The monarch quits his throne, and condefcends.
Humbly to court the favour of his friends;
For pity's fake tells undeserv'd mishaps,
And their applaufe to gain, recounts his claps.
Thus the victorious chiefs of ancient Rome,
To win the mob, a fuppliant's form affume;
In pompous strain fight o'er th' extinguish'd war,
And fhew where honour bled in ev'ry scar.
But tho' bare merit might in Rome appear
The strongest plea for favour, 'tis not here;
We form our judgment in another way,
And they will best fucceed, who best can pay :
Those who would gain the votes of British tribes,
Muft add to force of merit, force of bribes,
What can an actor give? In ev'ry age
Cafh hath been rudely banish'd from the stage;
Monarchs themselves, to grief of ev'ry play'r,
Appear as often as their image there;
They can't, like candidate for other feat,
Pour feas of wine, and mountains raife of meat.
Wine! they could bribe you with the world as foon;
And of Roast Beef they only know the tune:
But what they have, they give; could Clive do more,
Tho' for each million he had brought home four?
Shuter keeps open house at Southwark fair,
And hopes the friends of humour will be there.
In Smithfield, Yates prepares the rival treat,
For those who laughter love inftead of meat.
Foote, at Old Houfe, for even Foote will be
In felf-conceit an actor, bribes with tea;
Which Wilkinson at fecond-hand receives,
And at the New pours water on the leaves,
The town divided, each runs fev'ral ways, As paffion, humour, int'reft, party fways. Things of no moment, colour of the hair, Shape of a leg, complexion brown or fair,
A dress well chofen, or a patch mifplac'd,
Conciliate favour, or create distaste.
From galleries loud peals of laughter roll,
And thunder Shuter's praises-he's fo droll.
Embox'd, the ladies muft have fomething smart;
Palmer! O Palmer tops the janty part!
Seated in pit, the dwarf with aching eyes
Looks up, and vows that Barry's out of fize
Whilft to fix feet the vig'rous ftripling grown,
Declares that Garrick is another Coan.
When place of judgment is by whim supply'd,
And our opinions have their rife in pride;
When, in difcourfing on each mimick elf,
We praise and cenfure with an eye to self,
All must meet friends, and Ackman bids as fair,
In fuch a court, as Garrick for the chair,
At length agreed all fquabbles to decide,
By fome one judge the caufe was to be try'd:
But this their fquabbles did afresh renew ;
Who should be judge in fuch a trial-who?
For Johnson some; but Johnson, it was fear'd,
Would be too grave-and Sterne too gay appear'd,
Others for Francklin voted; but 'twas known,
He ficken'd at all triumphs but his own.
For Colman many; but the peevish tongue
Of prudent age, found out that he was young.
For Murphy fome few pilf'ring wits declar'd,
Whilft Folly clapp'd her hands, and Wisdom ftar'd.
To mischief train'd, e'en from his mother's womb,
Grown old in fraud, tho' yet in manhood's bloom;
Adopting arts by which gay villains rife,
And reach the heights which honeft men despise;
Mute at the bar, and in the fenate loud;
Dull 'mongst the dulleft, proudest of the proud;
A pert, prim prater, of the northern race,
Guilt in his heart, and famine in his face,
Stood forth-and thrice he wav'd his lily hand,
And thrice he twirl'd his tye, thrice strok'd his band.
At Friendship's call,' (thus oft, with trait'rous aim,
Men void of faith, ufurp Faith's facred name)
At Friendship's call I come, by Murphy fent,
Who thus, by me, developes his intent:
Bút left, transfus'd, the spirit fhould be loft,
That spirit which, in ftorms of rhet'rick tofs'd,
Bounces about, and flies like bottled beer,
• In his own words his own intentions hear.
"Thanks to iny friends-but, to vile fortunes born, "No robes of fur these shoulders must adorn.
"Vain your applaufe, no aid from thence I draw ;
"Vain all my wit, for what is wit in law!
"Twice, (curs'd remembrance!) twice I ftrove to gain
"Admittance 'mongst the law-inftructed train,
"Who in the Temple and Gray's Inn prepare,.
"For clients wretched feet, the legal fnare;
"Dead to thofe arts which polish and refine,
"Deaf to all worth, because that worth was mine,
"Twice did those blockheads startle at my name,
"And foul rejection gave me up to fhame;
"To laws and lawyers then I bade adieu,
"And plans of far more lib'ral note pursue.
"Who will, may be a judge-my kindling breaft
"Burns for that chair which Rofcius once poffefs'd.
"Here give your votes, your int'reft here exert;,
"And let fuccefs, for once, attend defert."
With fleek appearance, and with ambling pace,
And type of vacant head with vacant face,
The Proteus Hill put in his modeft plea:
• Let favour speak for others, worth for me.'
For who, like him, his various pow'rs could call
Into fo many shapes, and fhine in all ?
Who could fo nobly grace the motley lift,
Actor, Infpector, Doctor, Botanist?
Knows any one fo well-fure no one knows→→→
At once to play, prefcribe, compound, compose?
Who can-
-But Woodward came-Hill flipp'd away,
Melting, like ghofts, before the rifing day.
With that low cunning which in fools fupplies,
And amply too, the place of being wife,
Which Nature, kind indulgent parent! gave
To qualify the blockhead for a knave
With that smooth falfhood, whofe appearance charms,
And reafon of each wholesome doubt difarms;
Which to the lowest depths of guile defcends,
By vileft means pursues the vileft ends,
Wears friendship's mask for purposes of spite,
Fawns in the day, and butchers in the night;
With that malignant envy, which turns pale,
And fickens, even if a friend prevail;
Which merit and fuccefs purfues with hate,
And damns the worth it cannot imitate;
With the cold caution of a coward's fpleen,
Which fears not guilt, but always feeks a screen ;
Which keeps this maxim ever in her view
What's bafely done, fhould be done fafely too;
With that dull, rooted, callous impudence,
Which, dead to fhame, and ev'ry nicer fenfe,
Ne'er blush'd, unless, in fpreading vice's fnares,
She blunder'd on fome virtue unawares;
With all these bleffings, which we feldom find,
Lavish'd by Nature on one happy mind,
A motley figure, of the fribble tribe,
Which heart can scarce conceive, or pen defcribe,"
Came fimp'ring on; to afcertain whose sex,
Twelve fage impannell'd matrons would perplex;
Nor male, nor female; neither, and yet both;
Of neuter gender, tho' of Irish growth;
A fix foot fuckling, mincing in Ir's gait,
Affected, peevish, prim, and delicate!
Fearful it feem'd, tho' of athlétick make,
Left brutal breezes fhould too roughly shake
It's tender form, and favage motion spread
O'er it's pale cheeks the horrid manly red.
Much did it talk, in it's own pretty phrafe,
Of genius and of tafte, of play'rs and plays;
Much too of writing which itself had wrote,
Of fpecial merit, tho' of little note;
For Fate, in a strange humour, had decreed
That what it wrote, none but itself should read:
Much, too, it chatter'd of dramatick laws,
Misjudging criticks, and mifplac'd applause;
Then, with a felf-complacent, jutting air,
It fmil'd, it fmirk'd, it wriggled to the chair;
And with an aukward briskness, not it's own,
Looking around, and perking on the throne,
Triumphant feem'd-when that strange savage dame,
Known but to few, or only known by name,
Plain Common Senfe, appear'd; by Nature there
Appointed, with Plain Truth, to guard the chair:
The pageant faw, and blafted with her frown,
To it's first state of nothing melted down.
Nor fhall the Mufe (for even there the pride
Of this vain nothing fhall be mortify'd)
Nor fhall the Mufe (fhould Fate ordain her rhymes,
Fond, pleasing thought! to live in after-times)
With fuch a trifler's name her pages biot;
Known be the character, the thing forgot:
Let it, to disappoint each future aim,
Live without sex, and die without a name !
Cold-blooded criticks, by enervate fires
Scarce hammer'd out, when Nature's feeble fires
Glimmer'd their last; whose sluggish blood, half-froze,
Creeps lab'ring thro' the veins; whofe heart ne'er glows
With fancy-kindled heat-a fervile race,
Who in mere want of fault all merit place ;
|