguised like an apothecary-and this is her walk in the garden; be sure lose no time; the rogue of a physician who has contrived all to the remedy quick ; to the remedy specific ! the affair.

[Exeunt LEANDER and CHARLOTTE. Sir Jas. How! am I abused in this manner? Sir Jas. What drugs, sir, were those I heard Here! who is there? Bid my clerk bring pen, you mention, for I don't remeinber I ever heard ink, and paper; I'll send this fellow to jail imthem spoke of before?

mediately Gre. They are some, sir, lately discovered by James. Indeed, my good doctor, you

stand a the Royal Society.

very fair chance to be hanged for stealing an Sir Jas. Did you ever see any thing equal to heiress. her insolence ?

Gre. Yes, indeed, I believe I shall take my Gre. Daughters are indeed sometimes a little degrees now. too headstrong.

Dor. And are they going to hang you, my Sir Jas. You cannot imagine, sir, how foolish- dear husband ? ly fond she is of that Leander.

Gre. You see, my dear wife. Gre. The heat of blood, sir, causes that in Dor. Had you finished the faggots, it had been young minds.

some consolation, Sir Jas. For my part, the moment I discovered the violence of her passion, I have always

Enter LEANDER and CHARLOTTE. kept her locked up.

Lean. Behold, sir, that Leander, whom you Gre. You have done very wisely.

had forbid your house, restores your daughter Sir Jus. And I have prevented them from hav- to your power, even when he bad her in his. ing the least communication together : for who will receive her, sir, only at your hands knows what might have been the consequence ? have received letters, by which I have learnt the Who knows but she might have taken it into her death of an uncle,whose estate far exceeds that head to have run away with him.

of your intended son-in-law, Gre. Very true.

Sir Jas. Sir, your virtue is beyond all estates; Sir Jas

. Ay, sir, let me alone for governing and I give you my daughter with all the pleasure girls ; I think I have some reason to be vain on in the world. that head; I think I have shewn the world that Lean. Now my fortune makes me liappy inI understand a little of women—I think, I have: deed, my dearest Charlotte !—And, doctor, I'll and, let me tell you, sir, there is not a little art make thy fortune, too. required. If this girl bad had some fathers, they Gre. If you would be so kind to make me had not kept her out of the hands of so vigilant a physician in earnest, I should desire no other a lover, as I have done.

fortune. Gre. No, certainly, sir.

Lean. Faith, doctor, I wish I could do that, in

euse ;

return for your having made me an apothecary; | You may send for a dozen great doctors in vain : but I'll do as well for thee, I'll warrant. All give their opinion, and pocket their fees ;

Dor. So, so! our physician, I find, has brought Each writes her a cure, though all miss her disa about fine matters. And is it not owing to me, sirrah, that you have been a physician at all?

Powders, drops, Sir Jas. May I beg to know whether you are

Julaps, slops, a physician or not-or what the devil you are? A cargo of poison from physical shops.

Gre. I think, sir, after the miraculous cure Though they physic to death the unhappy poor you have seen me perform, you have no reason maid, to ask whether I am a physician or no–And What's that to the doctor since he must be for you, wife, I'll henceforth have you behave paid? with all deference to my greatness.

Would you know how you may manage her right? Dor. Why, thou puffed up fool, I could have Our doctor has brought you a nostrum to-night, made as good a physician myself; the cure was

Can never vary, owing to the apothecary, not the doctor.

Nor miscarry,

If the lover be but the apothecary. AIR.-We've cheated the Parson, &c.

Chorus.-Can never vary, gc, When tender young virgins look pale and com


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SCENE I.-A Street.

Enter LETTICE. Enter Mrs. Highman, pushing John out of Mrs. High. Oh, Mrs. Lettice, is it you? I am the door.

extremely glad to sec you—you are the very perMrs. High. BEGONE, sirrah! Out of ny house! son I would meet. Mr. Letter-carrier ! and if I ever catch you in it Let. I am much at your service, madam, again, your ears shall pay for your audacity. Mrs. High. Oh, madam, I know very well that;

John. Lord ! ma'am, this is not a love-letter and at everyone's service, I dare swear, that will from my master to your niece, if the last was- pay for it: but all the service, madam, that I this is only from Mrs. Lettice, to your ladyship’s have for you, is to carry a message to your mawoman, to invite her to our house this evening - ster-I desire, madam, that you will tell him we are to have a rout.

from me, that he is a very great villain, and that Mrs. High. A rout, indeed! I'd rout you all I entreat him never more to come near my to some tune, were I your mistress. But begone, doors; for, if I find him within them, I will turn sirrah: I'll listen no longer to your impudence: my niece out of them. and tell that saucy jade, Lettice, to send no more Let. Truly, madam, you must send this by of her letters to my house.

another messenger: but, pray, what has my John. Lord ! ma'am, bere she is—so, if you master done to deserve it should be sent at all? please, you can tell her yourself. [Exit. Mrs. High. He has donegothing yet, I believe. I thank Heaven and my own prudence; but I What need he trust your words precise, know wbat he would do.

Your soft desires denying ; Let. He would do nothing but what becomes When, oh! he reads within your eyes a gentleman, I am confident.

Your tender heart complying. Mrs. High. Oh! I dare swear, madam. Se

Your tongue may cheat, ducing a young lady is acting like a very fine

And with deceit gentleman; but I shall keep my niece out of the

Your softer wishes cover; hands of such fine gentlemen.

But, Oh! your eyes Let. Yon wrong my master, madam, cruelly;

Know no disguise, I know his designs on your piece are honourable.

Nor ever cheat your lover. Mrs. High. Hussy, I have another match for ber: she shall marry Mr. Oldcastle,

Enter VALENTINE. Let. Oh! then, I find it is you that have a Val. My dearest Charlotte ! this is meeting dishonourable design on your niece!

my wishes indeed ! for I was coming to wait on Mrs. High. How, sauciness!

you. Let. Yes, madam; marrying a young lady, Let. It's very lucky that you do meet her who is in love with a young fellow, to an old here! for her house is forbidden ground-you one, whom she hates, is the surest way to bring have scen your last of that,Mrs. Highmanswears, about I know what, that can possibly be taken. Val. Ha ! not go where my dear Charlotte is ?

Mrs. High. I can bear this no longer. I would What danger could deter me? advise you, madam, and your master both, to Char. Nay, the danger is to be mine– I am to keep from my house, or I shall take measures be turned out of doors, if ever you are seen in you won't like.

(Exit. them again. Let. I defy you! We have the strongest party;

Val. The apprehensions of your danger would, and I warrant we'll get the better of you. But indeed, put it to the severest proof: but why bere comes the young lady herself.

will my dearest Charlotte continue in the house

of one who threatens to turn her out of it? Why Enter CHARLOTTE.

will she not know another home; one where she Char. So, Mrs. Lettice!

would find a protector from every kind of dare Let. 'Tis pity you had not come a little sooner, ger? madam: your good aunt is but just gone, and Char. How can you pretend to love me, Va. has left positive orders, that you should make lentine, and ask me that in our present despemore frequent visits at our house.

rate circumstances ? Char. Indeed!

Let. Nay, nay, don't accuse him wrongfully: Let. Yes, ma'am; for she has forbid my ma- ! won't, indeed, insist, that he gives you any great ster ever visiting at yours, and I know it will be instance of his prudence by it; but, I'll swear it impossible for you to live without seeing him. is a very strong one of his love, and such an in

Char. I assure you! Do you think me so fond, stance, as, when a man has once shewn, no wothen?

man of any honesty, or honour. or gratitude.can Let. Do I! I know you are: you love nothing refuse him any longer. For my part, if I had else, think of nothing else all day; and, if you ever found a lover who had not wicked, mercewill confess the truth, I dare lay a wager, that nary views upon my fortune, I should have maryou dream of nothing else all night.

ried him, whatever he had been. Char. Then to shew you madam, how well Char. Thy fortune! you know me, the deuce take me if you are not

Let. My fortune!-Yes, madam, my fortune. in the right!

I was worth fifty-six pounds before I put into Let. Åh! madam, to a woman practised in the lottery: what it will be now I can't tell; but lore, like me, there is no occasion for confession. you know somebody must get the great prize, For my part, I don't want words to assure me of and why not I? ubat the eyes tell me. Ob! if the lovers would Val. Oh, Charlotte! would you had the same but consulithe eyes of their mistresses,we should sentiments with me! for, by Heavens ! I apprenot have such sighing, languishing, and despair- hend no danger but that of losing you; and, being, as we bave.

lieve me, love will sufficiently reward us for all

the hazards we run on his account. SONG,

Let. Hist, hist! get you both about your buWould lovers ever doubt their ears, siness, Oldcastle is just turned the corner, and (On Delia's vous relying)

if he should see you together, you are undone. The youth would often quit his fears, [ Exeunt Valentine and CHARLOTTE.] Now will And change to smiles his sighing. I banter this old coxcomb severely; for, I think Your tongue may cheat.

it is a most impertinent thing in these old fellows And with deceit

to interpose in young people's sport.
Your softer wishes cover ;

But, Oh! your eyes
Know no disguise,

ou. Hem, hem! I profess it is a very severe Nor ever cheat your lorer.

easterly wind, and if it was not to see a sweet.

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