"By Erebus and gloomy Styx !" he continued, "my heart be overflowing with extreme love for you, exquisite Mistress Alice! By day you do engross my thoughts, and by night all my dreams be of you and of none other. My youth is wasted away in sighs. I shall grow old before I can wellcall myself a man. In truth, my delicate sweet creature, if I am not this day made as blessed as I expect to be, I cannot be long for this world. I must needs die in my prime, like a bud stricken with the worm."

"How is your sciatica ?" inquired Alice in some sort of earnestness.

"Eh? what sayest?" asked Sir Narcissus, looking as if he was striving to appear not to understand the question.

"How is your sciatica, Sir Narcissus?" repeated his merry companion still with a famous gravity.

"Sciatica sciatica? what sciatica, I pray you?" inquired the old knight, reddening a little in the face, for all his seeming to be unconcerned.

"I did hear you were lately laid up with the sciatica very badly," replied she.

"A good jest! By Castor and Pollux, an excellent good jest!" cried Sir Narcissus laughing, as if he really had something to laugh about, "an excellent good jest indeed. The sciatica! I have the sciatica! At my time of life too! Well, it be infinitely droll." Then he laughed again more famously than at first. "Now it is well known that for a strong back and loins there is scarce my match to be found. There, Mistress Alice-is that a back for the sciatica ?" And thereupon he turned his back upon her, which was certainly of a more than ordinary breadth, "I should like to see the sciatica which could touch such a back as that."

"Methinks of late you have shown yourself monstrously afraid of stooping," observed Alice, still keeping on an exceeding seriousness.

"I afraid of stooping!" cried the old knight in a seeming wonder. "By Apollo and all the Nine, better and better ! Why, it can be scarce a week since, for a trifling wager with a few youths about mine own age, I did gather up a hundred stones planted a yard apart, and stooped and picked up every one separately, and did place it in a basket nigh unto the first. Nothing but the marvellous fine back I have could have stood such infinite stooping."

At this moment Alice dropped her pocket-handkerchief on

the floor as if it was an accident. Sir Narcissus Wrinkles presently stooped to pick it up, but he had bent his body but a little way before he suddenly drew himself up again, putting both his hands to his back, and making a face as if he had swallowed vinegar by mistake for wine.

"My handkerchief, Sir Narcissus," said his waggish companion as gravely as she could.

The old gailant stooped again, bending himself very slowly, and evidently with the extremest difficulty and pain, and got his hand within a few inches of the handkerchief, when with a long drawn "whew!" he drew himself up more quickly than before, showing of a face that outglowed the poppy in redness, and distorted into an expression so painful, as it was moving to look at it.

"I marvel you should keep me waiting, Sir Narcissus !" exclaimed Alice, as it seemed a little out of temper, though it was apparent in the corners of her eyes she was in as fine a humour as ever she was.

"Believe me, I have the terriblest stitch in my side, Mistress Alice,".

"Are you sure it be not the sciatica?" inquired she interrupting of him with a wonderful seriousness.

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By Pluto, that be utterly impossible !" exclaimed he in a great urgency. "The sciatica troubleth only old men, and the stitch attacketh none but the stronger and more youthful sort."

"Well, if it be not the sciatica, get me my handkerchief, I pray you," said Alice.

Sir Narcissus once more stooped down, but more slowly than ever, and doubtless with an infinite share of suffering. It was evident he was straining famously, bending of his back and stretching out his arm to reach what he sought to have hold of. There it lay, within an inch or two of his fingers, and for the soul of him he found he could not bend his back another inch. It appeared to him as if a river of molten brass was rushing into his head, and a thousand imps of darkness were amusing themselves by sticking red hot skewers into his loins. Feeling that to endure this another minute was beyond the power of human forbearance, and believing that if he failed in picking up the handkerchief the truth would be known, and he should lose his mistress, he summoned up all his remaining strength into one great effort, and made a sudden dart at the object he was so desirous of

gaining. That he grasped it firm is most true, but alack! he lost his balance, and the next moment lay his length upon the floor.

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Why, Sir Narcissus! methinks you have had a cruel tumble !" exclaimed Alice, doing all she could to restrain her mirth.

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Nay, it be only the slipping of my foot," replied the old knight striving to take it very indifferently. Sir Narcissus by means of his hands raised himself upon his knees, and then began earnestly attempting to get upon his feet, but the first essay he made down went he upon his hands and knees again with something very like a groan.

"Oh, I have the cursedest stitch in my side that".

"To me it looketh exceeding like the sciatica," observed his merry companion.

"A thousand furies!" cried the old knight in some vexation. "I tell you, Mistress Alice, the sciatica troubleth old men only. It can have naught to do with us youth.'

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Well, get you up quickly then," said she as seriously as she might. "Yet it seemeth marvellous strange to me, that one who hath so lately stooped to pick up a hundred stones cannot now do so easy a thing as pick up himself."

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Nay, if it were not for this villanous stitch, I would have been up on the instant," replied he, and then he began again seeking to raise him. For all that he seemed to take such wondrous pains to succeed in what he was about, down he came the moment be sought to get-footing on the floor. He tried once more, with more care than at first, and again he tumbled. At this he swore most vehemently by divers pagan names, and recommenced his labour with all the vigour he was master of, and down came he again with such force it seemed enough to knock the breath out of his body.

"Said you not a moment since, that for a strong back and loins there was not your match to be found?" inquired Alice, as innocently as you please. The question appeared to have put Sir Narcissus in a perfect fury, and he commenced so desperate a scramble to get his footing that he was like unto a madman. No sooner did he tumble than he essayed to rise; the instant he thought himself on his legs down tumbled he on his hands; and there he continued puffing, and groaning, and sighing, and swearing, till he heard such sounds as made him desist of a sudden. He turned himself round, and to his extreme confusion he beheld his fair mistress laughing at him

to her heart's content; and her uncle close at hand twisting of himself about with so excessive a mirth that the tears did run down his cheeks. Certes, if there ever was a sight to laugh at in this world, Sir Narcissus Wrinkles, as he then sat on the floor, was of that sort. In this furious scrambling he had knocked his periwig on one side, which gave to his face, which was of a very fiery colour, so ludicrous an expression, that the rage he was in only made the more laughable.

"Oh! these man animals!" cried Alice, seemingly half choked with excess of mirth.

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Alack, Sir Narcissus!" exclaimed Sir Nicholas; but what more he would have said was stifled in a fit of laughter. The old gallant uttered not a word, nor moved from his position; but looked on the two with a countenance so exquisitely foolish, that the gravest could scarce have gazed on it unmoved.

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Now, Sir Narcissus, what think you of yourself?" said his fair companion, endeavouring to recover her gravity. "Is it not most preposterous in you, at your time of life, to affect the gallant, and seek to pass yourself off for one scarcely arrived at years of discretion? You must needs be my husband, forsooth, when you are nigh old enough to be my grandfather; you would attempt making love when you ought to be saying of your prayers. You would swear you were monstrous strong, and of so fine a constitution, the like was never met with, when you cannot stoop without tumbling, and have so confirmed a sciatica, you cannot raise yourself from the floor strive you ever so. By my troth, I thought not there were such old fools in the world! But I beg I may see no more of you. I would as soon wed a superannuated baboon as take for my husband so monstrous a piece of folly as yourself. Fare you well, Sir Narcissus, and be sure not to stoop". -Here she was stopped in her speech; for the old gallant had, since she spoke, began to make so ridiculous a face, which grew more ludicrous every minute, that she could gaze on him no longer, and hurried out of the room in a violent fit of laughter.

Leaving Sir Narcissus to be lifted up by Stephen and Sir Nicholas, which was done without his saying ever a word, he was so crest-fallen he scarce attempted to breathe till he got out of the house, the courteous reader must follow the merry Alice to the chamber in which she had left Dame Elizabeth.

There she found her, with the boy still asleep in her arms, and with tears straggling upon her delicate countenance.

"O' my life, Bess, it be exceeding unkind of thee to fret in this way," exclaimed her cousin, as she hurried to her, wiped away her tears, and affectionately kissed her cheek. "I tell thee he will return anon: there cannot be a doubt of it."

"I feel assured some harm hath happened to him, else would he have been here long since," replied the fond wife, very dolefully.

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Believe it on no account, dear Bess," said the other, "it be the very falsest, wretchedest stuff that ever was thought of: it doth not deserve credit of any. I would not put trust in it, were it ever so. The rather believe that he is speeding back, after having met with wonderful success in his expedition, and that he careth for naught so much as the sight of his dear sweet excellent good wife."

"I wish I could think so, Alice," exclaimed her companion, with a profound sigh.

"And why not think so?" inquired her merry_cousin. "Methinks it be far better thinking than the other. For mine own part, I would be hanged before I would allow of such paltry poor thoughts to fret me as thou hast. It cannot be other than I say, so no more of this moping. Be happy as I am. I tell thee what, Bess, I have got rid of all my lovers, and they were every one of them so excellently well served of me, sight of any of them shall I never see again, I will be bound for it. Oh! it was such exquisite fine sport! I will tell thee how famously I managed." Here the promised narration was completely put a stop to, by Dame Elizabeth giving a loud scream, which awoke the child out of its sleep, and her countenance became all at once lighted up by a wonderful exultation.

"Bess! Bess!" cried Alice, looking upon her in some alarm, "what aileth thee?"

""Tis his voice!" exclaimed the other, gasping so for breath she could scarce speak the words.

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'O' my life thou art crazed," replied her cousin ; is no voice of any kind as I can hear."

"there

"Oh! I would swear to it," cried the devoted wife, with a very touching emphasis; "there cannot be such another. Here, take the boy. I will see. I cannot tarry here a moment longer."