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tering into your doors. But I am glad you have taught me at what distance to keep such mechanics for the future. Come, gentlemen, let us to the opera. I see if a man hath not good blood in his veins, riches won't teach him to behave like a gentleman. [Exit LORD PUFF. Good. 'Sbodlikins! I am in a rage! That ever a fellow should upbraid me with good blood in his veins, when, odsheart! the best blood in his veins hath run through my bottles. Come, sir, follow your companions; for I am determined to turn you out directly.


Char. Then, sir, I am determined to go with him. Be comforted, Valentine; I have some fortune which my aunt cannot prevent me from, and it will make us happy, for a while at least; and I prefer a year, a month, a day, with the man I love, to a whole stupid age without him.

[AS VALENTINE and CHARLOTTE are going, they are met by MRS. HIGHMAN and LETTICE.

Mrs. High. What do I see! my niece in the very arms of her betrayer!

Let. I humbly ask pardon of you both—but my master was so heartily in love with your niece, and she so heartily in love with my ma

ster, that I was determined to leave no stone unturned to bring them together.

Good. Eh! Egad, I like her generous passion for my son so much, that if you, madain, will give her a fortune equal to what I shall settle on him, I shall not prevent their happiness.

Mrs. High. Won't you? Then I shall do all in my power to make it a match.

Let. And so, sir, you take no notice of poor Lettice? but, statesman like, your own turn served, forget your friends?

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SCENE I.-The cobler's house.


Nell. PR'YTHEE, good Jobson, stay with me to-night, and for once make merry at home. Job. Peace, peace, you jade, and go spin; for, if I lack any thread for my stitching, I will punish you by virtue of my sovereign authority.

Nell. Ay, marry, no doubt of that; whilst you take your swing at the alehouse, spend your substance, get drunk as a beast, then come home like a sot, and use one like a dog.

Job. Nounz! do you prate? Why, how now, brazen-face, do you speak ill of the government? Don't you know, hussy, that I am king in my

own house, and that this is treason against my majesty ?

Nell. Did ever one hear such stuff! But, pray you, now, Jobson, don't go to the alehouse to-night!

Job. Well, I'll humour you for once; but don't grow saucy upon't; for I am invited by Sir John Loverule's butler, and am to be princely drunk with punch, at the hall place; we shall have a bowl large enough to swim in.

Nell. But they say, husband, the new lady will not suffer a stranger to enter her doors; she grudges even a draught of small beer to her own servants; and several of the tenants have come home with broken heads from her ladyship's own hands, only for smelling strong beer in her house.

Job. A pox on her for a fanatical jade! she has almost distracted the good knight: But she's now abroad, feasting with her relations, and will scarce come home to-night; and we are to have much drink, a fiddle, and merry gambols.

Nell. O dear husband! let me go with you; we'll be as merry as the night's long!

Lucy. I am sure I always feel her in my bones: if her complexion don't please her, or she looks yellow in a morning, I am sure to look black and blue for it before night.

Cook. Pox on her! I dare not come within her reach. I have some six broken heads already. A lady, quotha! a she-bear is a civiler animal. Foot. Heaven help my poor master ! this de

Job. Why, how now, you bold baggage! would you be carried to a company of smooth-vilish termagant scolding woman will be the faced, eating, drinking, lazy serving-men? no, no, you jade, I'll not be a cuckold.

Nell. I'm sure they would make me welcome; You promised I should see the house, and the family has not been here before, since you marned and brought ine home.

Job. Why, thou most audacious strumpet, dar'st thou dispute with me, thy lord and master? Get in and spin, or else my strap shall wind about thy ribs most confoundedly.

AIR.-The Twitcher.

He that has the best wife,
She's the plague of his life;

But for her that will scold and will quarrel,
Let him cut her off short

Of her meat and her sport,

death of him; I never saw a man so altered all the days of my life.

Cook. There's a perpetual motion in that tongue of hers, and a damned shrill pipe, enough to break the drum of a man's ear.

Enter blind Fiddler, JOBSON, and neighbours.

But. Welcome, welcome all; this is our wish! Honest old acquaintance, goodman Jobson! how dost thou ?

Job. By my troth, I am always sharp set towards punch, and am now come with the firm resolution, though but a poor cobler, to be as richly drunk as a lord. I am a true English heart, and look upon drunkenness as the best part of the liberty of the subject.

But. Come, Jobson, we'll bring out our bowl

And ten times a day hoop her barrel, brave boys! of punch in solemn procession; and then for a

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Butler, Cook, Footman, Coachman, Lucy,

But. I would the blind fiddler and our dancmg neighbours were here, that we might rejoice a little, while our termagant lady is abroad; I have made a most sovereign bowl of punch.

Lucy. We had need rejoice sometimes, for our devilish new lady will never suffer it in her bearing.

But. I will maintain, there is more mirth in a galley, than in our family: Our master, indeed, is the worthiest gentleman-nothing but sweetness and liberality.

Foot. But here's a house turned topsy-turvy, from heaven to bell, since she came hither. Lacy. His former lady was all virtue and mildness.

But. Ay, rest her soul, she was so; but this inspired with a legion of devils, who make her ay about her like a fury.

song to crown our happiness.

[They all go out, and return with a bowl of punch.

AIR.-Charles of Sweden.

Come jolly Bacchus, god of wine,
Crown this night with pleasure;
Let none at cares of life repine,

To destroy our pleasure:
Fill up the mighty sparkling bowl,
That every true and loyal soul
May drink and sing without controul,
To support our pleasure.

Thus, mighty Bacchus, shalt thou be,
Guardian of our pleasure;

That, under thy protection, we
May enjoy new pleasure.
And as the hours glide away,
We'll, in thy name, invoke their stay,
And sing thy praises, that we may
Live and die with pleasure.

But. The king and the royal family, in a brimmer !—


Here's a good health to the king,
And send him a prosperous reign;
O'er hills and high mountains,
We'll drink dry the fountains,
Until the sun rises again, brave boys!
Until the sun rises again.
Then, here's to thee, my boy boon,
And here's to thee, my boy boon;

As we've tarried all day
For to drink down the sun,

So we'll tarry and drink down the moon, brave boys!

So we'll tarry and drink down the moon.

All. Huzza!

Enter SIR JOHN and LADY. Lady. O Heaven and earth! What's here within my doors? Is hell broke loose? What troops of fiends are here? Sirrah, you impudent rascal, speak?

Sir John. For shame, my dear!As this is a time of mirth and jollity, it has always been the custom of my house, to give my servants liberty in this season, and to treat my country neighbours, that with innocent sports they may divert themselves.

Lady. I say, meddle with your own affairs; I will govern my own house, without your putting in an oar. Shall I ask leave to correct my own servants?

Sir John. I thought, madam, this had been my house, and these my tenants and servants. Lady. Did I bring a fortune to be thus abused, and snubbed before people? Do you call my authority iu question, ungrateful man? Look you to your dogs and horses abroad, but it shall be my province to govern here; nor will I be controuled by e'er a hunting, hawking knight in Christendom.


Sir John. Ye gods! you gave to me a wife,
Out of your grace and favour,
To be the comfort of my life,
And I was glad to have her:
But if your Providence Divine,
For greater bliss design her,
To obey your wills at any time
I am ready to resign her.

This it is to be married to a continual tempest.
Strife and noise, canting and hypocrisy, are eter-
nally afloat.-Tis impossible to bear it long.

Lady. Ye filthy scoundrels, and odious jades! I'll teach you to junket thus, and steal my provisions; I shall be devoured at this rate.

But. I thought, madam, we might be merry once upon a holiday.

Job. Nounz! what a pox, what a devil ails you?

Lady. O profane wretch! wicked varlet! Sir John. For shame! your behaviour is monstrous!

Lady. Was ever poor lady so miserable in a brutish husband as I am? I, that am so pious, and so religious a woman!

Job. [Sings.] He that has the best wife,
She's the plague of his life,
But for her that will scold and will quarrel-
[Erit JOB.
Lady. O rogue, scoundrel, villain!
Sir John. Remember modesty.
Lady. I'll rout you all with a vengeance; I'll
spoil your squeaking treble.

[Beats the fiddle about the blind man's head. Fid. O murder, murder! I am a dark man; which way shall I get hence? Oh Heaven! she has broke my fiddle, and undone me and my wife and children.

Sir John. Here, poor fellow, take your staff and be gone! There's money to buy you two such; that's your way. [Exit Fiddler.

Lady. Methinks you are very liberal, sir; must my estate maintain you in your profuseness? Sir John. Go up to your closet, pray, and compose your mind.

Lady. O wicked man! to bid me pray!

Sir John. A man can't be completely curst, I see, without inarriage; but since there is such a thing as separate maintenance, she shall tomorrow enjoy the benefit of it.

AIR.-Of all comforts I miscarried.
Of the states in life so various,
Marriage, sure, is most precarious ;
'Tis a maze so strangely winding,
Still we are new mazes finding;
'Tis an action so severe,

That nought but death can set us clear.
Happy's the man, from wedlock free,
Who knows to prize his liberty:

Were man wary

How they marry,

Lady. Holiday, you popish cur! Is one day more holy than another? and if it be, you'll be sure to get drunk upon it, you rogue! [Beats him.] You minx, you impudent flirt, are you jig-there-see who knocks. ging it after an abominable fiddle? all dancing is whorish, hussy! [Lugs her by the ears. Lucy. O lud! she has pulled off both my ears. Sir John. Pray, madam, consider your sex and quality! I blush for your behaviour.

We should not be by half so full of misery. [Knocking at the door.] Here, where are my servants? Must they be frighted from me?—Within

Lady. Consider your incapacity; you shall not instruct me. Who are you, thus muffled? you buzzard! [She beats them all; JOBSON steals by. Job. I am an honest, plain, psalm-singing cobbler, madam; if your ladyship would but go to church, you might hear me above all the rest there.

Lady. I'll try thy voice here first, villain!
[Strikes him.

Lady. Within there!--Where are my sluts? Ye drabs, ye queans--Lights there!

Enter Servants sneaking, with candles. But. Sir, it is a doctor that lives ten miles off; he practises physic, and is an astrologer: your worship knows him very well; he is a cunning man, makes almanacks, and can help people to their goods again.

Enter Doctor.

Doc. Sir, I humbly beg your honour's pardon for this unseasonable intrusion; but I am be nighted, and 'tis so dark that I can't possibly

find my way home; and knowing your worship's hospitality, desire the favour to be harboured under your roof to-night.

Lady. Out of my house, you lewd conjurer, you magician!

Doc. I thank you.-Believe, me, to-morrow you shall be the richest woman in the hundred, and ride in your own coach.

But mark my

Nell. O father! you jeer me. Doc. By my art, I do not. words; be confident, and bear all out, or worse will follow.

Nell. Never fear, sir, I warrant you

AIR.-Send home my long-strayed eyes.

Dec. Here's a turn!-Here's a change!-Well, if I have any art, ye shall smart for this. [Aside. Sir John. You see, friend, I am not master of my own house; therefore, to avoid any uneasi-gemini! a coach! ness, go down the lane about a quarter of a mile, and you'll see a cobler's cottage; stay there a little, and I'll send my servant to conduct you to atenant's house, where you'll be well entertained. Doc. I thank you, sir; I'm your most humble servant-But, as for your lady there, she shall this night feel my resentment. [Exit.

Sir John. Come, madam; you and I must have some conference together.

Lady. Yes, I will have a conference and a reformation, too, in this house, or I'll turn it upside down-I will.

AIR.-Contented country farmer.

Sir John. Grant me, ye powers, but this request,
And let who will the world contest;
Convey her to some distant shore,
Where I may ne'er behold her more :
Or let me to some cottage fly,
In freedom's arms to live and die.

SCENE III.-The Cobler's.

NELL, and the Doctor.


Nell. Pray, sir, mend your draught, if you please; you are very welcome, sir.

Doc. Thank you heartily, good woman, and to requite your civility, I'll tell you your fortune. Nell. O, pray do, sir; I never had my fortune told me in my life.

Doc. Let me behold the lines in your face. Nell. I'm afraid, sir, 'tis none of the cleanest; I have been about dirty work all this day.

Doc. Come, come, 'tis a good face; be not ashamed of it; you shall shew it in greater places suddenly.

Nell. O dear sir, I shall be mightily ashamed! I want dacity when I come before great folks. Doc. You must be confident, and fear nothing; there is much happiness attends you.

Nell. Oh me! this is a rare man! Heaven be thanked!

Doc. To-morrow, before sunrise, you shall be the happiest woman in this country.

Nell. How! by to-morrow? alack-a-day! sir, how can that be?

Doc. No more shall you be troubled with a surly husband, that rails at, and straps you.

Nell. Lud! how came he to know that? He must be a conjurer! Indeed my husband is somewhat rugged, and in his cups will beat me, but it is not much. He's an honest pains-taking man, and I let him have his way. Pray, sir, take the other cup of ale.

My swelling heart now leaps for joy,
And riches all my thoughts employ;
No more shall people call me Nell,
Her ladyship will do as well.
Decked in my golden, rich urray,
I'll in my chariot roll away,
And shine at ring, at ball, and play.


Job. Where is this quean? Here, Nell! What a pox, are you drunk with your lamb's-wooll? Nell. O husband! here's the rarest man-he has told me my fortune!

Job. Has he so? and planted my fortune, too! a lusty pair of horns upon my head!-Eh? -Is it not so?

Doc. Thy wife is a virtuous woman, and thou wilt be happy.

Job. Come out, you hang-dog, you juggler, you cheating, bamboozling villain! must I be cuckolded by such rogues as you are? mackmaticians, and almanack-makers!

Nell. Prithee, peace, husband! we shall be rich, and have a coach of our own.

Job. A coach! a cart, a wheel-barrow, you drunk, most confoundedly drunk!-Get you to jade!By the mackin, she's drunk, bloody bed, you strumpet. [Beats her.

Nell. O, mercy on us! is this a taste of my good fortune?

Doc. You had better not have touched her, you surly rogue.

Job. Out of my house, you villain, or I'll run
my awl up to the handle in your body!
Doc. Farewell, you paltry slave.
Job. Get out, you rogue


Changes to an open country.


AIR.-The spirit's song in Macbeth.
My little spirits now appear,
Nadir and Abishog draw near,
The time is short, make no delay,
Then quickly haste, and come away :
moon, nor stars afford their light,
But all is wrapt in gloomy night:
Both men and beasts to rest incline,
And all things favour my design.
Spirits. [Within.] Say, master, what is to be

Doct. My strict commands be sure attend.
For, ere this night shall have an end,

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