One pain well borne for friendship or love's sake It should be our fixed law, no loving heart should ache!1 Avoid extremes, and shun the fault of such Who still are pleased too little, or too much; That, always, shows great pride, or little sense.2 Since trifles make the sum of human things, Years may pass over our heads without affording any opportunity for acts of high beneficence or extensive utility; whereas not a day passes but, in the common transactions of life, and especially in the intercourse of domestic society, gentleness finds place for promoting the happiness of others, and strengthening in ourselves the habit of virtue; nay, by seasonable discoveries of a humane spirit, we sometimes contribute more materially to the advancement of happiness, than by actions which are, seemingly, more important.3 That Swift was disposed to do his servants good on important occasions, is no great mitigation ; benefaction can be but rare; tyrannic peevishness is perpetual.4 1 Byron ("The Choice" in "The Liberal"). 2 Pope (Essay on Criticism). 3 Blair (Sermons). 4 Johnson (Life of Swift). Oh! how I hate the cambric handkerchief sensibility, which is brought out only to weep at a tragedy.' Il me semble que l'esprit de politesse est une certaine attention à faire que, par nos paroles et par nos manières, les autres soient contens de nous, et d'eux-mêmes.2 L'on ne peut aller loin dans l'amitié si l'on n'est pas disposé à se pardonner, les uns aux autres, les petits défauts. A friend should bear a friend's infirmities.4 Yielding and condescending manners, an unwillingness to contend about trifles, and, in contests that are unavoidable, proper moderation of spirit.3 Devout towards God; peaceable, candid, affectionate, and humane towards men; humble, contented, and cheerful to himself." Never do anything that can denote an angry mind; for, although everybody is born with a certain degree of passion, and, from untoward circumstances, will sometimes feel its operation, and be what they call "out of humour," yet a sensible man or woman will never allow it to be discovered. Check and restrain it; never make any determination until you find it has entirely subsided; and always avoid saying anything that you may wish unsaid." When you are angry, count ten before you 1 Miss Edgeworth (Belinda). 4 Shakspeare. 7 Lord Collingwood (Memoirs). 2 La Bruyère. 3 Idem. 6 Idem. speak; when you are very angry, count one hundred. Few things are more destructive of domestic happiness than giving way to sudden bursts of passion on any, but especially on trifling, occasions. A frequent repetition of these jars insensibly destroys those finer links of affection which attach the hearts of a family so sensibly together. Richardson is as ignorant in morality as he is in anatomy, when he declares abusing an obliging husband, or an indulgent parent, an innocent recreation. His Anna How and Charlotte Grandison are recommended as patterns of charming pleasantry, and applauded by his saint-like dames, who mistake folly for wit and humour, and impudence and ill-humour for spirit and fire.' That thing which many people make only a subject to display their fine sentiments upon - a friend.2 Kindness, which I never failed to return, and not wit, which, if I want, I am not much concerned, because judgment is a better thing; and, if I had wit, I would make use of it rather to play upon those I despised, than to trifle with those I loved.3 In order to inherit eternal life, "a man must make restitution of what he hath at any time wronged any one of, and all possible reparation for any injuries which he hath heretofore been guilty of.4 1 Lady M. W. Montague, iv. 175. 2 Pope (Letters), xviii. 3 Ibid. 4 Hoadley (Serm. on Acceptance), 90. L Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain. Getting money is not all a man's business: to cultivate kindness is a great part of the business of life.1 Cet heureux don de plaire, Que mieux que la vertu sait regner sur les cœurs.2 To be good and disagreeable is high treason against virtue. Particularly amidst that familiar intercourse which belongs to domestic life all the virtues of temper find an ample range. It is very unfortunate that, within that circle, men too often think themselves at liberty to give unrestrained vent to the caprices of passion and humour; whereas, there, on the contrary, more than any where, it concerns them to attend to the government of their heart; to check what is violent in their temper; and to soften what is harsh in their manners.3 If sometimes I were hasty, harsh, unjust, We are unhappy that we cannot see things with the same eyes; let us not make ourselves more so by mutual insult and unkindness." 2 Henriade. 1 Johnson. 3 Blair (Sermons). you What reason have you to imagine that the person whom love and esteem is to be the only exception from the common fate? Here, if any where, it becomes you to overlook and forbear, and never to allow small failings to dwell on your attention, so much as to efface the whole of an amiable character.1 We ought patiently to bear with little disappointments, little delays, with the awkwardness, or accidental neglect, of our attendants, and, thankful for general kindness, to accept good-will instead of perfection.2 Be calm, be patient; we are all weak, frail, erring creatures; we should mutually forgive, as we hope to be forgiven. Be careful to allow your servants, or other people employed by you in any way, sufficient time for the execution of your orders; and, with a Christian circumspection, be careful not to drive them, by needless hurry, into losing their rest, or breaking their sabbath.3 Never use any harsh language. What right have we to expect our servants should be without faults, when we are giving them, every day, instances of our own? Let us rather bear with them, or mildly endeavour to correct them. So likewise shall my Heavenly Father do unto you (deliver to the tormentors), if ye, from your 1 Blair (Sermons). 2 Hannah More (Practical Piety). |