ACT IV. SCENE I-The Street. Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Quickly, and William. Mrs. Page. Is he at master Ford's already, think'st thou? Quick. Sure he is by this; or will be presently but truly he is very courageous mad, about his throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly. Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young man here to school; Look, where his master comes; 'tis a playing-day, I see. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. How now, sir Hugh? no school to-day? Will. Forsooth, I have forgot. Eva. It is ki, ka, kod; if you forget your kies, your kæs, and your cods, you must be preeches. Go your ways, and play, go. Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar than I thought he was. Eva. He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, mistress Page. Mrs. Page. Adieu, good sir Hugh. [Exit Sir Hugh.] Get you home, boy.-Come, we stay too long. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-A Room in Ford's House. Enter Falstaff and Mrs. Ford. Fal. Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance: I see, you are obsequious in your Era. No; master Slender is let the boys leave to love, and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not play. Quick. Blessing of his heart! Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says, my son profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray you, ask him some questions in his accidence. Era. Come hither, William; hold up your head; will. A pebble. only, mistress Ford, in the simple office of love, but in all the accoutrement, complement, and cere. mony of it. But are you sure of your husband now? Mrs. Ford. He's a birding, sweet sir John. Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, sir John. Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again: he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails against all married mankind; Eva. No, it is lapis; I pray you remember in so curses all Eve's daughters, of what complexion your prain. will. Lapis. soever; and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying Peer-out, peer-out! that any madness, I ever Era. That is good, William. What is he, Wil-yet beheld, seemed but tameness, civility, and liam, that does lend articles? Will. Articles are borrowed of the pronoun; and be thus declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, hæc, hoc. Eva. Nominativo, hig, hag, hog;-pray you, mark genitivo, hujus: Well, what is your accusative case? Will. Accusativo, hinc. Eva. I pray you, have your remembrance, child; Accusativo, hing, hang, hog. Quick. Hang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant you. Eva. Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the focative case, William ? Will. O-vocativo, O. Eva. Remember, William, focative is, caret. Eva. 'Oman, forbear. Mrs. Page. Peace. patience, to this his distemper he is in now; I am glad the fat knight is not here. Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him? Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and swears, he was carried out, the last time he searched for him, in a basket: protests to my husband, he is now here; and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make another experiment of his suspicion; but I am glad the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery. Mrs. Ford. How near is he, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon. Mrs. Ford. I am undone !-the knight is here. Mrs. Page. Why then you are utterly ashamed, and he's but a dead man. What a woman are you? -Away with him, away with him; better shame than murder. Mrs. Ford. Which way should he go? how basket again? Eva. What is your genitive case plural, William ? should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the Will. Genitive case? Eva. Ay. Will. Genitive, horum, harum, horum. Quick 'Vengeance of Jenny's case! fie on her! -never name her, child, if she be a whore. Eva. For shame, 'oman. Re-enter Falstaff. Fal. No, I'll come no more i' the basket: May I not go out ere he come? Mrs. Page. Al s, three of master Ford's broQuick. You do ill to teach the child such words: thers watch the door with pistols, that none shall he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he do fast enough of themselves, and to call horum:-came. But what make you here? fie upon you! Eva. 'Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thu no understandings for thy cases, and the numbers of the genders? Thou art as foolish christian creatures as I would desires. Mrs. Page. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace. Eva. Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns. Fal. What shall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney. Mrs. Ford. There they always used to discharge their birding pieces: Creep into the kiln-hole. Fal. Where is it? Mrs. Ford. He will seek there, on my word. Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such places, and goes to them by his note: There is no Ford. Well said, brazen-face; hold it out. hiding you in the house. Fal. I'll go out then. Mrs. Page. If you go out in your own semblance, you die, sir John. Unless you go out disguised,Mrs. Ford. How might we disguise him? Mrs. Puge. Alas the day, I know not. There is no woman's gown big enough for him; otherwise, he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape. Fal. Good hearts, devise something: any extremity, rather than a mischief. Mrs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a gown above. Mrs. Page. On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he is: and there's her thrum'd hat, and her muffler too: Run up, sir John. Mrs. Ford. Go, go, sweet sir John: mistress Page and I, will look some linen for your head. Mrs. Page. Quick, quick; we'll come dress you straight: put on the gown the while. [Exit Falstaff. Mrs. Ford. I would, my husband would meet him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears, she's a witch; forbade her. my house, and hath threatened to beat her. Come forth, sirrah. [Pulls the clothes out of the basket. Page. This passes ! Mrs. Ford. Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone. Ford. I shall find you anon. Eva. 'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's clothes? Come away. Ford. Empty the basket, I say. Ford, Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed out of my house yesterday in this basket: Why may not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is: my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable: Pluck me out all the linen. Mrs. Ford. If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death. Page. Here's no man. Shall. By my fidelity, this is not well, master Ford; this wrongs you. Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not fol low the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies. Ford. Well, he's not here I seek for. Page. No, nor no where else, but in your brain. Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband's Ford. Help to search my house this one time: if cudgel; and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards! I find not what I seek, show no colour for my exMrs. Ford. But is my husband coming? tremity, let me for ever be your table-sport; let Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he; and he them say of me, As jealous as Ford, that searched talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had in-a hollow walnut for his wife's leman. Satisfy me telligence. Mrs. Ford. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did last time. Mrs. Page. Nay, but he'll be here presently: let's go dress him like the witch of Brentford. Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men, what they shall do with the basket. Go up, I'll bring linen for him straight. [Exit. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough. We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, Re-enter Mrs. Ford, with two Servants. Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders; your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it down, obey him: quickly, despatch. [Exit, 1 Serv. Come, come, take it up. 2 Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight again. 1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead. Enter Ford, Page, Shallow, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans. Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again ?-Set down the basket, villain :-Somebody call my wife:You, youth in a basket, come out here!-0, you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy against me: Now shall the devil be shamed. What! wife, I say! come, come forth; behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching. Page. Why, this passes! Master Ford, you are not to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned. Eva. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog! Shal. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well; indeed. Enter Mrs. Ford. Ford. So say I too, sir. Come hither, mistress Ford; mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the jealous fool to her husband I suspect without cause, mistress, do I? Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, if you suspect me in any dishonesty. once more; once more search with me. Mrs. Ford. What hoa, mistress Page! come you, and the old woman, down; my husband will come into the chamber. Ford. Old woman! What old woman's that? Mrs. Ford. Why, it is my maid's aunt of Brentford. Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men; we do not know what's brought to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, by the figure, and such daubery as this is; beyond our element: we know nothing.Come down, you witch, you hag you; come down I say. Mrs. Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband;-good gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman. Enter Falstaff in women's clothes, led by Mrs. Page. Mrs. Page. Come, mother Prat, come, give me your hand. Ford. I'll prat her:Out of my door, you witch, [beats him.] you rag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyon! out! out! I'll conjure you, I'll fortune-tell-you. [Exit Falstaff. have killed the poor woman. Mrs. Page. Are you not ashamed? I think, you Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it:-Tis a goodly credit for you. Ford. Hang her, witch! Eva. By yea and no, I think, the 'oman is a witch indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard; I spy a great peard under her muffler. Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow; see but the issue of my jealousy if I cry out thus upon no trail, never trust me when I open again. Page. Let's obey his humour a little further: Come, gentlemen. [Exeunt Page, Ford, Shallow, and Evans. Mrs. Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully. Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not? he beat him most unpitifully, methought. Mrs. Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and hung o'er the altar; it hath done meritorious service. Mrs. Ford. What think you? May we, with the warrant of womanhood, and the witness of a good conscience, pursue him with any further revenge? Mrs. Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of him; if the devil have him not in fee simple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the way of waste, attempt us again. Mr. Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him? Mr. Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husband's brains. If they can find in their hearts, the poor unvirtuous fat knight shall be any further afflicted, we two will still be the ministers. Mrs. Ford. I'll warrant, they'll have him publickly shamed: and, methinks, there would be no period to the jest, should he not be publickly shamed. Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it then, shape it: I would not have things cool. [Exeunt. SCENE III-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter Host and Bardolph. Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at court, and they are going to meet him. Host. What duke should that be, comes so se cretly? I hear not of him in the court: Let me speak with the gentlemen; they speak English? Bard. Ay, sir; I'll call them to you. Host. They shall have my horses; but I'll make them pay, I'll sauce them: they have had my house a week at command; I have turned away my other guests: they must come off; I'll sauce [Exeunt. them: Come. SCENE IV-A Room in Ford's House. Enter Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Sir Hugh Evans. Eva. Tis one of the pest discretions of a 'oman as ever I did look upon. Page. And did he send you both these letters at an instant? Mrs. Page. Within a quarter of an hour. Ford. Pardon me, wife: Henceforth do what thou wilt; [stand, I rather will suspect the sun with cold, "Tis well, 'tis well; no more. Be not as extreme in submission, As in offence; Page. How to send him word they'll meet him in the park at midnight; fie, fie; he'll never come. Eva. You say, he has been thrown into the rivers; and has been grievously peaten, as an old 'oman; methinks there should be terrors in him, that he should not come; methinks, his flesh is punished, he shall have no desires. Page. So think I too. Mrs. Ford. Devise but how you'll use him when he comes, And let us two devise to bring him thither. Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest, Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our device; That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us, Disguised like Herne, with huge horns on his head. Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come, And in this shape: When you have brought him thither, What shall be done with him? what is your plot? Mrs. Page. That likewise have we thought upon, and thus: Nan Page my daughter, and my little son, Mrs. Ford. And till he tell the truth, Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound, We'll all present ourselves; dis-horn the spirit, Ford. The children must Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't. Era. I will teach the children their behaviours; and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, tó burn the knight with my taber. Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them vizards. Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the Finely attired in a robe of white. [fairies, Page. That silk will I go buy ;-and in that time Shall master Slender steal my Nan away, [Aside. And mairy her at Eton.Go, send to Falstaff straight. Ford. Nay, I'll to him again, in name of Brook, He'll tell me all his purpose: Sure, he'll come. Mrs. Page. Fear not you that: Go, get us proAnd tricking for our fairies. [perties, Eva. Let us about it: It is admirable pleasures, and fery i-onest knaveries. [Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans. Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford, Send quickly to sir John, to know his mind. [Exit Mrs. Fora I'll to the doctor; he hath my good will, SCENE V. A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter Host and Simple. Host. What wouldst thou have, boor? what, thick skin; speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap. Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff from master Slender. Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee: Knock, I say. Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come down; I come to speak with her indeed. Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may robbed: I'll call.-Bully knight! Bully sir Johi. speak from thy lungs military; Art thou there ? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. Fal. [above.] How now, mine host?! Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the com- knight; I am undone: fly, run, hue and cry, viling down of thy fat woman; Let her descend, lain! I am undone ! bully, let her descend; my chambers are honourable: Fye! privacy? fye! Enter Falstaff. Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman, even now with me; but she's gone. Sim. Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of [Exeunt Host and Bardolph. Fal. I would, all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozened, and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have hath been washed and cudgeled, they would melt been transformed, and how my transformation men's boots with me; I warrant, they would whip me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fisherme with their fine wits, till I were as crest-fallen Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell; What as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forwould you with her? Sim. My master, sir, my master Slender, sent to but long enough to say my prayers, I would reswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were her, seeing her go through the streets, to know, pent.sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain, or no. Brentford ? Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man, that beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened him of it. Sim. I would, I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him. Fal. What are they? let us know. Sim. I may not conceal them, sir. Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about mistress Anne Page; to know if it were my master's fortune to have her, or no. Fal. "Tis, 'tis his fortune.. Sim. What, sir? Enter Mistress Quickly. Now! whence come you? Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the lainous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to suffered more for their sakes, more, than the vil bear. Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, deliver'd me, the knave constable had Fal. To have her, or no Go; say, the woman set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a jold me so. Sim. May I be so bold to say so, sir? Fal. Ay, sir Tike; who more bold? witch. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my to your content. Here is a letter will say some. master glad with these tidings. [Exit Simple.what. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, sir John: together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven Was there a wise woman with thee? well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber, SCENE VI. Another Room in the Garter Inn. Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning. Enter Bardolph. Eva. Where is mine host? Host. What is the matter, sir ? Era. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there is three cousin germans, that has cozened all the hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good-will, look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and Floating-stogs; and 'tis not convenient you should be cozened: Fare you well. [Exit. Enter Dr. Caius. Caius. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre ? Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and loubtful dilemma. Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: But it is tell-a ,dat you make great preparation for a duke Jurmany: by my trot, dere is no duke, dat de court is know to come: I tell you for good vill: adieu. [Exit. Host. Hae and cry, villain, go-assist me, Enter Fenton and Host. [Exeunt. Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy, I will give over all. [pose, Fent. Yet hear me speak: Assist me in my pur- Fent. From time to time. I have acquainted you [Showing the letter. Her mother, even strong against that match, E Her father means she shall be all in white; Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar: ACT V. SCENE I.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter Falstaff and Mrs. Quickly. Fal. Pr'ythee, no more prattling :-go.—I'll hold: This is the third time; I hope, good luck lies in odd numbers. Away, go; they say, there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.-Away, Quick. I'll provide you a chain and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince. [Exit Mrs. Quickly. Enter Ford. How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed? SCENE III.-The Street in Windsor. Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Dr. Caius.? Mrs. Page. Master Doctor, my daughter is in green; when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch it quickly: Go before into the park; we two must go together. [Exit Caius. Caius. I know vat I have to do; Adieu. Mrs. Page. Fare you well, sir. My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff, as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, than a great deal of heart-break. I Mrs. Ford, Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies? and the Welch devil, Hugh? Mrs. Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once display to the night. Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs. Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be mocked. Mrs. Ford. We'll betray him finely. Mrs. Page. Against such lewdsters, and their lechery, SCENE V-Another Part of the Park. Enter Falstaff disguised, with a buck's head on. Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me:-Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns.-O powerful love! that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in some other, a man a beast.-You were also, Jupiter, Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, a swan, for the love of Leda :-0, omnipotent love! like a poor old man: but I came from her, master how near the god drew to the complexion of a Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave, goose?-A fault done first in the form of a beast; Ford her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jea--O Jove, a beastly fault! and then another fault lousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed in the semblance of a fowl; think on't, Jove; a frenzy. I will tell you. He beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with me; I'll tell you all, master Brook. Since I pluck'd geese, play'd truant, and whipp'd top, I knew not what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford: on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow: Strange things in hand, master Brook! [Excunt. follow. SCENE II.-Windsor Park. Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender. Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castleditch, till we see the light of our fairies.-Remember, son Slender, my daughter. foul fault.-When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest: Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow ? Who comes here? my doe? Enter Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Page. Mrs. Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my deer? my male deer? Fal. My doe with the black scut?-Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves; hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here. [Embracing her. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, each a haunch I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and husbands. Am I a woodman? ha! Speak I like we have a nay-word, how to know one another. I Herne the hunter?-Why, now is Cupid a child of come to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries bud-conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true get; and by that we know one another. spirit, welcome! [Noise within. Mrs. Page. Alas! what noise? Mrs. Page. S Away, away. [They run off. Fal. I think, the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross ine thus. |